Karma Killer
by loopylou992
Summary: Bella & Edward are undoubtedly the best kept secret in Forks High School, dating in secret but their relationship is doomed to be exposed and the consequences of this will rip both their worlds apart. Who, if anyone will come out of this mess unscathed?
1. Welcome To Hell

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight who know who does ;-)**

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><p>As I walked across the school yard I kept my head down and my iPod head phones firmly plugged into my ears. The volume was down low so that I could hear any approaches coming my way, but they didn't know that. One thing I had learnt in my years that was the hell of high school was make no eye contact, stay invisible and if you were lucky enough to fade into the background you might, just might make it to the end of the day in one piece.<p>

I had gone unnoticed for a few days now, so my luck had to be due to run out, it just had to. I could not be so lucky as to make it to the end of the week intact.

If only my tormentors know the secret that I was hiding, I wondered if they would be so quick to make me the butt of their endless jokes and pranks. However I could tell no-one, it had to remain a secret. Not that I personally had much to lose from it, well apart from the obvious, I would probably be the winner here, or so I thought.

"Hey freak!" was shouted at me by the large group of the cool kids that were gathered together I had nicknamed them in my own head the Scooby Gang or Scooby's this was after Scooby Doo's little gang of followers, he was the real star and they were just hangers on, a bit like this lot. When they were like this they reminded me of a pack of hyena's looking to pick off weaker prey, I needed to get away from them, quickly. I continued to walk head down ignoring them. Then I then felt a thud on my back and I lurched forward, struggling not to fall flat on my face. I never was the most coordinated person; there was a running joke that I could trip walking over a flat surface I was clumsy and nervous at the best of times.

They seemed to find my stumble, although well recovered hilarious. I was grimacing that I was providing them with amusement. Their mockery was confronted by my only true friend in this hell-hole, none other than Jacob Black. They were scared of him, mainly due to his size, oh and the countless rumors that went around after he joined school here after leaving the local Indian Res school where he previously studied. The rumors were fanciful, ranging from him punching a teacher to him burning down the place. neither of these or the many others circulating were true. I knew the real reason which was as simple as Jacob was not being academically challenged. He was the only person in his age group at the school so he was being taught with younger children and this wasn't working. I knew this as we had been friends for years.

Jake was soon by my side, "Hey losers, back off or you will have me to answer to. Do you understand assholes?" He was not actually asking them, more telling them. They mumbled amongst themselves obviously trying to weigh up their chances before they decided to move onto their next victim.

"You okay there? Looked like you took another nasty fall. I just cannot face another trip to the ER with you." He slapped me on the back trying not to make this any bigger deal that it already was.

"Yeah I'm good thanks, you know how it is with that lot," I rolled my eyes "anyway gotta dash need to get to class, can't be late again. See ya later." With that I dashed into the Science block towards my Biology class, just glad to be out of sight of the Scooby's. I made it to class with no further contact with anyone, and was early which was good. I wanted to get myself settled at a desk and make myself invisible. I loved the subject but I hated this class for one reason, and one reason only. This is where I endured most of the torture of being so close to the object of my affection and lust, but not able to do anything about it. I wanted nothing more than to reach out and touch their skin, but they pretended like I didn't exist when we were in public. It felt like it was slowly killing me, I was their shoulder to cry on, confidante and most importantly their lover.

Not that anyone knew that, it was the biggest secret in the history of Forks High School, and the best damn kept one too. We had been seeing each other for the last six months, secrets in a small town rarely lasted a week but then again there was no reason for anyone to put us together other than study buddies. I was an A grade student, top in all my classes and destined for a great college, they were not good at their studies so I was assigned as their mentor by the head of year which gave us perfect excuse to be together after school in classrooms and the library. Then again who would think that the hottest and most popular person in the school would touch a freak like me? If only walls and the desks in this school could talk, what a tale they would have to tell.

I smiled to myself at that thought as not a couple of hours ago we had gotten down and dirty in the reference section of the library – AGAIN! That section of the library was off limits to most students, but seeing as I was an academic ace I was given special privileges by the library staff, and there was an old fire exit hidden back there for sneaking my partner in crime in and out unseen.

The rest of the class came in along with my obsession, right at the head of the Scooby's. I refused to make eye contact and the seat next to me was slowly scraped back across the floor as they announced their arrival at our workbench. I daren't look up but I knew who it was as my skin started to tingle as it always did when they were around me.

Taking a deep breath, I glanced up from the book that I was so engrossed in, to take in their devastating beauty as they sat gracefully next to me, perfect features on their face and heavenly body before our eyes eventually met.

For a split second I thought that I saw a glimmer of warmth in them before the shutters came crashing down and they regained their polar ice cap demeanour so that no-one outside our intimate circle of two would stumble across any clues.

"Don't think I'm sitting here by choice, Mr Molina wants us to work together to improve my Biology practical marks." Was the muttered explanation, oh I had to keep my witty retort to myself, I was thinking 'You need no help with a Biology practical' but I kept my mouth firmly closed, I liked my limbs unbroken.

I was daydreaming about our earlier 'Biology practical' when Mr Molina caught me off in my own little world and barked at me, "Mr Cullen! When you decide to re-join us I will begin the class."

Laughter erupted all around me, and I felt my trademark blush race up my cheeks, she joined in with them and it hurt. I knew that Bella had a façade to maintain, oh well normal service had been resumed and I was the butt of the joke…. Again… Gah! Would this day never end?

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><p><strong>Authors Note:<strong>

First of all thanks for reading if you have made it this far thank you! Did you expect it to be Edward who was the social outcast here?

Well this is my 2nd fic so , and I am loving writing, the idea for this one came along and would not go away so I had to get in down and share it with you all.

Massive thanks as always to Mamasutra who has pre-read my ramblings for me. Please do pop across and check out her work she is FABulous!

Please do check out my debut fic Taken this is on-going and I will be updating both these regularly I promise! Don't forget to leave me a review – they make my day – seriously it means a lot to know what you guys think of what I have written ;-X

The name for the fic has come from a Robbie Williams song that popped into my head whilst I was typing – I do not own that either, but please do check it out if you don't know him (he is now back with Take That) massive in the UK but am not so sure if they are in the States. Link to the song is here you know the drill regarding the gaps… the words might not make much sense yet but they will – mwaahhhha!

watch? v=sn7bJ7oyAK8 this is a live version from Slane Castle in Ireland

Finally – I have been bitten by Peter Facinelli (I wish it were in real life!) All for his fundraiser details below He has found a partner that will commit to donating $50,000 to Alex's Lemonade Stand (Foundation for Childhood Cancer), but he needs your help. Together, we need to get all our family & friends to check out these fun photos and once we reach 2 million total viewers, our friends at the Southern California Foundation will make the donation.

Here is the link to my photo: it out, share and help us raise $50k for charity!


	2. An Education

Chapter Two

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of these characters (sobs)**

Freakward was the name the popular kids used for me, my proper name was Edward not that they ever used it, Bella did but only when we were alone together and then sometimes she would be screaming it.

I knew that I would never be one of the cool kids, I still had occasional outbreaks of acne, wore thick glasses as I couldn't see properly without them, I was tall and skinny and hadn't grown into my height as yet or so my mom told me often. I felt like a 14 year old looks wise trapped in a much older body, my parents assured me that I would 'grow into myself' whatever that meant, y I was sure that there must've been some mix up at the hospital and they had brought home the wrong baby.

My sister Rosalie was tall, curvy and stunning, she had men falling at her feet, she was the epitome of both my parents best traits rolled into one. Both Carlisle and Esme were attractive too making me feel like I got all the bad genes and at times like I didn't belong. I was convinced that I must have been adopted at some times, then when I looked into my dad's eyes I would notice the same fierce determination that I felt I just wanted to do well and succeed. I wanted nothing more than to follow in his footsteps and become a Dr and my good grades at school meant that when I came to choosing a college I would have my pick of the best. Although I always hoped that Bella and I would go to the same college, however futile this hope was we could then stop hiding from everyone.

Our little 'arrangement' started about 6 months ago a couple of months after Bella moved to town from Phoenix, she was the much loved daughter of our Police Chief Charlie Swan and boy did she have Daddy dearest wrapped firmly around her little finger. This was typical of most of the male population of Forks. She was stunning a true beauty with long glistening chestnut hair that fell in waves around her porcelain face, her eyes reminded me of chocolate, deep pools of it that I would happily drown in given the chance. As for her body, that was built for sin, she was perfect in every way, slim without being skinny, she had tits that I could play with for hours, and hey I often did, I knew how to get the best from her body when we were together. I was more sexually experienced and certainly more adventurous than Bella and probably most 17 year old boys too, I had been taught well that was for sure.

I had always had a bit of a crush on Tanya, she was the daughter of my mom's best friend from high school she was 6 years older than me and spent a lot of time at our house, and so she became best friends with my older sister Rosalie. I was just 16 when she caught me masturbating in the summer house at the far end of our property, at first I was embarrassed as I was fantasizing about her, and seeing her standing there I nearly came on the spot. She just stood there smiling at me, licking her lips watching me rub my hand up and down my cock as, my arousal grew stronger and stronger. Damn I can still remember that day, that was when I shed my chrysalis and went from a boy into a man.

Once I had cleaned myself up, she spoke to me in a gentle voice that purred "Well Edward, not such a little boy after all are we?" I could hear the teasing in her tone and I blushed furiously not knowing what to say to her. She simply smiled and said "I'm staying over tonight, once everyone has gone to bed, meet me here and I will open your mind to a whole new world of pleasure." I sat there speechless, I was just glad that I was sitting down, with that she walked back to the house.

I lay there restless in bed tossing and turning, I could hear the sounds of laughing and giggling coming from my sister's bedroom and I was furious, thinking that she was regaling my sister of all people with the story of catching me masturbating in the summer house. I put my head under my pillow to block out the noise. I was woken by the sound of my mobile phone beeping to alert me that I had a new text message waiting, when I read it I didn't know what to do next, it simply read '_are you cumming?'_

I made my way down to the summerhouse dressed only in my jogging pants and a loose t-shirt still thinking that this was a joke and that there was no way she would be there, hell I was curious but also ready to be made a laughing stock at the same time.

When I got there I saw that Tanya was bathed in pure candle light, she was sat with her legs spread apart, her fingers on one hand giving her pleasure whilst the other was pulling and twisting at her taught nipple, I was stood mesmerized by the sight, she was so lost in what she was doing to herself. I was just watching as he fingers deftly made their way around her slit, disappearing inside and then coming back to concentrate on certain spot on the outside, a woman's body was a complete mystery to me. She opened her eyes and when she saw me stood there she stopped what she was doing to her nipple and beckoned my inside like a temptress; I obeyed instantly my eyes wide with wonder. I felt my cock start to twitch and harden in my pants, thank god I had worn these, at least I would be able to hide my growing hard on and save some embarrassment if that was at all possible. I then realised that my hand had subconsciously made it into my pants and I was back to rubbing my hard on whilst Tanya was laid bare in front of me. She caught my eye acknowledging my obvious state of arousal with a sly smile then she continued with her ministrations knowing full well that I was stood there watching extremely turned on, I was slack jawed I had not seen a woman naked before, well not a real live one. Eventually she reached her release and I reached mine spurred on by hers. It was the most beautiful sight in the world and one that I knew that I would not forget in a hurry.

When we were both capable of speech she sat me down and in between puffs of her cigarette told me that doing what we had just done was not wrong and we should not be ashamed, it wasn't in the least bit dirty and with the right person it could truly be beautiful and earth shattering.

Tanya then explained that if I wanted to, then she would teach me how to really please a woman, and that how sex could be a 2 way street how it was about your partners pleasure as much as your own. I worried about the age gap as it was 6 years and the fact that she was my sisters best friend for fucks sake, she simply laughed it off saying "Edward, age is but a number, like fine wine and Whiskey women improve with age, as for your sister, I'm certainly not going to tell her – are you?"

From that night on my education began, I lost my virginity and any sense of shame or embarrassment to Tanya. She was a brilliant teacher and through her I knew that I could show any woman the most mind blowing orgasm she would ever experience whilst also enjoying one myself.

Things started between Bella and me when one night after visiting Jake down at the reservation I was driving back past First Beach when someone ran across the road in front of my car, luckily I was only going slowly so I swerved and missed them. I jumped out of the car following the retreating figure just wanting to make sure that I hadn't hit them. They ran down onto the beach collapsing in a heap. As I approached my heart was in my mouth thinking that this was due to the collision with my car, then I heard the sound of a female sobbing, she sounded distraught as I grew closer I realised the sobbing figure on the beach was none other than Queen B. She was the leader of the cool kids at school, the ones who would torment and pick on me, she in particular showed no mercy to anyone who she didn't deem worthy of her attention and I was on that list. I was so tempted to walk away leaving her to whatever misery she was wallowing in here, I actually turned to walk away from her when I heard a sob that would break through even the hardest of hearts. I didn't know what had happened to her tonight, but to see Queen B sobbing on the sand was something else I was drawn in like a moth to a flame and had to know more.

**Authors Note: **  
>WOW You guys really do rock I was astounded at how quickly people were putting this on their alerts list and reviewing for me.<p>

Thanks as always to Mamasutra who is my very patient pre-reader on this and all my ramblings – Thanks Hun!

Please do leave a review it's always nice to know what you guys think. Also don't forget to check out my first fic – Taken you can find it on my profile.

Got a fic to rec for you: This is an unusual one but the story has me hooked and eagerly looking for updates. .net/s/7043140/1/Inside_Man By Ooza


	3. 3 An Evening With Mr Jack

Chapter Three – An Evening with Mr Jack

**Disclaimer: As always I don't own Twilight. I do own this story though.**

I walked over to where she was sitting, on the cold dark sands of First Beach, clearing my throat to announce my arrival. She spun around and looked terrified for a split second until she realized it was me standing there. "Oh great, fucking Freakward has to see me like this. Tell anyone and you will regret it." She took a swig from a bottle that she was holding in her hand but I couldn't really see what it was. Then I realized that she was slurring her words slightly. Great, I had a drunken Queen Bee on my hands, and I nearly crashed my car. I had stopped because I was concerned about her, and my parents would kill me if they thought that I had left someone alone in this state. I was brought up with manners and to treat ladies with respect and courtesy; although, I doubted that Bella was any kind of lady in the literal sense, I knew the rumours that floated around school. I might not be part of the inner sanctum but I heard more than people thought since most people didn't realize that I was ever there.

Of course I knew that you shouldn't believe everything that you hear, but there were rumours that she was dating a college student, a married man and even a member of the faculty. No-one ever saw her with anyone so there was nothing to back up any of the rumors.

I managed to keep my cool while I responded, "You ran out in front of my car. I thought that I had hit you and just wanted to make sure that you were ok. Now, I realize it's because you have been drinking, so excuse me for being human being and actually giving a shit about you. I wish I hadn't wasted my time and effort. Screw you, Bella...I'm outta here." She looked stunned that I had spoken to her like this and between more sobs managed to say, "Sorry, please don't leave me! I don't wanna be alone here, in case… oh, it doesn't matter, just leave me alone." She was still sobbing between taking swigs out of the bottle and clutching her chest. As much as I wanted to walk away, leaving the biggest bitch in Forks to her own drunken misery, I just couldn't do it. Angry with myself and my parents for giving me a moral code to live by, I found myself sitting down next to her on the sand. We sat there for about five minutes with not a word spoken between us while she finished crying and appeared to calm herself down. I offered her a handkerchief out of politeness and she took it, drying her eyes and blowing her nose into it. There was no way that I would want that back, she could keep it. She seemed to be drinking less now, which was a good thing as I wouldn't know what to do if she passed out. I did wonder how she managed to buy alcohol in the town and who she had been drinking with.

I knew that one of us would need to be the first to break the growing silence between us; although, neither of us had spoken, it was not uncomfortable, which I thought was strange. Being near the person who took delight in making my life hell at school and not feeling uneasy was a new emotion for me so I would love to know why she was still here with me. I decided to speak first taking the approach, nothing ventured nothing gained.

"Bella, I don't know what has happened to you tonight but I do know that you are still drunk. If you don't want to tell me then that's fine. I will listen to you and Christ knows I will not judge you; I have had enough judgment to last me a lifetime." I swear that I saw a glimmer of regret glance across her face, but it was so quick, I couldn't be sure.

She turned towards me chewing on her bottom lip before she spoke, almost as if she was trying to work out what to say to me. "I am sorry, it's hard when you get moved to some hick town in the middle of nowhere, and everyone looks at you like you are the messiah, the answer to all their prayers. As for what happened tonight, well, that's entirely another story. I feel that I can tell you, but must preface this with the warning: if you say anything, I will kill you." I couldn't tell if she was joking or serious, and a look of panic must've flashed across my face because she grinned at me saying, "Edward, I am joking. You seem like a nice person and I feel for some reason, I can trust you." The alcohol coursing through her system seemed to be bringing out a whole new side to her. Maybe this was more along the lines of who she really was, and the Queen Bee routine was an act – who knows.

She started to tell me about her night. She had been kind of on-again, off-again with a college freshman whose uncle had a cabin in the woods, and she decided tonight was going to be "the night". But when she got there, her plans for a romantic night of passion for two were ruined. He had other ideas, having invited some of his college friends to get wasted and smoke dope. Bella had walked in planning to seduce her man, but ended up playing second fiddle to several bottles of Jack Daniels and some top class weed which resulted in several drunk and stoned college freshmen and a very annoyed and disappointed Bella. I smiled at the thought of her not getting her own way; I imagined that this didn't happen too often. It turned out that James had a temper. Although most people I had heard who smoked weed ended up mellow, she said that at times he would flip out, and that's what he did tonight. He started shouting at her and throwing things so she barricaded herself in the bedroom, grabbing herself a bottle of Jack for company. Once everything was quiet for awhile, she started to pluck up the courage to walk back in there, kick his friends out and seduce her man. Well, that was the plan, but James had other ideas. She said that he started hammering on the door to the bedroom, demanding to be let in. She was so scared, she opened the window and climbed out just as he kicked the door in. She said that he looked furious and yelled to her that she would regret running.

But run, she did. Fuelled by Kentucky's finest export and a sense of self-preservation, she found herself almost colliding with my car. That was how she ended up drunk on the beach with me, pouring her heart out to the one person whose life she made a living hell. Maybe now was time for some payback.

**Authors Note:**  
>Sorry if you have been waiting on this but I decided to have this fic beta'd and sent it the lovely people at Sparkly Red Pen who have sent me two angels to guide me. Massive thanks go out to them, VixenLittle Stella &amp; Cosmom. You ladies are amazing! Also thanks to Mamasutra who always encourages me to write.<p>

Thank you to everyone who has either reviewed or put me onto their alerts. I hope you won't be disappointed. Happy 4th July to all the readers in America.

Please don't forget to leave me some love with a review. I do read and reply to everyone. PLUS anyone who reviews will get a sneak peek of the next chapter. This has already been beta'd and I am working on Chapter Five now.

Don't forget to pop over to my other fic Taken too!

I am on twitter loopylou992 if you want to follow and also facebook Loopylou Fanfiction.

Until next time

Lou x x x x


	4. Bourbon On The Beach

**Bourbon On The Beach**

I sat there listening to her pouring out her heart and soul knowing that I would never ever have the opportunity that was presenting itself. I couldn't but notice that karma was obviously coming around to pay her a visit that she so badly deserved as her little world was not as perfect as she would have everyone believe. I was able to see this first hand.I had been treated like I was nothing and now was my chance for revenge. It was just a case of how to go about it.

Bella was still drinking from the bottle of Jack that she had refused to let go of. She managed to stand and just as quickly fell back onto her prissy ass. For some reason, part of me wanted to leap to my feet and protect her, to stop her from falling and take her in my arms. I was repulsed but curious by thinking the latter. Why would I want to protect the bitch that was firmly at the center of the circle that made my life hell at school? I should want to see her fall and hurt herself, maybe even film it on my mobile and post it to YouTube so that everyone could see her lose control. Everyone would know what she said about being a virgin and James being her first. I'm pretty sure the Scooby's would lap that up and soon replace their beloved Queen B with a newer model.

As I watched, she managed to get to her feet and stay there, while staggering around the sand and swinging her arms around with a bottle in her hand shouting at the top of her lungs, "Fuck you, James! Look at what you are missing, you prick!" I had to laugh at her. She was different than the Bella that strutted around school with her gang of followers trailing behind her while hanging on her every word, waiting for her to give the next command with a wave of her perfectly manicured hand.

"C'mon, Edward, loosen up a little. Don't be such a bore." Before I knew it, she reached down and grabbed my hands. I reflexively jerked away from her but what caused me to flinch was the strange feeling I got,and I could tell from the look of confusion that fluttered across hers that she felt it too. It was like a spark of electricity, and I certainly had never felt anything like that before. Not that I had much experience with women since there has only been Tanya in my life, but this was definitely different.

"I'm good here, thanks. I don't dance as I...erm… am not very coordinated." I knew that despite the fact that she had been drinking, whatever I did here tonight could possibly be used against me in the future. I was on my guard around her and this seemed to be for the best. I needed to keep her at arm's length and look for a weak point in her armour that I could use to my advantage. Then again, she seemed so adorable and funny as she continued to dance around drunk. I felt myself start to panic as she suddenly grabbed her handbag and fished out her mobile phone. Was she calling for re-enforcements to humiliate me more than they did during the course of a normal school day? I quickly weighed my options. No one had seen me here with her so I could easily drive back to Jake's. He was my best friend and would cover for me any day.

I sighed in relief when I realized why she wanted her mobile. It had a built in MP3 player so she turned on the speakers and music started to play. _Snow Patrol's Chasing Cars_ was the song of choice. The lyrics were beautiful. This is one one of my favorite songs so it shocked me that she also liked it, given her apparent hatred of me. If she knew, would she hate the song, too? She continued with her dancing on the sand, and it was truly mesmerizing. She moved perfectly in time to the music, swaying her hips and running her hands through her hair. Damn! I felt something stir deep inside me, something that could not possibly be happening; jeez, I was getting turned on watching her dance to this song! There was no way that I could risk her finding out what she was doing to me. I mentally recited the alphabet in Greek, redirecting my concentration and stopping me from thinking about her provocative dance.

Suddenly, I felt the tingle of electricity that I had earlier and I felt myself being dragged to my feet by Bella, who was clearly not taking no for an answer. "C'mon Edward, live a little. Dance with me, please?" She put on the cutest, sad face and pouted at me. I was turning into putty in her hands and I knew that I was powerless to resist. What harm could come from letting my guard down around her tonight? She was so drunk she probably wouldn't remember anything, and it was pretty damn likely that she wouldn't ever admit to dancing with Freakward Cullen alone on the beach. It would hurt her reputation way more than it would hurt mine and it definitely comforted me.

As I managed to find my balance, she was holding one of my hands in hers with the other clutching her other companion, Mr. Jack. I could feel the electricity flowing between us and wondered if she felt it too. She continued to dance with a smile that I had never seen on her face before. Come to think of it, I don't think that I had ever really looked at her before, and I mean _really_ looked. She was stunning to look at with beautiful chocolate brown eyes and hair that fell perfectly around her face. It was like I was seeing her for the first time.

She continued her performance in front of me, still swilling from the bottle, ultimately letting go of my hand when she realized that I was not joining in with her movements. "Erm, Bella, are you sure that you should still be drinking?" I decided to ask, although tentatively. She spun around so fast that she grabbed onto my arms to steady herself, looking up to me like a child that had been shouted at. I swear that I saw tears forming in her eyes. "I don't know, it was just there. I wanted to be able to escape from everything that I hate, and now even James doesn't want me. He'd rather spend time with his friends, drinking and smoking weed than showing me affection. I just want someone to understand me. Is that too much to ask for?"

"Oh you are preaching that shit to the wrong person, all this sanctimonious bullshit about escaping, wanting affection, and people to understand you! Try walking a mile in my sneakers, _princess_, before you preach wrongdoings and play the sympathy card. You and your pack of bitches have made my life a living hell and you really don't see what you are doing to me at school, so forgive me if I am not your knight in shining armor to take you away from all this crap that you have to put up with, because, darling...this is all of your own doing. You made your bed, now you fucking better learn to lie in it!" I was surprised by my outburst, but not as stunned as she was, standing in front of me with her mouth opening and closing like a goldfish. For once she was not the one in control of the situation, and I loved it.

Suddenly, a memory hit me like a truck. I remembered the time when the guys in the group were messing around in the schoolyard with a basketball, shooting hoops while the girls sat watching their displays of masculinity. I was aware of them. When I heard my name being shouted, I turned around and was greeted by Mike Newton. He was bigger than me and as he slammed into me I hit the ground hard. My glasses fell off my face I heard a crack as I knew that they had been damaged. Then Mike was towering over me and sneered, "Sorry didn't see you there, freak!" They all found this hilarious. One laugh seemed to ring louder in my ears that any of the others. It was their queen, Bella who was always at the center of anything that they were doing. I scrabbled to my feet, retrieving my damaged glasses heading for the school building as I saw Mike walk over to her, receiving a high five as a reward for his loyalty. I hated how they made me feel and knew I had to stay strong here.

I turned on my heel to walk away from her so I could drive home and pretend that this never happened when I felt her arm grab my bicep. I forcefully rolled my shoulder and felt her grip leave me, then I heard her sob again. Oh great, more waterworks! I was mad as hell so when I turned around to let her have another serve, I was shocked. She was on her knees clutching her bleeding arm.

I quickly assessed the situation and saw that there was a large outcrop of boulders where she must've fallen when I brushed her off. Oh jeez, what had I done now? I found myself kneeling at her side, trying to assess the damage. It only looked like a superficial cut. I went into auto-pilot as she was not coping well at the sight of the blood. "Wait here, I have a small first- aid kit in the car. I'll be right back, ok?" She simply nodded as I ran to the car and was back before she had time to register that I had gone.

Thanks to my dad, the doctor, I always carried a small first-aid kit in the car with me. He said it was 'good practice' and I had never been so grateful to him in my life. I applied a dressing to the cut, but seeing as we were on the beach I knew it needed to be checked out properly. "Do you want me to drive you to the ER? That needs to be looked as and maybe even stitched." She had a panicked look on her face. "NO! I can't go to the ER. Charlie would bust my ass for being drunk. I'll be fine...what's the worst that can happen?" I knew that it did need to be looked at and if a trip to the ER was out of the question, I had an alternative. I just hoped that I wouldn't regret the next words out of my mouth. "My dad's a doctor. I could drive you to my house and ask him to look at it. He won't say anything to your dad, if that's what you're worried about."

Relief washed over her face as she nodded. When she tried to stand, she lost her balance again, and I couldn't help but comment, "I thought I was the clumsy one." Suddenly, I was silenced by her lips crashing onto mine as her hands locked around my neck, pulling me towards her. At first, I was stunned and then my lips responded to hers. Her tongue sought entrance to my mouth and I was certainly not denying her. The kiss went on for several minutes before I pushed her away. What was I doing kissing her back. Was I crazy? She was drunk, and this could still all go horribly wrong. When I managed to make eye contact with her, she looked shocked and all she managed to say to me was, "Wow!" 

**Authors Note:**

Thanks for reading and reviewing & putting me on alert – remember to press that little button and show me some love and you will get a sneak peek of the next chapter (this is currently unbeta'd so may change when I post!)

Massive thanks to Stella Darlin & Cosgirl72 for being my official Sparkly Red Pen Beta & Pre-Reader you ladies are fab!

Thanks as always to Mamasutra she is an amazing friend and puts up with my random emails! Please do go and check her work she has an amazing Cheaterward fic ongoing.

I am making a banner for this as I love it so much, hopefully will be up for the next chapter.

Finally if you are following Taken this is temp on hold while Stella Darlin (bless her) goes over it and beta's it for me. I AM still working on it and I WILL be continuing but just need to have it polished up. 


	5. Drunk & Disorderly

**Chapter Five – Drunk & Disorderly**

**I do not own TwiIight, no copyright infringement is intended**

I surveyed the stunned look on her face. Hell, I must've been wearing a matching one as we stood there staring at each other for what felt like hours, but in reality was minutes. I knew that I had to say something to her, but what? I was racking my brain which was running at a million miles an hour on a completely different tangent. I had just kissed Bella Swan. Well she kissed me...okay I kissed her back but boy did it feel great!

"Look Bella, you're drunk. I'm sorry I didn't mean to -" I was silenced by her index finger being placed across my lips and her saying, "That was amazing! I would never, ever have thought that you were such a good kisser. Wow, Edward." She then started giggling until she saw blood running down her arm through the dressing I had applied. Immediately she turned white and vomited. I found myself kneeling beside her, rubbing her back in small circular motions while holding back her hair. Once she stopped, she turned to face me and looked embarrassed as she said, "Sorry. Can't stand the sight of blood."

I quickly assessed the situation, realizing that this was just the blood from the initial injury that she was seeing and nothing new. I took a wipe from the first aid kit and cleaned the blood away. "I need to get you to my house so that my dad can look at this properly seeing as you won't go the ER." Her face met mine and her eyes sparked as she said, "Oh, Dr Cullen. All the girls at school crush on him so hell yes!"

Great! Now even she thought that my dad was hot like all the other females and some male residents of the town. It was bad enough being compared to Rosalie with her beauty, but knowing that my dad sent heart fluttering wherever he went compounded my own insecurities regarding my looks. Or lack thereof.

Somehow I managed to guide a wobbly Bella back to my car. When she got there she seemed impressed. "Wow now don't you drive some fancy wheels." I blushed. The car was a gift from my parents. I had saved long and hard planning to buy a cheap 'fixer upper'. Something that I could work on myself and take pride in. But no, I was presented with a brand new, shiny Volvo. The height of safety at least I knew parents cared and it's not like my street cred could get any lower.

Embarrassed by her comment on a reflex I said, "Oh this old run-around? Bella, please tell me if you're going to be sick and I'll stop." She smiled at me and promised that she would, she even crossed her heart. God damn it! My heart missed a beat when she did it, putting on a cute smile and attempting to look coy.

I drove carefully back home and when I pulled up outside the house, she was once again amazed. "You live… here? It's, well, it's gorgeous." Our house was located out of the main part of town and afforded privacy as it nestled into the forest that covered the mountains of the Olympic range. Being a doctor meant that my father had a healthy income. Combine that with the fact that both my parents came from wealthy backgrounds meant that they only wanted us to have the very best. We were not spoilt though; we knew the value of money and learned to appreciate what we had.

As I escorted her up the steps to the main entrance and through the door, I was greeted instantly by my mother. I was back much later than I had a planned and agreed, and she was obviously worried. "Edward, where have you been? You know how I feel when you…" she stopped, realizing that I was not alone. "Oh hello there. Edward, who is this lovely young lady?" She seemed genuinely pleased to see me with someone who was not Jake. Add that it was a girl, it must've been like Thanksgiving and Christmas rolled into one. If only she knew the truth that the person stood next to me was the one who made my life a living hell. But I would not burden my mom with this. School would soon be over and so would my torture.

Bella turned on the charm with my mom instantly. "Mrs Cullen, how lovely to finally meet you. May I say what a truly beautiful home you have here." Bella's comment had the words slurred slightly and confusion colored Esme's face. She led us into the lounge, allowing Bella to go first so she could grab me by the arm. Holding me back she whispered, "What the hell is going on here? She's drunk Edward!" I knew that I had to explain and quickly. "Mom, she's from my class. She's had a bit too much to drink and she fell cutting her arm, and hates hospitals and blood so I dressed it and thought maybe Dad could take a look at it. I couldn't very well just leave her in that state could I?" I knew that the last line would be my 'get out of jail' card and I had to play it. Mom would never have forgiven me if she found out I had abandoned someone in that state. She glared at me before marching away, mumbling something about coffee.

Mom came back into the room, the calm serene smile I was used to back on her face as she said, "Come through to the kitchen, Carlisle is waiting there to take a look at your arm, Bella." As we entered, there was fresh coffee brewed and a cup was being handed to Bella by my dad saying, "From what I hear young lady, you are going to need lots of this before you go home. You are Chief Swan's daughter, aren't you?" Esme blanched at this comment and rolled her eyes. Great! Now I would get a lecture on under-age drinking and I was sober. Bella responded to my dad's words "Yeah, good old Charlie. He cares more about his God-damn job than his own daughter; doesn't know or care where I am tonight. I could be dead for all he cares as long as it doesn't happen in town to affect his crime statistics." No-one knew what to say to that as we exchanged confused glances. Chief Swan seemed like a nice man whenever I had spoken to him which, granted, wasn't often. My dad decided to speak up for him. "Now I'm sure that isn't true. I have dealt with your father on many occasions at the hospital and he seems like a fine man." She laughed at this comment throwing her head back. Damn I found it so attractive watching her laugh. "Public persona is very different from living with the man. Trust me. He's off tonight on some fishing trip with his buddies and won't be back for a couple of days. So yeah, he cares. Enough to leave me alone in this hell hole with guilt money to buy take-aways for dinner."

An awkward silence descended over us as my dad started to look at the cut on Bella's arm. My mom kept topping up her cup with coffee, obviously in the hope that this would sober her up. I then noticed that Bella was staring at my dad through the top of her eyelashes. Gimme strength, she was trying to flirt with him in front of his wife.

The wound needed a couple of stitches which happily she agreed to be done here; she was adamant that she would not go to hospital when my dad asked her. After a quick chat on how to clean the wound and a prescription for antibiotics, Bella was as good as new and ready to go home. I wasn't too sure if leaving her alone would be a good idea, but hey, she wasn't really my problem. As we left, she thanked my mom and dad. I said that I would drive her home, gaining approving nods from my parents. My mom then added, "Be a gentleman and make sure that she is okay to be left alone. I would hate to think that she fell over hurting in this state." I nodded. Great, this meant that I couldn't just drop her off and leave as I had planned.

We drove to Bella's house in silence. Once there I helped her out of the car, she was still wobbly on her feet and I wondered how much of that was from the anaesthetic that had been administered to allow the stitches to be put in. I always felt sick afterwards and dizzy when I had an injection so figured that she would too.

Once inside I saw that she was not joking about being alone. The house was empty and dark. As we walked into the kitchen I saw the scribbled note on the fridge from her father. It read: Bella, gone fishing with the boys. See you in a couple of days. Cash in the usual place for food. See ya. Charlie.

Wow she was obviously not kidding about him.

She walked over the fridge, opening it to retrieve a couple of cans of beer and offering me one with a quizzical look on her face. "Bella, I really don't think you should drink anything else tonight." She pulled a face at me and opened the can in her hand, raising it to her lips and started drinking. I was in front of her in a flash, grabbing the can from her hand and throwing it in the sink. "For fucks sake, Edward! What did you do that for? I only want to have a little more fun. Seems a shame to waste having the house to myself. What are you, the fucking fun police?" she spat at me. "No, Bella, I am not. I'm the person who nearly ran you over. Then ended up taking you to his dad to patch you up because you fell over. Or do you not remember that because you have drunk too fucking much already?" I could feel the anger coursing through me once again. Damn she had such an effect on me and it was not in a way that I had experienced before. My hands were on either side of her body trapping her against the kitchen counter. We were staring into each other's eyes and before I knew what I was doing, I slowly moved forward to kiss her, not knowing if she would allow it or slap me across the face. She responded to my lips meeting hers. It was a passionate kiss. The type that you always see in movies but I didn't care, she wasn't saying no. My hands let go of the counter finding her hips. I pulled her closer to me as she ground them into my groin. My dick responded to this movement and contact, I could feel it growing harder the more we kissed and moved together. My tongue forced its way into her mouth and then the battle for dominance began.

She was running her hands up and down my back before she moved them to my hair. She started by running her fingers through it. I groaned in obvious pleasure as she began to run her nails across my scalp and down my neck. My hands went under the back of her shirt and I could feel the softness of her skin under my touch. I felt her sigh and then groan too. Our kissing was growing more frantic and we could not keep our hands off of each other. She took control and I found myself being pushed across the kitchen only to be slammed hard into the wall. We then, somehow, managed to make our way out of the kitchen and into the lounge where we fell onto the couch. Still kissing and a fumbling mess of hands and tongues with not a word spoken.

She was straddling me and I knew that she would be able to feel my arousal as she was across my groin and grinding herself into it more and more. She tried to remove my shirt but I stopped her, grabbing her hands. I didn't feel comfortable with that intimacy just yet. She pulled away from our seemingly never ending kiss to give me the pout she had earlier. Grabbing my wrists, pinning them above my head she began kissing my neck, gently working her way around both sides. I emitted a low moan of pleasure. _Wow, this was amazing._ She was kissing my neck with slow, soft and gentle kisses that felt like angels were placing them there when my phone rang in my pocket. Talk about great timing, but I knew instantly who it would be. When I finally managed to get my hands free, I removed my mobile from my jeans pocket and saw that I had a missed call from my mom. Sitting upright on the couch and straightening out my shirt I returned the call.

"Hey Mom, you called?"  
>"Yes, I just wanted to make sure that you got Bella home ok. Is she going to be ok by herself overnight? She did still seem a little drunk, Edward. Maybe you should stay there for the night. On the couch of course."<br>"No! Bella is fine; In fact she seems to have sobered up quite a lot since we left. I was just making her a hot chocolate before I head back home."  
>"Ok son. Well I'm going to bed now. I will see you in the morning."<br>"Night mom."

What was she thinking suggesting that I spend the night? It's a good thing that she could not see what was happening when she called. She would be here, dragging me home and never letting me near Bella. I turned around to look at Bella and found a pair of big, brown eyes staring at me like a puppy that had been scolded.

"What's up, Edward? Don't you wanna stay the night with me?" How was I going to get out of this one?

I decided that she had already been rejected once tonight by James. To be turned down again, even if it was just me, would not help. "Bella, your still drunk. I wouldn't want you to do anything now that you will regret sober." She pouted again. She really had to stop doing that to me. "Who says I would regret it?" she teased. "Look you have had quite a night of it. I think that the best thing to do is make you a hot chocolate and for you to go to bed. Alone." She sighed, realizing that she was not going to win this battle before heading upstairs. I could hear her moving around before going into the bathroom as she slammed the door behind her.

I went to fix her hot chocolate I had promised. When I realized that she was not coming back downstairs, I made my way carefully upstairs to find myself greeted by a sight that made me breathless. She was in bed, asleep. Damn, she looked adorable lying there all curled up. I walked into her bedroom and sat on the edge of her bed. I brushed the hair off her face, and watched her sleep off the effects of her alcohol fuelled night. There was something about watching her sleep that was mesmerizing. I sat there for about half an hour just to make sure that she was ok. I got her a glass of water, leaving it with two Advils on her nightstand, knowing that when she woke she would probably have a hangover and concerned there would be no-one there to care for her.

When I got in to the car I sat there staring at the house. I could have stayed quite easily and watched her sleep but that would be wrong. Grabbing my mobile from my pocket, I dialed the only number I knew would answer at this hour and said, "Meet me in the usual place. 30 minutes." I snapped the phone shut. Then closed my eyes, pressing my head against the headrest as I battled with my inner demons. I had to get Bella out of my head, and this was the only way that I knew how.

**Authors Note:  
><strong>Thanks to my Fab Sparkly Red Pen Pre-reader & Beta, Jen & Stella those ladies really know their stuff and they also are in love with this fic and my Edward so they are as eager as anyone for updates. Stella is also working very hard to beta Taken for me which is on hold temporarily until beta'd. She is an angel!

Special thanks to someone who is a dear friend to me now, Mamasutra – she is the person who encouraged me to write and publish. Without her this would not be here.

Thanks to everyone who is reading and putting this on alert. You guys are amazing and it means so much to me that you are staying with me.

I am on twitter loopylou992 & have a Facebook page for fanfiction so if you want to pop over and say hello look for Loopylou Fanfiction – you will see the Red Fraggle there!


	6. The Morning After The Night Before

**Chapter Six – Morning After The Night Before**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or these characters. I do own this storyline and whatever these crazy people get upto is all down to me – enjoy and thanks for reading. **___

Arriving back at home, I parked the car on the drive as I arrived back home. The house was in total darkness, and my guest wasn't here yet. I knew that Mom and Dad had gone to bed, knowing that they could trust me to do the right thing. I snorted at the thought. If only they knew what I had been up to with Bella when Mom rang. She would be horrified. Couple that with what I have been doing with Tanya over the last few months, I would no longer be seen as nice, reliable Edward, the apple of his mom's eyes

I made my way through the house and out to the rear garden. I needed to unlock the side gate for Tanya before I went to the summerhouse to wait for her. Sitting there, in complete darkness with my eyes closed, the memory of my time with Bella ran through my head. The kisses were like nothing I had experienced before. I was amazed at how that first one shocked me. Hell, it was good, even though I didn't see it coming. It was after our frank exchange of opinions when I told her how miserable she had made my life. She expected me to feel sorry for her – as if! She had brought all this on herself. I didn't blame James for rejecting her by choosing his friends. A small part of me felt sorry for her. I know what it's like to be rejected when all you want is to be loved and accepted. I found that my cock started to react while running through the memory of our kisses. Damn. I was finding myself getting aroused by Bella Swan, that could _not_ be happening to me.

I needed Tanya to get here, and soon. I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket, pressing redial**,** I heard the tinkling of her ring tone outside. I hung up. I couldn't afford for anyone to hear the phone ringing and investigate. She opened the door slowly and stepped inside. I didn't give her any time at all to seek me out in the darkness. I grabbed her, hungrily claiming a kiss. I just needed to clear the thought and taste of Bella from my lips, and right now Tanya would do that nicely.

She initially struggled to get free from my grasp, but I wasn't having any of that. I wanted her, and I wanted her now. I pushed her up against the wall, continuing to kiss her without speaking. She started kissing me back before she eventually pushed me away, catching her breath before saying, "Edward! What the fuck? You scared me. I didn't know who it was."

I laughed at her before saying, "Who did you think it was waiting for you in here, the Boogie-man, Easter Bunny, Santa Claus? I called _you_ Tanya. I told _you_ to be here. What did you expect? Get over here, now." I was not in the mood for foreplay tonight, I wanted to fuck her now, with no thought or care for what she wanted.

This had always been a mutual beneficial arrangement; we both got what we wanted with no strings attached, no emotions, or any relationship. It was purely about sex. It was perfect, but a voice in the back of my head reminded me that it wasn't Bella. Christ! Where was that thought coming from? I needed to quiet the voice in my head, and other parts of my body that were still having a strong reaction to our impromptu make out session. There was no way that I could ever admit that Bella Swan, Queen Bitch, gave me a hard on that wouldn't quit. She caused it, and she knew damn well what she was doing to me on the couch. I just hoped that she was drunk enough not to remember it in the morning.

Tanya wound her arms around my side, making their way up my back and under my shirt before she removed it. We then returned to our heated kissing. I now that Tanya was okay with how things were going to go tonight. I would be in total charge, something that she liked and had nurtured in me since this arrangement began.

We fucked countless number of times. She was best friends with my sister, Rose, which is why she was constantly around here, no one ever thought anything of it when they saw her. What they didn't know was that we were at it like rabbits. She liked to take any opportunity she could to give me a blow job with those perfect lips of hers. We nearly got caught once when she went down on me as I did my homework. She slipped into my room and under my desk, sucking me off as my mom popped her head to say that dinner was nearly ready. Luckily, she couldn't see Tanya on her knees with my cock in her mouth. I dread to think what would have happened if she had.

I wanted it hard and fast tonight. Tanya was wearing a very short skirt, affording me the quick and easy access that I yearned for. Yanking it up around her hips I heard her gasp "Ooh, Edward, in a rush tonight, are we?" I responded by grabbing her hips, pulling them towards me roughly. Her legs responded perfectly by wrapping themselves around my waist and her arms around my neck. She was attached to me like a koala bear to a tree. I could feel the heat coming off her pussy and knew that she wanted this as much as I did.

Pushing her roughly against the wall, there was no need to speak as my actions told her all she needed to know. She responded to me perfectly, as always, her hands came down to my jeans. Like a true expert, she managed to unbuckle my belt, pushing them down, with my boxers, around my ankles. My free erection was painfully hard and in need of release. She ran her hand up and down my shaft a couple of times, spreading my pre-cum onto my aching dick. She deftly slid a condom onto me, before guiding me towards her pussy.

She let out a slow moan of delight, and in a single swift motion I was fully seated inside her. I did not wait to start pounding into her relentlessly, concentrating only on my needs and desires. Not caring if she was enjoying this, or even if she would manage to get her release. I needed mine and that was all that mattered. I was normally a considerate and caring lover so this was not how things went. I only cared about my pleasure tonight. More importantly, I needed to wipe away the memory of Bella. Yet**,** thinking of her spurred me on as I hammered my dick relentlessly into Tanya.

I continued thrusting into her, listening to the sounds of pleasure she was making. I knew that she was approaching an orgasm and I felt the familiar tightening in my own groin start to build; this is what I needed. As she fell apart in my arms, I followed her. I continued thrusting as I came long and hard. Stars formed behind my closed eyelids. But I saw only one face before me. Her name was demanding to be screamed freely from my lips: Bella.

Staggering back from Tanya I hoped that I had not said the name out loud, that would be the ultimate cardinal sin to say someone else's name while fucking another. Looking at Tanya's face it was clear that if I had, she hadn't heard me, or chose to ignore it. I quickly pulled my jeans back up without a word to her. I couldn't bear to look at her as I felt ashamed. When I finally stole a glance at Tanya, she looked completely blissed out from our impromptu session and her spectacular orgasm. I had no time to stay here and play nice. I needed to get out of here to sleep, forget what had happened earlier on the beach and at Bella's house as the thoughts crowded my mind. I had obviously not succeeded in fucking it out of my system. It only made me think about her more.

As I reached the door I turned to Tanya and muttered, "Pull yourself together and leave. Oh, and people are sleeping, so be quiet." I didn't look back as I stormed back towards the house, which luckily was still in complete darkness. As I made my way through the house, I decided to stop by my dad's study for a nightcap. The predominant feeling was now one of pure shame. How could I use someone in that way? Tanya didn't deserve to be treated like that. I felt like such a monster. No, that was it: I was a freak, just like they all called me at school.

I poured a glass of the finest single malt, downing it, before pouring another from a different bottle. _Wouldn't do for him to notice that his scotch was disappearing, not that they would suspect me__**, **__of course._ Once I had finished I made my way upstairs to my bedroom. First port of call was my bathroom, where I took a long hot shower, and let the jets wash away my sins, redeeming me, or at least attempting to. When I eventually got to bed it was three am and I was glad that it was now Saturday morning**, **so no school. It also meant that I wouldn't have to face her in the morning. This would give me a chance to work out the random jumble of thoughts going through my head where she was concerned.

I could feel a spark of electricity between us when we first touched and was sure that she felt it too; followed by the kisses and the fact that she made me hard back at her house. I had never ever felt like this about anyone. I felt truly alive for the first time in my life. I mean, the only woman I had ever been intimate with was Tanya, so it wasn't like I had a lot to compare my reactions and feelings to. Comparing the two women was like night and day. I wasn't sure what I really felt for Tanya. Yeah, she was pretty, but I was sure that it went no deeper than a physical base desire and sexual attraction. But Bella…she was now all I could think about, even when I was deep inside Tanya. She was the only thought occupying my mind and even fucking Tanya couldn't erase that.

After a restless night's sleep, I woke up late the next morning to the unmistakable smell of fresh coffee and Mom's blueberry muffins wafting through the house. Once dressed, I wandered downstairs to face the lecture that I was definitely in for. After all, I had brought an injured and drunken underage girl back to the house, then asked Dad to treat her, and not tell her dad, the Police Chief. Yeah, smart move Edward, really smart. I had to face the music at some time or another, so it might as well be now. As I walked down the stairs I heard voices. I instantly recognized my mom and Rose's, but there was another one that I couldn't place. Hesitating on the stairs**,** I tried to work out who it was, but couldn't. I walked into the kitchen to get coffee and a muffin, hoping to stay away from whoever my mom was entertaining but I was not to so lucky.

I was retreating back to my bedroom when my mom called out , "Edward, is that you?" Damn, I was caught. I knew if I ignored her she would only seek me out.

"Yeah, just grabbing a coffee. Gonna head back to bed, I'm still tired." 

She came into the hallway with a smile on her face. "Edward, we have a visitor. Don't be rude, please say hello."

I knew that there was no way that I could escape from her now. I dutifully followed her into the living room, nearly dropping my coffee when I saw who was sitting on the couch.

It was Bella. She looked like a picture of innocence. She stood up as I walked in smiling before she said,

"Morning Edward, I just stopped by to say thank you and sorry for last night to your parents."

Bella gestured to the coffee table to a bunch of flowers and an open container of what looked like home-made cookies. When did she have time to bake those? She still should have been unconscious still after the amount she had drunk last night, or at the very least nursing the mother of all hangovers. Was there no God?

What could I say to her after last night? She stood there looking perfectly calm and as if everything was normal, like we were friends. My mom was lapping this up, and I could see by the look on her face she was bursting with happiness inside. Bella had crossed a line to come to _my_ home, bringing _my_ parents thank-you gifts. All this after making my life at school a living hell through her little minions. How fucking dare she!

There, I had my reason to hate her. This was just what I needed to remember, to keep in the forefront of my mind, not the fact of how good it felt like to have her straddling my crotch. Or how it felt kissing her with uncharted feelings coursing through my body. I had to remember the times when I had been called a freak, tripped up in the schoolyard and countless other offences. Yes, she was guilty as charged.

Feeling the anger rise in me, I managed to spit out, "Well, isn't this just fucking cozy. Excuse me if I don't hang around and enjoy this family bonding session." The look of pure shock on their faces was a classic Kodak moment that I wished that I could capture for posterity.

Before anyone could string together a reply, I turned on my heel, grabbed my car keys and left, slamming the door behind me. I bolted from the house as if the devil himself was behind me, heading straight to my car and my escape outta here.

I nearly collided with Emmett, as I wasn't paying attention, and almost fell flat on my ass. Emmett was Rose's on-again-off-again boyfriend, and a serious hulk of a man as he played football at college. "Hey, Edward! What's up man?" he shouted after me, but I didn't stop or respond. I needed to get out of there. Now.

I jumped in the car, starting the engine quickly, and sped out of the drive. Glancing in the rear view mirror I saw my mom and Rose, standing on the front steps, talking to Emmett and pointing in my direction. I just needed to be left alone right now, so I put my foot to the gas pedal and sped off away from this nightmare, from Bella.

_**Authors Note**_

Massive thanks as always to VixenlittleStella & Cosmom my Pre-reader & Beta. Also Mamasutra who is a very good friend, & pre-reader for me. Ladies, you have stood by me and all put up with so much and supported me – thank you from the bottom of my heart. I promise I will NOT quit on you.

If you are following Taken, please bear with me. The first chapter is back from VixenlittleStella and she is working on the others for me as quickly as possible. I will be posting these shortly and hopefully you will love the polished versions more than the original.

I am on twitter, loopylou992 and also have a Facebook page – Loopylou Fanfiction look out for the Red Fraggle and you will find me there!

Please remember to show my some love by hitting review and I will send you a sneak peek of the next chapter to say thanks.


	7. Mr Brightside

Chapter Seven – Mr Brightside

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or these characters. I do own this storyline and whatever these crazy people get upto is all down to me – enjoy and thanks for reading. **

The car responded to my command as I began to speed away from the house and her. I was angry - no scratch that- livid. How fucking dare she turn up at my house and apparently charm my mom into believing that she was some kind of saint by turning up with cookies and flowers? As if that would make everything right between us. A car horn blaring brought me back to reality as I swerved back onto the right side of the road. Whew, that was close. I am normally a careful driver so to find myself lapsing in concentration**, **if even for a moment**, **scared me as Bella filled my thoughts.

I had no idea where I was going. I just knew that I had to put distance between me and her. Before I realize it**, **I was making my way around the narrow roads that lead through the forest. My cell phone rang on the dashboard where I had thrown it. Grabbing it**,** I saw that it was Mom. I dropped the call knowing that she would undoubtedly leave me a voicemail**, **scolding me for my use of language and bad manners. She hated when people cursed**, **so I could add that to the list of lectures for later on. My cell rang again, this time it was Emmett. Great. I don't answer Mom so they get Emmett to try. Like I would fall for _that _stunt. I drove on, ignoring the ringing of the damn cell phone**,** but I could not bring myself to turn it off. Fumbling in the door pocket of the car**, **I grabbed the first CD that came into my hand and put it into the stereo**, **turning the volume up loud. I didn't care what I listened to**,**as long it drowned out my thoughts. My heart nearly stopped beating in my chest when the words came out of the speakers:

_I'm coming out of my cage_  
><em>And I've been doing just fine<em>  
><em>Gotta gotta be down<em>  
><em>Because I want it all<em>

_It started out with a kiss_  
><em>How did it end up like this?<em>  
><em>It was only a kiss<em>  
><em>It was only a kiss<em>

Once I regained control of my senses**, **the offending CD was quickly ejected and thrown over my shoulder onto the back seat. Normally I loved The Killers, hell, they rocked, but the words seemed like someone was taunting me. It was _only_ a kiss, and how did it end up like this? Those words brought back a vision of her swaying those hips on the beach. Oh**, **fuck, those hips. Then**,**the kisses we shared. Damn! I couldn't still be having these feelings for her. Could I?

Slamming my foot on the brake brought the car to a screeching halt. I jumped out, slamming the door behind me as I a paced up and down**,**running my hands through my hair before I let out an almighty scream. I felt better for it.

I took several deep breaths, feeling glad that the area was so secluded and there was no one else around to witness my moment of insanity. Getting back into the car**, **I looked at how many missed calls I had. Ten missed calls and five new voice mail, geez could they not just leave me alone? I switched the damn thing off so I wouldn't hear it ring. I drove straight to Jake's house. He would surely be in and I could hide out there until I was ready to face the music back home.

Upon arriving at the reservation at La Push**,** I slowed my driving to a snail's pace, pulling up outside Jake's red painted cabin. I was greeted by his dad**, **Billy, who told me that Jake was out with Sam getting parts for motorbike. Sam was like the big brother than Jake never had, he was 5 years older than us, and had not was the' go to' person around here, he looked out for everyone and was almost like a leader in the community Billy asked if I wanted to come inside, or wait in the garage. I opted for the garage. Well, when I say garage**,** it was more like a small barn. Part of it was used for Jake to tinker with cars, and the rest of it was a den for him to hang out and have some freedom and independence. I let myself in**, **falling back onto the battered old couch that was there.

I must've fallen asleep as I was woken up by Jake saying, "Hey Cullen, wake the fuck up. This isn't a motel**, **you know." He had a grin a mile wide on his face.

As I sat upright rubbing my eyes**, **I replied, "Screw you**, **Black. I had a hard night**, **if you must know. Didn't get much sleep." This was true, I just didn't care to share the exact details with him.

"Now**, **if it was anyone else saying that to me**, **I would be thinking that they got laid. But you bro**, **I know you better than that. You wouldn't hold out on me."

I _was_holding out on him, and he was much closer to the mark than he had realized with his off the cuff comment. Tanya and I had agreed to keep our arrangement secret. Not only because she was older than I, but also because she was Rose's best friend and I would never hear the end of it if that got out.

I waggled my eyebrows at Jake and said, "Jake, you would be the third person to know." He looked at me confused, so I clarified for him. "Well obviously**, **me and the lucky lady would be the first and second to know."

He responded by giving me friendly punch on the shoulder before saying, "You had me worried there for a minute."

We spent the rest of the afternoon hanging out and talking about nothing in particular while Jake fixed his bike. Then**, **I heard the sound of a loud engine roar as it pulled up outside the garage. Jake looked at me quizzically before heading out to see who it was as he obviously wasn't expecting company.

"Hey bro, he's inside**, **c'mon in," was all I heard before the door swung wide open and in walked Emmett. Fucking great, a search party. I was on my feet and making my way towards him, not wanting him to come inside any further than necessary.

He cocked his head to one side, trying to make light of the fact that I was obviously hiding and didn't want to be found. "So**, **this is where you have been hiding all day? I take it there is no cell service out here either?"

My response was short and sweet. "Fuck off**,**Emmett, leave me alone."

He didn't**, **instead, deciding that he would be the first to lecture me. "You need to grow up**, **Edward. Your Mom and Rose have been going out of their minds with worry about you, and yet here you are hiding out like some petulant child. I really did think better of you. But you are not worth their worry and concern. Hell, I have been running all over town trying to find you. I did come here first but you weren't here. Don't know why the fuck I bothered!"

Anger began to build inside of me and I snarled at him, "I don't care whose fucking lap dog you are, but leave me the hell alone. I am fine. Now**,**why don't you run along to your mistress and report back like a good, little boy."

I turned away to walk back to the couch. This conversation was over, as far as I was concerned. I felt his hand grab my shoulder in his tight grip. Before I knew what I was doing**,**I had spun around and managed somehow to land a punch on his very hard, square jaw.

He just stood with a look of surprise on his face, slowly rubbing his jaw before laughing and managing to say, "Cool**, **little Eddie has a temper. Who'd have thought?" I couldn't take being mocked by him**,** too. It was hard enough when people that I didn't give a rat's ass about did it at school, but Emmett? He was someone that I looked up to and thought of as a big brother. Yeah**,** he was Rose's sometimes boyfriend, but he was also a decent person. He put up with her**, **for fuck's sake**. T**hat, in my eyes**,**was deserving of a medal. Next, I did the only thing that I knew how to do. I ran.

Bolting out of the garage**, **I heard Jake shout after me, but I didn't stop to listen. I ran fast and hard, loving the feel of the wind on my face. Eventually**,** I ended up on First Beach. Great, back here again less than twenty four hours after my last visit. Yeah**,** I was back, but at least this time I was alone. Little did I know that this time it would be _me_crying on the soft sands.

I sat down with my head in my hands. I wished that I could rewind the clock and that the last twenty four hours had never happened. In that time I had kissed and made out with my mortal enemy, resulting in a raging hard on, fucked Tanya with no thought or feelings, upset my Mom and then punched Emmett.

Could things get any worse?

_# Song is Mr Brightside by The Killers. I wanted to use this for 'their' song but decided I needed something slow for that and the words of this just fit for Edward's little regret session and would be enough to tip him over the edge._

_**Authors Note**_

Massive thanks as always to VixenlittleStella & Cosmom my Pre-reader & Beta. Also Mamasutra for pre-reading and putting up with me HUGS all round!

If you are following Taken, please bear with me. I will be posting shortly and hopefully you will love the polished versions more than the original and as much as I do.

I am on twitter, loopylou992 and also have a Facebook page – Loopylou Fanfiction look out for the Red Fraggle and you will find me there!

Please remember to show my some love by hitting review and I will send you a sneak peek of the next chapter to say thanks (this is not beta'd though so might change when posted)


	8. Beach Boys

Chapter Eight – The Beach Boys

**Disclaimer**: As always I own nothing relating to these characters and no copyright infringement is intended.

Sitting there watching the ocean, I felt the anger start to subside and I let my mind wander. Then I was aware that I was not alone. Emmett sat down next to me without saying a word. Shit**, **this was going to be fun. I sighed**,** heavily hoping that he would get the hint and leave me alone, but no. Emmett McCarty**, **self proclaimed savior of the lost was still sitting next to me**,** quite obviously waiting for me to say something. I just wasn't sure that he would like what I was about to say.

"Emmett, look**,** do me a favor and just leave me the fuck alone, will you? Run off back to Mom and Rose, say you couldn't find me. I just want to be alone right now."

He snickered in response. "Oh Edward, you really don't know your sister very well, do you? If I go back there without you then she will have my balls, or cut me off for long enough that I wish she had taken my balls. She is not one to mess with, guess that is why I fell for her in the first place. Well that and the fact that she is stacked and very easy on the eyes."

I rolled my eyes in response to him as he sat there with a huge, soppy grin on his face as he talked about the woman he clearly loved. The last thing I wanted to think about was my sister's sex life.  
>"Look Emmett, I appreciate the fact that you have only come after me through a sense of self preservation, but I really don't give a fuck right now. I want to be left alone. Please?"<p>

He didn't move from his position. Oh great**,** this was gonna be tough. We sat there, not speaking for about thirty minutes before Emmett eventually broke the silence. I knew he would break first as being still and silent was not his thing.

"Look Edward, I don't know what has gone on but the way you bolted from the house when I arrived was like you were running from someone. Then when I got inside there was only Esme, Rose and that Della girl."

I had to correct him "Bella, her name is Bella."

He smirked. "Oh yeah, Bella, that's her. Sorry never was any good with chick's names. What went on, bro? I mean seriously, were her cookies that bad? They tasted alright to me. Then again**,** I will eat anything."

I shook my head at him. He meant well and was only trying to help. "It's complicated, Emmett. I don't really understand it myself so I cannot even begin to try and explain it to anyone else." Emmett looked thoughtful for a moment before deciding on another way to get me to open up to him.

"Well at least if Rose dumps me 'cause your being an ass, I can always hit up Della. She looked like a pretty fine piece of ass to me, if you know what I mean."

He winked at me when he said that last part. I don't believe it. One minute he was telling me how into my sister he was, then the next planning his next conquest if she dumped him. Way to go**,** Emmett. Not that he would be short on dates. Women loved him and often thought that he played dumb to get their attention, but no**,** he wasn't the brightest crayon in the box. His heart, however, was huge and in the right place. I put it down to playing too much football and whacks to the head he received.

I felt a flash of jealousy when he mentioned about maybe moving onto Bella, but I knew that there was no way that he would go for someone so young. Or would he? I would need to make sure that he didn't.

"Emmett, you know, Bella is dating someone. You might know him, I think he goes to your college. His name is James Smith, he's a freshman."

Emmett looked deep in thought, seeming to be drawing a blank so I tried to fill some of them in for him from what I knew. "He smokes a lot of weed, his uncle has a cabin in the woods near here, and he's definitely local."

Emmett's face registered shock and surprise at the same time, not something that I thought he was capable of doing. "Shit! You mean James Biers. Fuck, Edward, he is not someone you wanna mess around." Emmett let out a long low whistle before he continued. "J is proper trouble. He not only smokes the stuff**,** he deals it too. Probably other stuff too, from what I have heard. You do _not_ mess with him. He looks like he means no harm but I have seen some of the guys that he has taken down in bar fights. He is absolutely lethal. Shit! Gonna stay away from Della, Bella, Stella - whatever her name - if she is his woman. Would seriously suggest that you do the same too, bro."

This did not sound encouraging. I was finding myself attracted to the part time girlfriend of the local psycho. Great! "Woah, Emmett, I am not interested in her. Trust me when I say that I know enough about her to steer well clear." Emmett just stared back at me. He had something to say but was holding back.

"C'mon Em, spit it out. Whatever it is you want to say, just say it. You normally don't hold back, so why bother now?"

He continued to stare at me, and I swear I could hear the cogs turning in his head before he sighed and then finally said, "Well, not that I would assume that you would be interested, seeing as there is the whole thing with you and erm… Tanya."

My world stopped in the second those words left his mouth. "Sorry, what did you just say about me and Tanya?" I tried to keep the panic out of my voice.

"C'mon Edward, you and Tanya. Do I have to spell it out for you, bro?"

"Emmett, I have no idea what you are talking about, so yeah you do need to spell it out." I needed to know what he knew. No one was meant to ever find out about us. I needed to play this carefully, deny everything until I knew that there was no way out.

"Look. You might think that I'm not that observant, but I know what I've seen. You two together, it's weird. You go out of your way to ignore each other when anyone else is around, but it's too much. You don't act like that around anyone else. Then there is the way that she looks at you. It's like she cannot wait to get you alone and rip your fucking clothes off. Man, it's pretty intense."

This was my worst nightmare. I thought that we had been so careful, making sure that no one saw us together and that we had no contact that could be misunderstood. Maybe we had been too careful. If Emmett, of all people, had noticed then who else had? I needed to tell Tanya. If Emmett knew, you can bet your life Rose would. Just when I thought that this day could not get any worse.

I knew that I should just come clean. Emmett was a person that I could trust, but I needed to know exactly how much he knew and also who else was aware of it.

"Look Emmett, I'm not gonna lie to you, there is obviously no point. You are right, yes there is something going on between me and Tanya." I paused, taking a deep breath, before I continued, I was so nervous. "It's been going on for, well, about six months now. We're not dating it's just, well, it's just sex." I nervously met his gaze, the look on his face was one of surprise and wonder.

"Wow, Edward. I never knew you had it in you, she is seriously hot man. No wonder no one else gets a look in." Emmett was slapping me on the back, I suppose, congratulating me. I needed to know who knew and this was hard to ask, but I needed to know.

"Emmett, who else knows about this? It is completely obvious to everyone, cause if it is then I need to warn Tanya. It's not fair on her. Me, I can take it, trust me I have had worse, but I cannot bear the thought of anyone calling her out on this."

"Chill, chill. No one else knows. I only worked it out cause Rose played hard to get to start and would ignore me, but I knew that she wanted me really. It's one of those weird chick rules. I just noticed you two being extra weird around each other to start with. Nah, it was just something that I picked up on. There were a couple of times that I could've sworn I'd seen you sneaking outta her place as I drove past, but your car was never there. Then I noticed a change in you, like you suddenly became more confident in yourself. You really are a dark horse, aren't you? Little Edward pulls a damn hot woman and keeps quiet, I wouldn't. No disrespect bro, but you are punching seriously above your weight with her and managing to keep it a secret. Damn!"

"Emmett, seriously you cannot tell _anyone._ Tanya will be horrified, and I really don't want anyone to find out. Mom and Dad will go ballistic, and so will Rose. Geez, I dread to think what she would say." The words just tumbled out of my mouth. While I was speaking I got to my feet and started pacing up and down in front of Emmett while running my hands frantically through my hair. There was so much running through my mind about this fucked up situation. I had to trust Emmett not to say anything.

"Woah, Edward, I promise you here and now I will not tell anyone about this. Hell you have one hot woman who is only after you for sex, I wish I could be so lucky. Not of course that I don't love your sister. She is the most amazing woman I have ever met, but if she told me I was just a booty call to her then I would take it. Sit down Edward, please don't go over the top here."

"Over the top? Over the fucking top! Tanya will go ballistic when she finds out that you know, let alone who else has put two and two together around here. We were so careful. We were never seen together, we made sure of it. Then you, of all people, managed to work it out. Shit. This will get out and then…"

Emmett was up on his feet and grabbed me roughly by the shoulders, I managed to meet his gaze and he said slowly and deliberately ensuring that I was listening to him, "No one else is going to know. I'm not gonna rat you out to anyone, not even Rose. But you need to come back with me. Now." I looked at him, searching his face for any sign of deception, but there wasn't anything there. Emmett was someone that I knew that I could trust. I had to.

I knew that I had to go back and face the music, but I needed time to collect my thoughts. I was sure that my mom would read what was written all over my face, which was a look of pure guilt. I had hidden things from my family for too long, Tanya and then the problems I was having at school. Was now really the time to tell them? To bring it all out into the open? I looked at Emmett and tears started to prick my eyes. I was supposed to be a man about things and yet here I was crying like a girl as I slumped back onto the sand head in my hands.

Emmett looked stunned as I wiped away the tears that had begun to fall from my eyes. He knew that to go back now would do no good, and so he did me a massive favor. He took out his cell phone and dialed.

"Hey baby… Yes, have found him… I know I have been gone a while… Baby, don't shout at me… Rose… Woah calm the fuck down, will you? have been out here for hours looking out for your baby brother, now cut me some slack will you. He is fine, he's going to come back with me… Yes Rose, I know how worried your mom has been… Just shut up and listen will you, woman! He needs to talk this through with someone… No it won't be you, this is man's business…"

At that point, he pulled the phone away from his ear and I could hear Rose shouting at him. He just stood there, making comical faces at me. Once she seemed to have calmed down, he put the phone back to his ear and tried again.

"Rosalie Cullen, for once in your life, will you just listen to me? Edward is fine, I'm gonna come back with him, and yes, you can do whatever you like to him once he is back. You need to understand that I am gonna spend some Emmett time with him, you know man talk and once he is ready we will come back. Okay?"

He listened to her and turning away to put on a baby talking voice, which meant she was obviously calm again and not planning to take his balls away from him just yet.

As he talked to my sister I thought back to her, to Bella. She was occupying my thoughts too much when I should be worrying about telling Tanya that Emmett knew. I could just see the conversation now: "Hey babe, really sorry but your best friend's boyfriend knows about us. But don't worry he won't say anything, he thinks it's kinda kinky." Oh yeah that would so not work.

Once Emmett got off the phone, he joined me staring at the ocean. He spoke first, I knew he was trying to break the ice again.

"You know, dating an older woman… That's hot." I just smiled and shook my head at him.

"So Rose gave you shit, did she?"

"Nothing I can't handle, don't worry she's fine. Just worried about you, that's all. Your mom has been frantic all day."

We settled back into a comfortable silence for a few more minutes before Emmett spoke again. 

"Look, if you ever want to talk about anything - and I mean anything - you have my number. I'm not gonna pull all this new man shit on you and be all hugs and kisses - not my style. But I mean it when I say you can call me anytime, day or night. Okay man?"

"Thanks, Emmett. You might regret that though. I know that I am gonna cop it when I get in, so can I ask you to come in with me? Maybe give me some back up if I need it?" 

"For you, anything. Now let's get this over and done with."

We got up of the beach, collected our cars from Jake's and said goodbye to him. I promised to call him later on and tell him the gory details of the hell I was bound to get.

On our arrival back at the house I sat in the car for a few minutes, deleting all the texts and voice mails that I had received. As I stepped out of the car, a new text arrived. I didn't recognize the number, it wasn't programmed in my phone and it simply said:

'I'm sorry about earlier. Didn't mean to freak you out. Forgive me? Bella'

My heart didn't know if it should sink or soar. How did she get my number? I had other things to worry about, though, as Emmett came up behind me, slapping me on the back. I looked up to see my mom waiting for me in the doorway.

Shit, this was gonna be fun.

**Authors Note**

So guys, you still with me? Hope so! Please do review I would love to know that you think of this and I will be sending out a sneak peek of the next chapter which is back from the Beta already and ready to be posted.

Massive thanks as always to my beta VixenlittleStella, pre-reader Cosmom and of course my Pre-reader & friend Mamasutra.

Had a great webchat with Mamasutra tonight and I gave her the inside scoop on where this is going and guess what – she loves it!

I am on twitter, loopylou992 and also have a Facebook page – Loopylou Fanfiction look out for the Red Fraggle and you will find me there!

Until next time – love to all. X x x


	9. Mount Esme

Chapter Nine – Mount Esme

**Disclaimer: As always I own nothing to do with Twilight or any of these characters. I do own this storyline though. **

I walk very slowly towards the house, feeling like a condemned man walking to the gallows. Emmett slaps me on the back and mumbles in my ear,

"C'mon, I got your back. Let's do this."

I manage a smile**, **although it reaches no farther than my lips. I look up to see Mom standing still in the doorway arms folded across her chest with an annoyed look on her face. As we get closer to the front door she turns on her heel and storms back inside. I hesitate, and again Emmett is there giving me a gentle push before saying,

"Good luck." I hoped that I wouldn't need it.

I knew that this would not last once we were all in the same room. Might as well face the music, get this over and done with. We enter the lounge and my Mom is standing with her back to me**,** staring out of the window. Rose is sitting on the couch with her arms crossed and glared at Emmett when we enter**, **muttering something under her breath. He walks across to her, sitting down and putting his arm around her shoulder. She tries to brush him off but he is not having any of it. I stand in the center of the room**,** rooted to the spot. I know that I need to be the first to say something to get in there first. Taking a deep breath**, **I nervously spoke,

"Look, I'm sorry**, **okay. I know that it was wrong of me to behave like that, it's not how you raised me and all I can do is apologize to you."

"God, you really are a fucking arse, Edward! You think that you are something special, the apple of Mom and Dad's eye who can do no wrong, well I am here to tell you that are not. Speaking to us the way you did earlier, then you run off like the spineless loser that you are. Boy, you are lucky it was Emmett who came after you and not me, cause you would be in the hospital. I am telling you here and now though don't you _ever_ speak to me like that again. I am your goddamn older sister, you jumped up little prick. Bella is a lovely, sweet girl who came around to say thanks to Mom and Dad for being so nice to her and you were a first rate arse. What is with you? You obviously can't get a girl like that to notice you, so you have to cuss her out and make her feel bad? Way to go, Edward. No wonder you haven't got a girl, if that is how you treat them then I can't blame them for staying away. You'll never get laid at this rate…"

Emmett managed to step in between us, a broad smirk fleeting across his face. I was shocked. I knew Rose would be pissed at me, but her ranting monologue left me speechless, although it was in my mind to correct her and say, 'yeah that's why I am banging your best friend every chance I get, and she fucking loves it.' But I didn't really think that now was the time or place for this revelation. As Emmett pulled her away from me back towards the couch, I heard Mom say,

"Rose, that's enough."

Running my hands through my hair, I stood there waiting for the reaction that was sure to come from her. It seemed like I had been standing there for hours**,** but in reality it was probably only a minute. She turned to face me her face was a mask showing no emotions. I had only seen her like this on a couple of other occasions, this was not good, Mom was always at her most scary when she was calm. Then in a low voice that belied the anger inside her she said,

"How dare you! Edward, I have never been so embarrassed in my entire life as I was today. I thought that I had brought you up to be a respectful young man, and yet you showed me, and more importantly my guest such little respect. Oh**,** and lets now forget your colorful language choices. You don't realize how truly disapointed I am in you at the Moment? I can barely bring myself to look at you**,** Edward."

She walked away turning her back on me, staring out of the window. I knew that I had to say something but before I could form the words**,** she spoke again.

"You brought that poor girl here last night as an act of compassion, yet today you spoke to her like she is something that crawled off the bottom of your shoe. Really, I am disgusted with you. So was it you that gave her the alcohol last night? Was it all planned out, and then she spoiled whatever plans you had by falling and hurting herself? Bet you didn't really meet with Jake earlier, trust me, I will be checking. And before you think about tipping him off to back up your story, it will be Mr. Black Senior that I speak to. No son of ours will show anyone in our house as little respect as you showed Bella and myself earlier. She is a lovely girl and even tried to defend your actions Edward, can you believe it! After your outburst and childish storming out, that lovely young lady was defending you. Your father will want to speak with you when he gets home, that much I can assure you. I will also make sure to speak to you about the perils of teenage drinking and drug taking. "

I knew I had to say something. Emmett and Rose had managed to make their escape from the room while Mom was in mid flow, so much for him having my back, being there for me. Then again with 'Mount Esme' erupting as she was, I really didn't blame him at all. Steeling myself**,** I decided it was time to defend myself, maybe let Mom know just how much of a first-rate bitch Bella really was. Here goes nothing, I thought.

"Mom, I could apologize all day and night to you for the way that I spoke earlier, yes, you are right it is unforgivable of me to speak to you that way, and for that I am truly sorry. Bella was drunk when I met her last night, and no**,** that was not planned. I was at Jake's all night. Speak to Billy and he will confirm it. I nearly ran Bella down on the coast road, so I just couldn't drive away and leave here there, could I? As for bringing her back her, what was I supposed to do if she refused to go to the ER and her Dad being away, let her bleed to death? I'm seventeen, for fuck's sake, and yet you are treating me like I'm a child over this. I haven't been drinking, doing drugs or, god forbid, having sex with her and yet -"

I didn't realize how my tone had changed until she interrupted me.

"Don't you _dare_ take that tone with me, Edward Anthony Cullen! I will not be spoken to like one of your friends. You will show me the respect that I deserve. Also**,** you will apologize to Bella immediately. She is invited here as a guest for dinner tomorrow night, and you _will_ show her respect this time - "

I broke her off mid sentence, and this time I did not care to watch my tone. I was furious. 

"What! You invited her for dinner? Are you fucking crazy? Mom, I cannot stand to be in the same room, let alone eat a meal at the same table as her. Bella Swan is a first-rate bitch, but judging by your reaction to her, she could go on to win an Oscar for best actress. You really don't understand what you are doing by being nice to her, making her feel welcome here. She makes my life a living hell on a daily basis…"

Mom spun around from her position staring out of the window, closing the gap between us. I didn't see her hand until it was too late as it made contact with my face with a loud crack. Shocked, I staggered back from her, clutching my face as the shock of her actions reverberated through me. I just stood there, not knowing what to say to her as tears filled my eyes. Mom screamed at me,

"_Get out of my sight, now!_"

I turned and ran, brushing past my father who is now standing in the doorway, looking like he has been slapped and not me. How long he had been there? How much he had heard? In that Moment**,** I neither knew nor cared. As I ran to my room I heard him say,

"For god's sake Esme, what the hell was that all about. Did you just hit Edward?"

I didn't care to wait for the answer. Making it to the safety of my room**,** I slammed the door behind me, quickly locking it, before I threw myself onto the bed and broke down in a flood of tears. Yeah, I know they say it's not manly to cry, but I couldn't believe how much my Mom's words and actions hurt me, both physically and emotionally.

I lay there, trying to work out what was happening to me because in less than twenty four hours my world seemed to have imploded around me,. I heard a knock on my door. I thought that if I ignored them they would just go away and leave me in peace, then I heard Emmett's voice bets are now off on the being left in peace part.

"Hey Edward, look man**,** sorry I bailed on you. Let me in, we need to talk."

I ignored him, hoping that he would go away. I should've known from earlier on the beach that he wouldn't take no for an answer.

"C'mon Edward, open the door. Or do I have to go all macho on you and smash it in?"

That brought a smile to my face, and I walked over unlocking the door but leaving it for him to open and make the final gesture. I went back and lay on the bed, facing away from the door. I could still feel my face stinging from Mom's slap and was embarrassed for Emmett to see it. When the door opened I heard my parent's voices carrying up from the lounge, it sounded like they were arguing. That made me feel worse. My parents rarely argued, so obviously I was the topic of the heated debate. Emmett came and sat on the bed, waiting for me to face him, but I couldn't. So he came and sat on the floor, cross legged, in front of me. He really was not gonna let this go, he obviously wanted me to talk.

I lay there staring through him, hiding my reddening cheek from view. I was ashamed. He spoke first.

"Look Edward, I don't know what went on after we left so why don't you tell me, didn't I prove today that I am a good listener? I want us to be friends and for you to know that you can trust me. So**,** c'mon man, just talk to me. Look, I'm sorry I wasn't much help but Rose dragged me outta there pretty quickly. Think she knew how mad your Mom was and after what she said, I think she was worried she might get the same treatment. She is still pretty pissed at you, but she will calm down. Hey good news! At least she doesn't know about you and Tanya."

I sat up looking at him face on, debating how much I could tell him. What would he truly think of me if he knew that Bella made my life at school a living hell, that when she pulled the strings, the puppets in school all danced to her tune?

"Shit! Is that what Esme did to your face? Fuck! Remind me never to cross your Mom, and I thought Rose was the fiery one in the family."

"Yeah. She thinks I deserved it though. If only she actually knew the -" I was broken off mid-sentence by a soft knocking on my bedroom door,

"Who is it?"

"Edward, it's only me. Can I come in son, please?"

The door opened without me replying and there stood my father. He had a concerned look on his face and an ice pack in his hand. I smiled weakly at him, Emmett took this as his cue to leave. My father walked over to me, kneeling down in front of me he examined my face before, causing me to wince in pain. His eyes would not meet mine as he took a seat next to me on the bed.

"Edward, I think that you will need this, put it on your face. I don't think it will bruise but you will feel it for a few more hours. Now**,** I need you to be honest with me. What has been going on here? I leave for work this morning and everything is normal, I come home to find your Mom screaming at you and slapping you across the face. I have heard her version of events. Now I want to hear yours. "

What was I supposed to say, oh yeah I got kinda pissed and told Mom what a bitch Bella was, so she slapped me? Yeah**,** that would go down really well. So I played it safe and told him what he wanted to hear and that I was sorry. He sat and listened to me, knowing that I was keeping something back from him, I could read it on his face. I also knew that he would not push me for answers. I have always had my parents trust... well, it felt like it up until now. Once we had finished our father and son chat he asked me to come downstairs.

A look of panic crossed my face as he smiled saying,

"Don't worry your Mom is calm now. We are going to sit down and discuss this properly, like a family. No shouting or slapping. I promise. Trust me when I say that I am sorry for not being here, there is no excuse for her to hit you like that, and I have told her so. I don't believe that physical contact is any form of effective discipline as you already know. One thing that I have never told you is that my father used to hit me as a child. He was a cruel man, and nothing was ever good enough for him. I swore to never treat my children the way that he treated me."

I look at my Dad, seeing the sadness in his eyes. It was a big thing for him to tell me this, and explained many of his actions as we were growing up. I had a new, found respect for him.

We made our way downstairs to the dining room and sat around the large formal table were my Mom, Rose and Emmett. I looked quizzically at him and in response he simply held his hands up looking confused. I took my seat opposite my Mom, clutching the ice pack to my face, but could not make eye contact with her despite feeling her eyes boring into me.

Dad took his seat at the head of the table cleared his throat and said,

"Right. I don't really know what happened here today as you both have different versions. However, what I do know is this: Edward, you were disrespectful to a guest in this house, furthermore you were also disrespectful in the extreme to your Mom. I am ashamed of you for your actions today. I thought that we had raised you better than that. I'm sure that you had your reasons but vanishing like that for hours and not returning any calls was a childish thing to do. You are grounded for the next seven days."

I opened my mouth to speak and defend myself but my Dad simply raised his hand in the air.

"Edward, if you want to make it longer and loose more privileges such as your car, carry on."

He looked at me with a questioning look on his face. I shook my head at him. I was seventeen for fuck's sake. Who gets grounded at my age! Good job I didn't have any real friends at school otherwise I would never hear the end of it. My Dad hadn't finished his speech and continued in the same calm voice that held such authority.

"Esme, you hit Edward. While I am sure that you felt justified at the time, I cannot condone such acts against our children. I know that we have spoken about this in private already, but I do feel that you owe our son a proper apology."

"Edward, honey, I am so sorry. I was just so worried about you today, you were so upset when you left here. You have never spoken to me like that before and then you started to say those horrible things about Bella. She is a lovely girl. I think that you two would make great couple, all I want is to see you happy."

Tears glistened in her eyes when she spoke. What do I do now? Do I scream at them, and tell them just what she was really like or just let them continue with the fantasy that they had of me, Bella, children and a white picket fence? I just wanted to be out of there.

"Mom, I accept your apology, and I am sorry if I upset or worried you today, that was certainly not my intention. Now, may I be excused?" 

My Mom had tears in her eyes so could not bring herself to speak, leaving it to my Dad.

"Of course. You are grounded though, so you are not allowed to leave the house nor have any visitors. I will allow you to go into the grounds, but I want you inside by 7pm. That will be your curfew for the next week. Oh, and I do expect you to apologize to Bella."

I looked at my Dad**,** knowing full well that he meant every word of what he had just said, there was no point arguing with him. Arguing would only extend the punishment and that was not what I wanted. It would be bad enough to be cooped up here for a week as it was, but at least I could go into the garden, and maybe I could sneak Tanya in without being seen. As much as it would stick in my throat to say sorry to Bella, I had to; otherwise I would not hear the end of it. I got up and left the room, hearing Rose being reprimanded for her use of language earlier. This brought a fleeting smile to my lips, blondie was in trouble too. Good. Heading out into the garden at the rear, I went to the summer house. At least this was one place that wasn't tainted by memories of her, yet. 

Storming across the lawn, I made it there without anyone following me. The last thing I needed right now was company, I just wanted to be alone.

Okay**,** so a bit of moping around wasn't exactly the grown-up thing to do**,** but I still needed to get things clear in my own head as to what I was feeling for Bella. My thoughts flitted from us on the beach, to her dancing, us kissing in her kitchen and then how much she turned me on. My cell phone beeping with a new message broke through my thoughts. I expected it to be Emmett with some childish quip about being grounded at my age. Fucking grounded what am I, a twelve year old who needs to be taught a lesson? I was wrong. The text was from her, from Bella. It was short and sweet rather like her.

'I'll leave you alone. You obviously don't want to hear from me. I mean it, I am sorry. Bella.'

Shit! What was I supposed to say to that? 'Yeah I think about you almost all the time, how good it was kissing you, and I constantly think about wanting to take things further so much it drives me insane.' Or how about, 'Hey Bella, I thought about you while I was fucking someone else.' I didn't think that either of those responses would do me any favors, but I did want to respond. Fuck, I had wanted to reply to her since I got the text she sent me earlier, but with all the stuff going on with my Mom I didn't get the chance.

_Well__**,**__ here goes nothing_, I thought as I took my phone in my hand and began my reply.

**Authors Note:**

Massive thanks go out as always to Mamasutra – friend/pre-reader/cheerleader. Please do check out her stories she is a-maz-ing. Also to my Sparkly Red Pen Beta VixenlittleStella & Pre-reader &Cosmom. I could not do this without you ladies behind me.

Please do leave me a review and let me know what you think, they mean so much and I will also send you a sneak peek of the next chapter as a special thank you.

I am on twitter, loopylou992 and also have a Facebook page – LoopylouFanfiction look out for the Red Fraggle and you will find me there!

Final note! I am working on a new story, which will be a Jasper story, the first chapter is with the beta now and she has said that she has read nothing like it and she has read ALOT of FF so I am excited to be working on it. Hopefully will be posting it this week – Claps hands excitedly so make sure you put me on alert!

Until next time – love to all. X x x


	10. Dinner & Discussions

Chapter Ten Dinner Date & Discussions

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><p><strong>Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of these characters, no copyright infringement is intended.<strong>

My hand was shaking as my fingers dart across the keypad. Unsure of myself**,** I deleted my first few attempts at a reply. What is it about this girl that had me tied up in knots like this? Thinking about her while I was busy fucking Tanya earlier was easy, but to think about actually making meaningful contact with her, striking up any kind of conversation**,**now that was hard. I snicker to myself at the irony. She made me hard and yet it's hard for me to talk to her. I threw myself in one of the chairs where I usually sat back while Tanya gave me a blow job. Again with the irony. This place was filled with memories of Tanya and me, yet not one of them mean anything to me. I finally look at the text message that I typed and decide that it would be okay to send to her.

'Hey, sorry just had some family stuff to sort out. Wasn't ignoring you. And you have nothing to be sorry for. E'

I press send before I lost my nerve. Letting out a deep breath**,** I settled back in the chair**,** closed my eyes**.** I just want this day to be over. When did my life get so complicated? I just want to go back to being Edward Cullen, the person who has boring days without drama. Well**,** other than the obvious torment inflicted on me by Bella and the Scooby's. But right now I would've welcomed that over the disappointment written all over my Mother's face. I never set out to hurt her or any of my family, yet two meetings with Bella and they were caught in the eye of this storm with me**.**I just hoped that we would get out of this unscathed.

My phone beeping made me jump**.**I nervously read the message that was waiting. Of course it's from Bella.

'So glad you're not ignoring me, don't think I could take rejection like that ;-) Wanna meet up later? Maybe down at the beach? B'

What was I going to say to her, sorry can't come out because my Mom grounded me for being childish? No, that would not help my cause. All I know is that she is the person who made my life miserable at times. Yet now was causing me to feel things that I've never felt before, She is stirring something deep in my soul where no one has ever reached before. Yeah, I admit that the thought of watching her face contort in pure pleasure as I make love to her turned me on immensely, but it's more than that. In the last twenty four hours**, ** I've had an insight into the real Isabella Swan - not just the persona that she hides behind**, **or that mask she wears at school. I have seen something incredible lurking there. I also suspect that no one else has ever glimpsed that side. She truly intrigued me. Maybe she was toying with me, reeling me in a like a black widow spider or praying mantis with their prey, but I don't care. I want to know her, the real her.

So after a little thought, I reply. 'Love to but things are a little awkward here. Gotta lay low for a while, keep the parents happy.'

I hit send and released a deep breath of relief. I didn't know if she would respond to me, or if at school on Monday we will be back to business as usual.

I heard my father shouting me as I sat waiting for her to reply, so I answer letting him know where I am. The door opens,and he put his head inside asking, "Fancy some company?" I simply nodded in response. He takes up his position on the other chair, and then I noticed that he had a bottle of beer in his hand as he took a large drink from it. This is unusual as I am more accustomed to him drinking scotch than beer. He turned to look at me, greeted by a questioning look on my face, he obviously decides to try to explain.

"It was a long,hard day at work, especially after last night; which I know is not your fault. You only did what I would in the same situation and you know that I am always be ready to help a friend of yours out…"

I interrupt him, "Dad, she's not really a friend, we just…"

"Edward, you don't have to explain to me. I understand what it's like for you, especially at your age. I'm not expecting you to open up to me about your personal life, just please make sure that you are being safe. I'm too young to become a grandfather."

I am on my feet,pacing around and shaking my head vehemently. Why did he think that I am hiding a secret relationship from him? Oh yeah, that's right, I am. Just he has the wrong person. The irony of that was not lost on me and I managed a small smile before I correct him.

"Dad, please. I can assure you 100% that I am not having any kind of relationship, physical or otherwise with Bella. We go to the same school, we share some classes, but the last thing we are is boyfriend and girlfriend and we are certainly not having sex." Silently adding in my own head, _even though I want to_ _so badly right now_. "We are not even friends."

He looks over**,**observing me, so I decide to sit back down before he psychoanalyzes my reactions. Something will give me away to him if I don't calm down.

"Dad, I've had one hell of day. I really don't wanna talk anymore. Can we just leave the whole father-and-son-bonding-thing for another time? I'm assuming that it is Mom who really sent you out here to find out what's going on?"

He held his hands up in response. "Guilty as charged. She cares about you, as I do. Mom only wants to see you happy. She is really upset that she slapped you earlier."

"Well maybe she should think before she acts then?"

"I don't know what went on this morning, but what I do know is that your Mom was very upset at the lack of respect that you showed to a guest in our house. Maybe she did over-react, and before you say anything, I cannot comment on that seeing as I wasn't here."

"Dad, you don't know Bella at all. I came down this morning to find Mom and Rose entertaining her like she was a long lost friend. I got mad - yes I admit that -but there are reasons that I don't want her here in my home…" I know that I have said too much,and he would pick up on this and want answers.

"So why don't you tell me**,** Edward? There is, from what you say**,**a reason for your outburst, so tell me. Please?"

Oh shit! This is gonna be good. Do I confess all about what happens at school or do I cover up with a lie of sorts?

"Dad, she is dating someone in Em's year at college." His face looked shocked; I am on the right track here. "He is a bit of a player and very shady. I have heard he's into some dodgy stuff that I don't think her dad will be too happy about. I just don't wanna get dragged into anything or give him any reason to come round here."

"Well son, you certainly have the right idea. I'm not going to press you on what this 'dodgy behavior is,' but if it has you concerned,well I trust your judgement. I will tell your mom to cancel that dinner invite, to make up some excuse." He stands to leave; this is not what I planned to happen. I want to be able to see Bella, but to try and explain my behavior. At this rate they will tell me to stay away from her and I don't think I can do that.

"Dad, this is only what I have heard. I'm not saying that it's gospel truth. She had an argument with  
>him last night<strong>,<strong> which is how she ended up on the beach**,** so I didn't want her here, in case he came looking for her. Mom seems to like her, Rose too**, **which is unusual. Let Mom invite her to dinner and see what happens. Whatever he is into, I'm pretty sure she knows nothing."

"Okay**,**son, I won't say anything to your Mom. Bella is invited tomorrow night for dinner, and I expect you to be on your best behavior."

"But how can she be if I am grounded? You said no friends to the house." I figured that this will cause him to reconsider**,**seeing as he would be breaking his own rules.

Turning towards me,he smiles. "Edward, you said it yourself: you're not friends, you just have a few classes together. The dinner invitation doesn't break any of your curfews or the punishment." With that he left. Then I berate myself for my poor choice of words, of course my Dad would pick up on the not friends comment and use that against me.

I pull my cell phone out of my pocket, it had beeped while I was talking to my Dad. I know who the message will be from.

'No worries. See you tomorrow night for dinner. I'm bringing dessert. B x'

I groan. There is only one thing right now that I wanted for dessert, and that is her.

Since the next day is Sunday and I was grounded, I just lazed around the house. Mom was in a state of high excitement over our dinner guest. Me, well, I am keeping out of her way. She's like a tornado, cleaning the house from top to bottom. I don't even know why,seeing as our house is already spotlessly clean, but if it makes her happy and keeps her off my back, then I'm all for was set for five pm as it was Sunday; a tradition in our house was that we all sat down together as a family. Usually this is something that I look forward to, but not today. This is different. Bella is coming and I still hadn't reconciled how I feel about her. Plus I will be under scrutiny from my parents.

I go downstairs to the kitchen as I hear Mom calling my name. When I walk in, you would think that she was preparing to feed an army not our family plus a guest. Mom was really cooking up a storm. Despite the fact that Bella said she was bringing dessert, Mom had one of her famous Tiramisu's on standby.

"Edward, be a darling and set the table, will you? Oh, you will need to set for six as Emmett is coming too."

That explains the mountain of food. Emmett could eat for the US, if it's made as an Olympic sport. He claims that his fast metabolism causes him to burn off more calories than normal. I think he just loves to eat. I walk into the dining room, and find that Mom really is putting on a show. All her best plates, glasses, cutlery and linen were out to be used. Walking back into the kitchen, I want to know why she was doing this.

"Mom, who are we expecting tonight, royalty? President Obama?"

"Edward, don't be so sarcastic. You know full well that Bella is coming to dinner tonight. I really do hope that you will be on your best behavior tonight, I would hate for you to repeat yesterday."

She stands with a stern look on her face, her hands firming on her hips as she glares at me. Just then, Dad walks into the kitchen, upon seeing the look on her face, he goes straight over to her,  
>slips his arm around her waist before saying,<p>

"Edward, you know how your Mom likes things to be nice when we have guests. Please just go and set the table."

There is no point arguing with either of them. I just need to suck it up and get through the next couple of hours, during which, they will hopefully see through the façade she puts up. That way, I will never have to worry about them inviting her around again. I do as I am asked, setting the table, while at the same time, grumbling to myself.

Right on time, the doorbell chimes. My mom looks like she is going to explode with happiness as she goes to answer it. I stay in the lounge, hoping to put off the inevitable of meeting Bella again; at least I will have the home advantage this time. They come into the lounge, my Mom with her arm around Bella and a smile that I thought would honestly crack her face open if she doesn't knock it off.

"Edward, be a darling and run out to Bella's car, will you? She has a box and a bag in the trunk which is the surprise for dessert. Carry it into the kitchen,please?"

Bella chimes in, "No peeking, it's a surprise."

Bella hands me her keys and as our fingers touch I feel that same jolt that I had before, she feels it too, as she meets my startled look. A small smile flickers briefly across her lips before she turned back to talk to my Mom. I go out to her car and collect the items as instructed. I am making my way back to the house trying not to drop anything when Emmett's car roars into the drive; he leaps out and runs to help me.

"Hey, Edward. How's it going bro? What ya got here?"

"I'm good, thanks Emmett, pissed at being grounded; they must think I'm twelve. This shit here is what Bella has brought for dessert. Been told not to peek so you better keep your nose out."

Emmett just laughs in response. I am glad that he is here, despite the fact that I am grounded I can still see him as he technically is here as Rose's guest and isn't classed as my friend in my Parents' eyes. Once inside, we deposit the items in the kitchen before we join the rest of my family in the lounge. Everything seems nice and relaxed as we wait for Mom to announce that dinner is ready. We sit around the table. Mom insists that I sit opposite Bella, which is fine by me. I'm not too close to her physically, but I hadn't taken into consideration the fact that I am facing her and can ogle her without really being noticed.

Dinner is amazing. Mom really is a great cook. Conversation flows freely and Bella seems to be charming everyone around the table, and as much as I hate to admit it, me too. She is relaxed and open with us all and both my parents have smiles on their faces the whole time. When it comes to dessert, Bella asks to use the kitchen to get things prepared, saying it will be about fifteen to twenty minutes before it would be ready. She tells us to go back through to the lounge, and she will call us when she's ready. Offers of help are refused as she says that this is her contribution to the evening.

When she calls us back though, the table is laden with all kinds of goodies, brownies, mini donuts, marshmallows, strawberries, grapes, and at the center a large, silver bowl. As we take our seats Bella announces,

"I hope you all have a sweet tooth, this is a chocolate fondue with lots of assorted goodies. Wasn't sure what people would like, so I did a mixture of things."

"Bella, this is such a nice thing to do. It's so unusual, but I love it!" My Mom puts her arm around Bella giving her some reassurance.

"You know me, I'll eat anything." is Emmett's response which causes us all to laugh as his reputation certainly precedes him around food.

We all sit back down and start to eat. Bella was sitting opposite me again and I can't help but wonder if she is flirting with me. It's the way that she keeps looking at me as she eats her dessert. She keeps licking her lips and I am totally mesmerized. I find myself shifting uncomfortably in my seat, as I feel my cock begin to stir in my pants at the display she's putting on. She takes one of the largest strawberries, dips it into the warm chocolate and pauses before she opens her mouth putting only the tip in and sucking it before she seductively bit into the fruit. She looks me straight in the eye, letting out a small moan as she was enjoying the experience. My Mom asks if she is okay, and the response back was that the strawberry was juicier than she expected and it surprised her. When she looks back at me, I have to shift again in my seat. I have a hard on just watching her eat.

I am sure that Bella knows exactly what she is doing to me. It's a combination of the fact that she's seductively eating her food and flirting with me; all this in front of my parents who clearly are not noticing anything unusual. She looks at me, seemingly inviting me to make eye contact, only to break it when I do. Then, she licks her lips slowly for maximum effect, before again making the eye contact.

She's driving me crazy. All I want is to sweep the remains of dessert off the table and fuck her on then and there. Somehow I don't think that the other people around the table would appreciate the after dinner entertainment.

My mom starts to talk to her about school and what she wanted to do when she left. She says she wants to be a lawyer, but she's failing math which she needs to get into college. Instantly, Mom says that I am a math genius and offers my services to tutor her. She even suggests that we can use my father's study as he would be at work so wouldn't be disturbed. I look at Bella, hoping that she will say no. Why would she want to spend time with me when she thinks that I am some kind of freak? I nearly die on the spot when Bella says how nice that would be, and smiles at my Mom, who is thrilled. Bella then smiles at me, suggestively raising her eyebrows. Then I feel her foot on my leg. I try not to react but she's working her way up and down my leg. I look over at her to catch her eye but she's discussing her choice of college with my Dad, and what branch of law she really wants to practice, while all the time playing with me under the table. She's good, I will give her that, but this is not helping me any. I can't ring Tanya and ask to meet, and since I am grounded, I will have to deal with this the old fashioned way - which is not pleasing me at all. I need that contact with someone as Bella is surely doing a number on me here.

I volunteer to clear up the dishes once dessert is finished. It's more a case of doing anything I could to get away from Bella and her teasing. I need to be alone and can't very well sit around drinking coffee, discussing the current economic forecasts or whatever shit they are talking about with a raging hard on in my pants. I am alone in the kitchen when I start thinking about what James would do to me if he knew what I wanted to do to Bella. The overwhelming feeling that I have was one of pure fear. He will probably beat the crap out of me and not even break a sweat. This gets my mind off Bella and seems to cool me down somewhat.

My thoughts are broken when my Mom comes into the kitchen to tell me that Bella is leaving. Part of me thought thank god, but another part of me is sad that I hadn't had more time to talk to her. My family hug and kiss her as she leaves, and there are promises that tutoring can start this week and invitations are extended to come over, anytime she liked.

As she gets into her car we return to the house where my Mom spots that she had left behind the fondue set and quickly sent me out of the door with it before Bella left. She's just starting the car when I knock on the window; she seems to have been talking on her phone as she quickly threw it in her purse on the passenger seat.

"Sorry, you left this behind. Mom didn't want you to leave without it."

"Oh, thanks. I'll pop the trunk; can you put it in there for me?"

She seems upset but I don't want to press her, so I walk to the trunk and put the box in when I feel a pair of hands grab my ass, the action shocks me so much that I bang my head on the tailgate. I turn around to see Bella staring at me with the same expression that she had been wearing during dessert. The next thing I know she had her hands on my chest, pushing me back into the open trunk so that I am sitting on the rim. Then she moves in and kisses me. My heart seems to beat at a million miles per hour. The kiss starts slow and gentle, almost as if she is unsure of herself, then it takes on a life of its own. It grows deeper and deeper, getting more intense by the second. My hands roam her back, and I slide my hands under the edge of her top, feeling her soft skin underneath, causing her to moan slightly. Her hands roam my body also, ending up with one hand on the back of my neck, caressing it. The other goes straight to my crotch where she starts to rub my responding cock, causing me to moan in her mouth.

She pulls back from me, looking straight into my eyes for a few seconds before she said, "So, I really do turn you on then. Just wanted to check Friday night wasn't just my imagination, or the JD. God Edward, I can feel how hard you are, just for me. I want you to show me how much you want me."

"Bella…" I don't get to finish the sentence as she kisses me again, all the time palming my aching cock through my jeans. I growl in response, pulling her closer to me, standing in front of her while instinctively thrusting towards her. We break for air, both of us panting, knowing exactly where this will end up, but neither of us ready to admit it. Then a voice breaks through our moment together, it is my Dad.

"Edward, are you still out here? C'mon son, you know the rules about being grounded. If Bella has left, back inside. Don't make me come down there."

"S'okay Dad, Bella thought that one of her tyres was flat, I was checking it out for her."

She looks at me and cocks and eyebrow before saying, "Grounded? Really? What are you ten?"

I just smirk back at her and say, "I know, I'll fill you in later. Gotta go before he comes out here to check. Drive safely."

I quickly kiss her on the lips and watch as she smiles at me before her car drives away. I am joined by my Dad who says,

"See**,** that wasn't so hard**,**was it now?"

Oh**,** if only he knew just how hard it was.

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><p><strong>Authors<strong> **Note:**

Sniggers away at that last line, sorry I have mind that lives in the gutter!

Thanks to everyone to reading, and being so patient for this update. My beta has been snowed under in RL so updates may take a little longer than normal. Thanks to my beta VixenlittleStella, pre-reader Cosmom and of course my Pre-reader & friend Mamasutra – she has held my hand through this love you babes!

Would love to hear what you are all thinking, so leave me some love and I will send you an unbeta'd sneak peek of the next chapter to tide you over. I know some of you have been having withdrawal symptoms MoJo40 Ffaddward in particular ;-)

I have another couple of fics ongoing, Dark Moon Rising which is New Moon from Jaspers POV – ever wondered what he was thinking when he attacked Bella? Well here is your chance to find out. Also I have a one shot called A Vampires Curse which was submitted for the Twilight Fanfic advocacy Halloween countdown. I will be expanding this with another couple of chapters.

Please do check out Sin by Mamasutra – it's a smut filled fic and is brilliant :-X

Anyway that's enough of my ramblings… if you want to stop by I am on Facebook Loopy Lou Fanfic and twitter Loopylou992 – look for Red Fraggle and you will find me lurking.


	11. Fandom Contribution  BPOV

Hey guys!

Firstly sorry there has not been an update on this, I am in the hands of my beta who is currently being beaten over the head by RL, kinda gets in the way for us all doesn't it.

ALSO sorry for the double notifiers on this – I made a boo-boo and posted the WHOLE chapter instead of this teaser – AAARRGGGHHHH! Luckily for me but not you guys, I realized and *HOPE* that I managed to pull it in time.

Well there is good news! If you have already donated to the Texas Fires Fandom compilation then you will be getting Bella's POV for the first three chapters, if you haven't and you want to there is still time! Head to the following website and follow the links and you will not only get that but also works by loads of other fabulous authors. We are all giving our work free to help raise money for this cause. A minimum donation of $5 is all it takes! If you can't donate, then this will be posted in the new year, and I will post it under it's own story name so if you want it, please put me on author alert to be notified.

http(:)/ texasfires(.) ysar(.)info/ Just remove the ( )'s

I will also be contributing a couple of different things to some other Fandom compilations.

Fandom Gives Back http(:)/thefandomgivesback(.)blogspot(.)com/

Fandom for Cancer http:/fandomfightscancer(.)blogspot(.)com/

Below is a teaser of what is going on inside Bella's head. Hope you like it, I wanted to give her a voice and show you that his side of the story is not the only story to be told here.

* * *

><p>I can still remember the first time that I saw this boy, he took my breath away and really made me sit up and take notice. He was tall, maybe a little over 6 feet tall. With a slim build, he was clearly not one of the school jocks. He wore glasses which he was pushing back up his nose as they kept slipping down. He also had bronze hair which fell over his face, almost as if he was trying to hide behind it, although he could not hide from me. He was on my radar now and I had no intention of ignoring it. He was certainly someone who I wanted to know more about. He was walking through the yard during lunch one day, head down, minding his own business when he suddenly looked in my direction. I felt that chill go through my body as we made eye contact for the briefest of moments before he put his head back down and practically ran away. I looked to Jessica asking her as casually as I could muster,<p>

"Who was that?" She looked around before groaning in answer to me.

"Oh**,** him? He's no-one, Just Edward Cullen or as we like to call him**,**Freakward."

She laughed at her own joke, but I could not see what was so funny about it. The others were obviously all in on the joke as they started laughing with her. I didn't know what to say in response. There was just something about this boy that intrigued me, and I knew**,** then and there**,**I wanted to get to know him better.


	12. Decisions, Decisions

Chapter Eleven

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of the characters. I do however own this storyline.**

As I walked back into the house with Dad**,** I'm not listening to what he was saying. I was trying my hardest not to show my emotions, as all I really want to do was shout from the rooftops about how happy I was about what had just happened. Once inside I made my excuses, heading straight to my bedroom where I knew that I could be alone with my thoughts, which at the moment were all over the place. There was no way that I could be around any of my family members. I worried that they would sense something was wrong, hell**,** I felt like it was written all over my face.

Did I look like this after I meet up with Tanya? (No**,** I couldn't). She never got me feeling like this. Yeah**,** she's great and I liked her a lot, but the way I feel about Bella was a new emotion for me and pretty intense.

Throwing myself onto the bed**,** I was reminded of the fact that thinking of Bella has produced yet another raging hard on…my poor aching cock. It had been teased and tormented enough and needed its release. There was only one thing to do: I would have to get rid of this the old fashioned way. As I was grounded I couldn't exactly call Tanya and ask her to come over, or me visit her. Nope, this one was for me and only me to deal with. I wasn't sure that Tanya would be able to help anyway; she wasn't the one at the forefront of my thoughts. No**,** that spot was occupied by the one and only Bella Swan.

Deciding that a hot shower would help**,** I climbed under the jets, standing here with my hands outstretched, leaning against the tiles. I looked down at my erection, knowing that I had to take care of this before I could begin to sift through the jumble of thoughts in my head. Bella had done this to me, she had caused this reaction and she should be the one to relieve my tension. I reach down and took my cock in hand, viewing its' response. The combination of my thoughts about Bella and my own touch caused me to slightly whimper. Starting slowly**,** I ran my hand up and down the length. Supporting myself with my free hand against the wall, I closed my eyes and think of Bella. How she**,** in front of my entire family, seductively ate, teasing me. I imagined her full lips wrapped around my cock**,** bringing it the relief that it so badly needed. I remembered us at the car, how she firmly grabbed my ass before taking control of the situation. Her skin felt like silk under my touch, and I shuddered at the memory while longing for more. I felt that familiar tightening in my groin, and I knew that I won't be able to hold out much longer. The thought of her touching me,even through my jeans was enough to bring my orgasm to fruition and I came long and hard. Slumping back against the wall**,** I slide down the cold tiles ending up sitting on the floor of the shower**,** unable to move. Then I heard a voice in my bedroom, geez that brought me back to earth with a massive crash.

"Edward, are you okay in there?"

Shit! It's my mom. What was she doing in here? I turned the shower off and wrapped a towel around my waist before stepping out of the bathroom.

"I'm fine**,** Mom, what's wrong?"

"Oh! Sorry Edward." She turns away from me, probably embarrassed. "I thought that I heard you shout, I knocked but you didn't answer. I wouldn't have come in otherwise."

"Erm, sorry Mom, I, erm, dropped a shampoo bottle on my foot, it kinda hurt."

I hoped that she believed me. Christ**,** jacking off was embarrassing enough without my mom hearing me do it. She turned back to face me, obviously concern for me outweighing anything else she feels.

"Did you hurt yourself? You should have your dad look at it for you."

"Mom, it's okay. No damage done. Promise."

"Well**,** if you change your mind… Goodnight son. Thank you for tonight, you were the perfect gentleman towards Bella."

With that**,** she left. Phew! I think I might just have gotten away with that one. Lying down on my bed**,** I stared at the ceiling, trying to work out what was happening here. Yeah, I am seeing Tanya, but it was nothing official; no titles, no ties. I won't stand in her way if she wanted to see someone else. We were fuck buddies, or we were from where I stood. Tanya was fun to be around at the start, but lately she had been coming around more. I thought that she was coming to see Rose, but now I just can't be sure. There was just something about our last few meetings that made me think that she wants more - that was something that I cannot not agree to. I was not ready to go public with her, or with anyone to be honest. Then again**,** I find someone else occupying my thoughts.

I must've dozed off because when I woke up it was dark outside and I could see the stars through my window. I sat up and looked at the clock – it was 1am. Instinctively**,** I reached for my cell to find that the battery was dead, so I plugged it in to charge. As I stretched and put my shorts on, I was alerted to the fact that I had missed several text messages. Geez, I fell asleep for a few hours and they were non-stop. There was a couple from Jake asking how things went after he saw me yesterday. Boy**,** would he get a laugh to hear that I was grounded; I would never hear the end of that. Emmett had texted me, too**,** teasing me about Bella's little 'display' over dessert. Trust him to notice.

There was also a text from Tanya that caused me to feel a slight pang of guilt.

_Hey lover. The other night was amazing! Cannot wait for a repeat performance and make it soon. Call me! Tanya x_

I replied to her, knowing that there was no way that I can see her until my punishment is over.

'Hey Tan, yeah it was pretty amazing for me too. Sorry, got family issues at the moment so won't be able to meet up this week. Will call you. Edward x'

I instantly felt guilty, like I was betraying her by letting another woman turn me on and touch me. Bella was the one that I want to be with, she occupies my thoughts. Even after everything that she put me through at school**,** I was drawn like a moth to a flame. I was powerless to resist her, and I don't know if I even want to. Despite all this, even knowing that I could be the one to get hurt badly, I still wanted her Her comments by the car turned me on Friday night brought it all flooding back. I could feel her lips on mine, her hand as she groped my groin. I swear she would be the death of me, but I would die happy.

But where do we go from here? She made all the moves tonight, just like she did the night after the beach. What confused me the most was the fact that she had spent her days lording over me at school, making my life a misery and yet only hours ago we could not get enough of each other. I was pretty sure that had I not been grounded, had my dad not came out to see where I was, that things would've gone a whole lot farther. Maybe I would've been able to go back to her house, subject of course to her dad not being home. Or**,** I could've taken her back to the summerhouse... No! Scrub that idea since that was where I have been with Tanya; that would have felt wrong and sordid, rather like having an affair and fucking your mistress in the marital bed.

Where were all these thoughts coming from? I was getting a pretty good idea of how I felt about Bella, and I think I know how she feels about me. But before I admit anything, even to myself, I needed to know how she really feels about me. I grabbed my phone and type a text.

'Hey Bella, hope you enjoyed tonight, I certainly did. Hoping for a repeat soon.'

There! That was ambiguous enough for it to be taken either way, and I didn't think for a second that she would even be awake at this time; after all**, **we have school in the morning. Ugh, school. Being grounded was bad enough, but if that got out I will be a laughing stock. Oh shit! I had told Bella, hmmm… maybe she won't say anything. After all that meant that she would have to admit she had either spent time with, or talked to me outside school. There was no chance of her admitting that.

I climbed into bed,unsure of what the dawn would bring, then to my surprise a text message came through.

'_Me too. Shame we got interrupted. Always next time though. Bella x'_

I was shocked and typed a response which started a flow of messages between us.

'_You think so? Didn't think I was your type.'_

'_You are so my type, hot and handsome x'_

'_Hmm, don't let James hear you say that'_

'_James? Ignore him. It's you I'm interested in.'_

'Please, stop messing around Bella. Be serious'

'_Oh I am. If you don't believe me, fine'_

'I didn't say I don't believe you, it's just difficult.'

'_Edward, forget it. See you around_… _maybe'_

I didn't know how to respond, I had obviously fucked this up. I wanted to call her and tell her that I do believe her, that I want her so much but, just couldn't bring myself to do it. I was afraid that this was all part of some elaborate game of hers. I groaned, pulling the duvet over my head and drifted off to sleep.

I arrived at school the next morning and was surprised to see that Bella's car was parked in the space next to mine. She normally parked as close to the school as possible, whereas me, well, I park out of the way. Just hoping to avoid people as much as possible. I was even more surprised when I noticed that she was sitting in the driver's seat. It looked like she was talking to someone on the phone, and she looked annoyed. As I walked away from my car, I looked back and she managed a half smile and waved at me. I smiled back. Maybe we could be friends?

The rest of the day passed without incident, which was new. There was usually someone who had something to say to me, but it was like I was invisible. Hey, I'm not complaining it was nice to be ignored. The rest of the week passed the same way, before I knew it the weekend is in sight, not that I can do anything or go anywhere.I was still grounded. So Friday after school instead of heading over to Jake's house, or sneaking of to see Tanya, I headed straight back home as per my mom's instructions to start on my homework, just like I had all week. One thing that I had missed was the chance to talk to Bella properly. It was like she is ignoring me completely. Not long ago I would've been delighted but now,things were different. I wanted her to notice me, acknowledge that I exist but I get nothing. I had sent her a couple of text messages but not heard back.

When I arrived home I found Mom on the phone, whoever she was talking to seems to have put her in a great mood as she was laughing and joking. I went straight to my bedroom and pulled out my books to start my homework. I was working hard on the math assignment set when I hear a soft knock. I knew instantly it was Mom.

"Come in.

"Hey sweetheart, how was school today?"

"Okay. Nothing special."

Looking at her, she had that expression on her face. The one that tells me she was up to something and I decided to play along and go back to my books.

"Edward, you remember how Bella said that she needs tutoring? Well that was her on the phone. She said that she didn't get a chance to ask you at school, but she would like to be tutored by you."

I close my books as I can't concentrate now and look at my mom; she still has that look on her face and was smiling at me sweetly. I sighed; there is no way I was going to get outta this one. I had hoped that the wanting tutoring was just a way to make conversation with my folks, but no. A thought runs through my head before I can stop it. There was only one thing that I wanted to tutor Bella Swan in, and we are not talking algebra.

"Mom, I am studying hard myself at the moment, I really don't know if I have the time to…"

She breaks me off mid excuse. "Edward, you are doing well at school, poor Bella needs some help. The least you could do is to give the poor girl a chance. You excel academically and you heard how much she wants to get into college and become a lawyer. Please? Do this for me? It would make you poor old Mom so very happy."

Gah! She played the guilt card, the ace up her sleeve. Mom's an expert at this game, the cards are stacked in her favor and she knows all the rules, years of practice wrapping my dad around her little finger. There was no way I could say no.

"Okay, okay. You win! I will help her, but not at the expense of my own studies. They must come first."

The next thing I knew she rushes over to me giving me a hug, then she ruffles my hair like I was a child. She has a big smile on her face. I had finally made my mom happy. She left me alone and I sat thinking. How was I going to manage to be alone with Bella? Just us two, one on one, oh how I wanted to be one on one with her and we are talking more than math lessons here. My thoughts were interrupted by my phone again. This time it was Emmett.

'_Yo bro, how goes being grounded? HA HA! Shame there's a party Saturday night. Maybe next time looser ;-)'_

'Fuck off Em!'

He then decided to step up the teasing in person as he barges through the door, obviously here to visit Rose.

"Oooh Eddie! Someone's touchy tonight. What's up,you missing-"

He didn't get chance to finish his sentence as I threw my book at him, which of course he catches.

"Screw you Emmett, you don't know shit."

I glared at him daring him to continue, knowing that he won't say anything deliberately and that he's only teasing me, but he was the only other person who knows about me and Tanya. It has to stay that way too.

"Anyway, there is gonna be a kick ass party tomorrow down at the beach. Some of the boys from the team are celebrating… well there is nothing to celebrate, we just want to party. Shame you can't make it, pretty sure that Tanya will be there." He then whispered, "Bet you missed her this week, Rose said she's been a moody bitch." He winked at me and I just continued to glare at him.

My sister walked in the room hands on her hips. "Who's been a moody bitch all week? Hope you don't mean me!"

He spins around, looking guilty as hell. "No one! Well, I was just telling Edward about the party, and that Tanya is coming with us as she's not been herself all week."

"Em! Quit talking shit about my friend. Edward really isn't interested in hearing about Tanya. I'll be downstairs when you two have finished your bitching session." With that, she left.

"Look Em, you know the score, I'm grounded. Unless you can charm my mom into lifting the punishment I will be going nowhere tonight, or tomorrow either. I have another week to sit this out."

"Leave it with me little bro, no woman can resist the Em-meister." With that he laughed and left.

I remained in my room studying, well trying to for the next couple of hours..I kept checking my phone to see if Bella messaged me, she doesn't. I found myself wondering if she would be at the party tomorrow. Not that I would be, Emmett said Tanya would, now if only I could find a way to sneak out, or maybe I could get her to sneak here really late. I did miss her in a strange way, although how much of that was just the sex was debatable.

I stayed in my room, completely lost in my own world until Dad knocks on the open door. I jumped, startled.

"Sorry son didn't mean to scare you. I did call out but you obviously didn't hear me. Can you come downstairs? Your Mom and I want to talk to you."

I nodded at him, then when he left I rolled my eyes. What have I done now?

Making my way to the lounge I found my parents standing and I was motioned to take a seat on the couch which I do. I felt extremely nervous as their faces give nothing away. My dad smiles at me before he speaks.

"Edward, son, I know that you think that we were harsh in our punishment of you last week, and I must admit that in hindsight I feel we were. You have handled your punishment like a man, and I am proud of you. I appreciate that you are too old to be grounded, and that is why we have decided that you are no longer grounded- your punishment has ended. I hope that you have learned your lesson. Respect is important to us, you will respect any guest in our house. Is that understood?"

I looked at them both and I was shocked at what I was hearing. They were letting me off? I managed to speak and say,

"Yes, understood. I am sorry for how I behaved. So you're saying it's ended, immediately? So I can go out tonight if I want?"

My mom smiled at me, and said, "Yes, if you want to go out, then go. Just be home by the normal time please."

I leapt to my feet, kissing her on the cheek and dashed out of the door while grabbing my car keys. As soon I was out of earshot I pull my cell phone out and dialed. The answer came within a couple of rings.

"Hey, it's me. Are you free now? I have to see you."

The answer was instant, and obvious that she wanted to see me too.

"Yes! Come round now there is no one else here."

I hang up. I don't need that invitation twice. I sped out of the drive, towards what I need.

**Authors Note:**

Ok so first an apology for making you all wait so long for the update. RL has been giving my poor beta the run around, but we are back on track now. (Fingers crossed!) I hope that you are all still with me?

Thanks as always to VixenlittleStella for betaing this for me, and also to Cosmom. Massive hugs and squeezes go to Mamasutra for being my pre-reader and a really really good friend, she has stuck by me and told me to keep writing so I have upto Chapter 23 in the bag and yes there will be lemons – amazing what you can do on 8 cold and flu tablets and half a bottle of wine – Not recommended I can tell you but hell my fingers flew across the keyboard!

I am hoping to be back to weekly posting – smiles at Cosmom sweetly as she will bet taking this on 100% and she has done the next few chapters already but they need another check.

Anyway for those of you who contributed to Fandom for Texas – THANK YOU! Now you know what Bella thinks of Edward really and the rest of you will have to wait until January 2012, so make sure you have me on alert as this will post separately to this story.

Please do take the time to review, they mean the world. I do read and reply to everyone, and will send you a sneaky peek of the next chapter as a thank you.


	13. First Time

Nerves finally hit me as I pulled my car to the sidewalk at my destination. I didn't park outside as it would not do for anyone to see my car. I am used to keeping such meetings secret so I parked just down the street. For some reason**,** I couldn't calm my nerves. I had no idea why, since turning up practically unannounced was nothing new to me. As I closed the car door I realized that the front door at my final destination had opened and I was being watched. Managing a smile**,** there she stood**,** with a nervous look on her face. Clearly**,**neither of us knew what to do next.

Walking slowly down the path and up the porch steps I never once lost eye contact with her. Once I was standing in front of her, I found myself with the intense urge to grab and pull her in for a kiss so I thrust my hands firmly into my pockets. Bella spoke first.

"Hey, you got here quickly. Erm, come inside."

I followed her into the house and she motioned for me to follow her into the lounge. Oh**,** how I remembered being here last time. I had an instant replay of our make out session, and felt myself blush at the memory. She turned to face me, a coy smile playing across her kissable lips**.**I wanted to kiss them, but knew that this is not how it should play out. We had done the whole unexpected kisses and touching, but the one thing we have not done was talk. I knew that I needed to know what this is; if it was going anywhere or if it was just a game to her.

The silence hung heavily between us and I knew that I had to break it. My nerves were not going anywhere. I needed to do this.

Taking a deep breath**,**I prepared to speak,

"Hey Bella. Hope you don't mind me calling you to meet up. It's just..I need…How are…"

I just could not get out what I wanted to say. I stopped speaking and took another deep breath. When I looked at her**,**I expected her to be laughing at me, or at least stifling one. She wasn't. This confused me more. I ran my hand through my hair while I tried to decide what to say next without making myself look like an ass.

"Edward, I think I know why you're here. I want…"

This is not how it should play out. I needed to be in control of this. I am always in control when it comes to me and Tanya but**,** then again**,**this is not Tanya, it's Bella. I began pacing up and down the living room as my anxiety grew.

"Bella, let me get this out**,** please? I needed to know what had been going on recently. We kiss, make out, you come around and play all nice to my folks. Yet**,** days earlier you were the center of the group mocking me in the school yard. You have to realize that this is all very confusing for me. At school I am treated like something that you wipe off the bottom of your shoe. You make my life a living hell with your little gang, the endless taunts and teasing. It borders on bullying. Yet, at dinner the other night you were, well, you were flirting and teasing me if I am not mistaken. So**,**what the fuck is going on here?"

She looked shocked at my outburst. Hell**,**I was shocked. I had no idea where all these recent outbursts were coming from, they were so not me.

"Look Edward, this is all pretty much new to me**,**too. I never encouraged what Mike and Tyler do at school, they do actually have minds of their own. I didn't ask to be put up on some fucking pedestal by them-"

"But you don't ignore the attention**,** do you? Let's face it, you swan into town, our school and suddenly you're the one that everyone wants to be seen with, girls want to be like you and the boys, well**,**let's just say I hear more than they think. Most of them fantasize about fucking you. First one to claim that honor will be the school hero."

I realized that maybe I was being a little harsh as when I looked at her I swear there were tears forming in her eyes. Then I thought back to the number of times that I had cried over their treatment of me. Bella pulling the waterworks routine here, well that was not gonna fly with me, so I continued.

" I was getting by before you turned up here. Yeah**,** they made my life unbearable**,** but then, well**,** you arrived. Suddenly**,** I was the center of attention and you have no idea how muchI hate that they call me 'Freakward', which was a new addition for them. I am a human being**,**Bella and have feelings and emotions just like everyone else."

She was standing with her mouth opening and closing, like she wanted to say something, but didn't know what. I stand waiting for her to come up with an answer, any answer will do at this at this point. It's obviously not what she expected from me.

"C'mon, Bella. Surely you have something to say to me? You're not normally so quiet**,**if I remember correctly."

Anger started to build inside me. I came here with the intention of… well**,** I thought that we would just fall into each others arms**,** maybe, but I needed to know that this is not a game for her, that she actually wanted me, wanted us. Yeah**,** all the chemistry was there, well it was from my side. Just thinking about how it felt to kiss her made my crotch start to twitch. I struggled to remember that she started this. Okay**,** she was drunk the first time, but since then**,** like after dinner**,**she was very definitely sober. I just needed to know that this was for real and not a joke to her then we would see what happened from there.

When she eventually spoke, her voice was soft and she sounded unsure of herself,

"Edward, what can I say to you to make you believe me? Since that night at the beach I have thought of you all the time. I have feelings for you that I can't explain and I am struggling to come to terms with them. When I am with you, I feel… I don't know… I'm supposed to be with James but, well**,** he doesn't make me feel like you do when I'm with you. Edward, you do something to me, almost like you're a drug I cannot get enough of. I feel happy when I am around you. I have no idea where any of this came from and certainly didn't look for**, **or expect it. I mean look at you. No disrespect, but, your nerdy, geeky and hardly on the top of every girls wish list. The thing is that**,** I see that you have a heart of pure gold. You showed that to me the first night on the beach. Many people would have just driven off, but not you. No, you stayed to make sure that I was okay, you took me to your home to get me fixed up. Then when you kissed me. Phew! My knees went weak, my heart skipped a beat**,**I swear and I…"

She didn't get to finish whatever it was she was planning to say, because I closed the distance between us and crashed my lips onto hers. She mumbled something initially as I wound my arms around her, pulling her into my body. She instantly responded and began to kiss me back. My hands ran up and down her back. Okay**,**so this was over her shirt, but I could imagine what her skin felt like underneath...

My cock began to harden at the intensity of the embrace and she responded by bucking her hips towards me. We stumbled and somehow managed to make our way across to the couch where we fell together, with me on top of her.

Eventually we broke apart, both of us gasping for air but not breaking eye contact. I searched her face for any hint of deception and saw none, she simply chewed the corner of her lip before managing to say to me,

"Wow Edward, you really do know how to sweep a girl off of her feet."

We both laughed. I moved to sit up, but she pulled me back down, and shuffled to one side. Somehow we ended up lying on the couch together, with her body curled into mine and her head on my chest. I just hoped that she couldn't hear my heart pounding. As I laid there I felt complete, whole. I could feel her breath on my face as she traced small circles on my chest with her fingers. I found myself running my hand up and down her side and every now and again she shuddered, almost as if it was tickling her, but somehow I didn't think that was the sensation that she was feeling. We laid in silence. I was happy to hold her in my arms and she seemed content. I don't know how long we laid for, but the reverie was broken when her cell phone rang and she leapt to answer it. I found myself staring after her from my position on the couch, wishing that the damn thing hadn't interrupted us and that she would hurry back to me.

I had no idea who she was talking to**,**but she was certainly not pleased to hear from them. I was only able to hear her side of the conversation, but I could hear a raised voice at the other end.

"What do you want?... No! I told you I'm not interested anymore**,** you can forget it… What do I have to do before you get it through your fucking thick skull. We are over, finished…. Yeah, yeah**,**yeah, tell me another sob story, I know that you are screwing that whore, so leave me alone or I will tell my dad you are harassing me. Or even better why not tell someone who actually gives a fuck about you!"

With that**,** she hung up the phone and threw it across the room. I was on my feet with my hands on her shoulders looking into her eyes. All I saw was anger as I pulled her into an embrace and refused to let go. I kissed the top of her head as I heard a sob escape from my chest. I held her as if she was the most precious thing in the world, which to me she was. Not knowing what to do**,**I held her until she pushed herself away from me. She bowed her head and I put my fingers on her chin, pulling her face back up so I could look into her eyes.

"Bella, tell me what happened. Are you okay?"

She stopped crying and her bloodshot eyes meet mine, responding with a whisper

"We split up, me and James. He was, well, he was screwing someone else. I thought that he loved me, that he wanted to be with me**,**but he didn't."

She started to cry again, and fled upstairs leaving me standing there staring after her. I had very little experience with women who were upset. I normally kept out of Rose's way when she got upset, it was usually safer that way. I had never seen Tanya upset so this was new to me. Something deep inside of me made me follow her upstairs. I could hear her gently sobbing and found my way to her bedroom. The door was slightly open and I hesitated, debating if I should knock, or just walk in. I chose to knock and then walk in. I didn't know what to do as she just laid there crying into her pillow. Making my way to the bed**,** I hesitated before sitting down. She seemed to be oblivious to my arrival as she jumped when I gently stroked her hair. Turning over to make room on the bed**,** she motioned for me to join her. Once there was room**,**I laid down and we resumed our earlier positions from the couch. Except this time I was all too painfully aware of the fact that we were on her bed, only a step away from being naked and together. I decided that I needed to know more,

"So, James is messing around on you? Is that man crazy?"

She snorted before responding, "Yeah**,**totally. He thinks that he could run around on me and I wouldn't find out. He must be seriously tripping."

"Hmm, who was it with, do you know?"

She looked me in the face when she answered, "Yeah**,**some whore from college named Tanya."

I felt like I had been punched in the gut, "Tanya? You sure? She's one of Rose's closest friends…I can't imagine she would go for James."

What I really wanted to add was, 'She better not be fucking James, she is mine.' But how could I lay claim to her when I was here, laying in bed with another woman. Was that not a double standard?

My jealous side was threatening to rear it's ugly head. Yeah**,** I knew that I had no reason to complain**,** given the fact that our arrangement is just that, there is no relationship. Plus**, **I had been thinking about Bella non-stop since that night on the beach. She filled my thoughts even when I had been driving my dick relentlessly into Tanya. Was Tanya really fucking James? How long had this been going on? Why the hell had I not noticed anything? No, this couldn't be true. Tanya and I were hooking-up regularly and she seemed to be happy with the arrangement. Could I really blame her if she was getting something more than I was willing to give her from someone else?

"Wait a minute**, **Bella. Have you actually seen them together or is this just a rumor? I know Tanya. It just doesn't seem right to me, she is too good for him"

Shit! I realized what I had said the moment the words left my dumb ass mouth. I think that I got away with it. Maybe she was too distracted with her own thoughts to pick up on my comment.

"No, I haven't actually seen them myself**, ** but he talks about her and how hot she is. I have heard that other people have seen them together. I'm sure he is doing it to make me jealous. We have argued so much about it over the last week and he told me I was being spiteful and jealous. I told him that he was a jerk and to go fuck her if he wanted. I told him it's over**, **but he keeps calling me and won't leave me alone. Just wish he would take the hint. I'm not interested."

Sitting-up slightly, she looked me in the eyes and continued,

"I've moved on, found someone else who is really interesting, a bit of an enigma." She smiled coyly at me before leaning down and planting a kiss gently on my lips.

Was she talking about me? She must be. My heart skipped a beat. We both obviously had the same feelings for each other and now it was just a case of what to do about them. I kissed her back and suddenly I was on top of her, pinning her to the bed. She responded to the erection that I was grinding into her, albeit through our clothing. She bucked her hips**, **meeting me seemingly desperate for some friction. I heard her moan in pleasure and this drove me on. I was afraid of where this would end up, but I was excited at the same time. She seemed to want this as much as I did. Her hands were everywhere. I had to wonder if she was part octopus as they roamed from my hair down to my ass and back again with alarming speed.

We had the house to ourselves since Charlie isn't home, and James now seemed to be a distant memory. I knew in this moment that I wanted to make love to her. It would definitely be making love; slow, gentle, and incredibly loving. Nothing like my last encounter with Tanya. No, this would be something to savor, and enjoy.

I pulled back**, **sitting up on the bed, looking at Bella as she mirrored me. My voice catches in my throat slightly, "Bella, I want you. _Now_."

She chewed her bottom lip again. God**, **that did something for me that I cannot describe, and she replied in a quiet voice,

"I want you**, **too, and have for a while. Edward, please."

Needing no further encouragement**, ** I reached out to touch her, running my hands over her body, removing her shirt slowly**, **taking my time. As I exposed her porcelain skin**,** my breathing began to falter. She is perfect. Her breasts were perfect and heaved as she breathed deeply. I assumed she was trying to get her nerves under control**, **as was I. She reached across to me and removed my t-shirt before placing her hands flat on my chest. I felt that all too familiar spark of electricity between us. It was completely obvious how this was going to play out, there would be no rushing.

She pushed me backwards**, **onto the bed and I see that she wanted to be in control as she straddled me. Her breasts were still confined to her bra**, ** but I could tell they are amazing. They were certainly larger than Tanya's. Christ**, **what a time to be comparing! Bella was certainly not afraid to put the moves on me. She began by kissing my chest with light feathery kisses making her way up my neck before attacking my lips**, **hungrily. I ran my hands over her sides and back. Her skin was every bit as soft as I had imagined it to be. She was grinding her pussy over my cock, causing it to ache even more for the release that it was now desperate for.

My hands made their way around her back and like an expert I managed to unclasp her bra, freeing her breasts. I grabbed her hips, switching our positions. With me in control, she squealed in delight. She raked her nails down my back as I closed my mouth over one of her breasts, sucking on her nipple until it became hard and erect. Her actions encouraged me further, and I released the nipple so that I can play the other one lavishing it with the same amount of attention.

Making my way back to her mouth, we kissed frantically again as we fought for dominance. I pulled back slightly to be able to say something to her,

"Are you sure? We can stop if you want. I don't have any-"

Her response surprised me as she motioned to her nightstand and smiled at me before saying, "Don't you even think about it, Cullen**. **I have everything covered, now shut up and fuck me."

I snickered in response she certainly was organized. "Okay. But first we need to get rid of the rest of our clothing. You sure we won't be disturbed?"

She looked at me with lust filled eyes before saying, "We're good, Charlie's working late tonight."

We both shimmied out of our jeans**, ** discarding them on the floor. She laid back on the bed and I managed to take in the true beauty lying before me. Her legs parted as I knelt between them. She was staring as me her eyes wide with wonder as I rolled a condom down over my cock and moved towards her. We kissed again. This time was different because there was a tenderness there. I ran my hands over every available inch of her skin, noting her reaction to my touch. I continued kissing her moving onto her neck, nibbling gently which she was loving**, ** judging by the sounds that she's making. Slowly**, **I ran my fingers down her chest, between her breasts, teasing and tickling as I move south. All the time I continued planting soft, feather like kisses on her skin.

I didn't know what she was used to sexually from a partner, so hoped that I was living up to her standards. I imagined that she knows what she wants, I just hoped that I am not a disappointment to her.

My fingers made their way down between her legs and she squirmed beneath me, I could feel the heat coming off her pussy as I made teasing contact with it. I ran my fingers gently up and down her lips teasing her by circling her clit**, **causing her to moan. Bella looked glorious lying there, her face contorting in the pleasure that I was giving her. All the time that I was touching her she was driving me wild, raking her nails down my back and my chest. Eventually she tentatively cupped my balls in her hand and was gazing at my cock. I feared that I may lose it right there. She took a firm hold, causing me to hiss at the contact. Suddenly, she released her hand from my cock and mumbled an apology under her breath, almost as if she is unsure of herself. God**, **she is a better actress than I thought. I wanted to show her that I was more than capable of making her happy and just how much she underestimates me, in every way possible.

I could tell that she was growing increasingly aroused**, **as was I, and was more ready to take this farther. I looked into her eyes giving her a final chance to back out before I pulled away from her and moved myself down between her legs, nudging them apart as I kiss up the inside of her delicious thighs. She shuddered in response and I took this as encouragement to continue. I ran my tongue up and down her pussy and she moaned loudly and grabbed my shoulders firmly with her hands. I smiled to myself as I continued the action with my tongue, teasing her, making her want more before I pulled back and then dove back in. She tasted amazing on my lips and I wanted more of her. I gently parted her and slip my tongue inside at which point she cried out loudly and her back arched on the bed. The next thing I knew she had both her hands entwined in my hair and was pulling at it frantically. I continued my tongue teasing, being careful knowing that I certainly didn't want her to come just yet. That pleasure is to be saved for when I am buried deep inside her and I could look deep into her eyes.

I could sense that she is close and know that now is the time to show her everything. I pulled myself up from between her legs, although I could've stayed there all night. Kissing my way back up her body**, **I found her face looking slightly flushed, and I grinned at her.

Kissing her mouth, knowing that she could taste herself on my lips spurred me on. I lined myself up with her and entered her slowly. I didn't want to rush this. I wanted to take my time and ensure that we both enjoyed this as much as possible.

Damn**,**I'd had a great teacher. I mentally thanked Tanya for our time together. She had taught me that sex was not just about my pleasure, it was about both of our enjoyment. The lessons learned both in the summerhouse and back at her apartment were certainly paying off. I really must find a way to thank her properly one day.

I pushed into her slick heat**, **making slow teasing movements in and out, going slightly deeper with each movement. I paused when I felt some resistance which came as a surprise. I glanced up to Bella's face, expecting to see pleasure on her face. But I was surprised to see that she had lost the look she had previously and appeared to be in pain. Panic began to flood through me, and I managed to say,

"Bella, are you okay?"

She looked at me with a concerned look on her face as she managed to speak,

"Please, don't stop, I want to, just do it, get it over with. Please"

Shit! I realized in that split second what she was telling me, without actually wanting to say the words. Bella was a _virgin_. No**, **she couldn't be. Could she?

This felt so wrong, I was here with my dick partially buried in her, about to take something precious away from her, and she was giving her permission to continue.

"Are you sure? We can stop. I don't mind." I silently prayed that she wouldn't stop me.

"Edward, just shut up and get on with it. Please?"

She then pulled me back in for another amazing kiss. Her hands roamed through my hair and before I knew it I was pushing in her again but this time when I met the resistance, I gently pushed through it. She let out a small squeal of pain into my mouth and I almost stopped then and there, but continued. I was so turned by the fact that I, Edward Cullen would be her first. I paused**, **allowing her time to adjust to me now that the worst part for her was over. She felt unsurprisingly tight and I needed to stop to stave of my own release in response. I continued to kiss her with as much passion as I could muster despite my now distracted state. Once I felt her body relax, I knew it was okay.

We continued at a slow and leisurely pace. Before I knew it, I was enjoying watching her contort under me. Knowing that it was me, 'Freakward', that was making her body react like this. I could feel my orgasm starting to build as my balls tightened. Although, I knew the chances of her orgasming on her first time were slim, I was intent on bringing her as much pleasure as possible.

"Bella, I am so close, hang in there with me."

"Oh God Edward, this feels amazing."

With that I came, and I came hard. Boy**,** that was some release. I felt guilty that she was not able to experience this with me, but as I threw my exhausted body down next to hers she kissed my cheek, before curling herself into my side. I knew that we needed to discuss the fact that I had just taken her virginity, and that she had not warned me. Hell**, **it would have made no difference to me but it would have been nice to be forewarned.

We laid in silence for some time, neither of us wanting to break the bliss that surrounded us. I hold her to me rubbing her back gently as she tickled my chest with her warm breath. I know that we needed to discuss what has just happened, so I decided to break the silence.

"Bella, were you…are you…I mean was that your first time?"

She blushed and simply said, "Yes." She sighed before continuing,

"Everyone had the wrong idea about me. They think that I am far more experienced, I just don't correct anyone."

"But I thought, you and James… Why did you not tell me?"

She broke me off before I could finish,

"No! That first night on the beach, that was when I had planned to sleep with him for the very first time. He blew it**, **though. He…"

She never got to finish that sentence as a set of tires on the gravel drive of her house announced the arrival of a car. Sitting upright on the bed next to me she had a panicked look on her face as she grabbed her watch.

"Shit! Is that the time? Charlie is home from work! Quick get dressed, he can't find you here. He will go mental if he does."

"Charlie? Fuck!"

I swear I had never moved so quickly in my life, grabbing the clothes that were discarded on the floor, putting mine on and throwing hers at her. I am dressed before Charlie made it through the front door as I could hear him whistling as he walks up the driveway. He couldn't get his key to work in the lock and I can hear him cussing and fumbling with the lock. All this was good because it gives Bella more time to compose herself, but still leaves me with one small issue. How the hell do I get out of here without being seen?

Charlie's a cop, he carries a weapon for fuck's sake I am here, alone with his daughter. Not only that, we just had sex and I had just taken her virginity. If he sees me**,**it will be written all over my face.

Christ I could be in some serious trouble now!

**Authors Note:**  
>So a massive THANK YOU goes out to my ever loving &amp; supportive beta Cosmom – thank you just doesn't cover it for me! She is AMAZING! As always a special thanks to Mamasutra for her support and pre-reading for me, and for helping me make the lemon have that extra 'zest'.<p>

Updates *should* be weekly from now on, and thanks for sticking with me! So many of you are coming to this, reviewing or putting me on alert and I wish I could hug you all, you amaze me!

Please do leave a review below, its brilliant to know what you are thinking about this, and I do read and reply to every single one.

Until next time - Lou x x x


	14. Escapes and Goodbyes

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of these characters. No copyright infringement is intended

I heard the front door open and Charlie barged through, shouting out.

"Hey Bella, where are you?"

She motioned for me to be quiet. "Up here, just doing some homework. Be right down."

Shit! How was I going to get out of here unseen and in one piece? She obviously sensed my panic and whispered to me,

"Sssh! I'm gonna go downstairs and distract him, then you sneak out. Okay?"

"Bella, we need to talk about…"

She silenced me with a kiss. Hey**,**I wasn't going to complain about that. We were disturbed by her dad bellowing from the bottom of the stairs. He really was as charming as she made him out to be.

"Bella, what the fuck are you doing up there? I'm hungry**,** where's my dinner?"

She rolled her eyes at me, before shooting off downstairs to him. I heard voices move away and toward the kitchen. That was my cue to leave. Sneaking down the stairs one at a time**,** I checked that the coast was still clear before tip-toeing towards the door. I froze as my hand reached out for the door handle when I felt something hard in the middle of my shoulders. Shit! Charlie must have caught me. My instant reaction was to put my hands in the air and turn around slowly. Much to my relief, I was faced with Bella wearing a smug grin and her dad's Police issue weapon in her hand. Thankfully**,** it wasn't loaded as she had the ammo clip in the other hand**,** waving it at me, grinning wildly. She motioned for me to be quiet before launching herself at me for another kiss**,**which I was more than happy to return.

When we broke apart**,**she whispered in my ear,

"I'll call you later, now get out of here before he finishes eating."

I left, needing no further encouragement. She stood in the doorway watching me as I walked down the path. I heard Charlie's voice boom,

"What are you doing**,**Bella? Why are you outside?"

"Sorry Dad, thought I heard someone on the drive. Must be an animal."

With that**,** she went back inside and closed the door. I jogged back to my car, glad that I had parked it just down the street and not in the drive. Imagine trying to explain that to Charlie. Hmmm, homework. We could claim Biology as long as we said it was a practical. I looked at my watch. Cool**,** it was before my curfew**. **No need to be worried about Mom being upset at me for being late after granting early release from my punishment.

Once back at home**,** I went upstairs to the bathroom. First thing I needed to do was shower. I am convinced that anyone who came across me would be able to smell nothing but sex. I had just made love to Bella Swan, the person who had been my sworn enemy. I even took her virginity away. Now, that was a shock. Honestly, I thought that she and James were at it like rabbits. Now**,**I had to face the fact that Tanya had moved her affections to that low life. That did not please me. She was mine, not his. He is NOT worthy of putting his hands on her in any way at all. I would definitely be asking her about that rumor.

When I finished the shower, I grabbed my cell phone and sent Tanya a message, it simply read:

'We need to talk. Usual place at midnight.'

I knew she would think that I was asking her to meet for sex. Right now**,**that was the last thing on my mind. I needed to know the truth from her, nothing more. My phone beeped twice in quick succession. The first message was Tanya agreeing to meet, the second, well that brought a smile to my lips and made my heart skip a beat. It was from Bella.

'Thanks for tonight. It was amazing. Cannot wait to see you again B x x'

My fingers flew across the keypad as I responded,

'You o.k.? We need to finish our conversation. I enjoyed it too E x'

I knew that this was not a discussion to have over text. It would have to wait and I didn't want anything to take the buzz off my high right now.

Making my way downstairs**,** I joined my parents in the lounge, who were watching a movie. It's one that I had seen before, but I needed the distraction. Mom kept looking at me, and I knew that I had to try harder to keep the grin off my faceor she would start to ask questions. Oops**,**too late.

"So Edward, where did you shoot-off to earlier?" She asked in a curious voice.

"I went to see Bella**,**if you must know. Just wanted to try and plan some of that tutoring you arranged."

"Oh**,** sweetheart. I am so pleased you are doing this for her. She really is a lovely girl. Don't you think so**,**Carlisle?"

My Dad was engrossed in the film and simply mumbled a response. Mom smiled at me and I swear she could see it written all over my face. If she did, she said nothing. Eventually**,** my parents started to yawn and started talking about going to bed. Glancing at my watch, I saw it was 11:10pm and I wondered if they would be asleep by the time Tanya arrived. I hoped so**,**as this might not be one of our quieter meetings.

I went out to the summerhouse around 11:45pm. Knowing that I would have to be there waiting for her, I sat in the chair with a serious look on my face. I was debating how to bring up the subject of her and James. For some reason**,** whenever I thought about him touching her or Bella**,**a jolt of jealousy coursed through me and I wanted to punch him. I was lost in these thoughts when I heard the door open and in walked Tanya.

She had an expectant look on her face and was wearing a tube top, very short skirt and killer heels. Normally**,** when she dressed like that**,** is was for easy quick access when she knows that time is of the essence. She was effectively dressed like a hooker and my stomach turned at the thought that I had reduced her to that. The heels were necessary. I am a little over six feet tall and she's five feet five, so those make it easier height-wise for most of what we did in here. She walked over to me in a slow seductive fashion**,** licking her lips. Damn**,**she's a tease. No! I can't let her get to me like this. I had been with Bella only hours before. It would be wrong to now fuck Tanya, wouldn't it?

"Tanya, no. I didn't call you here for sex. Like I said in my text, we need to talk."

"Talking is over-rated**,**Edward. The only thing I want to talk about is how good you're gonna fuck me."

She made her way in front of me and was looking down at me with her pouty lips and come-hither eyes. Normally**,**this would be all the encouragement I needed and I would slam into her so hard she would feel it for days. But not tonight, no, this was about talking and I couldn't let her take control of the situation. I motioned to the empty seat opposite me.

"Tanya, sit down. Like I said**,** we need to talk. Well**,**I need to."

A look of panic crossed her face. Those are the words that no  
>woman ever wanted to hear, we need to talk. Damn<strong>,<strong>I wasn't thinking straight at all. I stood up, gently pushing her into the seat before retaking mine and drawing in a long breath.

"Tanya, I need to ask you something and I want you to be honest with me. I heard a rumor about you today and it upset me."

I paused to look at her. She had a shocked look on her face and opened her mouth to speak. I know that if I didn't get this out now that it will never come out**,**so I continued,

"Are you seeing anyone else?"

"What? Are you freaking tripping**,**Edward? How could you ask me that?"

She started to raise her voice and I knew that I had to quiet her down.

"Sssshh**,**Mom and Dad have only just gone to bed. Sorry Tanya, I have to askbecause it's just that I heard…"

"What did you hear**,** Edward? Hmmm? Something that made you jealous? Made you realize that other men want me? Well**,** just 'cause it suits you to have me as a booty call 24/7 doesn't mean that it suits me. I find myself having feelings for you that I can't explain and don't want to if I am honest. You confuse the hell outta me, call and expect me to drop everything to come around here to this!" She's furious**,**I could tell, but at least she was keeping her voice down.

"Tanya, I heard this tonight from someone that I… I trust. Can you just tell me, are you seeing anyone?"

"No! There is only you**,** Edward. There is no one else that I would look twice at. Promise**,** baby." She turned on that super cute voice that she used to tug at my heart strings and despite everything**,**I found it working on me.

"Okay Tanya, I believe you. But there are rumors flying around that you are fucking James Smith and I just needed to know."

"Christ Edward! Him? No way! He is the campus dealer. Yeah**,**I know him, most people do but… Arggh no, not ever. Who did you hear this from?"

"That's not important. If you say that you are not…well**,** whatever**,**then I believe you. It was from a very good source, but they must have their wires crossed. I'm sorry."

She looked thoughtful for a moment and was on her feet rummaging through her purse looking downright livid.

"Fucking Emmett! It was him that told you? He's out to cause trouble. I swear if Rose doesn't kill him**,**I will."

I stood up taking hold of her hands, pulling her slightly towards me to quiet her but she lost her balance and fell into my chest. She stayed where she was for a moment before taking control and pushed me backwards into the chair, straddling my lap as she kissed me. It felt wrong to kiss another woman after what happened with Bella earlier, like I was being unfaithful. I didn't want this, it was wrong. I am wrong. I wanted Bella and I tried to push Tanya off me, but she took this as some kind of foreplay and kissed me harder.

Pure lust took over and I kissed her back. This was much to her enjoyment as she writhed and pressed on my crotch. My cock decided that it wanted to play and be played with as it started to twitch and harden in my pants at all the attention it received this evening. Running my hands up and down her back and over breasts, she pulled down the tube top she was wearing for me to discover she didn't have a bra on. Her breasts would normally be amazing but I have the memory of Bella's in my mind. But**,**Tanya was here and Bella wasn't and I needed it now. Tanya knew my body as I knew hers. Truthfully, this would be our goodbye. I knew that if things progressed with Bella, I would not continue these trysts with Tanya. It would not be fair on either girls to lie and deceive them.

Tanya removed herself from my lap, kneeling on the floor between my legs, pushing them apart. She then moved her attention to my belt buckle and unzipped my jeans**,**freeing my erection from the confines of its bindings. She never once broke eye contact with me. I stroked her face gently, managing to smile at her. I knew what she would do with those pouty lips of hers and I was more than ready for her to begin.

I shuffled farther down in the chair gripping the arms for support. As she began to tease me, she cupped my balls in her hands and began to massage them. I threw my head back and groaned. She then turned her attention to where it was needed the most and began to trace her fingers up and down my cock. I thought that I was going to explode there and then, so I closed my eyes tight.

She continued the teasing for what felt like hours, but in reality it was only minutes. She placed soft gentle kisses along the shaft before she took me into her mouth causing me to hiss. Not stopping, Tanya was used to my reactions to her and would just continue. She truly was an expert at this. As I sat there getting what was arguably the best blow job ever, my mind wandered to Bella. More importantly**,**what it would feel like to have her lips wrapped around my cock bringing me pleasure like this. I would be more than happy to return the favor to her, if she wanted.

I found that I was gripping the arms of the chair so tightly that I had a slight fear they would crack under the pressure. A familiar ache began to grow in my groin and I knew that I would not be able to hold out much longer. Tanya seemed to sense my impending release as she sped up her actions**,**moving her hands from my thighs to cover mine, intertwining our fingers.

"Shit! Tanya, I'm going to…"

Was all I managed to get out before my world crashed around me and for the second time tonight I reached an amazing release. She swallowed everything that I had to give to her without complaint. I just sat there in the chair**,**unable to move. I was sure that I was shaking from the orgasm I had just experienced, but I couldn't be sure.

Tanya climbed up onto my lap, grabbing a throw from the corner and covered us up completely before placing her head on my shoulder. I was not capable of moving. I was truly exhausted and before I knew it, I fell asleep with her in my arms.

I was alone when I woke and somehow my pants had been pulled back up to preserve modesty**, **I suppose in case anyone walked in. I looked at my watch, it was 3 am. I stretched like a cat, working out the stiffness in my arms and back. I had no idea when Tanya left but she didn't wake me**,**which was good. I instantly felt a massive wave of guilt crash over me. How could I do that with Tanya when Bella was the one that I wanted?

I got up off the chair and made my way, dejected, back across the yard to the house. I knew that what I had done was wrong. It was unfair to Bella**,**who I had made love to hours earlier, taking her virginity and earning her trust. How could I come back here, using Tanya like she's some common whore who deserved nothing more, when I knew that she did? I had feelings for Tanya, but they paled in contrast when I thought about Bella.

Yes**,**I knew logically that I should hate Bella for what she's done to me. I can't stop thinking about her silky soft skin under my touch and her eyes as they were looking at me in the heat of our passion with such longing contained within them. The way that she reacted to me, the fact that our bodies moulded together and she made me react to her instantly. She drove me crazy.

Then and there**,** on the journey to my bedroom which felt like the longest walk ever, I came to the decision that I had to end things with Tanya if I ever wanted any kind of relationship with Bella. The only question was, did she want this**,** too? Or was I, Edward Cullen setting myself up for the biggest fall in my life.

**Authors Notes:**

Thanks to Cosmom for beta'ing this for me – love you hun! Also big thanks to my ever enduring pre-reader and friend Mamasutra – she always supports and encourages me so much – MWAH!

Thank you for taking the time to read this, and please don't hate me for what Edward did with Tanya, there is a reason for it I promise – remember he is a hormonal and slightly horny teenager.

I have a new story which is called Duplicity – link on my profile. This is me writing someone else's initial plot bunny, and we are working on the idea together.

Please do remember to leave me a review by hitting the button! See you same time next week! Lou x


	15. Beach Party

**Beach Party**

_**Disclaimer:**_

I do not own Twilight or any of these characters. No copyright infringement is intended

I wake late the next day. My nocturnal activities had obviously taken more out of me than I had realized. Making my way downstairs**,** I heard Emmett's voice booming from the kitchen. As I made my way in**,**he leapt from the stool he sat on and came over to me,

"Hey bro! Wow, you look...well**,**like shit."

I grinned at him. My Mom had either not heard that last part, or had chosen not to say anything. Grabbing a coffee**,**I sat down desperately hoping that it would wake me up. Little did I know that Emmett had already planned how to do that.

"Party tonight at First Beach; don't forget. The whole gang is coming along and you**,** my little brother**,**are more than welcome."

As he said that last part he grabbed me into a head lock and mussed up my hair.

"Em! Pack it in**,**will ya? Leave me alone" I growled back at him,

"Woah! Sorry Edward. Geez**,**someone is tetchy this morning. Whats up, not get enough beauty sleep?"

I just glared at him, which didn't help as he was standing there suggestively waggling his eyebrows at me. He obviously thought that Tanya was the reason I was tired. Well**, **she was one of them so he was nearly right.

Arrangements were made for that night and I then walked outside to get some air. I went automatically to the summerhouse, the scene of the crime**,** so to speak. As I sat there alone**,** the thoughts of last night played through my mind. First Bella, which made me smile and want to pick up the phone to call her. Then my thoughts moved to Tanya and I felt sick. How could I do that? Okay**,**we didn't have sex, but getting a blow job, as good as it was, from anyone other than Bella right now was wrong. I know that we are not in a relationship. I didn't know what we were to each other but I wanted to, and I wanted more.

Pulling my vibrating phone out of my pocket**,**I was thrilled to see that it was Bella calling. I answered nervously.

"Hey Bella, how are things?"

"Hmmm. Good**,** thanks. Still in bed. Wishing it wasn't empty**,**though."

I blushed when I replied "Oh yeah? Have a good night**,**did we?" I knew that I was teasing, hoping that she would give me the answer that I wanted to hear.

"Hell yeah. Put it this way, I can't wait for a replay. Edward, it was, well it was amazing." She purred into the phone.

I snickered before replying, "For me**,**too. Bella, we need to talk about this-"

She interrupted me before I could finish, "Oh, I see. So you regret it then? It was a one off – "

"No! Don't you think that Bella. Last night was, well amazing, but we need to talk about what happened. I know I sure as hell am confused, so cannot imagine what is going through your head. Please don't think that I regret it for one second**,**Bella. Look, there is a party down on First Beach tonight, starts at 9pm. You wanna go and we can talk more then?"

She sighed into the phone, "Rose has already asked me. See you then. Bye**,** Edward."  
>With that<strong>,<strong>she hung up. My mind was racing in a million different directions all at once and I couldn't wait for tonight to come.

As I stood in the doorway to the summerhouse, I was trying to figure out what I would say to her tonight. I saw a figure walking across the lawn to me. Her long confident strides giving herself away. Tanya. I knew that I had to end things between us if I ever wanted to give things a shot with Bella. This was the boldest decision that I had ever taken in my life.

I went outside and motioned for her to join me at the seating area outside. A coy smile played across her lips. Her hand ran slowly up my thigh as she said,

"Hoping for a replay of last night**,**were we lover? I'm game if you are. Rose asked me to find you. She's flipping out in there about something or other. Em is calming her down."

I knew that this was my chance to break it off. There was no way that she would make a scene here, plus it was daylight, so there were potentially too many people around to see us. Taking a deep breath**,**I bit the bullet.

"Tanya, I am not looking for a replay. I told you last night that we needed to talk but we never got around to it. You**,**erm, you distracted me-"

"You didn't seem to be complaining at the time. It seemed to be a great way to be distracted." she purred

She was right**,**of course. I know that.

"That's beside the point. Although, well. Anyway, the reason that I wanted to talk to you is to say that we need to cool things between us, completely. Emmett already knows. He figured it out by himself just by seeing us together. If he put two and two together, then who knows who else will? I am only thinking of you here. Me? Well**,**I can take whatever shit gets flung at me, I have put up with far worse. But people will talk, point the finger at you, say that you lead me on, took advantage, seduced me."

I paused, taking in the look of confusion that flitted across her face as my words sunk in. So I continued, hoping that I wasn't rambling but I had never broken up with someone before. I turned to face her**,**taking her hands in mine.

"Tanya, you are very special to me, you always will be. What you have given me is nothing short of a gift. I am truly thankful to you. I can't bear to see this ruin your life. People would point the finger if this got out and it will be at you. Rose would hit the roof. I dread to think of Mom and Dad's reaction. I know that they will not understand. I would hate for you to lose your friendship and become an outcast over me."

She had what looked like tears forming in her eyes, threatening to spill down her cheeks as she spoke,

"What about Em, is he gonna say anything?"

I shook my head, "No. He's promised me and I trust him. Look Tanya, I am truly sorry but I am only thinking of you here. Let's see how things go over the next couple of months and take it from there."

She nodded at me, and I stood kissing her lightly on the cheek before I turned and made my way back across to the house. I felt like the biggest bastard in the world, but I had done the right thing. I took myself back to my room and went back to sleep for a few hours. I needed to be on my A-game for tonight, for Bella.

We arrived at the beach to see a bonfire blazing and hear loud music blaring from a stereo. As we approached the large group**,**I recognized some of Em's football buddies, and then noticed that there were a lot of people here tonight. Word must've gotten out.

Em guided us down through the people to the bonfire and of course where the drinks cooler was stashed. He offered me a beer and I took it. What harm could a beer do? We sat around with his college friends drinking beers and just talking about, well, nothing really. That's the thing that I liked about them, they didn't judge me for my appearance, they just accepted me. Why could the kids at school not do that? Hmmm, guess I'll never know. Tanya was already here which was no surprise to me. She was flirting outrageously with Garrett who was on the football team with Emmett. She kept glancing over in my direction, I assumed to see if I was at all jealous. I wasn't, so she continued. It's a shame that she didn't realize that Garrett was gay and she was wasting her time.

My attention was caught when I felt a tingle at the base of me neck, almost like someone was tickling it, but of course there wasn't. I saw Rose jump up and run off squealing towards someone, then I heard her voice as she was saying hello to everyone as Rose introduced her. I don't know why but I found myself on my feet to greet her. It was Bella.

She looked nervous but Rose had her firmly under her wing, whispering in her ear and obviously filling her in on who was who and who she could steer well clear of in regards to the team. Eventually she made her way towards me, and Rose just couldn't resist a chance to be a bitch, as she said,

"Oh Bella, let me introduce you to my brother, Edward. At times, he can be a complete ass, rude and obnoxious, but we love him."

I just rolled my eyes at her and gave her a glare before I spoke,

"Hey Bella, wasn't expecting to see you here." I lied and could feel a blush working it's way up my cheeks.

"Well Rose invited me, and a party is a party after all." She smiled at me and winked. I hoped no-one else noticed it.

She sat down on the sand next to me, not too close, but close enough that I noticed every time she looked in my direction. I was itching to speak to her and tell her how I felt but there were too many people around. I would either need to wait for people to spread out or get her away from here, but how?

The party was in full swing and I managed to tear myself away from Bella to go talk with Emmett and Laurent as they were setting up a keg of beer. I had no idea where they got it from and really knew better than to ask. Feeling slightly drunk, we were laughing at nothing when I looked around to see where Bella was. Maybe the beer inside of me gave me confidence, but I knew that I wanted to talk to her, to tell her how I felt about her and didn't care who saw. She wasn't where I had seen her last so I scanned the crowd. Then, I saw her. She was about fifty feet away from me down the beach, but she wasn't alone. James was there.

I watched them for a few moments, trying to work out what was going on. She said that they were finished, over. So why was he here with her now? I decided that she had made her choice and was obviously back with him, and our night together was simply forgotten. I threw myself into the conversation with Emmett about, well I couldn't honestly tell you as my brain was elsewhere. Yeah, fifty feet away down the beach. Then I heard a shout. Spinning around towards the noise, I felt my heart fall as I saw James had a hold of her wrists and was pulling her somewhere with him. I could see that she was trying to resist. When Bella screamed a second time, I dropped the can of beer in my hand but was frozen to the spot. Luckily Emmett was far more switched on than I. Before I could speak, he was charging down the beach towards them. I followed.

"Get your hands off of her! I told you that you are _not_welcome here, James!"

Emmett was furious and made a grab for James, who instantly turned away but still had hold of one of Bella's wrist and she screamed in pain or shock, I didn't know which.

"Fuck you, McCarthy. This is a private matter, between me and my whore of a girlfriend. She promised me something and now she is going to deliver." James sneered.

My blood ran like ice through my veins as I realized what he was referring to. Bella was going to have sex with him the night we met on the beach, but had run away from him due to his asshole friends being there. He obviously thought that he could still collect. There was no way that I could stop him. He was bigger and tougher than me.

"Let her go. Now. I won't give you a second chance," Warned Emmett with his voice low; all the time he was balling his hands into fists at his sides.

James just laughed at him and pushed Bella onto the sand. I was at her side instantly, and putting my arm around her in comfort as she looked terrified.

"C'mon, then McCarthy, me and you. Let's do this. Hey, maybe we should have a little wager on it. Hmmm. I know the winner gets to fuck Bella. God knows she could do with a damn good fucking, it might cheer her up and put a smile on her face. Then again, it would be better to let the loser take her, you know with her being…"

He didn't get chance to finish as Emmett's fist made contact with James's jaw, the force sending him sprawling into the sand. Emmett was then over him grabbing his shirt and screaming in his face to get up and take it like a man. James just laid there rubbing his jaw. Once Emmett started to walk away, James was on his feet, grabbing his shoulder, spinning Emmett around, landing a punch of his own. Bella screamed again and I took her into my arms, holding her tightly to my chest so that she would not have to see any more of the brawl.

Emmett stood there with rather a bemused look on his face as he calmly said, "Cheap shot, fucker! You will pay for that."

Then they were fighting all over again. All I saw was a blur of bodies as they rolled around on the sand, punching and kicking each other. Finally, some of Emmett's teammates dragged them apart and suddenly the fight was over as quickly as it began.. Emmett had a split eyebrow and lip and James appeared to be far worse off and had blood pouring from his nose. He was escorted away while Rose stood there screaming at Emmett for fighting while he just laughed it off. Someone brought a blanket over and I took it, wrapping it around Bella's shoulders to keep her warm as she had just had'as this wild display had to be a bit shocking. People walked away from us, more interested in hearing Emmett's side of the fight.

Finally alone, Bella huddled up to my chest, giving me that familiar tingling whenever she was around. As she started sobbing, I ran my hand over her hair while gently kissing the top of her head, murmuring that it would be okay. I held her tight while she rode out the wave of emotion that was carrying her.

She changed positions, once she stopped crying, sitting with her back flush to my chest, between my legs. It felt so nice as she pulled the blanket around both our shoulders, cocooning us together. I knew that I had to speak to her.

"Bella, are you okay? You seemed pretty shaken up."

"I'm fine. James was being a jerk as normal. He doesn't seem to understand English. I told him that we were over, but he just had to push it."

"As long as you are okay, that's all I care about." I spoke into her hair, inhaling the scent of her shampoo.

She stood suddenly, making me jump as she said, "Emmett! Shit! I should go thank him, and check that he isn't hurt too badly."

I stood pulling her towards me as I said, "Emmett will be fine. He takes far tougher knocks on the field. Trust me, he didn't feel a thing"

She gazed up into my eyes before she moved forward slowly, giving me that vibe that she was going to kiss me. I glanced around to make sure that no one was looking and then saw _her,_standing there, hands on her hips at the edge of the main group. Tanya.

I pulled away from Bella as if I had been shocked and the look on her face was one of confusion. I muttered,

"People are watching. C'mon**, **lets go."

I took her hand and led her down the beach to the bonfire, keeping a respectable distance from each other. All the time I could feel Tanya's eyes boring into me, watching to see what I was doing. I knew that I would have to keep my distance from Bella, and left her with Rose who was now ignoring Emmett and made my way over to Tanya.

"What's the problem, Tanya?"

"Hmmm, let me see. You dump me and then I see you with her! That little prick tease that James is glad that he never fucked. Bet she is lousy in bed. He's well of that amateur.

Anger boiled in me. I had never wanted to hit a woman but right now she was pushing that to the limit.

"You don't know her Tanya, so don't go around shooting your mouth off. And for your information I am _not_with Bella in that way. She goes to my school that's all. So get your facts straight. You should know how dangerous rumors can be."

I secretly hoped that she had not picked up on the chemistry between me and Bella or the fact that were comfortable with each other. That would give the game away, for sure.

"Whatever Edward, you were fun to play with little boy, but now. Well, now I have a real man to take care of me and my every need. See you around."

I stared after her. What did she mean, she has a real man? I never once heard her complain when we were together. As she walked away from me towards a male figure farther up the beach, I was aware that I was not alone; Bella was standing just behind me.

"Who was that? She was, erm _pleasant_" she said the words, dripping with sarcasm.

"Oh Tanya." Shit Cullen think! "She is a friend of Rose's, no one special." I hoped that she had not heard our exchange.

We watched as Tanya ran towards the man waiting for her, leaping into his arms, her legs wrapped around his waist as they kissed. He placed her back on the sand before draping his arms across her shoulder and both looking back towards us. Then I recognized him and so did Bella. It was James. So they were together, after all. She had lied to me. My blood ran cold for the second time tonight as I realized that she had betrayed me, with him. Resolving to have a good time for the rest of this evening, I put my arm back around Bella and led her back towards the main bonfire to the safety of the group, but there was a nagging doubt in the back of my mind that I could just not lay to rest.

**Authors Notes:**  
>Thanks as always to Cosmom for beta'ing this for me – you are FAB! Also thanks to my ever enduring pre-reader and friend Mamasutra – please do go and check out her amazing stories.<p>

I have a new story which is called Duplicity – link on my profile. This is me writing someone else's initial plot bunny, and we are working on the idea together over wine and webchats, chapter two has just posted.

So you all took Edward being with Tanya fairly well last week - PHEW! I was very nervous about reading the reviews as I managed ato shock Mamasutra with that one and she is pretty much unshockable (if you have read her fic Whats Done... You will understand!)

Please do remember to leave me a review by hitting the button, I read and reply to every single one of them Anyone that started to read Taken, I have some brilliant news, that WILL be going back up all beta'd this weekend - promise!

You can find me on twitter loopylou992 and also Facebook Loopy Lou - look for the Red Fraggle and that is me!

See you same time next week! Lou x


	16. We Need To Talk

**Chapter Fifteen – We Need To Talk…**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight (obviously) and no copyright infringement is intended.**

We stood there staring after them for some time. So**,** Tanya had lied to me about James. I was livid**,** although I know that I had no right at all to be. After all I had embarked on… well**, **what had I embarked on with Bella, did we even have anything? The thought of James laying a single finger on Bella made my blood boil. I knew that I was not capable of stopping him. If I even tried, he would simply have squashed me like a bug before laughing and claiming what was mine. Bella. Then there was Tanya. She spoke about Bella like she was some cheap whore. I also had just lied to Bella about who Tanya was, I just had to pray that never came back to haunt me. I turned and walked away from Bella. How could I face her? I was not worthy to be near her when I had lied and deceived her. I had feelings that I cannot explain. I wanted to be with her. Then I heard her call out after me, but I continued to walk away. I did all I could to not look back.

"Edward, please wait. I got the feeling that you wanted to talk to me before. Well, before that asshole showed up."

Hearing her voice, I stopped dead in my tracks. Hanging my head in shame, I turned towards her. Closing the distance between us, her hands found my face. Cupping my cheeks**,**she made me face her. As her eyes sought mine out, I was powerless to resist and found myself staring back into her eyes. I managed to utter a few words that were barely audible,

"Bella, I'm sorry. I should've stopped him…"

She silenced me with a kiss. I just stood there like a fool as her lips grazed mine. Shame flooded through me and I didn't know how to respond. There was nothing sexual about it. Her lips ghosted mine before she pulled back, and tenderly placed her head against my chest. I could feel her breath on my skin, and my head instantly rested on hers. My arms wound their way around her pulling her closer to me, not wanting to let her go. I placed kisses on the top of her head and tears fell down my cheeks. In that moment I felt like a failure. I needed to protect her, keep her safe and yet I failed. It fell to Emmett to rescue her from James. If he had not been there, well, I dread to think what would've happened to her. I just kept muttering the words 'I'm sorry' over and over again into her hair between the kisses. What kind of man was I? What could I seriously offer her?

Nothing**, **that's what. Who am I really? Yeah**,** that's right. Edward Cullen**, **resident school geek. The only thing I have going for me is my grades. I was certainly not a hunk, none of the girls at school showed any interest in me. For fuck's sake**, **I lost my virginity to my sister's best friend in my parents summerhouse. Then**, **I managed to sleep with both Bella and Tanya and lie so easily to both of their faces. Yeah**, **I was a real catch. I pulled myself away from Bella in disgust at my behavior and stalked back towards the main group. Rose was busy shouting at Emmett, while he was nursing his jaw where James' lucky punch managed to land. All of the guys from the team stood around him like he was some kinda hero. They we were talking about how James had it coming and some of them were talking about going after him and finishing the job. Rose broke off from her verbal assault on Emmett and turned to me,

"Edward! There you are! I was so worried that James might have, well you know."

I smiled at my sister. Despite her outward demeanour**, **she did care about me. I gave her a smile and said.

"Yeah I'm good**, **thanks. Em, well, he stepped in and James left...with Tanya."

The look on Rose's face was a picture. She went from shock to amazed to confused in the span of a few seconds before she shouted.

"_Tanya did what_? She knows what a bastard James is. His reputation goes before him and is well earned. She must be crazy, or desperate. I knew she was seeing someone but it didn't work out."

Shit. My heart skipped a beat. Had she said anything? I needed to know,

"Really? He must be crazy to let a girl like that go."

"Yeah, no idea who he is. She was really upset earlier. He just dumped her out of the blue, no explanation, nothing. He better not have been cheating on her**, **otherwise**, **he will know pain like no other."

I mentally crossed my legs. There's no way I could risk Rose ever finding out that it was me that Tanya had been seeing. I would definitely be losing parts of my anatomy that I would rather keep. Luckily Rose was still annoyed at Tanya and began frantically pacing up and down the beach.

"So you just let her leave with him? You didn't try to stop her? Oh**, **never mind. She wouldn't listen to you anyway. What the fuck does she thinks she's doing? Wait until I catch up with her."

She suddenly stopped her tirade, and turned to me, "Where's Bella?"

Good question, where was Bella? I could've sworn that she was right behind me, but then again I didn't really stop to check if she was following me or not. Shit! What if James had doubled back?

"I erm, she…"

"What Edward, c'mon spit it out!" She snapped.

"I'm right here." An angelic voice broke the silence.

I spun around to see Bella. Feeling relieved**, **I let out a huge sigh. Never had I been so glad to see someone in my entire life.

"Sorry Rose. Hope that I didn't worry you too much. I was right behind Edward, then I needed to be just be by myself, so I slipped away from him."

She smiled**,** giving me a sly wink**, **which only I noticed.

"Oh**, **my brother is so observant at times. Edward, you need to be more careful. James is, well**, **you saw how he behaved tonight. You can't just leave Bella alone like that. It's obvious that James was planning to-"

Bella interrupted before Rose could finish that particular sentence, and I was glad that she did.

"Rose, I'm fine, honestly. James wouldn't try anything like that again. Especially now he has… Oh sorry, Edward said that you, oh, erm…"

"That we were friends. Well**,**we were. How she can go off with him like that. I'm furious with her."

I can tell that Rose meant it**, **too. God help Tanya when Rose catches up with her. Bella started to shiver, obviously because of the implications of what could've been. I've had a few beers tonight and I mentally cursed myself, because there was no way that I could drive her home, Bella must have be reading my mind as she dangled her keys from her index finger and asked,

"Need a ride anywhere?"

Oh, boy. That comment was so heavily loaded that I struggled to answer her. When I looked she had a teasing look on her face. Rose interjected quickly,

"The party looks like it's over anyway, thanks to James' little display. I would like to bet that someone had called the Police."

A look of panic must've crossed my face as Bella just laughed, managing to say,

"Don't worry, Chief Swan is out of town tonight. His deputy is covering, and I think you guys will be safe. Unless, that is you have a supply of donuts down here that he can arrest."

"Woah, wait a moment. Your dad is out of town?" Rose gasped.

"Yep, back tomorrow afternoon, why?"

"You are not going back home alone. I will not hear of it. You are to come and stay with us. I'm sure Mom won't mind since the guest room is always ready."

I am floored by how quickly Rose had taken to Bella, and was now offering to let her stay the night. Hmm**,** Bella staying the night**, **in my house sleeping a couple of doors down from me. Focus Edward, focus. Bella smiled sweetly at Rose, and I wondered if she was having similar thoughts to me as she replied.

"I would feel safer if I wasn't at home. I am sure James knows Charlie is away. Are you sure that Esme won't mind?"

The next thing Rose was on the phone to Mom, who of course would not hear of Bella being home alone once Rose had given her the edited highlights of the evening. Then Bella started to walk towards her ancient truck, hopping in the driver seat**,** grinning at me. We drove to my house in silence, neither one of us wanting to be the first to speak. As we pulled onto the drive**,**the tension in the air was palpable. I knew that I needed to talk to her to tell her how I felt, but I was still so unsure myself. She shut off the engine, turned to me and opened her mouth to speak, but I couldn't bear to hear the words that I thought she was about to say, so I leaned across and kissed her, hard.

She was a little shocked at first and tried to push me away, but then after a few seconds she relaxed and kissed me back. This kiss soon turned into something soft and gentle. My head started to feel light and I never wanted it to end. I knew deep down that it had to, for I had to tell her how I felt. So I pulled back and looked at her before I dared speak.

"Bella, we need to talk –"

Just as the words left my mouth, the porch light snapped on and my Mom appeared at the front door**, **waving excitedly to us. I groaned in defeat.

"We'd better go inside. She will only wait in the doorway, or come out if we don't."

Bella nodded silently. Now I knew that she didn't want this, want us. She would've said something to me if she did. Feeling dejected**,**I trudged across to be greeted by my Mom who ushered us inside. Once there she made hot chocolate and demanded to be brought up to date on what had happened at the party. I edited...heavily.

We stayed there**, **talking for about an hour before Bella yawned, so my Mom decided that it was time to send us off to bed. She came upstairs and showed Bella around. I would've offered but since we got into the house she had only spoken to me when completely necessary, and hadn't made any eye contact with me. Further proof in my eyes that she didn't want me. I mean, why should she?

I laid on my bed unable to sleep staring at the ceiling in the dark. Like I was gonna find any answers there. Knowing that Bella was a couple of doors down the hall was not helping me sleep. I heard the door open. I couldn't tell who it was so I feigned sleep and turned my back to the door. It was probably just Mom coming to check on me. To my surprise**, **the side of the bed dipped down. I felt the covers lift and someone slide into the bed next to me. My body knew exactly who this was but my brain was struggling with the information. Her warm body pressed up against my bare back I was grateful that I had forgotten my t-shirt tonight but had remembered my pj trousers, a hand slid around my waist and up my chest, while soft kisses were placed on my shoulders before she placed her head snugly against my back. I could feel her breath on my neck. I didn't know what to say, knowing that all that was separating me from her was the t-shirt that I had loaned her to sleep in. I was frozen to the spot**,**unable to move when she whispered gently in my ear,

"Edward, I know that you are awake, please?"

I breathed out deeply. There was no way to avoid this. I said that we needed to talk, and we did**, **but having her body pressed up to me so tightly and her, warm hand on my skin was not helping my brain make any sense of this. She had come to me, made the moves. What did this mean? I turned out of her grasp and faced her. I could see? her face in the moonlight that was coming into the room, she looked amazing.

"Bella, like I said**, **we need to talk-"

"Edward, don't. I know what you are going to say, and I want to get in there first. You are an amazing person. You clearly don't realize how you make me feel. You appreciate the fact that there is more to me than being the most popular girl in school, the one who all the boys are eager to bed for the kudos. You see beyond the public façade. You have seen the real me and there is more to see**, **I promise you."

I was looking at her amazed. I honestly thought that she wouldn't want me, that this was still an elaborate game to her.

"Bella, I…We… Oh shit! I am not good at this. I feel the same way about you, I thought that you didn't and was terrified of rejection. The other night, well**, **I don't need to tell you how amazing it was. I felt guilty that I was your first. You deserved so much better than the school freak. You had James, I mean**, **look at him compared to me. He is tall**, **tanned, muscular and all the girls notice him. Me? I wear glasses, acne outbreaks, no muscles and as for a tan, well, the only tan I have is a pair of shoes."

She was laughing at my response. I didn't know if this was good sign or not, but as she was smiling at me she was also shaking her head.

"Oh Edward, you really don't see yourself very clearly**, **do you? I don't care about looks. It's personality that gets me, and you certainly have plenty of that. You have intrigued me since the first day I came to school but I just never knew how to approach you. I am sorry for the way that the others treat you. I'm going to tell them to back off. Please know this though, I like you, a lot and I want to continue with whatever it is that we have here. All I need to know is that you feel the same? If you don't**, **then I will leave, and forget that this ever happened. Please don't worry because I won't say a word to anyone."

I sighed deeply. Wow. She had just laid her soul bare to me, and I now know how she felt. If I was honest**, **I felt the same way about her but I am so terrified that she'll reject me, that this was all part of some game to her. It just didn't seem like it..

"Well, you certainly know how to shock a guy. I never would have dreamed that you would be interested in me like that. I thought that you were playing some kind of game with me. I kept waiting for the punch-line of the joke to be delivered. So where do we go from here?"

"Hmmm, I'm thinking we just take it as it comes, no pressure, no deadlines. I love spending time with you and after the other night, well**, **I think there is so much that you can teach me. How many girlfriends have you had?"

Shit! How do I answer that one? I decided to bend the truth slightly.

"No, there was someone who I was seeing**, **but not seriously. It didn't work out so we went our separate ways. No-one knew about it, we kept it very private."

"Hmm, do I know her? Should I be worried about a jealous woman ripping my eyes out?"

"You have nothing to worry about. It was more or less just sex. It was simply that, no emotions. God**,**that makes me sound like such a man whore!"

I laughed at my own comment; if only she knew the truth of it. She laughed with me and looked relieved. There are some conditions that I wanted to put on our fledgling relationship**, **though, and I'm not sure if she would agree.

"Bella, there is something that I want to say, and I'm not sure how you will feel about this. I think that we shouldn't tell anyone about us to start with. I want you to be comfortable and I don't think that we will get any peace if this gets out. People won't understand. I want this to work, and think that we need to get used to the idea ourselves first. Plus I don't want your dad coming after me with a gun."

I laughed lightly at the last part as the vision of Charlie drawing his gun on me appeared in my head. She looked deep in thought. I watched as the moonlight played gently over her face as she digested what I have just said. Then she smiled at me before she spoke,

"Okay. That sounds like a great idea to me. There is also James to consider. As you know, he is dangerous and I don't want him anywhere near you. I also think that people would interfere too much, and to be honest the idea of sneaking around kinda turns me on, makes it more… interesting."

She leaned across to me and started to kiss me. I was pushed onto my back and found her straddling me, her hips ground over my groin. As much as I wanted this, it couldn't happen here. Anyone could walk in on us and I am not sure we can manage this in silence. Hell**, I **know I won't be able to. I pushed her back, away from me as confusion colored her face.

"What? Edward, I thought that this is what you wanted?"

"It is, but it isn't the time or place for it. We could so easily get caught. Dad is on a night shift, if he comes home early."

She turned on a cute pouty face. "Hmm, but I want you, now. Oh I know! How about we sneak out to that building in the back garden? Bet no one would find us there."

I nearly had a coronary then and there. She must be talking about the summerhouse. Oh no, there is no way we would be heading out there for anything. That was where I met Tanya and there was no way I could taint what I feel for Bella by being in there with her. I needed to think quickly.

"Let's just stay here. I know that we can't, well, you know. But that's not all I want from you. Just stay with me, please?"

She gave me a winning smile and a chaste kiss on the lips before clambering off my lap to lay down next to me. Her back was pressed firmly to my chest. I nestled my face into the back of her neck, inhaling her scent as she laid there. My hands found their way around her, holding her to me. Our legs intertwined together and I swore you could not get a sheet of paper between us, we were so close. I kissed the back of her head and whispered.

"Sleep tight, my love." And with that we fell into a slumber together and I could not have been happier.

I woke the next morning to find that Bella was still in my bed, but we had changed positions. I was on my back with her head resting on my chest. She looked so peaceful. Glancing at the clock, I panicked. It was 8am, and if Mom discovered that she was not in the guest room, then I dread to think what she would say. I had no time to think this through as my bedroom door swings open and in the doorway stood no one other than Mom. With her hands firmly on her hips and a very annoyed look on her face, she authoritatively says,

"Edward, do you want to explain to me exactly what the hell is going on here?"

* * *

><p><strong>Authors Note:<strong>

OK so don't shout at me for leaving it there – my poor beta emailed me to ask how I could do that to her… Thanks go out as always to the fabulous Cosmom for putting up with me and beta'ing this mess for me. LOVE YOU! Also Mamasutra my beloved friend and pre-reader who makes things make sense.

Thanks to everyone for reading and reviewing, and as I am feeling generous today if you review I will send you a sneak preview from the next chapter. I have put Taken back up this week and the beta'd chapters are there for you to read, and also please do check out Duplicity. That is my new fic where I am writing FFaddward's plot bunny for her.

I hope to be able to update this before Christmas (fingers crossed) but I for any reason I don't hope you all have a fab Christmas/Holidays and will be back with this soon!

Take care

Lou x x x


	17. Morning After The Night Before

The Morning after the Night Before

**Disclaimer: I do not own this characters and no copyright infringement is intended**

"Edward, do you want to explain to me exactly what the hell is going on here?"  
>I sat upright in bed, a guilty look crossed my face as Bella fells away from me. My Mom just cocked her eyebrow at me and I know that she was expecting an answer, but what was I going to say?<p>

"Mom, this is not what is looks like, honestly."

"So, what exactly is this then?" She hissed at me, "I go to make sure that Bella is okay given last night's antics and found her bed empty, finding she is here with you! So please, do tell me what this is exactly. You have five seconds. One, two, three-"

She is interrupted by Bella, who was obviously woken by being unceremoniously dumped onto the bed.

"Mrs. Cullen, sorry Esme. This is all my fault, please let me explain."

Mom simply said, "Go ahead, I'm listening."

"You know what happened with James down at the beach party. Well, I couldn't sleep properly. I was having nightmares about him coming for me and no one being able to protect me. I was so scared. I didn't know which your room was, and I didn't want to risk disturbing Dr. Cullen, so I came in here. Edward was asleep so I got onto the bed and used the bedspread off my bed to cover myself. See? We aren't under the covers together."

She was on the verge of tears telling this story. At that point she threw back the bedspread she had covering her, and indeed she was on top of my bedding, and we were separated. When did she do that? As I clearly remembered us lying next to each other. I looked at my Mom, whose face was softening already. Wow**, **even I believed her.

"Oh Bella, sweetheart! I am so sorry, you could have come to my room. Carlisle was at work last night. But**, **never mind."

Mom walked over to Bella and gave her a hug and said,

"C'mon downstairs. Breakfast is ready. Carlisle just got home from the hospital; there was some kind of emergency or other, so he got delayed."

With that, she left the room she was chewing her lip nervously and asked, almost whispering,

"Do you think she bought that?"

I laughed, "hook, line and sinker. So when did you get the spare bedding? I didn't feel you leave.  
>So glad you did, though!"<p>

"I planned to go back to the guest room, since you were sound asleep but when I pulled away you grumbled in your sleep. You didn't want me to leave so I got this blanket just in case and came back. You seemed pleased to have me there judging by what you were doing in your sleep."

I blushed furiously, "Oh, what was that then?"

"You were, erm, grinding into me and muttering something. You said someone's name. I couldn't hear what it was, though. You're quite amusing when you sleep." She teased.  
>Oh, boy. I just had to pray that I didn't say Tanya's name out loud. That would be bad.<p>

"Oh well, I probably just liked having you near me."

"I certainly wasn't complaining." With that, she kissed me quickly and left.

Once I was dressed, I went down to breakfast and we chatted with Mom and Dad about last night, and the plan for tutoring Bella. We set a study date for the middle of the following week at her house, and then Rose arrived home along with Emmett. He had bruises on his jaw and a cut on his lip. Immediately Mom was on her feet fussing over him. He simply responded with,

"You should see the other guy." He winked at Bella, who just laughed.

Dad was on his feet to examine the damage and once he had ascertained that there was nothing that he could do, he excused himself to sleep.

Bella needed to leave, but I wasn't about to let her by herself, especially if her Dad wasn't going to be home. Who knew where James was or what he was planning to do. I followed her to her house in my car, and she invited me inside. I was hesitant, but accepted. We decided to watch a DVD. She found a comfortable position lying with her head on my lap and occasionally she would look up at me with those big brown eyes. I could feel the rising urge to fuck her senseless every time she moved on my lap. I am sure that she knew what she was doing as she began to giggle.

"Bella, if you don't stop doing that, then I'm afraid you're going to have to help me get rid of the problem."

"Hmm, I have no issue with helping…It would be a pleasure."

Oh, this girl was going to be the death of me, especially if Charlie came home.

"When is your dad due home? We were pretty close to being caught last time and I can't do that again."

Before I knew it, she was reaching for her phone. I realized she was calling him to find out. She used the pretense of cooking dinner for him to find out how much time we had. Once she hung up she sat on my lap. Her face was inches from mine as she breathed.

"He won't be home until 6pm at the earliest. Seeing as it's only just after 1pm, I think that gives us more than enough time to take care of your 'problem', wouldn't you say."

She had such a teasing look on her face and was grinding her hips slowly across my now hard erection. I knew that she could feel it through the layers separating us as she gasped and moaned. Oh, I needed to show her exactly what she did to me, and what I could do for her in return. We kissed with all the passion, fire, and electricity that I felt before. My hands roamed under her shirt and before I knew it, the shirt was on the floor and I was reaching around to unhook her bra. Her breasts fell free and I broke from the kiss to gaze at them. They were truly perfect, with their full roundness and reactive nipples. I put my mouth to her left breast kissing and then taking the nipple in my mouth until I felt it grow hard. Then I lavished the same attention to the other and she groaned in pleasure, grinding harder onto my cock. I released the nipple from my mouth causing her to gasp at the lack of contact before making my way back to her mouth. She was now removing my shirt, although she was nowhere near as adept as I am, and kept stopping to do it.

"Here, let me." I breathed as I pulled it over my head.

I heard her sharp intake of breath as her eyes and then fingers raked over my bare chest. She sent shivers through me with her touch. I needed her, and I needed her now. Bella however, had other ideas. She kissed my chest and as she got lower and lower slid off my knee coming to rest between my legs. She was kissing just above the waistband of my jeans and I needed to be sure that this was what she wanted. I didn't know how experienced she was and didn't want to make her uncomfortable. She stopped kissing me and began to fumble with my belt buckle and once she had mastered that, my jeans were ripped open revealing the fact that I had gone commando in my hurry to get dressed. She looked shocked as my erect cock sprang free from its confines, and I managed to stifle a laugh as she asked.

"Someone in a rush this morning, or did you forget your underwear for easier access?"

"Hmm, maybe a bit of both. Are you sure about-"

I was silenced as she took me in her mouth. All I could do was groan at the contact, and let my head fall backwards. I couldn't look at her at the moment. I was worried that it would be too much; that seeing her with her lips wrapped around my cock would make me lose it immediately. Her lips moved expertly up and down my length. She would run her lips teasingly around the head and then release it, placing soft feather-like kisses up and down it before retaking it in her hot mouth. I grasped at the cushions on the couch, stopping myself from grabbing her hair and forcing the pace that I needed as this slow and gentle action of hers was nearly killing me.

"God Bella, more please!" I managed to get out through gritted teeth.

I felt her giggle in response and that send vibrations up and down my cock, adding a whole new dimension to proceedings. My breath was becoming more like pants, and I chanced a glance at her, and nearly stopped breathing all together. She looked magnificent, her head bobbing up and down like an expert, her hands on my thighs, fingers flexing grasping at them. My head went back to its previous position and I let out a huge groan of pure pleasure.

I know that I would not be able to hold out much longer, and wasn't sure that she would want me to coat her throat for her, so I did the gentlemanly thing and tapped her shoulder. Her eyes met mine but she never stopped her actions or slowed in any way.

"Bella, I'm going to… I can't hold out much longer."

She simply smiled and sped up her actions, obviously pleased with the reaction that she was getting out of me. It was clear that she wasn't going to stop, so I came with her mouth still wrapped around me, saying only her name. Once I had finished, she sucked me clean and then rocked back onto her heels with a smug look on her face as she questioned.

"Was that okay for you?"

I reached down, taking her hands in mine and pulled her back onto my lap.

"Bella, that was… well… you took my breath away. Where did you learn that if you were, well, a, erm-"She broke me off.

"Virgin, Edward. That's the word that you are looking for. Virgin. Just because I hadn't had a cock inside me doesn't mean that I don't know what to do with one."

She had a smug look on her face, and I was speechless, so she continued.

"James was selfish in his needs. He worked out that he could get what he wanted without having to give me anything in return. We did plan to have sex; it just never quite worked out. Blow jobs were what he wanted and let's face it I wasn't going to argue with him. He always said the time was never right for us to have sex. Well, he obviously taught me that skill well."

The very mention of James's name made me feel sick, but I couldn't really complain. I had just received one of the best blow jobs of my life from a girl that I am crazy about. Could life get any better? Yeah, it could and I am sure that it would later; I just needed to recoup some energy first.  
>"Let's not talk about him, please Bella. I still can't believe that you were with him. By the way, I am certainly not complaining. You were fantastic."<p>

She smiled at me in response and settled back in my arms. I held her to my chest**. R**ealizing she was still topless**, **I pulled the throw from the back of the couch and draped it around her. We laid there watching another film not really taking in what it was about. Truthfully, all I cared about was that she was with me, and James was not.

We resumed our make out session once the DVD finished. I thought that I would never tire of kissing her. She was truly amazing and brought out a side of me that I didn't know existed. Bella slowly moved back to her earlier position of straddling my lap and my dick instantly reacted to her presence. The throw was quickly discarded and my hands were once again roaming her beautiful porcelain skin. Every time I touched her**, **I could feel her react to me and I in turn reacted to her.

I could feel my cock growing hard once again as she brushed against it; her hips moving with delicious pace.

"Bella, if you don't want to, it's ok. You just need to tell me before it's too late."

"I want you, in every way possible Edward. Now." She practically growled at me.

I was pulling at her jeans, desperate to get them off her so I could reach my goal, she stood and dropped them to the floor before kicking them away. She stood naked in front of me, confident in her own skin. Looking at me she said,

"Now you need to lose yours, Cullen."

I didn't need to be told twice as my jeans quickly joined Bella's on the floor. Before I discarded them I retrieved a small silver packet**,** throwing it on the couch for later. Once I was completely naked she pushed me back to my sitting on the couch and resumed her position. I could feel the heat coming off her as she teased my cock with her movements. I went back to adorning her with soft feather like kisses mixed in with soft nips at her skin, paying particular attention to her fantastic breasts. I would never grow bored of her breasts. She was reacting perfectly to my every touch and movement over her skin; the nerves that were there last time on reflection were nowhere to be seen.

I looped my arms under her arms, grasping her shoulders as she leaned backwards allowing me access to her neck and throat**,** which I peppered with kisses. My cock was aching with need, and I wanted nothing more than to bury it deep in her, making her moan and scream my name.

"Bella, I need to fuck you and I should warn you that I might not be able to hold back but I will try."

"Bring it on**,** baby." She murmured**,** her voice filled with lust.

I rolled the condom on, and ran my fingers up and down her lips; she was perfect, and ready for me,

"So wet and ready for me I see, Bella." She let out a small groan in response. "God**, **I cannot wait to feel you around me again. Are you ready?"

I barely waited for her answer as I lifted her hips off mine, lining her up to the tip of my cock before bringing her down onto it in one smooth, swift motion. She gasped as I filled her, and I waited for a moment to allow both of us to adjust to the sensation. When I felt her relax I realized that this position was not going to work so I managed to move her so she was lying down on the couch. Hell**,** I would have just as easily thrown her across the dining room table or up against the wall, but knew that I needed to show some restraint, for now. I kept my strokes slow and steady, despite the fact that I wanted to hammer into her hard. She was writhing beneath me and I went back to her breasts, chewing on nipple of each one, before moving back to the other. Once I had teased them enough I moved my lips back to her neck and as I kissed her neck she nibbled on my ear. I nearly lost my shit then and there**,** it was so erotic.

Eventually our lips locked. We started out slow but ended up in a battle for dominance. As our kiss intensified and deepened**,** so did the movements I was making in and out of her. She was bucking her hips wildly with each stroke, and I knew that I was driving her wild and bringing her closer and closer towards my goal, which was to give her an orgasm.

This was not about me, it was more about her. I wanted her to feel what it is like to make love with someone you have true feelings for, and have that, plus more returned. I could tell by the way that she was reacting that it was building inside of her. Even if she had no idea what this was, I would be the one to guide her through it.

"Bella, are you okay**,** my love?" I managed to pant out.

"Hmmm, Eedddwaardd!" was all I got in response from her. I knew that she was close.

"Hang in there baby, I'm close too."

But it was too late. I felt her walls tighten around me, and she screamed in pleasure and confusion. Her hands made their way to my into my hair. Pulling hard, she contorted and writhed with the pleasure that was coursing through her body. I managed to thrust a few more times into her, before I**,** too lost control, and I saw stars. Her name fell from my lips and I rode out my own release.

Pulling out of her and removing the condom**,** I fell beside her on the couch. We were breathless, panting from our exertion, but happy. I went to put my arm around her and felt the tingle of electricity pass between us as she let out a small moan of pleasure.

We lay there for what felt like hours, but really it was minutes. I was happy and content and from the look on her face she felt the same way.

"Bella, are you okay there? It's just...you're very quiet."

"Sorry. I wasn't sure I could speak properly."

"Oh, but you're… okay? I didn't hurt you, did I?"

She pulled herself up to one elbow and looked at me.

"No, you didn't hurt me. It was, well it was amazing. Did I… I mean**,** I'm not sure but I felt something rush through me was that-"

I stopped her with a kiss before I answered.

"Yes Bella, that was an orgasm, and from where I was, it felt like a damn good one too."

She bushed furiously**,** burying her head into my chest. I pushed her chin up so she would look at me.

"You were amazing**,** Bella. We were amazing. It is nothing to be ashamed of."

She just nodded at me, and self-consciously grabbed the throw and covered us with it. I knew that if we stayed here then we would fall asleep and then risk Charlie coming home and finding his daughter, naked on the couch with me. Not surprising**,** that would not sit well with him.

"Bella, you should probably grab a shower. You smell of, well, sex."

"Only if you come with me." She looked at me with those big brown eyes and I was powerless to decline.

We showered**,** slowly taking the time to run our hands over each other's bodies, getting acquainted without sex getting in the way. She found each and every scar that I had gained from being clumsy as a child. Each one told its own story but she didn't push for any answers. She stopped when she saw the nail marks on my back. She looked at me questioningly, and I answered the silent question,

"All you from the other night."

"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't think. What if anyone sees them?"

I laughed, "Bella, I am not in the habit of walking around shirtless. I'm certainly no teenage sex god. They will heal and fade. Don't worry."

We finished our shower and once dressed I saw that her dad was due home in about an hour so I said my goodbyes and left.

The previous twenty-four hours had been amazing, and I just wanted this feeling to continue, no matter how long...or short that was. 

**Authors Note**

Special hugs and thanks go out to my amazing beta Cosmom – I cannot thank her enough for everything she does for me to make this story make some sense by the time you guys get to read it.

Happy Christmas/Happy Holidays to everyone who celebrates.

Thanks to everyone who reads this, and thank you all for your support this year, I only started writing this year and am having a blast doing it. Your reviews mean the world to me, and I don't think that there will be an update now until the new year, just warning you – BUT there will be Bella's POV posting. This was written as part of the Fandom for Texas Fires compilation and I can post Jan 1st. So you will be able to get a feel for what is going on inside Bella's head.

Anyone that does leave me a review will get a peek at the next chapter as a special thank you. There are other stories that I have ongoing so stop by my profile and have a browse. There will also be a one shot posting today too!

Enough of my ramblings… Have a good one! Lou x x x


	18. Fun & Games

**Disclaimer:**

**I do not own these characters and no copyright infringement is intended.**

The previous month had been a bit of a blur for me, between being at school, and tutoring Bella in Math, which she actually didn't need, but gave us a perfect cover to be together and alone. She just hated Math so didn't apply herself properly at school. Then of course there was our sexual exploits, too.

We seemed to spend all our school days ignoring each other, and then as soon as school was out we were in contact as much as possible, either through one of the online messenger services, texting or on the phone. The tutoring was a great cover for us to spend time together as Mom and Dad readily accepted the fact that we needed to be left alone**,** either at Bella's house or my Dad's study. The only problem was that not a lot of studying actually got completed. I don't think that there was a surface or room in her house that I had not fucked her in or on. Not that she complained, and neither did I. I loved the time that I spent with her, not only because we were having an incredible amount of mind-blowing sex, but also because I was getting to know what made Bella Swan truly tick. The only way I could describe her was like an onion; with every layer, you get another underneath and I loved that about her. Most people got a one-dimensional view of Bella, and thought that she was the school bitch who thought that she was above everyone. This couldn't be further from the truth. Bella actually hated the pedestal that she had been put on and just wanted to get through high school and leave, pretty much like me.

The only fly in the ointment**, **so to speak at the moment was Tanya. Well**, **her and James. She wouldn't stop calling me, and was getting hard to explain to Bella who the many missed calls were from, so I usually switched my phone off when I was with her. No need to upset her with things that happened before 'us'. I knew that**,** technically speaking**,** I did fool around with Tanya while I was with Bella, but nothing was official between us at that point.

Today we were down on First Beach at La Push; it was deserted just how we liked it. We had to hide our relationship from everyone, and it made it all the more thrilling and exciting. Yes**,** I did the whole secret thing with Tanya, but that was different. With Tanya, it was just sex, fucking, whatever you wanted to call it. Bottom line, there were no feelings involved. And yes**,** I would admit that I love Bella, and wanted to tell her, but I was scared that she would think it's too soon, so I held onto my thoughts.

We walked down the beach as the surf washed against our feet. I had my arm slung around her shoulder and it felt right, comfortable. She was teasing me about Mike Newton asking her out on a date as he knew that she and James were no longer an item.

"Listen Bella, if you seriously think that Mike Newton is the man for you, then you have my blessing. But somehow I think that you will be back here sooner rather than later. You know that you just cannot get enough of me."

She laughed, sending chills through me to all my body parts and stirring the lust within me.

"Ooh**,** someone thinks that they are a stud, don't they**,** Mr. Cullen?"

She teased**,** pulling away from me, "Well maybe I should test the  
>merchandise and let you know the results of my findings. What do you think to that<strong>,<strong> then?"

She laughed hard as she ran down the beach away from me, looking back over her shoulder to see if I was following. Of course she knew that I would. I just needed to give her a head start before I set off to chase her down, growling at her.

"Why you little… Come here Miss Swan, I will show you that there is no need to go out for a boring old hamburger when you have prime steak right here."

I caught her quickly**,** tackling her to the sand. Pinning her down by her wrists, I straddled her waist. She fought and wriggled against me but it was useless. I knew she was playing as she was still laughing at me.I kissed her lips, silencing her until she squealed when suddenly, a wave washed over her soaking her completely. I laughed too as I also got drenched.

"Edward! I'm soaking!" she complained.

"Oh baby, you always are for me, and you know it." I growled into her ear in a low voice that I knew she couldn't resist.

I stood up, offering her my hand which she took. I pulled her up and then threw her over my shoulder, caveman style, and began to walk towards my car with her. She protested**, **beating her fists on my back and laughing the whole time. I put her down and pulled her into another fiery kiss. We both knew where this will end, us naked and fucking like animals, it's just a case of where. Here on the beach was far too risky, not to mention cold. My car? Hmm, maybe, but then again there was a high probability for getting caught as the surf was starting the get up and the locals would be down to catch the swell.

I looked deep into her eyes, and said, "My place or yours?"

She chewed her lip with her index finger**,** tapping against her lips while pretending to be deep in thought. I didn't have time to play games. I wanted her, I needed her and I could not wait. I was tempted to just throw caution to the wind and her to the sand but I knew that I would have to wait since anyone could see us.

"Charlie is home. Is your place free?" She finally answered.  
>I nodded slowly<strong>,<strong> a smile breaking across my face as I prepared to answer her.

"Mom and Dad are out of town at some function and Rose is, well**,** Rose will be with Emmett so that leaves the whole house to us."

She beamed at me, pushing me away before she ran for the car**, **shouting,

"Race you!"

I ran after her, not really intending to catch her. It's not like she can go anywhere since we are in my car, and I had the keys. So**,** I let her have this small victory knowing that I was truly the winner in all of this.

We set off to my house, and she was immediately trying to get the upper hand, in a literal sense. She ran her hand up and down my thigh in slow, deliberate movements, teasing her fingers across my crotch. I shifted in my seat as my cock started to respond. Hell**,** all she had to do is look at me in that way and I feel myself growing hard for her.

"Bella, you really need to stop that. Otherwise I am going to have to pull this car over and fuck you." I warned.

She didn't stop. Instead**,** she started to fiddle with my shorts. Luckily**,** I had my gym bag still in the trunk as driving in wet jeans would have been very uncomfortable. I knew what she was trying to do and I was doing my best to fight her off. The only problem is that the road from La Push to my house is a winding one that required full concentration with both hands on the wheel, and she knew it. I knew that I either had to stop her now, pull over and so she could continue, or stop the car and carry out my threat. But I just wanted to get back to the privacy of my house so I could bury myself deep inside her. I needed to concentrate on the road and block out her seductive attempts.

Then I realized what she was planning on doing. Holy fuck! She had somehow managed to pull my shorts low enough to free my erection. I watched her worked those soft hands up and down my hard shaft with expert ease.

"Fuck Bella! What are you trying to do, make me crash?" I spluttered as I hit the brake pedal.

"But, but, I want you, and I don't want to wait. Please?" She looked at me**,** giving me the look that melted my heart every fucking time.

"Okay, what do you have in mind?"

She didn't speak. She just slid that hot little mouth of hers over my cock and began her movements, slow and deliberate. My head fell back against the headrest and my hand gripped the steering wheel so tightly that I feared it would crack under the strain.

"Fuck! Bella!"

She mumbled something, and this sent vibrations down the length of me, urging me onwards to an orgasm. She certainly needed no lessons in how to please me orally. She managed to hit every sensitive spot that I had, and some that I honestly didn't even know about. Then**,** much quicker than I would have liked I came, and I came hard. She swallowed every single drop before sitting up adjusting my shorts before smiling at me, and all she said was.

"So are we going to your place, or are we staying here all day?"

We made it to my house and as promised there was no-one else at home. Clothes were shed the second we got through the front door and I chased her through the downstairs in just our underwear. When I finally caught her**,** I threw her onto the couch and placed my body over hers. She looked so fucking hot with her breasts moving up and down as she laid there, panting hard from the exertion and anticipation. I couldn't resist her any longer. Pulling her bra down, I exposed her breasts and growled as I took them in my mouth, slowing teasing each nipple until it grew hard under my tongue. She put her hands in my hair tugging at it. I stopped what I was doing to take her hands, holding both of them in one of mine and securing her wrists above her head. She was mine to do with as I pleased and I just needed her now.

I reached down between her legs and she moaned in response, opening her legs wider to allow me the access that I craved. Damn, she was soaking wet and more than ready for me. I teased her with my fingers, causing her to moan and writhe under my touch. Now it was payback time for her stunt in the car. My fingers ran up and down her soft folds, teasing and tormenting as she knew that I would not give her what she wanted...just yet. She continued to moan and writhe beneath me, seeking some kind of friction, but I had the upper hand here. This would be on my terms and not hers this time. She gasped as I rubbed her clit before plunging my fingers inside her, before pulling them back out, only to repeat the cycle. Sometimes I teased her, other times I stopped altogether and went back to sucking on her breasts and tormenting her delicious nipples. She was desperate for me, I could tell. Quickly enough, she moaned,

"Edward, stop teasing and just fuck me, will you!"

I laughed. Who was I to refuse such a request? I had been ready for this since I pinned her hands to the couch. My cock was throbbing and I managed to hold off my own release to tease her into a frenzy where I knew she would beg for me, and she just did. I could not hold back any longer, and without warning I thrust my way deep inside her causing us both to gasp at the sensation. I then began my frantic movements in and out of her. She was so warm and welcoming. There was no need for words as we moved in perfect symmetry with each other. She responded to perfectly to each thrust I made. We really were great together. She screamed in pleasure as I felt her tighten around me. I knew that I could hold on no longer and I orgasmed so hard that I swear I saw stars. To my and her amazement she began to clench around me for a second time. My god, she was amazing. And what's more, she was mine. No-one else was ever going to get what I had here and she lay beautiful, breathless, sweating and panting for breath beneath me.

Fuck this girl will be the death of me, I swear, but I would die a truly happy man.

**Authors Note:**

Thanks as always go out to my amazing beta Cosmom – love you to bits! She really has made this make sense and helped me along the way, she has also worked extra hard this week with Christmas to ensure that I can get this out to you. I could not do this without her! Also my friend and pre-reader Mamastura.

Thanks to everyone who has read/reviewed/favourited/alerted this story you never cease to amaze me when I get the emails through.

I will be posted the start of Bella's POV of this hopefully on New Years Day. It was written for the Texas Fires Fandom compilation and will hopefully give you an insight into Bella's mind.

Finally – Happy New Year and have a happy 2012 everyone! Lou x x x


	19. Anniversaries & Adverseries

**Disclaimer: I don't own this character and no copyright infringement is intended.**

Anniversaries & Adversaries

'Happy Anniversary. Cannot wait until tonight. x'

I read and re-read the text from Bella. Wow, an anniversary. I never**,**ever thought that we would be together, let alone be celebrating an anniversary of any kind. Okay, so it wasn't a year; only six months since the night that we finally talked our feelings through after beach party, but that was a landmark in both of our eyes. Mainly because we had managed to keep it our secret from everyone, carrying on with life as normal as we could. Now when I hear the words 'freak' come from her mouth I have the satisfaction of knowing that later she would be moaning my name in pleasure, or begging me to fuck her. That was almost like foreplay to us. I quickly texted back, 'Lunchtime study session? Usual place. X'

She replied. 'Sure. I have a study period after'

I smiled to myself, knowing full well that we would have the library to ourselves for the hour following lunch. Seeing as I was granted access to the study rooms at the back, there would not be much studying going on. The only problem that was on our horizon was the Winter Formal Dance. Bella wanted to go on my arm to announce to the world that we were together, that we didn't care what anyone said, but I didn't think that it would be a good idea. I just didn't think that people would understand. Hell, I had nothing to lose here. Although, she had everything to lose, she still seemed hell bent on it. Somehow, I needed to talk her around.

The morning passed slowly as I watched the clock, waiting for lunchtime to come. I needed to be with her, today, of all days.

I was out of class and walking across the yard to the library building when my cell rang. I answered without even looking at the number, expecting it to be Bella.

"Well, hello. Could you not wait a few minutes?"

"Edward? It's me. Tanya. Look, I need to talk to you." I stopped in my tracks immediately. Why was she calling me?

"Oh, sorry Tanya. I'm kind of busy at the moment. Now really isn't a good time. Can we do this later?"

"Look, I get it, you don't want me and I know that. I just needed to talk to someone who will understand and not judge me-"

I cut her off, annoyed. "Tanya, like I said, now really isn't a good time. I'm at school. I will try and call you later on. Can't you talk to Rose? She's your best friend, not me."  
>She huffed into the phone before speaking in a no nonsense tone that matched mine,<p>

"Forget it, Edward. Forget that I ever meant anything to you at all. You run along and enjoy your life. Don't you worry about me. I will be fine."

With that, she hung up. I was left staring at my phone with a bemused look on my face. What game was she playing? I guessed I would find out later, but for now I had a date to keep with my girlfriend. Wow, that felt good. Girlfriend. Even though no-one else knew about that particular tag, I did**,** and that's all that was important. I sprinted over to the library building, passing Bella's little gang who seemed rather lost without their leader. They**,** for once**,**ignored me. My day was definitely looking up.

I walked through the doors, trying to keep the shit-eating grin off my face. I smiled sweetly, saying hello to Mrs. Roberts the librarian on duty. She returned the smile, indicating that I should just go straight through. I made my way through to the back study room where I knew Bella would be waiting for me. As expected, she was sitting there with her books spread out, pretending to study. When I walked into the room, she looked up. Next thing I knew, her beautiful smile lit up her face and she was on her feet, launching herself at me. I only just managed to catch her, dropping my books to the desk before her legs were wrapped around my waist and I was struggling for breath from her intense kiss. I put her down on the desk and pushed her away from me.

"Geez Bella, you really don't give me a chance, do you?" I laughed at her.

"Why should I? My anniversary present just walked through the door all nicely wrapped up, and I want to up wrap it. Now!"

"Bella, Bella, you honestly do need to learn some control. Mrs Roberts could walk in here at any moment. You know she likes to check on us at least once."

She pouted in response and I did not relent. I took my seat at the desk and pulled out my books, looking through them. Bella sighed and did the same. As predicted, about ten minutes into our 'study session', Mrs Roberts put her head around the door and told me,

"Edward, I have been called away. I know that I can trust you to lock up after yourself?"

I smiled at her, "Sure, I will leave the key in the usual place. Hope everything is okay?"

"Thank you, my little one is ill at school and I need to get him."

With that, she placed the key on the desk and left. I gave her a couple of minutes before I dared turn to face Bella as I knew exactly what was going through her mind. We were alone and have the key to this room. This could be fun.

Bella stood from her chair, and moved to sit on the desk in front of me. Her legs spread in front of me and her hands grasped my face as she stared intently into my eyes. God I loved her, I really did. I had never, ever felt like this before. The feelings that I had for her eclipsed anything that I had felt for Tanya and I knew that I could happily spend the rest of my life with her.

I pulled myself towards her face and those oh, so kissable lips, claiming them. We kissed with passion and a familiar battle began. This was one battle that she would not win, I was determined of that. Breaking off the kiss was hard, but then again, so were other things. I knew that I needed her, and she needed me. I could hear her breath getting shorter and more desperate as she moved around on the desk. I stood motioning for her to stay where she was as I walked over to lock the door and turned the lights off. I wanted no one to disturb us here.

As I walked back over to her, she smiled and slowly licked her lips leaning back on the desk. I grabbed her hips, pulling her forward towards the edge of the desk and kissed her again. She wrapped her legs around my waist. Fuck, if this desk was just the right height for this. I know this, as we had done this exact thing several times before. To be perfectly honest, each time was even better than the last. We could take our time this time, since we at least knew that there was no chance of anyone walking in. Kissing her lips, I moved my way down her neck, and pulled her closer to me. Thankfully, she was wearing a skirt which made for easier access. It's almost as if she knew what would happen. But then again, of course she did. Our study sessions always ended up with some form of make-out session, or another.

Pulling her to the edge of the desk, I moaned as she instinctively palmed my cock through my jeans. I was already turned on, but her touch still managed to send shockwaves over my body. Even now, after six months, she still had the same effect on me as she did that first night on La Push beach. She deftly unbuttoned my jeans, freeing me from their confines, and I pulled her blouse over her head, discarding it on the floor next to me. I pushed her backwards onto the desk, admiring her. I could not wait any longer and I pushed my way in-between her legs. She moaned at the contact. I found myself covering her mouth with my hand. She was so vocal and normally I wouldn't mind, but we needed to be extra careful. Yes, the door might be locked but people might still hear. She laid there, arching her back as I thrust into her repeatedly. It was difficult for me not to be vocal too. She affected me so much. I reached down under her arms and pulled her up and pressed my mouth to hers, hoping that that way would keep us both quiet. She started to clench around me and this in turn took me over the edge with her. Once we were done, we breathlessly fell back onto the desk. Suddenly the door handle started rattling. Shit! We exchanged panicked looks and I pressed my fingers to her lips. She nodded. I heard voices on the other side of the door.

"Sorry, I don't know what's happening. The diary shows the room as being booked out. It shouldn't be locked up and the key is missing. I don't know what Mrs Roberts has done with it and she has left early for the day. Sorry, but I really don't have time for this. I have to get back to the office."

I recognized the voice as being Mrs. Price who worked in the school office. So at least she wouldn't be waiting around. We heard their footsteps retreat away from us, and I took some relief in the fact that there will be no one waiting around. When we were sure the coast was clear, we hurriedly got dressed and grabbed our books and left the library**,**but not before depositing the room key back in Mrs. Roberts desk drawer.

Today was our anniversary, and I had a special night planned, which of course, she knew nothing about. I planned to be spontaneous and romantic. I hoped I could pull this off, not having done anything like it.

I had told Bella to be ready at seven thirty. She knew that we were going out for dinner, but had no idea where. I picked her up around the corner from her house. Words could not describe how stunning she looked as she slipped into the passenger seat. I leaned across and placed a gentle kiss on her cheek.

"So where are we going?" She looked at me**,**questioningly.

I smiled back at her, "Dinner in Port Angeles."

A concerned look crossed her face, and I knew what she was thinking, so I assured her.

"Don't worry**, **its very private. No one will happen to wander in. I promise."

She looked relieved. I had just as much to lose as she did here. I especially wanted to be out with her tonight, seeing as we wouldn't be able to go to the winter formal together. To be honest, I didn't really want to go anyway.

Dinner was amazing. We only had eyes for each other and I wished that every day could be like this. The look on her face told me that she felt the same way that as I did. I loved her and I never expected it would happen.

I dropped her at home and before she got out of the car we had a kiss which was soft and gentle and passionate. She pulled away, looking at me before she said,

"I love you**,** Edward Cullen. You make me so happy**,**I cannot even begin to tell you. I feel alive when I am with you. No one has ever made me feel like this, and I don't ever want to lose this feeling. Happy anniversary."

She kissed me again, and then got out of the car**,**leaving me breathless. I drove home, dazed...and happy. I couldn't remember the last time I felt like this. I had the girl of my dreams and we were in love.

There was the winter formal coming up at school, and we had made plans that once that was out of the way we planned to tell people. Starting with our families. I was sure that Mom would be thrilled and fuss around Bella lots and berate me for not telling her. She had always liked Bella and loved dropping hints about us maybe being more than friends.

If only she knew the truth. If only I had realized that this was merely the calm before the impending storm.

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><p><strong>Authors Notes:<strong>

Thanks for reading guys, hope that you are still liking this and with me, sorry for the delay in getting this out to you, things have been kinda hectic all around for me and my beta. I am in the middle of story validating for The Sunflower Awards. I feel honoured to be part of the team this year and there are so many amazing fics being nominated and they all have to checked through. If you have fic that you want to nominate or just want to go check them out, here is the address: http: / www . thesunflowerawards . blogspot . com / Take out the blanks.

I am also working on a brand new one shot for Fandom For Heroes along with some other truly amazing authors. Details can be found here: http:/ fandom4heroes . blogspot . com/ - again take out the blanks . (why won't they let us post links!)

Massive thanks go out on this as always to the amazing Cosmom for working so hard and being such a fab beta & friend to me!

I hope that you all got to read the start of BPOV, posted under Karma's a Btch, if you haven't – go read it!

Thanks for reading and reviewing, I do read every single one of them I promise. Things are about to get interesting (waggles eyebrows) from here on in, so anyone who leaves me a review will get a sneak peek at the next chapter as a thank you. Go on you know you want to…..


	20. A Formal Outing

**Disclaimer:**I of course do not own Twilight or any of these characters. No copyright infringement is intended. I do however own this storyline and a secure hiding place for when you guys have finished reading.

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><p>This is the night that would mark a change for me and Bella. We had made a pact and we intended to see it through; to tell people about us, just not right now the timing needed to be right, and going public here would not be the best way to go about it. We were going to keep away from each other at the dance. Business as usual, I called it. She would be with her friends and I with mine. Well, Jake mainly.<p>

As I pulled into the parking lot**,**I could see her getting out of Mike Newton's car. He was being the perfect gentleman, although I could see his hand dipping a little too low on her back for my liking, and obviously Bella's as I saw her push it away. She glared at him, and he held up his hands in mock surrender. I could see that she was mad. My girl looked hot when she was angry. Mike had asked to pick her up from home. She mainly accepted to stop others from asking. I just wished that it was me that had her on my arm, that people were looking at us as a couple, talking about how good we looked together. But no, I was alone and would fade into the background. My time would come, and I could not wait for it to be me they staring at.

It was bad enough that I was going, but I wanted to see Bella and this is the only way. We were hoping that we might be able to manage some time alone, sneak out unseen into one of the changing rooms and have some real fun. Then again**,**she looked stunning. She wore a midnight blue that accentuated her every curve. The dress was short and showed off her long legs and I felt that familiar stirring within me. My Bella had an amazing body and curves that I spent hours appreciating. Just the thought of another man looking at her, let alone putting his hands on her filled me with jealousy.

Then Jake tapped on the window of my car, and I jumped in fright. I got out of the car and we made our way into the school gym where the dance was being held.

"Wow looks like the Snow Queens Palace in here. Bella should be quite at home." Snickered Jake.

I just laughed at him. She had gained quite the reputation as none of the boys at school could win that stupid bet that they had going, and none of them could work out why. If only they knew the truth. I wasn't sure if I would be the school hero or not. Would they believe me?

The gym had been transformed and into what looked like a winter wonderland with lights everywhere and the tables bedecked in white and pale blue. There was a DJ set up in the corner, and a massive dance floor. Jake and I kept away from the main groups that were hanging out together, but I always knew where my Bella was at any given moment. I sent her a text to let her know that I was thinking of her.

'You look stunning tonight x'

I saw her reaction as a smile lit up her face when she read it before replying to me.

'You look hot in a tux babes. Let's try to sneak off later'

Managing a sly smile to myself, I knew that she wanted to get together, and so did I. I would've loved nothing more than to show her exactly how hot she looked tonight, and how she was mine and mine alone.

I watched her as she mingled with her cronies in the crowd. They were buzzing around her like the Queen Bee as they viewed her. They were all desperate for her attention and approval. In reality, these people meant nothing to her. The Bella I knew and loved hated being the center of their universe and wanted nothing more than to be left alone.

The DJ started his set and people flocked to the dance floor. Of course I didn't. Dancing was definitely not my thing. It required some degree of coordination and of course I had no one to dance with. Well, not in public anyway. Jake got up and tried to dance with a couple of girls but they rejected him. This of course, didn't deter him in the least, as I saw him try again and again. I found myself laughing at him, as he rejoined me at the table.

"Why don't they want me? You'd think they wouldn't be able to resist?"

"Oh Jake, you really do crack me up. So, how many of them turned you down then?"

"One or two… Okay so**,**six of them. What's wrong with them, look at me."

He stood up doing a silly dance, only to be mocked by Jessica and Lauren as they passed by with Bella. Jessica with a huge sneer.

"Oh look**,**Freakward and his puppy."

She laughed at her own joke, and Lauren joined in, but Bella just walked away. They quickly rushed to catch up with her. Jake was not willing to let it lie and shouted after them,

"Oh C'mon ladies, you know you want some of me. Just stop fighting it."

I snickered at him, knowing full well that Bella and I would be laughing about this later. The dance was in full swing and everyone was having a great time. Hell**,**even I was enjoying myself when my cell beeped in my pocket. I pulled it out and saw a message from Bella.

'I'm in the boys locker room. Come find me…'

I never could resist a challenge, so I told Jake I was getting some air, and went to find her. The locker room was dark, and there was no way I was risking it by turning on a light. Besides, playing games in the dark was fun, and we had certainly done that a few times before.

Closing the door silently behind me, I made my way to the middle of the dark room and listened for her tell tale breathing. Her breathing hitched as she knew that I was here for her, and her alone. I smiled as I knew exactly where she was but I decided to play her game as I whispered.

"Bella, Bella, where are you? I can't find you?"

She stifled a giggle, giving away her location. Like I didn't know already. Rounding the corner, I grabbed her and took her firmly in my arms. As we kissed, I pinned her against the nearest wall**,**taking control of the situation. Our kiss was heated, and we both knew that if we didn't stop soon things would get out of control. Neither of us would be able to stop and it was too risky. Too many people could just walk in and see us, so I pulled back and pressed my forehead against hers, my eyes closed my breathing heavy.

"Save me some for later**,**baby." I murmured.

She mumbled something that I didn't hear as the doors burst open and we heard voices. It appeared that someone else had the same idea as us. We stayed where we were until they were too occupied to notice us slip out. Once outside**,**I went first back into the dance, to be followed by Bella a few minutes later. She gave me a wink as she walked past me and made her way to the dance floor and gave me the best show ever. Only I knew that each provocative sway of her hips was meant to drive me wild, and it did . She would glance over to me every now and again and tease me directly. Everyone sat around me thought that this was meant for them. Her continued teasing caused me to shift uncomfortably in my seat.

I watched the people around me, laughing and enjoying the night, and I wanted to be the one up there with Bella, holding her body as we danced. I wanted everyone to watch us, and envy me for being the one that she had chosen to be with. Jake waved to me across the dance floor. He had his arm around one of the girls from our grade and she was not pushing him away. It was definitely a step up from his earlier efforts. I was happy to observe him having such a blast. It was a great night all around.

About three or four songs later, Jake was still in the arms of his latest conquest. I could see that this was going to be his night, finally. The music stopped and spotlight light up the stage. Snobby Jessica Stanley took stepped into the middle of it. Everyone looked at each other because there had been no mention of any speeches. We pushed forward as Jessica began to speak.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I have been asked to give a special presentation this evening. This is to honor some very special people, one of whom is very close to my heart." She paused as she looked around the group before continuing. "I know that we are approaching the end of our high school journey together, and I have to say that this has been a special one for me. I have made some friends for life, and there are some people that I just don't care for. You all know who you are. I would like to single out a couple of people for special mentions**,**though. The first is my best friend, Bella Swan"

She paused as a spot light searched for and found Bella.

"Bella, you are my best friend, and confidante. I love you babes, so much, you have always been there for me through thick and thin. Since you arrived at our small town you have made a real impression. Girls want to be you, and our boys, well there is no real secret surrounding the fact that they want to be _with_ you. Bella, you stole my crown as being the most popular girl in school and most of the boys hearts. Now? Well**,**now I move on from the most popular girl in school to the least popular."

She paused to laugh at her own joke.

"That title is held by one person, and we all know who he is. The one and only, Edward Cullen."

A murmur ran through the crowd and a spotlight picked me out, as I began to blush furiously. A chill ran through me. What was she doing? She smiled, but this did nothing to comfort me. I had a bad feeling about this but there was nothing that I could do.

"Edward... well**,** what can I say about Edward? He is not the most coordinated people, and no-one really notices him. He does tend to fade into the background. He could use a make over, chop the hair, ditch the spectacles, get a personal shopper. Hey**,**you never know, there could be a hidden gem under that geeky freaky exterior. Well, let me take a guess that there must be, because why would the hottest girl in school be having a secret relationship with him?"

She paused for effect and a collective gasp went through the group. I felt sick. People were staring at me and Bella. She smiled nervously looking around the room**,** hoping to find a friend. All her 'friends' were huddled together like frightened children**,** looking at her with shocked looks. She slowly made her way over to the stage joining Jessica, trying to look confident. I just hoped she could pull this one off. Clearing her throat and taking the microphone in her hand**,**she spoke.

"Oh come on guys. Me and Edward? Really? Jess, what on earth have you been drinking?" She laughed nervously. "He tutors me, that is all. There is nothing going on between us, never has been and certainly never fucking will be. As if! I mean, me and the school freak? Come on people. I only go near him for school purposes. Why on earth would you think for one second that I would stoop so low as to let a freak like that lay a single finger on me? I wouldn't be seen dead with him! He might have a crush on me, and I can't say that I blame him but, ewww."

I looked at her**,**not really surprised by her denial. I would've done the same thing, but I was hurt by her words more than I cared to admit. Jessica took control of the microphone again, pulling her friend closer to her.

"Oh Bella, You do you really think that you can fool us by acting all innocent here? You think that I would get up here without knowing the facts, or having some hard evidence? Tut**,** tut Bella. Now**,**I would like to present to the good people of Forks High School our entertainment for the evening. Feast your eyes on this!"

With a dramatic wave of her arm, the large screen behind her lit up. What I saw took my breath away and the people stood around me stared and gasped in, well**,**I can only assume shock or maybe horror.

There were pictures of me and Bella together, obviously didn't know that these pictures are being taken. There were some taken of us innocently walking on the beach. Then**,**they switched to us fooling around hugging and kissing, followed by others showing us in my car and at Bella's house. There were even some where we were having sex downstairs at her house, taken through the window. I was frozen to the spot. My heart sank to my feet and I felt sick. I looked over at Bella and she had tears in her eyes. She shook her head at me before grabbing the microphone out of Jessica's hand and spoke into it. What she was about to say would change things forever for us, and I could only hope that this was for the better.

"Hey, listen!"

People stopped their mutterings and turned to listen to her. I saw Jake staring at me, his arm still around the girl. I stared back as I didn't know what to say, then my attention was drawn to the stage, where my Bella stood there commanding attention.

"Look, I don't know what kind of joke the lovely Jessica here is playing on you, but enough is enough. We all know what you can do with Photoshop these days. Don't we guys? And by Jessica's own admission she has been sidelined since I came to town. Way to go Jess. Nice case of sour grapes**,**I do think. I expected more from you, than trying to win back your waning popularity with such a cheap trick."

A ripple of agreement went through my classmates, and I breathed a sigh of relief. They were obviously taking in what she said, so she continued.

She desperately looked around the room to see if anyone would believe her. Jessica stepped forward once again.

"Guys, Bella Swan is fucking the school freak. In fact, she has been for months. No wonder she kept it a big secret, I mean would _you_really want to admit to it? She has lied to me, and lied to us tonight. There is hard evidence in front of you, and if you need any further clarification, listen to this."

She motioned to the DJ, then over the sound system comes a voice I recognize. It's mine. Shit! This was a voicemail that I left her when we were together about a week ago after a romantic meal I cooked at my house while my parents were at a hospital gala dinner. After dinner, we made love for what felt like hours on end. It was perfect.

"Hey Bella. Just wanted to say that as always you are amazing**,** baby. I love you more each and every day. Tonight, well tonight was amazing**,** as usual. You never cease to amaze me every single time we are together. You complete me baby and make me feel alive. Sleep well and remember**,**speak soon and remember, I love you."

The look on her face was one of total shock would she be able to deny this now? The message was retrieved from her voicemail and the question is how was it obtained. The color drained from her face. People started to laugh and joke, I heard them mocking me and my head fell into my hands. Next, I heard words that I would never, ever forget.

"It was a joke, the whole thing. I was doing it for a bet, with James. See if I could get the freak to fall in love with me, and hey it worked! I did it-"

I didn't hear anymore as I was out of my seat, bolting for the nearest exit. I felt truly humiliated and betrayed. I let my guard down and loved her and this is what I got in return? I felt like my body wasn't my own but somehow my legs carried me towards the exit, and to freedom.

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><p><strong>Authors Note:<strong>  
>Peeks out from her secure hiding place, is it safe yet? So guys how do you feel about Bella and Edwards relationship being exposed in such a brutal way? Will Bella go after him? Will she admit to the truth? Tune in next week for some answers (said in cheesy daytime soap opera voiceover way)<p>

Thanks and hugs go out as always to Cosmom my beta who is just as hooked as the rest of you. She also hates the cliffhangers at the end of chapters – sorry everyone!

I have a recc for you this week, someone who has just written her first fic. I have had the honour of pre-reading this for her, and am so looking forward to reading more and more. Let Love In by Earthsista http :/ www . fanfiction . net /r/7757925/. You know the drill with the blanks. Please do check it out and leave her a review, it's very daunting when you post your first fic.

Until next week - take care peeps! Lou x x


	21. Friends and Enemies

**Disclaimer: As always I do not own Twilight or any of these characters. No copyright infringement is intended.**

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><p>I bolted out of the school gym as fast as I could, running across the yard before I stopped, doubling over to vomit. My whole world had just fallen apart in front of my eyes and there was nothing that I could do to stop it. What hurt the most was the fact that she lied. We made a pact to come clean about us, to tell everyone and to hell with the consequences and what they thought. Okay, this didn't go according to plan, it was far from ideal. But, hell, our secret is out there now. I can't believe she laughed in my face. I thought that she loved me, wanted to be with me and I didn't know what was going on.<p>

I could hear the music blaring out from the gym as the doors flew open. I glanced around knowing that whoever it was they had probably come to mock and laugh at me some more. I was more than a little surprised when I saw Jake come outside with Bella following shortly after him. Why was she coming after me? Had she not hurt and humiliated me enough this evening? I didn't intend to find out what they had to say so I ran, and I ran fast not stopping although I could hear them frantically shouting my name.

Once I reached the football field I headed under the bleachers and hid. Pathetic**, **I know. Hiding from my best friend and my, well what exactly was she? Girlfriend? Fuck buddy? I didn't know anymore, and right now I don't care. She humiliated me and it was pretty obvious that she didn't care. Everything she ever said to me must've been a lie. Every time she told me that she loved me was worthless. _She_made me feel worthless. I heard them approach, shouting my name. I didn't care so I curled myself up into a ball and try to shut out the noise of my name being called. They must've stopped right in front of me as I could hear them talking. Jake sounded really pissed.

"Bella, what the fuck is going on here? I mean you and Edward. Really?"

"Look, I don't expect you to understand. It's got fuck all to do with you anyway**, **so butt out."

"No, you butt out. He is my best friend, but yet he didn't tell me that he was screwing the school bitch. Nice. He was obviously so proud of what he was doing, or should I say ashamed? Yeah**, **he was ashamed of you, his dirty little secret-"

The sound of a slap cracked through the air and I froze in place, thinking that Bella must've hit Jake. I've gotta agree, he did push it.

"How fucking dare you. You know _nothing_ about us. You wonder why he didn't tell you. With friends like you who needs enemies**, **Jake. We need to find him, I need to explain why I-"

"Why you what? Rejected him? Threw him to the wolves? Go home Bella. You are not wanted here, not by me, and not by him, that much is evident. Run along to your little bitches, see if the will take you back into their little coven. I will find _my_friend while you, well go file your nails or what ever it is you do together."

"Screw you**, **Jacob Black!"

I heard her retreat and Jake walk away, muttering under his breath. I stayed where I was, huddled up in a ball, shivering from the cold. I left in such a rush that I didn't pick up my jacket. Not that I cared, I was just so glad to be out of there. Finally**,** I stopped shivering and I felt my eyes start to close. I was brought back into the here and now by my phone ringing in my pocket. Damn**, **I forgot that it was there. Choosing not to answer I ignored the call without looking to see who it was. Then I heard Jake shouting,

"Edward? Edward! I know you are here somewhere. I heard your phone."

I didn't answer, allowing tiredness to wash over me my eyes begin to close again. Next thing I knew, I was being shaken. As I look up, I realize it's Jake.

"Fuck Edward! You're freezing. What the hell are you doing under here?"

"Lllleeaavvee me alone" I said**, **out through chattering teeth.

"Like hell I will! Let's get you back inside-"

"No! Jake, please. I can't go back in there." I begged.

"Okay, okay. Let's just get you to my car, and we can go to my place. "

He helped me to my feet, and I was unsure that I could walk. I felt so unsteady and he put his arm round me, holding me up. We made it to the car and I slumped in the seat. We went to his place and instead of going to the main house, we headed to the garage. I threw myself on the couch and he offered me blanket before he went to get me a hot drink. Once he was back I knew full well that he would want answers. However, I was just not sure that I was ready to give them, but he deserved to know the truth. I had hidden it from him for too long.

He pulled a chair up and sat facing me when it became apparent that he would be the first to speak.

"So, Bella? Really**, **Edward? Were you really that desperate to get laid that you picked her? I mean of all the people you could have chosen, Bella fucking Swan? She eats people alive!

I looked at him, feeling broken and betrayed. I barely managed to get my voice out.

"Jake, I'm sorry. You wouldn't have understood. It's not some fling, we have been together, well for six months now. I, I,-"

"I swear if you're about to say I love her, I will punch you Cullen. I'm serious. Don't you dare!"

I managed to laugh at him. If only he knew.

"Okay then, I won't say it. But if you want to know the truth, you need to listen to me."

Jake just nodded and said one word, "Okay".

I spent the next hour recounting the story from my side, how we met on the beach, through to the events that brought me here, and then our night out to celebrate our six month anniversary. I told him how different she is away from school, how when it's just the two of she is like a different person. He nodded and said nothing. I wondered if he was just trying to humor me or if he was genuinely interested. When I finished talking, I looked at him, waiting for a sarcastic response, but none came. He**, **for once**,**managed to surprise me.

"Wow, who would have thought it. Edward Cullen, bagging Bella Swan. Respect to you bro, seriously. So, is she hot in the sack?"

"Jake! You should know that I would never kiss and tell, I never have before-"

"Whoa, back up. Never have before? So there was someone before her then? Are you holding out on me**, **Cullen? C'mon**,**spill the beans."

I laughed at him. Revealing one secret was enough for tonight. I really didn't think he could take knowing about Tanya, so I told him a little white lie. It wasn't really like one more lie was going to hurt. Was it?

"There was someone before Bella, but it was nothing. Just a fling. It would never have lasted."

"How did you manage that? I mean no disrespect but you aren't exactly Brad Pitt."

"Make me feel good about myself why don't you! Look Jake, can I stay here tonight? I don't think I can face going home. She will look for me there and I really don't want to face her just yet."

He looked at me, "Sure, just tell your folks where you are so they don't panic. Trust me, she won't be looking for you anywhere tonight. Give me your cell and I will call and tell her to leave you alone tonight."

I managed a weak smile as I passed him my cell phone. He walked away from me, but I could still hear his side of the conversation.

"No, it's not Edward… No Bella**, **he doesn't want to speak to you right now… No!... Listen to me and listen good. You are to leave him alone tonight. He doesn't want to see or speak to you." He dropped his voice low but I could still hear him. "Yes I found him, he was in a pretty bad state… No I won't tell you where he was, but what I will tell you is that if you show up either here, or at his home tonight you will wish you had never been born. Leave him alone, he doesn't want to see you, or speak to you… Maybe, just give him time… Okay**,**I gotta go. Bye."

He walked back over to me. I could see that he was working out how to tell me what she said, but I didn't want to hear it. I put my hand up to stop him.

"I don't want to know what she said. But thanks for calling her, I couldn't face her tonight."

He smiled at me and I could see the pity on his face. Great. Just what I needed, my best friend pitying me. I rang Mom and told her that the dance was a washout, so I was back at Jake's and going to stay the night. She didn't question it; she just said that she would see me in the morning. Hopefully that will give me time to work things out in my head.

I woke the next morning, not feeling at all like I had slept. I'd had a restless night, waking up every hour, the events from the gym playing over in my mind. The screen lighting up with images of Bella and me in compromising positions, taken through the window of her house. On the couch, pinning her up against the wall**,** her legs wrapped around my waist while I fucked her. Not once did we notice that someone was peering through the window at us and the thought made me feel quite sick. How long had they been watching and what had they seen exactly? Someone out there had done this on purpose; they had seen us and followed us. Obviously they wanted to humiliate and degrade us. Well**,** I just hoped that they got a front row seat for the fireworks. Bella's face as the pictures came up on the screen; she was horrified, as was I. Who could do this to me, to us? I scrambled to come up with ideas and came up blank. Maybe Bella knows someone who could be so vindictive. That**,** however**,**would involve talking to her, and following her outright dismissal of me, of us, our relationship and everything we meant to each other. With that said, she was the last person that I wanted to speak to.

My brain was frantically trying to make sense of who would do this. We were so careful not to be seen together other than study sessions, but even then we didn't talk or act like any other than study buddies when other people were around. I couldn't make any sense of this at all.

My phone rang. When I saw it was Bella, I dropped the call. She called again and again and each time I ignored the call, before finally switching it off. I knew that it was only matter of time before word reached my family. How exactly was I going to explain this to them? What were they going to say? My mind flooded with a million and one thoughts and I couldn't stop them. I wished I could take a magic pill and all this would just disappear, like it never happened, as if I never existed.

Jake walked in**,**a half smile on his face,

"You sleep okay? Cause man**,**you look like shit."

I managed a chuckle, "Thanks. You know how to make me feel good about myself."

"That's what friends are for...all part of the service"

I got up and prepared to leave but Jake grabbed my arm and looked serious for a moment, "Look, if you ever need me, you know where I am. Anytime."

"Thanks Jake, things will be fine**,**I'm sure." With that I left. I just wished that I was as confident as I sounded.

I made it home, dreading the kind of reception I would probably get if word made it back that I was seeing Bella. I bet Mom would be thrilled; she had always liked Bella and would have been so happy to know about us. Bella had pushed for me to tell her, but I said no. It wasn't the right time for that. I needed to be sure of where this was going and I didn't want mom planning a wedding as I knew her excitement would get out of control.

I was surprised that there was no one at home. I walked across the kitchen to the fridge and there was a note stuck to the front in mom's handwriting,

_Edward,_  
><em>We have gone out to Seattle shopping, and catching a show so will be back very late.<em>  
><em>Don't wait up!<em>  
><em>Love<em>  
><em>Mom &amp; Dad x x<em>

Phew! At least I would have some time to myself to work out what was going on here. I took my phone out of my pocket where I realized it had been since I turned it off last night. I was not surprised that my phone lit up with messages received. Many of the messages were insults or people making jokes at my expense**,**so I deleted them. Then I saw that Bella had text me. I just deleted them. I had nothing to say to her, nor did I want to listen to anything that she had to say to me. There were voicemails, too; I listened to the first one,

"Edward, I am so sorry. Please don't hate me. Just call me and we can work this out. Please**,**baby."

I felt my broken heart sink. I couldn't give in and call her. I wanted to call her, but I had to be strong, so the message was erased along with the others that she left me. I didn't need to hear her beg anymore.

I walked through into the lounge and found myself staring out of the window into the distance. How long I stood there I cannot say, but my musings were interrupted by the phone ringing. Without thinking**,**I answered but I didn't hear the voice at the other end as it fell away from my ear and I hang up as I saw a familiar car pull up outside the house. My blood ran cold. It was Bella.

She stepped out of the car and nervously looked up. Seeing me watching her**,**she waved tentatively at me. I just stared with a blank face. The doorbell rang and I took a deep breath before answering. I was wondering why she was here, what could she possibly have to say to me that I wanted to hear? I opened the door, a grim look on my face,

"What do you want**,**Bella?"

"I want to talk and you won't answer my calls. What am I supposed to do?"

"Oh, I don't know**,** Bella. Maybe take the fucking hint? You made _your _feelings towards me quite clear last night if I remember correctly. What was it you said? Oh yeah, 'as if I would be seen dead with him?', among other things." I moved to close the door in her face, and she pushed it back open.

"Edward, please. Give me five minutes to explain, that is all I ask of you."

I stood there, not knowing what to do. Would five minutes really hurt? Surely, I owed her that much after everything we had been through. Besides, even after what she did, I just couldn't find the strength to deny her.

Reopening the door, I motioned for her to come inside.

"You have five minutes. Come in. I would hate for you to be seen fraternizing with the school freak by choice. People will talk."

There was a hard edge to my voice and she visibly winced before stepping around me. I knew that I had to cut off my emotions and feelings that I had for her at this point. Twenty four hours ago I would have walked across hot coals for this girl, and now, well now I felt such conflicting emotions towards her. Because of her, I'd had my heart ripped out of my chest and trampled all over like it was worthless. She had her chance to show the world that she loved me, that we were happy and together, and yet she betrayed and belittled me. How exactly was I supposed to react to her now? So much had changed and I didn't know if there was any way back for us from this.

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><p><strong>Authors note:<strong>  
>Thanks as always to the fab Cosmom who is my ever lovingenduring beta – mwah! Thanks to everyone who reads/reviews/alerts this. Knowing that you guys are with me is making this ride so much better.

Hope you are all still with me and will leave me a review below. Anyone who is following Duplicity please don't panic, it will be back I have been a bit under the weather this week and haven't finalised the chapter yet.

If you have any questions about anything, just drop me a PM I will answer as far as possible without giving anything away ;-) Until next time x x


	22. Chasing Cars

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or these characters. I do however own this storyline. Song lyrics remain the property of their owners and I do not own these either.**

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><p>I led her through the house to the living room. She looked nervous, and if I were totally honest<strong>, <strong>she looked like shit. She had red**,** puffy eyes as if she'd been crying all night; I hoped that she had. It really did pain me on some level to think of her hurting but I know that I had to stay strong and with as much anger as I can muster**, **I begin,

"Say what you have come to say, and then you can leave. I don't have time for games."

"Edward, I am so sorry. Can you ever forgive me?"

"Just get on with it, Bella."

Tears filled her eyes and I turned away from her while resuming my stance at the window. This would be so much harder if I don't have to see her face.

"Edward, I don't know who set up last night and I was just as shocked as you were. When I find out, trust me**, **they will pay."

"Words**, **Bella. They are only words, and you have proven how anything that comes out of that pretty little mouth of yours is worthless at this point."

"You are not going to give me a chance to explain**, **are you? Do I not deserve that?"

I turned on her, pure anger dripped from my words,

A chance to explain? Fuck! You stand there in front of your friends and the whole school and act like we never happened, we never had any form of contact and then when pictures flash up on the screen, you lie! You couldn't even look me in the eye afterwards. You threw me to the wolves and then just walked away**,** leaving them to rip me to shreds. You stood there and lied about us, about everything. Bella**, **you said it was for a bet for fuck's sake! You made what we had into something to be laughed at. You made it meaningless, and worthless and now you are here begging me for a chance to explain yourself?"

She was stunned at my words**, **I could tell. Not caring, I continued. "I trusted you, I gave you everything that I had, let you in when my head told me not to. Bella, you captured my heart and now, now you have ripped it clean out of my chest and trampled all over it. You seem to think that you have done nothing wrong here. This is killing me. I hoped that one day we would be able to walk hand in hand and show everyone how in love we were, but no. Whatever we had is gone, finished. I suppose it was fun while it lasted, but I really should've known better than to trust you at all."

She was sobbing, tears falling down her face as she faced me.

"Edward, if I could go back and change last night, do you not think that I would? I am ashamed of the way that I behaved towards you. You are quite right to hate me, but I do love you. I have been in love with you for a long time now and would never _ever _set out to hurt you like this. Believe me when I tell you that. This was serious for me. You are the first man I have loved and you were my first-"

"Oh please! I might've been _your_ first, but I sure as hell won't be your last. You can always go running back to James now I have broken you in for him. I'm pretty sure he won't mind accepting damaged goods. At least you won't have to hide him away like you did with me-"

I am stopped mid-flow by a sharp pain as her hand made contact with my cheek. She had slapped me! Anger that was bubbling under the surface broke free. I grabbed her wrist, pulling her towards me**, **snarling in her face.

"You fucking bitch. How dare you act like the injured party here? Try that shit again and I... I..." I didn't know what to say to her, and saying the wrong thing now here would not get us anywhere. Balling my hands into and out of fists I took a couple of deep breaths as I calmed myself.

"Edward, you are not the only person who has been wronged here, there were two of us that were humiliated last night. I was in those pictures too**,** you know! You think that you are the only one hurt here? I had more to lose than you. Maybe you should remember that. Plus**,** don't even get me started on that bitch of an ex of yours, Tanya. Oh yeah**,** she told me _everything. _I just wish that I hadn't had to hear it from her, that you had been man enough to tell me yourself that you were screwing her before me. Not that I actually care, but it would have been nice to hear it from you and not her. Let me tell you, that really was a nice chat to have." She spat at me, anger filling her words with venom.

Panic flooded through me. I caught her comments about Tanya, and it felt like someone had punched me in the gut. I wanted to know what Tanya told her. I was fuelled by the anger I felt for her. I pushed her onto the couch as hard as I could without actually hurting her, and she covered her face with her hands. She was crying in earnest now.

"I don't have time for theatrics or fake emotions. I never ever want to see you again. You are _nothing_ to me any more, other than someone that I used to fuck, and to be honest, you weren't all that good. Definite need for improvement in some areas if I am being honest. You know what Bella? I would say, it's not you it's me, but that would be a complete lie. It _is_ you. Now do me a favor and get the fuck out of my home and out of my life. If I never see you again it will be too soon. As for me and Tanya**, **that really is none of your business, it was what it was, sex. Nothing more. It was over, done with. There was no need for me to tell you. She meant nothing to me."

She sat there, looking like she was about to shatter into a million pieces at my harsh explosion of emotion. She deserved every word that I levelled at her, so why did I feel so bad? Why was I fighting the urge to take her in my arms and hold her, to tell her that I didn't mean it and that I was sorry for being so horrible. Somehow she managed a response.

"Fuck you**, **Edward. Shame on me that I never saw what a prick you really are, shame I wasted my time on you. James is twice the man you will ever be. He might be a bastard, but at least he is honest about it."

Then I had a flashback to last night, seeing her standing there with Jessica and Lauren laughing at me as I stood there staring at her, asking her to explain what we had and what we meant to each other. She threw us away to protect herself and her social standing. I was such a fool.

"Get out, Get out! I don't want you here any more. The sight of you physically repulses me. Go on, _leave!_"

I was shouting at the top of my voice, shaking with pure rage. I had a firm hold of Bella now and was pulling her towards the door and she cried,

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean it, any of it. Please Edward, please forgive me?"

We stopped about half way towards my goal. Pulling her towards me**, **I kissed her. The kiss was deep and harsh, no real feelings behind it, just pure passion mixed with the hatred I had inside of me which made a heady combination. They say that love and hate are connected. Well, in this moment I truly agreed. I pulled back, looking into her tear filled eyes. As I brushed some of the tears off her cheeks, she half smiled at me. I continued towards to door with her in tow, ignoring her desperate pleadings, managing to utter,

"Goodbye**, **Bella. "

Then I threw her out onto the porch, slamming the door firmly shut. Pressing my back to it, I slid down it until I was on the floor. I heard her banging on the door, pleading for forgiveness, for another chance to make it right. As painful as it was, I continued to ignore her. She carried on until she realized that I would not cave in. Finally, I heard her car retreat down the drive. Then**, **and only then did I open the floodgates on the emotions that I had been holding back so carefully while she was here, and I began to cry. Sobs wracked my chest as the depth of the hurt and anger that I felt came crashing down around me. I hugged my knees to my chest and remained in that foetal position, literally holding myself together.

I had no concept of how long I had been there. All I knew is that I felt empty, there was no anger, no fear and no more tears inside me to cry. I was devoid of any emotion. At least she couldn't hurt me any more. No one could now. I made myself a promise that no one would ever get this close to me again, no one would ever have this power over me again. Eventually**,** I got myself up from my position on the floor. I was emotionally drained, and I walked to the kitchen to get a drink from the fridge when the phone rang. I answered it**, **expecting it to be Mom and Dad checking in.

"Hello, Cullen residence."

There was silence at the other end of the phone, so I tried again.

"Hello? Who is this?"

"Edward, please don't hang up on me. I know I deserve it, but please, let me explain." She spoke so quickly that the words all come out in a long jumble, but I heard every word.

I swore that my heart stopped, and I froze**,** unable to move. Every part of me said that I should hang up, but I couldn't. Tanya was the last person that I expected to hear from, hearing her voice sent a chill through me. She wasn't as playful as I was used to and hearing her sound upset made my aching heart lurch**, **although I had no idea why. She brought up feelings in me that I thought I had laid to rest long ago. I could not let her back in so easily, so I pulled myself back together and answered her.

"What do you want?" I aimed to keep my voice harsh and business like.

"Edward, I, I…" She started to sob,

"I don't have the time or the patience for this. What. Do. You. Want?"

"I need to see you. Please? Meet me at First Beach? If you come then we can talk, if you don't then I will finally leave you alone."

I said nothing in response and the line went dead. Should I meet her? What could she possibly have to say that I would want to hear? There is only one way I was going to find out, plus**, **I wanted to confront her about what she had told Bella, to see if there was any truth in the statement that Tanya told her everything.

Next thing I knew, I found myself rushing to get to La Push to meet her, knowing that I would demand answers from her regarding her revelation to Bella. Christ, I knew that she could be spiteful but that really was a step too far. Once I pulled up at the beach I saw her standing on the edge of the ocean**, **I would recognize her body anywhere, the curves that I spent so much time getting to know intimately in our time together. But**,** that felt like a lifetime ago, she was staring out to sea. I almost turned around away from her to leave before she saw me, but something drew me in like a moth to a flame. Before I knew it I stood behind her, hands firmly in my pockets. I cleared my throat so she would know I was there. She turned**, **and to my horror I saw that she had fresh bruising on her face and her eye was swollen and bruised. Any anger that I felt towards her melted away in that exact moment.

"What the fuck? Who did this to you?"

Tears filled her eyes as she looked at me, and muttered.

"I'm sorry Edward. I just hope that you will forgive me one day."

I immediately lost my patience.

"I am growing tired of your fucking childish games. Tanya, just tell me!"

She started to cry. What was it with women and crying today? I paced up and down the beach behind her while she pulled herself together. Eventually she stopped with the waterworks and turned to me,her hand reaching out to my face, her eyes pleading.

"Can we go get a coffee? Please."

I sighed. "This isn't a date**,** Tanya. I'm having a shitty day and I don't need you making it any worse by making this out to be something it's not. Plus**, **you have done enough damage already."

"I ask one thing of you, just one fucking thing Edward, and you can't even spare me an hour of your time. Forget it! I needed to talk to someone, who won't judge me for making a mistake. But**, **obviously I picked the wrong person."

She started to walk away from me, and guilt washed through me. I owed her this much at least, didn't I?

"Tanya, wait. Let's head to the one on the Res, it's nearby."

"No! I don't want anyone to see me, can we head to the Red Brick Café out of town? Shouldn't be too busy down there."

I agreed and led her back to my car. When we arrived at the quiet café. We were the only people there, easily finding a corner booth. Tanya kept her head down, hiding her injuries. I would hate anyone to think that I had done this to her, so I was glad it was empty. I groaned when I saw who the waitress was. Jessica Stanley. She was front and center at last night's little show, and I knew that she wouldn't be able to resist saying something. I ordered the coffee and hoped that she would leave but I was left disappointed as she placed the cups on the table, saying,

"Hey Edward, nice to see you with some clothes on this time. So does-"

"Shut it Jessica. I'm really not in the mood." I snap, glaring at her.

She walked away the smile on her face that told me this wasn't the end of that particular conversation.

Tanya looked at me quizzically, "She doesn't seem your type Edward, or maybe you have changed more than I thought."

"She is just messing around. Ignore her, I do." There is a nervous edge to my voice and I didn't know what Tanya will read into Jessica's comments, hopefully nothing. "So what happened to you? Walk into a doordid we?"

She laughed nervously, "No, it's okay, it was an accident, he didn't mean to…"

She realized too late that she had said the wrong thing as my head snapped up in her direction.

"What? He? Who did this to you**,**Tanya?"

"No one, I'm fine." Tears filled her eyes, but I needed to know what happened. So I reached across**,** taking her hands in mine**,**and in a gentle voice I asked,

"Who did this to you Tanya? Please tell me. I want to make things right between us. I know we haven't been in touch much lately**, **please?"

We were interrupted by Jessica again, who brought us two menus. I ignored her, so she said "You really should check out the specials inside. Quite an eye opener." She sniggered. As she walked off, I noticed that the other girls behind the counter were all laughing too. I glanced at the menu and see an all too familiar piece of paper sticking out and my heart sank. I grabbed the menu away from Tanya but not before she reached the offending piece of paper and opened it up. The look on her face as she took in the pictures and words said it all. She got up from the table and dashed to the bathroom, dropping the paper on the floor. I picked it up and ripped it apart before dumping it back on the counter.

"Very fucking funny. Now grow up**,**Jessica" I snapped.

"Ooh**,** look at you! Manages to screw Bella and thinks he's the big fucking stud around town. Well Freakward**,**why don't you show me what you have, then?"

"Please! Not if you were the last person on earth. You're damaged goods Jessica, and everyone knows it." I sneered at her.

"Oh Edward, you don't realize do you. Look up the words 'pity fuck' in the dictionary and you should see your picture sitting right there. But then again**,** with these flyers all over town, you won't need to go too far to see your face. Bella told us everything. We know that this was some bet that she was trying to win. I just hope that the payout was large enough as I cannot imagine letting a freak like you touch me. It makes my skin crawl just looking at you. Now why don't you run back along home and wallow in your self pity. But be ready for Monday**,** cause I am telling you, your picture will be everywhere baby, and this is one story that is going to run and run."

I felt like I had been punched in the stomach. How anyone could be so vindictive and cruel is beyond me. I walked back over to the table to wait for Tanya to come back. She was taking her time in there and I hoped that she was okay. I was just about to go check on her when she appeared back at the table.

"C'mon Edward**,** let's get out of here." She walked towards the door and I followed her. When we were out on the street she linked her arm through mine and I made no attempt to stop her. This was safe, comfortable and familiar. She leaned her head on my shoulder as we walked in silence back towards the parking lot. Once we were at the car, I reached to open her door for her and I brushed against her. I felt a familiar warmth from her, and as she turned around she pushed her back against the car door placing her hands on my hips**,**pulling me closer.

Our faces were mere inches apart and I could feel her breath on my face. She was tantalizingly close to me, and I leaned forward to kiss her. Our lips met and it was like no time had passed. Our lips teased each other as the kiss intensified. Confusion ran through me, but instinct took over and I found myself pinning her to the car seeking something more with each second until I was suddenly grabbed from behind and spun around. To my horror I saw the face of James, and he looked angry. I didn't really know what happened next as it all unfolded so quickly. His expression changed in an instant and anger was replaced with a sneer as I saw his fist come towards me too quickly to take any action to protect myself.

Pain flooded through me as I fell to the ground. He certainly put some force behind it. I was clutching my face in pain where his fist made contact. Seeing the opening, he delivered a swift kick to my ribs and, wow, the pain was immense. He stood over me and I laid there unable to move clutching my side now hoping to get some relief.

"You fucker, Cullen. I always swore that I would have this moment, and it's more than I ever dreamed of. You took Bella away from me, and now that she has lost all interest you then try and take Tanya away? I don't think so. You are such a loser to think that she would want to be with you over me. You have nothing on me. Seriously**,** Cullen. So where's your little bitch boy McCarthy tonight? Oh yeah**,** that's right**, **he's over at his place fucking your whore of a sister."

I felt the anger rise in me and I tried to make it to my feet, only to have James take me in a head lock, sneering in my ear.

"Bring it on Cullen, bring it on. You will lose. So did you like our little show at the dance last night?" He threw me to the ground and I landed face down. I managed to push myself up slightly onto my elbows as his words fully registered.

"You? You did that at the dance? Why?" I managed to utter.

Tanya answered, this time her voice as cold as ice. No emotion registered on her face.

"Because you rejected me. I loved you. Yes, I fucking loved you Edward, and you used me for sex and then when you got a better offer you threw me away like a dirty rag. I would've given up anything for you, told anyone and everyone who would listened. Shouted it from the rooftops, but no. What Edward wants, Edward gets. You used me like a cheap whore. Then you replaced me with _her!"_

James took over. "You took what was mine. She was meant to be with me, not you. I should have been the one to fuck her first, but no. You came sweeping in and _bang_, I'm yesterday's news. But yet she couldn't bring herself to be seen in public with you. What does that tell you about your precious Isabella Swan? That she is ashamed to be seen with you. She needs a proper man to take care of her, not some high school freak." He laughed callously at his own joke. I however, am not laughing as he bent down next to me.

"You two were so busy sneaking around that you didn't see us following you. I got quite a show at times, and it was all documented. Made me quite horny watching you two fucking like rabbits whenever you got the chance, and I know Tanya here always appreciated it. Now we have had our payback, you know the truth. Have a nice life. Loser!"

Tanya walked over to him, pulling him up and kissing him, jumping up to wrap her legs around his waist as he pinned her to his car hood. Somehow I managed to get to my feet and dragged my aching, battered body to my car. Once inside I locked the doors and after fumbling with the keys, I managed to get the car to start and started to drive away. I had no idea where I would go, other than away from here but I needed a distraction, so I turned the stereo on and I could not believe fate would mock me like this. The song that was playing on the radio was our song, mine and Bella's. The lyrics are hauntingly beautiful and I listened to the words each one resonating inside me, feeling like someone was taking a dagger to my heart. This song had come to mean so much to me, to us, over the last six months since that first night at the beach.

_If I lay here  
>If I just lay here<br>would you lie with me and just forget the world?_

_I don't quite know_  
><em>How to say<em>  
><em>How I feel<em>

_Those three words_  
><em>Are said too much<em>  
><em>They're not enough<em>

_If I lay here_  
><em>If I just lay here<em>  
><em>would you lie with me and just forget the world?<em>

This came to symbolize what we meant to each other, the lyric If I just lay here would you lie with me and just forget the world? Made me think of all the times we lay in each other's arms after we made love. We would forget everyone. It was the two of us in own little world. No one else existed, it was perfect. I switched the radio off. I couldn't listen to any more of it, I felt nauseous. Pulling the car over, I got out and stood at the side of the road waiting to be sick, but it didn't happen. I knew that this feeling was a combination of feelings. Hurt, betrayal, humiliation, despair, all fighting for supremacy inside of me. I felt so alone as I stood there with the traffic racing past me. And in that moment I knew exactly what I had to do.

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><p><strong>Authors Note:<strong>

Thanks to everyone who has read/alerted/recc'd this fic, I really do read every review and they mean so much to know what you are thinking/feeling. My heartfelt thanks go out to my beta Cosmom she really does bring out the best in me and this story, she works so hard on this you cannot imagine!

Anyone who reviews will get a sneak of the next chapter, which given the fact that I have left you on another cliffie I am sure that you will love. This of course subject to FF not failing on us again….

Until next week Lou x


	23. Regrets & Decisions

**Disclaimer: I of course do not own these characters anything relating to them,.**

**WARNING: This chapter is heavy, dealing with very dark thoughts & themes you may need a couple of tissues!**

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><p>Thankfully<strong>,<strong> my parents were not home; I just couldn't face them right now. I walked into the house, my ego bruised, and my emotions in tatters. Sighed heavily, knowing that I would probably be sporting a healthy bruise on my jaw come morning. I could only hope that my ribs were only bruised and not cracked or god forbid**,** broken. I headed straight to my Dad's drinks cabinet I didn't care. I needed something, anything**, **to take the seemingly endless pain away. I grabbed a bottle of Malt Whisky, before heading out to the summerhouse. Slumping in the chair where I had last sat while Tanya made me feel so good, now I felt like my world had fallen apart. Bella had abandoned me, abandoned us, casting me aside as she had enough of me. I took deep swigs from the bottle. The amber liquor burned my throat as it made its way into the pit of my stomach. I felt a warm flush rise within me, praying that this would help to dull the ache within me.

I felt my head start to feel fuzzy, and I remembered that I had not eaten since yesterday. I just couldn't face food before the dance, I was so nervous as it was the first one I had attended. My phone buzzed and instinctively I looked to see that Bella had sent me a message. I didn't bother to read it, pressing the delete button. She didn't give up and neither did I. Every time I received a message from her, I pressed delete before I took another gulp of the Whisky.

Everything that had happened to me replayed over and over in my mind, I knew that wherever I went I would be laughed at, mocked. I had no reason to think that I would be able to walk away from this unscathed and the laughter I heard in the school gym would only be the beginning of my misery. There is nothing that I could do stop or calm it down. No, that power had been well and truly in Bella's hands and she'd thrown away that chance when she denied, in front of everyone, that we had anything together. Then of course**,** there was Tanya. She told Bella about us to make her jealous and to try and break us up. Tanya**, **I thought**,**always knew that I didn't love her. She was just there at the right time and I thought that she felt the same way as I did, that we were just having a bit of fun.

It was now very clear that neither of them could be trusted. They had both hurt and betrayed me. I pictured them getting together, laughing and joking as they compared notes on my performance. I snorted at the thought finding**,**some humor in that dark thought.

Bella didn't give up with the phoning or the messages. Eventually**,**I answered one of her calls but I didn't give her chance to speak as I snapped down the phone at her.

"Fuck off**,**Bella. I really don't want to speak to you now, or ever. Leave me alone."

I switched my phone to silent. I could not bear to switch it off completely. My head pounded with the alcohol I had consumed. With slightly unsteady feet**,**I made my way back to the house to seek out something else for my pain. I wished there was something to stop my heart aching. I headed into the house and to my Dad's office, knowing that he kept several types of prescription painkillers and the like locked in his filing cabinet drawer. What he didn't know is that I knew where he hid the key. After much fumbling I found some tablets, and then I saw more...many more. I turned the packets over in my hand. The warnings on the back of the packets stated quite clearly, 'do not take if you have had alcohol.' I sat in my Dad's office chair staring at a packet I had selected on the desk, taking gulps of Whiskey.

My thoughts were interrupted by the house phone ringing. I let it go to voicemail, listening as Bella's seductive tones filled the still empty air of the house.

"Hey sorry, Mr. and Mrs. Cullen**,**it's Bella. I'm trying to get hold of Edward; he's not answering his phone. Can you let me know he's okay? Thanks."

I stared at the phone incredulously. After the way I just spoke to her, I didn't know how she dare call here. Looking to worm her way back into my life through my family. I ran my hand through my hair**,**tugging at it, knowing that I will never, ever get any peace from her. Pulling my cell phone out of my pocket I was alarmed to see that I had message alerts flashing away. When I looked a few were from Bella, she obviously could not take the hint. Most were from random numbers. The messages shocked me. There were references to Bella and me, rude and downright crude. Some messages called me a freak, others told me to leave town as I didn't deserve her. I felt sick. How had my number been so freely circulated, and by whom? My cell phone flashed as it rang. I hesitated before I answered, relieved to see that it was Emmett. But I still answered with trepidation in my voice.

"What do you want?"

"Jeez Eddie, calm down. Just calling to see if you're okay? Heard some shit went down at the dance last night. And well, there are these rumors and photo's doing the rounds."

My heart almost stopped beating.

"What? Emmett, just tell me. What photos?"

"There are rumors flying around by text message with some shitty quality photo on there**,**too"

"Fuck, Emmett. What are you saying that there are rumors already about me and Bella?"

"Yeah bro, I'm getting hit from all sides and-"

He got no further as I hung up on him, I started pacing the room. No, this could not be happening to me.

Panic flooded through me. So I risked not only the whole school knowing, but also people in town, including my parents. I ran to the downstairs bathroom and threw up, until there was nothing left inside of me. I thought that Jessica had enough of her games with the stunt at the diner, but obviously not, she had more in mind. But wasn't she also hurting Bella in the process?

In a fit of anger I grabbed the packet of pills off the desk and another bottle of Whiskey and then swept my arm across the desk, scattering the papers and framed family photos onto the floor. I made my way into the kitchen, taking my mom's note from the fridge and simply wrote on the bottom.

'I'm sorry. I can't do this. Forgive me. I love each of you. Edward.'

Once the message was back on the fridge I left the house and jumped in the car. I was sure that I should not be driving, but that was the least of my worries and I really didn't give a fuck right now. I drove fast. Luckily, the road I was taking was quiet and I passed no one en-route. Once at my destination**,**I got out of the car, taking the blanket from the trunk I made my way down onto the sand of First Beach to watch the ocean. Sitting there felt strangely calming. Memories of meeting Bella here that first night, of her dancing in the sand. Our kiss all caused a smile to flicker across my face. I knew that the decision I had made was right for me, and I didn't think or right now, care about how my actions would impact on those around me. I just wanted to be free of the hurt and pain. I didn't want to feel anymore.

I popped a few pills and washed them down with the Whiskey. My head and heart were pounding, but I found it in myself to continue on my quest. I didn't want to be here anymore. I felt so alone and think that this was the best way to deal with it, to remove myself from the equation. I had gone from feeling so happy and like I could do anything, to having nothing. Hitting rock bottom didn't feel much worse – did it?

As I sat there huddled in my blanket waiting for the effects to take hold I watched a storm rolling in off the ocean. The sea got stormy and I could feel the change in the air. There were low rumbles of thunder and I could see the lightning flash lighting up the darkness of the beach. I closed my eyes and replayed happier times with Bella. I saw her beautiful face as she smiled and saw the love in her eyes. Where did it all go so wrong for us? I loved her, and I just wished that she had the faith in me, in us to be strong enough to not care what anyone else said. We would be out of school soon enough and had made plans, together. Now they laid in tatters. More pills and Whiskey hit my empty stomach and I began to feel a wave of calm wash over me. It crept up on me gradually. I felt relaxed, and started to feel myself become numb to the pain. I no longer felt my heart breaking, but that could have been because I couldn't feel much of anything. Tiredness came next, and my urge was to curl up in a ball and sleep. Knowing that I might not wake again, I wanted to watch the ocean as the waves crashed onto the beach. It was all strangely relaxing.

My random flow of thoughts were broken by my phone ringing. I could not focus enough on the display to see who it was, but I answered anyway. It didn't matter, they couldn't stop me now, they wouldn't even know where I was. I didn't speak. My breathing was labored and I was sure that they could hear that.

"Hello, hello? Edward, are you there? Edward? Please talk to me… Edward you are scaring me. Please!-"

The phone fell from my hand as I slumped backwards onto the sand. The voice that I heard was filled with irony to me. It was like they had called me because they knew this is was our goodbye. This was the last time I would hear Bella's voice, I was happy now. I was vaguely aware that I could hear her screaming at me but I could not muster the energy to reach for the phone. I was lying there, barely able to move but I didn't feel scared. This is what I wanted. I had a strange feeling of peace. I managed to utter some words, I didn't know if she would hear them or not, or even if she was listening.

"I love you. I'm sorry"

There was more shouting coming from the phone. I tried to focus on what she was saying but all I could hear was shouting. I had no idea how long she shouted into the phone, but she continued as I moved further and further away from the sound of her voice. The darkness was welcoming me, taking me in its embrace and holding me there, protecting and keeping me secure until I was ready to be taken over by it. My eyelids felt heavy and it was a massive effort to keep them open, so I didn't fight it any longer.

Time passed and I could hear muffled sounds of the waves crashing on the shore, and there was no other sound to break into my descent. Then suddenly I was aware of shouting and it getting nearer to me but I couldn't tell if this was real or some hallucination. I then felt like I was being pulled around, but by whom? I was alone here, wasn't I? My eyes would simply not open of their own accord, then they were pulled open and I could see shapes above me. It felt as if someone was slapping my face, but my body felt so numb I could have been dreaming the entire thing in a desperate attempt to scare myself into stopping my decline. Could I really hear someone crying, sobbing their heart out? My name falling from their lips over and over again? I heard muffled sirens and I knew then that this was no hallucination. I could hear EMT's talking in a language that my Dad would understand if he were here with me.

All of the sudden I could feel air whooshing into my lungs, followed by the calm, steady beeping of a monitor. Frantic voices were barking orders, before soft gentle skin enveloped my hand as I was moved into a very bright space. The light was hurting my eyes, so I allowed them to close to get some relief. All I wanted was it all to stop. It ultimately did as I heard the machine beeps growing frantic, matched by the panicked voices around me as I finally fell over the edge of the cliff. As this was all happening, I couldn't hold back as the darkness that had been haunting and tempting me finally made it's move to claim me. Then, suddenly, I heard that solitary, heart breaking, blood curdling scream.

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><p><strong>Authors<strong> **note:**  
>Beta'd as always by the fabulous Cosmom – hugs darling!<p>

I hope that you are all still with me and not ready to hunt me down in your droves!

This chapter is going out early this week especially for two lovely ladies, 3C Cullen who has just watched the Bel Ami premiere live feed all the way from Oz and is staying awake so I promised her an early update and to laters baby who is reading and reviewing despite having flu – hope you feel better soon.

I have recc for you, not sure if any of you read Slash, if you do then please do head over and check out The Debt by my wonderful friend and 'twin' Delphius Fanfic. http : / www . /s/ 7313780/1/ If you do check it out and leave her some love, tell her I sent you.

Until next week . Lou x x


	24. In & Out Of Conciousness

**Disclaimer:**

I of course, do not own Twilight or any of these characters and no copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

><p>My eyes felt as heavy as lead; I was unable to open them. My limbs felt tingly as feeling slowly began to return to my limbs. I felt like someone had their head near my hand. I felt a soft gentle breath as they seemed to inhale then exhale, sending gentle shivers across my skin. I tried to form words but I couldn't. My throat burned and ached like I had swallowed razor blades. The smell that assaulted my nostrils was a familiar one, but right now I couldn't place it. I did not have the energy or brain capacity to try and work out where I was. The last thing I remembered is driving to the beach at La Push. I struggled to make sense of things., Where was I?<p>

Forcing my heavy eyelids open was a task in itself. I heard the beeping of some sort, again the noise was vaguely familiar but I struggled to place it. My eyes finally opened slightly and they were confused. I was sitting slightly upright in a darkened room. taking a moment to glance around, it all seemed very sterile and clean. Then the smell came back to me. I was in a hospital. But how did I end up here? I looked down to where I felt breath tickling my skin and saw someone slumped over the edge of the bed. My hand near their face, and then I realized, it was Bella.

Why was I in a hospital? I didn't understand what was happening? I appeared to be attached to machines and there were wires everywhere. I tried to get up out of bed in a moment of blind panic, but my body wouldn't do anything. It resisted my commands. The door opened and I heard familiar voices, my parents. I thought, "they will help me, I know they will". I heard them speak in low hushed tones, obviously trying not to wake the slumbering beauty with me. My dad spoke first, and I could hear the rustling of paper so I guess that he was looking over my medical charts.

"Hmmm. Vitals are steady; there is nothing to worry about there. But he is still unconscious. Let me call the consultant and see what he has to say."

I heard his footsteps retreating before the door opened and closed. I heard him talking outside on his cell phone. Then I felt a hand brush lightly through my hair, it was mom. She would stroke my hair as a child to comfort me. I tried to speak to her, but the words would not form into a sentence. She placed a soft tender kiss on my forehead before she spoke to me in quiet tones, almost as if she was talking to herself.

"My poor baby. I wish that I could swap places with you in a heartbeat, because I would. What happened that night? Please Edward, don't do this to me. Don't leave me, come back. I love you sweetheart, and I wish there as something that I could do for you."

I was too tired to answer her. I then felt the warm tears that fell from her eyes onto my face. Why was she crying? I heard my dad come back into the room; he was talking to my mom.

"Sssshh, Esme. Don't cry darling, he will be okay. I am sure of it. Come here."

The sounds of her sobs became muffled, and my dad continued with the reassuring noises until she stopped. He then spoke to her.

"I think we need to get Bella home. There is nothing that she can do here. She must be exhausted, the nurses tell me she's been here for two days now and refuses to leave."

I heard a gasp from my mom, "Two days? Oh Carlisle! How did we not notice? She was just here whenever I came, but I assumed she would go home as she always left me alone with him. We should get her home. This is no place for her. Not with Edward being… being like this."

Like what? I wanted to scream, what did they mean? Bella had stayed here with me for two days? What on earth was happening here, and why could I not move or alert them to the fact that I could hear them? I felt a slight shaking where Bella was laying, my eyes went to that side of my bed where I saw my mom shake her gently talking to her, trying hard to rouse her from her sleep. To me she looked like sleeping beauty, and me, well I guess that would make me her Prince Charming.

"Bella. Bella, sweetheart. Wake up, it's Esme."

I heard a faint grumbling noise which made my heart quicken in my chest, it was an all too familiar noise to me, the grumbling noise that Bella made when you tried to wake her up. It meant that she was fast asleep. My God, that noise alone was normally enough to make me hard. But now, there was no reaction to it. I put it down to the fact that my parents were here and effectively cock blocking me. As she awoke, I thought, "damn", she looked adorable with her sleep filled eyes and messy hair as she instantly looked toward me.

"Humph, what's happened? Is he… is… Edward is he okay?" There was an edge of panic to her voice.

"He's okay. Please don't panic" my dad reassured her. "He's still… sleeping, sweetheart. How long have you been here?"

It sounded like she was still struggling to wake up, as I could hear the normal confusion that colored her voice when she woke. She always reminded me of a kitten in how she would slowly stretch out, and a smile bright would spread across her face before she would turn to kiss me. I loved watching her sleep, but even more I loved watching her wake up.

Bella spoke to my parents and I could hear the concern clear in her voice, "What time is it?"

"Sweetheart, its 10 o'clock in the morning. Have you been here all night?" My mom was speaking in that low hushed tone again.

"Yeah, I came back in when you left last night." She sounded sheepish. "I…I… I just needed to be here with him. This was all my fault! I'm so sorry, I don't know how or if you will ever forgive me for what I have done." She sounded almost hysterical.

My mom was now also crying and then my dad spoke.

"Bella, this is not your fault, okay. I will not have you blaming yourself for what happened, it was… well, it was an accident. Edward didn't mean to… I know that. We just need to wait until he wakes up to find out what happened to him. If… when he wakes up he will tell us." It was hard to hear my dad's voice crack with emotion like that.

I was more confused than ever now. What were they talking about? I _am_awake! I can hear them, see them, but yet I cannot move or touch them. I didn't like that. I could feel their touch on my skin, but I could not return the touch so that they know that I am okay. I was hoping that this was all some terrible nightmare and then we could go home.

My mind flickered back to the dance; the music was so loud. Bella looked beautiful, stunning in fact. I felt so proud watching her, knowing that it was me that would be with her later and the thought that she was mine and mine alone. I remembered being the boys locker room with her, feeling her under my touch. Then I was blinded by a spotlight and all I could hear was Jessica's shrill voice through the light. Before that, I heard Bella, _my _Bella speak. She was denying that anything was going on between us. She told them it was a joke. I was nothing more than a joke to her. I ran away from her only to run straight into James and Tanya and they were passionately kissing each other. They stopped to acknowledge me before James pulled back his fist, making contact with my jaw. I fell backwards with my arms flailing but I never seemed to reach the ground. Then I heard screams around me and the sounds of machine going into over drive. There was a high constant beeping which was getting faster and faster, then I heard my father shout.

"Quick! In here, he's crashing!" Then his voice cracked with pure emotion as he fought back tears.

"Please, it's my son! Do something!"

I heard my mom's scream pierce the air and I saw my dad's arms surround her, attempting to shield her from the horror that was unfolding in front of her eyes.

I fell backwards into what seemed to be a long black tunnel, gaining momentum with every passing second. My arms were outstretched as I reached out for the people that I could see standing in the light at that I was moving farther and farther away from, but they were just watching my rapid descent.

I felt a jolt rush through my body and it hurt. The voices around me sounded frantic as they shouted instructions to each other. I clearly saw the scene that was playing out before me. I was suddenly standing in the corner of the room**,** watching as the medical team frantically work on someone lying in a bed. My mom and Bella were enclosed safely in my dad's arms clutching them to his chest, and rocking them gently. While keeping them from looking. I took a couple of steps towards to bed, curious to see what was happening and who this was that they were all so concerned over. My stomach fell and my knees went weak when I took in the sight before me. _I_ was laying there, attached to various monitors and tubes. The medical team was working on _me, _it looked like they were desperately trying to save _my_life.

I staggered backwards**,**retreating into the corner of the room, sliding down the wall until I reached the floor. I was unable to fully comprehend what I saw before me. I felt sick, dizzy and disoriented. The whole room swam into one big blur before a pain ripped through my chest. A pain which I had never felt before, and certainly did not wish to again. I felt the room spin even faster and I was pulled away from the scene before me and back into the darkness.

I lost myself in feelings of desperation and loneliness. Why couldn't my family understand that I was trying to reach out to them? I still didn't know what had happened to me. I felt like I was swimming in molasses, my limbs were heavy and would not respond to anything that I tried to do. There was a tiny speck of light in the distance and I knew**,**deep down that all I needed to do was reach it. It felt like it was a million miles away from me, but I felt a strong urge to fight.

My eyes slowly fluttered open and I took in the hospital room around me. I was alone now and the room was dimly lit. The machines that I remembered from my dreams were still beeping at my side. I was in one of the private rooms. My dad being a doctor would ensure that I only got the best treatment possible. I still wasn't sure what had even brought me here. I tried to remember and was interrupted by one of the nurses coming into my room, I assumed to take my vitals. The look of shock on her face was clear when she saw that I was awake. She turned quickly on her heel, I assume to advise the Doctors and then my family that I was conscious. I somehow managed to utter to her,

"Please, not my family."

She turned to me, a surprised look on her face, but I pleaded with my eyes and she nodded before she left the room. I knew that I would have only a couple of minutes before a barrage of doctors and nurses would come in to check me over. I just hoped that they would respect my wishes and not contact my family.

As predicted**,** Dr Gerandy came bustling through the door**,**followed by several nurses. He seemed a little flustered.

"Ah, Edward. I see that you have joined us back into the world. Hmm, now let me see."

He then started flipping through my charts, spectacles perched on the end of his pointed nose. His appearance never changed, I remembered him from being a child he always seemed to be the same age, like he was frozen in time, never moving forward, never aging. I also knew him as a close friend of my dad's, so I had to hope that the patient's wishes would be respected on this occasion.

"Yes, yes. Everything seems to be fine with your vital signs. Nowtell me**,** what do you remember**,**Edward?"

I looked blankly at him. Words stuck in my throat, as I tried to form the words that I needed to tell him. They would not come**, s**o I shook my head. I honestly did not remember what happened to land me here. Yes I had dreams**,**or whatever they were while I was unconscious, but I could not work out if these were fact or my subconscious playing with me. I only knew that the truth would come in time, but I want to have some semblance of what happened to me straight in my own head before I saw anyone else.

He looked at me down his nose. "Hmm**,** short term memory loss is not uncommon. You need to rest. I do have to tell your parents that you are conscious, but I will say that I am not allowing visitors at this time. Please just use this time to rest, I will not be able to keep you dad out for long. He is**,** after all**,**a well respected Doctor in this hospital, but I will do my best."

He left, leaving me to try and work out what happened. One of the nurses was checking my IV fluids, and I had to ask her a question, I needed to know the answer.

"What day is it?"

She looked at me, and I could tell that she wasn't sure if she could tell me or not. I asked her again,

"Please? Tell me what day it is, I need to know."

She smiled at me before she answered, Wednesday. It's Wednesday evening."

I whispered. "Thank you."

I closed my eyes, trying to work out what had happened, as I remembered the dance on Friday, but nothing past that. There is a vague memory of arguing with someone, but I couldn't remember who or why. Yeah**,** I had the flashbacks, but how much of that was real was debatable. I mean**,** in one of then I was the lead singer of a band, in another a hot actor that women swooned and screamed over when they saw me, another where I was a movie star who shot to fame in a film adaptation of a book, and was chased down the street by paparazzi. So yeah**,** truth from fiction was hard to unravel. Laying there**, **I simply stared at nothing, until eventually my eyes closed and I drifted off to sleep.

I woke with a start when I felt a hand close around mine before a gentle kiss was placed on my forehead. Her reaction to seeing me awake was almost like she had seen a ghost. I managed to smile at her I recognized her as Bella, and I knew that there was something between us. I felt that indescribable pull. It just felt right to be with her; natural. She was obviously surprised to see me awake and she spoke very quickly, like she had to get a word in before I could interrupt her.

"Oh my god, Edward! How long have you been awake? Do your parents know? Who knows you are awake? Have the Doctors said anything to you? What do you remember? Then she paused, tears filling her beautiful soft brown eyes before saying**, **in almost a whisper. "I love you."

I couldn't keep track of all the questions she was firing at me, and as soon as she finished she flung herself on me. Her arms locked around my neck as she pressed her face into my neck where I felt tears falling. I wanted to protect her. She and I were obviously together as a couple, her behavior towards me and my bodies' instant reaction to her told me at least that much. I found my arms closing around her to keep her close to me. I pulled her onto the bed with me and she lay next to me, her head on my chest while I inhaled her scent. We talked and I answered her questions as well as I could, while she avoided mine. I had no idea how long we laid like that, but I was shocked when the door opened to the room and I heard my mom shriek.

"Edward! You are awake! Bella, why didn't you call me?"

Bella lept off the bed like she had been electrocuted, mumbling an apology. I knew that I had to tell my parents that I asked for them to not be informed.

"Mom, I asked Dr. Gerandy not to tell you, and Bella hasn't been here long. I've been awake only a few hours. I just needed some time to work things out."

My dad stepped forward. I could tell that he had his Doctors hat on as he looked over my chart and then proceeded to give me the once over. He looked at my mom before he spoke.

"I'm going to talk to Tom...sorry**,** Dr. Gerandy. I will also tell Rose that you are back with us. She has been worried about you, we all have." With that**, **he left.

I lay talking to my mom and Bella while my dad was out of the room, but no-one would tell me what happened to me. They simply said that I should rest and they would talk to me when I felt a little stronger. I guessed in my own head that I had crashed my car and that is why they were being so evasive; I had some bruises on me**,**so that seemed logical.

Our family chatter was interrupted when Rose and Emmett burst into the room. I saw the look of relief on their faces which was rapidly replaced by anger when they saw Bella. Rose had to be restrained by Emmett as she lurched towards her and hissed.

"What the fuck are you doing here? I told you to stay the fuck away from my brother you-"

"Rosalie Cullen! How dare you use such language. Show some respect. Bella has been here more than any of us while Edward has been in here; even sleeping here. Be nice to her or leave." My mom was furious, and the one thing I do know is you don't mess with her. But then again**, **I hadn't seen Rose that mad in a long time and this was gonna kick off into a full blown argument.

"Mom, you have no idea what this manipulative little bitch is capable of. She is the reason that Edward is in here. If it weren't for her then he would never have tried to-" She was stopped by Emmett who yanked her arm sharply to get her attention, she spun to face him and he quickly shook his head at her.

My mom's face dropped and she started to cry. I picked up on what had been said and wanted answers.

"Bella is the reason that I tried to do what?" Panicked looks were exchanged and I knew that they were keeping something from me. "Come on, tell me. I know that you all know why I am here. I don't so will someone please tell me? Bella?"

She stood, tears filling her eyes once again, threatening to spill down her cheeks and she made her move towards the door, only to be blocked by Rose who grabbed her arm to keep her still while she spoke to her.

"If I see you within thirty feet of my brother again, I will kill you. Don't you think that you have caused him enough heartache for one lifetime? Now leave. Trust me when I say I don't make threats, I make promises little girl, and you really don't want to mess with me."

Bella managed to break free and ran from the room as they streamed down her face. Mom just glared at Rose who simply said,

"Trust me, the bitch is lucky she is not also in a hospital bed with what she has done."

Emmett went to her side and said in a low voice. "Rose, it is not the time or place for this. Baby, please?"

She turned on her heel and stormed out of the room. We could hear her heels clicking on the floor and she pace up and down the corridor. As she passed the door she was talking to someone on her cell phone but we could not make out what she was saying, and she sounded pissed. My mom just smiled weakly, apologizing to me "Sorry**, **I need to go and make sure that Bella is okay, Emmett can you make sure that Rose doesn't do something silly."

Emmett just shrugged at me. I knew that whatever was going on, he knew the truth and I needed to ask him.

"Emmett, what is going on here? Why is Bella to blame for me being here? Please tell me, the truth."

He took a deep breath, pulled up a chair and said,

"If you're sure you can handle it, then I will tell you. I don't think you are going to like it though."  
>I needed to know. "Emmett, just tell me."<p>

Emmett opened his mouth to speak and was stopped by the door being thrust open by Rose. She was muttering away and threw herself into one of the chairs. She opened her mouth to speak but she was in turn interrupted by Dr. Gerandy walking in**,**followed by my dad. The look of horror on his face when he realized the number of people that had been in the room was clear.

"No, no, no. This will not do. There have been too many people around him. I am disappointed in you Carlisle. You know how important it is that patients**,**who have been through what Edward has, get their rest. I don't know what has been going on in here but I could hear you out in the hallway."

He glared at my dad who looked he had just been told off by a headmaster. I stifled a laugh as my dad spoke.

"Tom, I'm sorry. You are quite right." He turned to Emmett and Rose. "Sorry guys. Dr. Gerandy is right, Edward needs his rest. We can visit tomorrow. Emmett, I will speak to you later about whatever it is that you know before you tell Edward. I need to be sure that you will not hurt his recovery. Tom, I'm sorry, I should know better; you are quite right. You know how worried we have all be about Edward following the, well**, **you know what I mean."

I frowned. What exactly had happened to me? Everyone was looking at me like I was made of glass and could break at any moment. My mom came back into the room; she looked upset.

"I couldn't catch up with her. I hope you are happy**, **Rose." She sounded mad.

Then she saw Dr Gerandy standing there, and read the look on both his and my dads faces.

"Sorry, is everything okay with Edward? Tom? Carlisle?" Her eyes flitted between the two of them and then finally rested on me where they softened and she rushed to my bedside. She started stroking my hair and I saw tears fill her eyes. I reached up to brush them away and my dad put his hand on her shoulder before he whispered in her ear,

"Esme, we need to leave Edward to rest. We can always come back tomorrow. I promise that Tom will let us know if anything changes."

She looked at him, and I could see that a large part of her wanted to stay, and I knew that she would not go without a fight. I smiled at her before I spoke in a low voice.

"Mom, I will be okay. I could do with the rest**, **to be honest. I'm exhausted. Please just go home and I will see you tomorrow."

She kissed my forehead and simply said.

"Sleep well**, **my angel. We will come back in the morning. Love you."

I managed a weak smile at her, fighting back a wave of emotion. The looks on the faces of my family told me how worried they were about me. I just wish someone would tell me what had happened. After they left I managed to sleep for a while but my sleep was fitfull and filled with strange images that I could not place. Waking**,** feeling disorientated**, **I got out of bed and made my way to the bathroom which took some time as I was sore and achy.

Once in there I splashed some cold water on my face and then I looked at myself in the mirror the reflected face scared me. I had a decent amount of stubble on my face, my eyes looked hollow which weren't helped by the dark heavy rings that were surrounding them. There were no obvious signs of cuts or broken bones. I could see bruises but nothing more; there was a nasty looking one on my jaw that smarted when I touched it. That confused me greatly. I had assumed that I had crashed my car but now I wasn't so sure. Maybe I had been in a fight. But that wasn't me. I don't fight mainly because I don't know how. Making my way back to bed**,**I was startled to see that there was someone in the room. I couldn't immediately work out who it was as I didn't have my glasses on and the only light came from the small lamp over my bed. They looked up and a broad smile lit up their face. Only when the spoke did I realize that it was my best friend in the whole world, Jake.

He lept out of the chair and gave me what he would describe as a 'man hug', I winced slightly as my ribs were sore. He immediately apologized and helped me back into bed. His trademark smile was bright enough to light up the room.

"Geez Cullen, you really will do _anything_ to get a few days off school**, **won't ya?" He teased.

"You know how it is Jake. Being an academic genius is hard sometimes. Not of course that you would know about that."

"Cheap shot! If you weren't in hospital already, I would put you there myself." He laughed at the irony of this. I tried to join him, but ended up clutching my ribs as it hurt like a bitch to laugh. His expression changed immediately when he realized that I was in pain.

"Sorry man. I didn't mean to hurt you. You okay?"

I smiled at him, "Just don't make me laugh too much. So what you doing here? Aren't visiting hours over?" I glanced at the clock and saw that it was past ten p.m. I knew that he shouldn't be here, but I didn't care. It was nice to see a friendly face, one that wasn't liable to burst into tears on me at any given moment.

"So, I hear you haven't been back with us that long. You are such a drama queen keeping everyone waiting around. Bet your folks are pleased to see awake after… Well you know."

I somehow managed to keep a straight face and not laugh at him, although it was hard. But something in his voice told me that he too was keeping secrets from me. I was getting a little tired of being treated like a child. Whatever happened to me I needed to know. I mean**,**how bad could it actually be?

Jake could not look at me, his gaze was fixed firmly on the floor. He is my best friend, so why was he hiding what happened from me?

"Look Jake, I've been awake a few hours, and no one will tell me what happened. Bella was here when I woke up and-"

His head snapped up and anger crossed his face. "What? How fucking dare she show her face here? What did she say?"

"Nothing. My folks came in and then Rose turned up and practically threw her out. It was weird. Mom and Dad didn't mind her being here, but Rose, well I have never seen her act like that before. I thought that she liked her."

Jakes expression calmed down, and he spoke in a low voice. There was still anger in his voice and I could hear him struggle to keep it under some form of control.

"She had no right to be here, especially after what happened before you… Well, what happened at the school dance."

There was no hiding this from me, I had caught what he had said.

"What do you mean, happened before I? Before I did what**, **Jake? Please. No one will tell me anything, I need to know why am I am in here. Rose said something similar when she saw Bella in here. Did I crash my car or something stupid like that? Please? I need to know."

"Look, this is not going to be easy to hear, but if you want to know the truth I will tell you what I know, but you are not gonna like it. I can guarantee you that. You sure you don't wanna wait a few days?"

"Jake, I am fed up with being lied to, treated like a child. Just tell me. I can handle it."  
>With that<strong>,<strong> he sat back in his chair, his chin resting on his steepled fingers. Letting out a long**,**loud sigh, looking me straight In the eye he said,

" Are you sitting comfortably? Good. Then**, **I will begin."

* * *

><p><strong>Authors Notes:<strong>

Beta'd as always by Cosmom and pre-read by FFaddward – thanks babe you really did help me out with this when I needed another pair of eyes to make sure that I was not going insane.

Thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter, I was expecting to have to hide from you after last week's update, but you were all fabulous and I love each and every one of you to bits, it means so much to know that I have your support in this. These chapters have been hard to write and I can only hope that I have got the emotions and feelings spot on, poor Edward is in a dark place at the moment and he is trying to make the puzzle pieces fit together.

Anyone who wants a different Edward, I have updated Taken and there is another chapter ready to go on that. Link on my author page.


	25. Friends Will Be Friends

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of these characters and no copyright infringement is intended**

Sorry this is a reposting of same chapter as it seems FF has been eating them again and people have not been able to see this.

"Are you sitting comfortably? Good, then I'll begin."

"So, I take it that you really don't remember anything?" I shook my head and Jake continued. "But you remember that you and Bella were… well**,** that you were together?"

I nodded at him before I said, "Yeah, I have a memory of us being together. Her reaction to seeing me awake told me a lot, too." I smiled at the thought of being loved. Jake's reaction, however, shocked me. He made a scoffing noise, and I looked at him quizzically. I didn't get chance to question him as he began to speak again.

"Yeah, tells me a lot too. Guilty conscience is all I can say to that one. She really is a piece of work, that girl. If it wasn't for her, you wouldn't be here."

He stood suddenly and began pacing the room, his hands opening and closing into fists. I couldn't remember the last time that I seen him that angry.

"What do you mean, I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for her? She's been here at my bedside waiting for me."

Jake turned to face me. I could see that he was trying to calm himself down before he continued.

"Look, this is what I know about you and Bella. You have been secretly seeing each other for the last few months. You didn't even trust me enough to tell me about the two of you until after the dance. He paused and I nodded at him to continue. "That night, I don't know how, but Jessica found out about you two and made a big fuss. There was a big scene. She got Bella up on stage, and showed photos of you having sex. The whole school saw them, and… lets just say that it was embarrassing. Bella was confronted about it and even when the evidence was too hard to dispute she rejected you. She was given the chance to come clean and say that you were together, but she didn't." His voice caught in his throat and I could hear the emotion. Then I saw it as he looked away from me. His brow knitted together as he said that final part. "In front of practically the whole school she said that it was a joke, that you were a joke. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry Edward."

I sighed, feeling numb. Something told me that there was more that he wasn't telling me,

"Jake, what aren't you telling me?"

He looked me uncertainly, and I nodded slowly for him to continue.

"You fled from the dance, I found you hiding under the bleachers and took you to my place where you stayed overnight and we talked. You told me about the two of you. When she called me looking for you, I lied, and told her to back off, give you some space. The next morning you still looked like shit but you went home. I didn't hear from you then until well, until Bella called me after… after… she called you when you were… well… you-"

I interrupted him "What Jake, when I what? Flew to the moon? Grew an extra head?"

He glared at me, before in a very calm voice he asked, "You really want me to just blurt it out, tell you without any thought to how you might feel? With no thought or care for how my best friend will take the news that he tried to kill himself? Is that what you wanted to hear?"

My face fell. "I what? No. I wouldn't. Jake, please don't joke about."

As he looked at me, tears filled his eyes and I knew that this was no joke. I felt tears form in my eyes, too. He wiped his away with his shirt sleeve and spoke to me in a low voice.

"Edward, I would never joke about something like that." He sighed before continuing. "Bella called me, sounding upset. She couldn't get a hold of you. I guessed that you were not wanting to speak to her after the dance, so I tried and when you didn't answer me, your best friend or call me back I started to worry Something just didn't feel right, I knew you wouldn't leave me hanging after everything.. I met her at your house. Your car was missing and there was no one there, which worried me, given what had happened. Not wanting to worry your folks, I let us in using the spare key. We moved around the house, looking for any clues. Bella took your room, I looked around the downstairs. Your dad's office was a mess; looked like someone had broken in, papers strewn across the floor and his filing cabinet doors were all open. You have told me that before that it was always locked so that was definitely strange. The rest of the house was untouched. Plus, how many burglars have a key? I was about to call the Police when I heard Bella scream. I rushed to the kitchen where she was on her knees crying, holding a note in her hand."

He paused for a moment, and I filled the gap, barely speaking.

"You found it. How did you know where I was?"

"I didn't. We drove around looking for you. Bella was frantic. She called you, not expecting you to answer, but you did. She couldn't get any sense out of you and she was screaming in the car. I took her cell from her and tried to get you to talk to me, thinking that you were ignoring her. You didn't speak to me either. I could hear heavy breathing and the sound of the waves through the phone and immediately knew you were at the beach. Bella told me where she thought you would be. It's a big old beach to go searching blind, but she was right. As we arrived, I saw you slumped on the sand, so I called the paramedics. Fuck."

He paused and was back on his feet, pacing the room.

"I thought that you were dead Edward, I really did. Bella was crying her heart out. Once they took you in the ambulance I called your parents to tell them. I never want to have to go through that again. Bella kept saying how this was her fault, over and over again. I have to say that I agreed with her. We argued on the beach for a long time after everyone had gone. I told her that she was pathetic, not worth my time. She had her chance to stand up, to tell people what was really happening and she didn't. She sold out your relationship at the first chance she had. I have a feeling that there are more people involved than just Jessica, though. She isn't smart enough to manage a dot to dot puzzle, let alone pull this off. The rumors and texts were harder to stamp on."

He looked at me. My face gave nothing away. I was busy trying to process the information that I had just been given. I had tried to kill myself and that just didn't seem right to me. But with everything else that Jake had told me, it seemed to be what had happened. After all**,** he was my best friend and had no reason to lie to me. No wonder no one wanted to tell me this. Why would you want to tell someone who you love that they tried to commit suicide? I was brought out of my musings by Jake. He was now standing next to me at the side of my bed.

"Edward, Edward! Are you listening to me?"

In all honesty**,** I wasn't. I was deep in thought about what he had just told me. To be honest**,** my mind was completely mashed with it, trying to make sense of everything he just told me.

"Sorry**,** Jake. What were you saying about rumors and texts?"

He looked at me, a grim look on his face.

"Yes, that. Hmmm. That's the bad news. There was no real way to stop them spreading around town. But don't worry. Emmett and the boys managed to scare a few people into not passing them on and removing them from the internet."

"Shit! My parents, Charlie!" I groaned realizing that there is a good chance that they would have heard the rumors and hopefully they would not have seen anything more.

Jake laughed before saying. "Not a problem, your folks were told that someone was basically shit stirring and making up bad stuff. They don't know about you and Bella being, well, together and we went for jealous ex-boyfriend**,** which they believed. But to be honest, they have had other things on their minds so they haven't really questioned things too much."

This at least gave me some comfort. How did this mess get so out of hand?

"Jake, did you tell Rose about me and Bella? It's just, she was here earlier and Rose went at her?"

He hesitated before answering. "After you were brought here and once your folks arrived, she turned up on my door in the middle of the night demanding answers. You know as well as I do, you don't mess with your sister. I told her what I knew, then watched her storm away; I assumed to confront Bella."

He looked at me, and I sighed.

"Great, so Rose went off on Bella. Shit!"

"Edward, I don't know what happened. She never said, and to be honest things have been a little, erm, hectic around here."

"Hmmm. Knowing Rose she probably will rip her eyes out if she sees her near you again. I really wouldn't want to be Bella. Then again, wait until you are feeling better. I can imagine she will have a few choice words to say to you too. Maybe you should feign a mystery  
>relapse to get a few extra days of peace."<p>

I was going to reply but we were interrupted by a nurse who looks slightly pissed that there was someone in there after visiting hours. She crossed her arms over her chest and said.  
>"Now, do I have to call security or are you going to leave? You know that visiting hours are over, and our patient here is under strict orders to rest."<p>

Jake turned to her and said that he would leave; no harm done. He winked at me before he left, promising that he would be back when he was allowed. Once I was alone I stared at the ceiling, slowly making sense of everything that Jake told me. Tiredness washed over me. I was exhausted. I never realized that just talking could be so tiring, and I laid back down and closed my eyes and drifted off.

My sleep was not dreamless. There were various scenes playing out in my dreams. I saw me and Bella kissing, holding hands, and making love. Then suddenly we were at the school dance; a spotlight was on me and I heard their laughter, mocking me. People calling me a freak, screaming at me as I ran out of the gym. Like a flash forward I stood in a parking lot, being confronted by a laughing James and Tanya. I see James' fist come towards me and there was nothing that I could do to avoid it, even if I wanted to. He knocked me to the ground but didn't stop his assault on me, kicking and yelling at me. Tanya stood by his side, still laughing.

I was aware of voices around me, that were talking to me calling me by my name. I also heard screaming and shouting. The voice sounded inconsolable and desperate, begging for it to stop, to let them end their misery. They screamed, asking to be let go. Then I recognized the voice. It was mine. The voices around me were discussing the best way to keep me calm, and they were holding me down as I thrashed about on the bed. My eyes were wild, darting from one person to another, and I fought with all my strength, but it was no use.

Doctor Gerandy came into the room and he tried to reason with me, speaking softly to me. I didn't listen, all I did was fight back more. I couldn't make out what they were saying around me but I knew that decisions were being made and there was nothing that I could do. Then I felt a scratch on my arm followed by a calming sensation washing over me, cradling me and calming me down. My eyes closed and I was taken over by a dreamless sleep.

**O o o o o o o o O**

I woke, feeling like I had done several rounds with a heavyweight boxer. There were voices whispering around me and I recognized them as my mom and dad. I tried to speak but my voice would not come out. Maybe this was a good thing as I was able to lay there with my eyes closed, taking in what was being said.

"Carlisle, I really cannot believe what they are saying about him becoming aggressive, that just doesn't seem possible."

"I know, but the facts speak for themselves. Do we really know our son anymore? Honestly Esme, did you ever think that we would get **that** phone call? Because I never did. Not for either of them. Then there is the question of the missing drugs and alcohol from my office. I can't deny the facts that are in front of me."

My dad sighed heavily and I knew that he would be looking at my chart.

"But this is so strange. Why would my darling son suddenly do something like this? Do you think that he is being bullied at school? Maybe I should talk to Jacob, or maybe Bella knows something. They have been hanging out together with all of that studying. Plus, do you not think that it's strange that she was here almost as much as she was? Also, there is what Jacob told us about them being together; not of course that I will believe it until I hear it from my son. But they would make a nice couple. Bella is adorable and perfect for him."

My dad chuckled at her, "Darling, you just want to see everyone happy. I get that, but Edward, well, he will date when the time is right. Stop pushing it. You know what high school gossip can be like."

I chose that point to alert them to the fact that I was awake by sitting up slowly in bed. My mom rushed to my side.

"Edward! Oh sweetheart. Are you okay? They told me that you were upset last night and they were worried about you."

"Mom, they, they knocked me out with some injection or other. I…I was having a nightmare but it felt so real, I was so scared, there was no-one here. I… I…"

Suddenly, I was aware of tears in my eyes. When I looked at my parents, concern was written all over their faces. My mom had tears in her eyes and my dad, well he couldn't look at me. Mom held me tight, almost as if she was afraid to let me go. Once I knew that I was safe, I broke down. Sobs wracked my chest and I felt like a child again. I could hear my parents talking in low voices. It almost sounded like they were arguing in hushed tones. The only bit of the conversation that I could make out was my mom demanding.

"I want to take him home, now. I don't care what they say, Carlisle."

My dad left the room and my mom continued to hold me, waiting for me to cry myself out, which took some time. She pulled back once the sobs subsided, taking my tear stained cheeks in her hands and looking at me with a weak smile on her face. She used her thumbs to wipe away my last tears as she reassured me.

"It's going to be okay Edward, I promise. I have told your dad I want you out of here. You should be home with your family, not here. He has gone to speak to Dr. Gerandy to arrange things. I won't leave you here any longer than I have to. Is that what you want?"  
>I managed to force a smile onto my face. Yes. The thought of going home, being somewhere safe felt good. No one would be able to reach me there, my family would protect me. I nodded at her.<p>

"That's decided then. You are coming home. Oh Edward, I love you so much son, and I will do anything to help you get through this. But you have to promise me that you will talk to me, tell me what you are thinking, and please don't shut me out."  
>I continued to nod at her, and a smile broke out on her face when I said. "I love you Mom and I'm sorry."<p>

She took me into her arms, kissing my hair she muttered almost to herself.

"No, I'm sorry. Sorry that I wasn't there for you when you needed me the most. I will get to the bottom of this and when I do, heads will roll. No one messes with my family"  
>My dad came back into the room, taking in the scene before him. He motioned to my mom and then I saw Dr .Gerandy standing outside the door. She kissed my head and told me,<p>

"I'll only be outside. Okay, sweetheart?"

I watched, feeling fearful as I could see my parents and Dr. Gerandy outside my room. They were having what looked to be a heated discussion, I didn't really know what they were saying but every now and again I would hear my mom's voice raise and then she would glance at me, smiling before she would continue talking to my dad and Dr. Gerandy. She was doing her best to keep me calm, although inside, I felt anything but. Everything that Jake had told me, combined with the dreams that I had, put me on edge. I wanted to be anywhere but here and so I laid back on the bed and closed my eyes just wanting this to be over.

The door swung open and my eyes flew open, immediately coming to rest upon my mom's smiling face.

"We're taking you home. They agreed that as long as your father keeps a close eye on you then you can come with us now."

Tears pricked at my eyes as I managed to squeak out,

"Really?"

"Yes darling, really. Now let me get your things together. The discharge papers are being prepared now and I will have you home in no time. After all, that that is where you belong."  
>She kissed the top of my head and I walked as she left the room. I assumed to hurry the discharge along. I rested my head against the pillows, allowing a smile to form, only to have it wiped away when I heard a familiar voice break the silence.<p>

"Hey, how are you doing?"

I sat upright to see Bella standing, nervously looking at me. What was she doing here?

"What do you want?" I hissed.

"Edward, we need to talk."

**Authors Note**  
>Thanks as always go out to my beta Cosmom, she is amazing! Please note that following this update there will a change to the posting schedule, I have been posting weekly and that has been down the fact that I have had a stockpile of chapters which has now run out and with all my other commitments I cannot guarantee a weekly update, it is a lot of hard work and puts extra pressure of my poor beta too. So next update will be 2 weeks from now. (Hides behind sofa)<p>

Please do let me know what you think by leaving a review below.

On a final note I have submitted a sexy/smutty one shot for the following compilation which has already been sent out, but if anyone wants to donate £5 donation will get this and other stories by some awesome authors. Link for website: www(DOT)fandom4heroes(DOT).

Fandom 4 Heroes aims to help raise money and awareness for 2 charities. Help for Heroes and The Poppy Appeal. Info on each are:

H4H: Is a British charity which has supported those men and women woundedin the service for their country since 9/11 including building "homes from home" at Queen Elizabeth Hospital in Birmingham.

Poppy Appeal: Run by the Royal British Legion which provides welfare to servicemen and women, both current and those who have left the forces, and their families. The poppy appeal helps to raise money for the ex-Service community while the poppy has become the national symbol of remembrance of those who lost their lives serving their countries.


	26. Home Sweet Home

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or these characters, we all know who does. No copyright infringement is intended**

* * *

><p>I couldn't believe that she was standing there in front of me, wanting to talk. Did she not realize that I would either remember or would have been told the reason that I was here?<p>

"Do you think that there is anything that I want to hear from you now? Why do you think that I have anything to say to you? I know Bella. I know everything."

She looked at me, her mouth open and panic crossing her face.

"So, did you come here play the role of devoted girlfriend**,** hoping that I wouldn't be able to remember? Or**,** just in case I had remembered**,** were you going to beg for forgiveness? Because trust me**,** right now you have nothing to say that I want to hear. Now**,**leave."

I heard her sigh deeply before she spoke, her voice barely a whisper.

"I'm sorry, so sorry. If I could go back and change things I would, in a heartbeat. I just never expected us to be discovered like that. I was shocked at the depths Jessica went to...how... why." She paused**,**sighing deeply. "I thought that she was my friend. It just goes to show that you really can't trust anyone around here. All I can do is apologize to you. I love you Edward, I really do."

I heard her voice crack**,**followed by a deep sob.

I took my chance before she could say anything else to try and sway me. I felt my heart lurch at seeing her so upset and I fought the instinct to take her in my arms and comfort her, to wipe away the tears that she was sure to cry over how she handled the situation. Knowing that if I gave in now I would be her puppet, and I could not allow that.

"_You_ threw us away, Bella. _Y__ou_ pretended that I meant nothing to you. Do you have any idea how much that hurt to hear? I loved you. I would have moved mountains, walked over hot coals, given you anything that you asked for before that night at the school dance. That was your chance to tell the world that you loved me, to show them that we were strong, real and together. But**,** no. Your social standing is more important to you than anything. Now get out of here and leave me the fuck alone. I'm asking you to leave me alone. You have done more than enough damage as it is. Now**,**get out."

Turning away from her**,**I heard her sobbing as she managed to utter. "I'm so sorry, I hope you can one day forgive me."

I turned my head away from her as my anger turned to sorrow. The tears making a none too welcome reappearance as my jaw began to quiver. The door opened and closed as she left. I wiped away the tears that spilled down my cheeks**,**hoping that I would be able to hide this outburst from my mom; she would only worry and I think that I had given her enough cause for concern in the last few days. I managed to compose myself as my mom re-entered the room, speaking in a bright and breezy tone that I could tell was forced.

"We have the all clear from Dr Gerandy, and once we get you up and out of that bed, you can come home."

I turned to smile at her**,** knowing that she would have seen something had upset me, and true to form she frowned at me, stroking her hand through my hair with a questioning look her face**,**before she finally spoke.

"I know this is tough for you. Don't worry, though. You are not to rush back to school. I have already spoken to the principal. We are just happy to have you home, where you belong."

She pulled away from me and busied herself**,**handing me some clothes so I could get dressed to leave. I pulled myself out of bed, making my way to the bathroom where I closed the door behind me and put on the clothes. I looked at the reflection, and yet again failed to recognize the person looking back at me. I had been through so much recently and I wasn't sure if I would even like the person that would emerge from the mess that had been created.

After I was officially discharged, we began our trip home. My mom sat in the back of the car with me and held my hand. As we drove through the town I felt like everyone was looking at me, and I sank lower into the seat, pulling my baseball cap down over my face. My mom sensed my distress and squeezed my hand tighter.

"Darling, it's okay. We'll be home soon."

I then caught the looks being exchanged between her and my dad in the rear view mirror. The silent exchange resulted in the car lurching forward as he picked up more speed to get us home.

As the car pulled up outside the house**,** I was relieved to see that there was no one waiting to welcome me home; no banners and balloons heralding my return. Slowly**,**I got out of the car and before I knew it my dad was at my side, his hand on my arm guiding me gently forward towards the house, I turned to face him and he smiled weakly at me before he spoke in a gentle voice.

"C'mon son. Let's get you home where you belong."

I allowed him to usher me into the house. Mom walked ahead and by the time we made it through the door she has plumped the cushions on the couch, blanket in hand. She motioned for me to sit, and I did watching as she busied herself, fetching me a drink and asking if I wanted something to eat. I just stared blankly at her before shaking my head. My dad looked at her and I saw another silent exchange pass between them.

Tiredness washed over me and I stood, moving towards the stairs to go to my bedroom as I just wanted to be alone. Both mom and dad were standing nearby watching me as I made my way slowly away from them. Neither of them spoke which was a relief and I was left to slowly make my way, to my bedroom.

Once I opened the door it felt like I had never been away. My bed is made, room is tidy and my cell still on the desk. I stared at it as it would suddenly come to life and attack me. Subconsciously, I feel myself move towards it. Reaching toward it, I quickly recoil as if I'd been burned. I know it is too soon for me to even think about looking at whatever messages will be waiting for me. Making my way to my bed, I climb under the duvet and pulling myself into the fetal position. With my eyes closed, I began to try and work out what I should do next.

According to Jake, Bella was the reason that I was in hospital as I had taken a combination of pills and liquor following our relationship being revealed and her rejecting me. I was confused. If she had rejected me, why had she spent time at the hospital. Had I imagined that in my subconscious? After all I had so many different thoughts and dreams running about it was hard to work out what was real. I knew that the one person who would be honest with me was my mom. I would ask her later. I was exhausted mentally and physically and drifted off into a dreamless sleep.

I was awoken from my slumber by the sounds of raised voices drifting up the stairs. For a moment I forgot where I was and I felt a panic begin to rise within me. I felt better when I finally remembered I was at home. The voices were still loud but I couldn't make out everything that was being said but I recognized them as belonging to my family.

I got out of bed and made my way to the staircase so I would be able to hear without them knowing. I could hear Rose and my mom arguing. Sitting on the top step, I listened intently as they continued.

"Unreasonable? You think it was unreasonable to throw that little bitch out of his hospital room? She was the whole reason that he was there in the first place, or did you not listen to what Emmett told you?"

"Rose! How many times do I have to tell you, I will not have you talking about Bella in that way. If it were not for her and Jake I may now be planning my son's funeral."

I heard mom's voice crack briefly before she regained her control.

"I will not have this behavior in my house. You need to realize that Edward is recovering and he needs us around him, supporting him. Going after Bella like that will not help anyone, especially him. Okay?"

"Yes mom, I'm sorry. I just know that there is more to-"

I jumped at the next voice as it was my dad. His voice cracked through the air, he was angry. I could hear this in his voice.

"_Stop this now!_ Do you not understand what your brother has been through the last few days? How close we came to losing him? He needs us to be strong and supportive for him. Edward needs time and his family to be united in this. Do I make myself clear, Rosalie? _Do I_?" His voice softened. "What you don't know is that they wanted to keep Edward in hospital for another couple of days to watch over him, with the whole. Well incident. It was only because I promised to watch him personally, and report any issues back that they allowed him home. I just need to be able to get over here to see him with having him over-react. The last thing he needs is anything to cause a relapse. They will definitely need to re-admit him and there is nothing that I would be able to do to stop them. We need you to work with us Rosalie; you and Emmett, to be our eyes and ears. He may just open up to you more than us. I just don't understand any of it.

There wasn't a sound coming from anyone, and I then heard footsteps coming closer to the stairs. Quickly, I went back to my bedroom and lay down on the bed closing my eyes feigning sleep as I heard footsteps getting closer. I heard the door open and then the bed dipped as someone sat on the edge. A gentle hand ran through my hair as I lay there not alerting them to my consciousness, there was an unusual softness to the voice that I was not used to hearing from my sister.

"Oh Edward, I'm so sorry it came to this. I will keep you safe. No one will be able to hurt you like this again. I promise."

Then she left as quietly as she entered. This was a side that I rarely saw of my sister. I knew she cared for me, but this soft and gentle Rose was a new person and one that I was looking forward to knowing. I tried to make some sense of what I had heard downstairs the pain in my mom's voice was clear, and that was my fault. I had caused her this pain and worry and it pained me to think of her hurting because of me. How could I have been so stupid? Thinking about the fact that there was a Doctor I didn't know coming to see me, who was this, and what did my dad mean, he managed to get me discharged sooner and that he would have to monitor me. The thought of going back into hospital scared me. I was glad to finally be home with my family. From what Jake had told me, this was just a giant cluster fuck, and there was only one person who could answer my questions and that was Bella. I didn't feel ready to face her just yet. I drifted off to sleep as these thoughts ran through my mind.

This time when I woke the house was peaceful. I stretched and got out of bed. As I made my way downstairs, I could smell my mom's lasagna and I made my way into the kitchen. When she saw me her face lit up and came towards me and gave me a warm hug, which I gladly returned.

"I'm making your favorite tonight. Sort of a welcome home treat for you. I know we agreed no fuss, but this really doesn't count. Hope you don't mind but Emmett will be here, too."

"Mom please, I just want things to be normal again, I just hope you made enough for him." I chuckled and she smiled at me.

"Of course I did, I know how much he can eat. Now, get out from under my feet. Go, go!"

She shooed me out of the kitchen and things felt like they were getting back to normal and I was relieved.

The dinner went smoothly. The conversation was kept light and casual. We talked about everything and nothing at the same time. No-one mentioned my hospital stay or any the reasons behind it. I kept expecting my dad to mention the forthcoming mystery Doctor Rose's visit but he didn't, but I knew it would come. Emmett was his usual self; loud and playful and managed to eat much more than anyone else. Rose - she was different. I kept catching her looking at me and when I turned to her she would look away. I didn't want to bring up the argument that I heard earlier or that I had been awake when Rose came to me, There was a peace surrounding us now and I did not want to break it.

After dinner I offered to help clear the dishes away but was told that tonight I would get a night off tonight. As I walked into the lounge with my dad I knew that he was wanting to talk to me, both Rose and Emmett were helping with the dishes and conspicuous by their absences as Emmett hated doing dishes. We sat and I aimlessly flicked through the channels on the tv not settling on anything in particular. My dad took a deep breath and spoke in a low calm voice.

"Edward, I need to talk to you." I placed the remote control on the coffee table before turning to face him. "I know you have been through alot in the last week son, and I am not really sure what caused it, but you know that we are here for you. We have all been so worried about you. It seemed that Bella was at the hospital practically non-stop."

At the mention of her name I felt bile rise in my throat and I was up on my feet pacing the room before I knew it. When I stopped pacing I turned to face him, he looked so worried, his brows knitted together and he looked like he was struggling for what to say to me. I had never seen my dad look so unsure of himself. He sighed again before he spoke, almost as if that would help.

"Please, calm down son, I don't know what is going on with you and Bella, that is not my concern now. You are, as both a patient and also more importantly my son. I love you with all my heart so does your mom. We were devastated when we got that call to say, well, let's not get into the details, but I never, ever want to get a call like that again. We are both here for you, anytime. Now there is something that I need to discuss with you." He paused again before continuing. "They only discharged you into my care on the condition that I monitor you and that you see a Psychiatrist. I have consulted and found someone who will not only listen but is very good. Dr Crabb will be here tomorrow to see you. Please don't worry she is not going to tell me what you say, anything you say will remain confidential unless you choose to tell me. Dr Crabb needs to talk things through with you, see how you are feeling now and prepare a report."

I whisper out. "It's okay, I understand. I'm sorry, too. Sorry that I caused you all such pain, I never meant to. I don't know what-"

"Edward, please." He was now standing in front of me, holding my shoulders firmly as he looked into my eyes. My head fell forwards and I uttered,

"I need some air. I'm going outside, if that's okay?"

He simply nodded. I grabbed my jacket before stepping outside. I was enjoying the crisp air and stared at the stars on this clear moonlit night, it was good to be here, alive. I walked down onto the lawn and across to the summerhouse. A wry smile played across my lips as I thought of all the times that I had spent in there before my world was turned upside down. Hesitantly, I reached out and opened the door which was, of course, unlocked. Nothing appeared to have been touched in months. Then again, who uses a summerhouse in the middle of winter? It was freezing inside but I wanted to be here, this was familiar and safe to me. Sitting down in the chair I relaxed and let my thoughts wander to my conversation with my dad and the visit from this Doctor tomorrow. I knew that they would want to poke around inside my head, and I really didn't know what to tell them. I had nearly torn my family apart through my actions and there was no way that I could make this up to them. No matter how many times I said sorry, it would not change the fact that I had tried to kill myself. Spurred on by what I knew now to be the betrayal at the hands of the girl that I loved with my heart and soul. Never again would give someone this kind of power over me. Yes I'm young, but I gave her everything I had to give, and she, well she sold me out and I could never, ever forgive her for that.

I was angry. Someone orchestrated the events at the school dance and from what I had been told this was a complex set up. Then again, was I being overly paranoid? Bella had told me that she was not part of that, but could I believe her? After all, she told me that she loved me and then said I was a joke in front of the whole school. I kept seeing glimpses of memories from that night. I remember feeling so jealous when she was with Mike Newton, happy that she was mine we made out in the boys locker room down to despair as I fled from the gym after my world crashed down around my ears. Tears pricked at my eyes again. I was sick of crying, shedding tears and expressing emotions over something that I could not control. This was not my fault . It was Bella's and who ever set up the floor show at the dance.

I would find out who did this and have my revenge, no matter how long it took. And that, was a promise.

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><p><strong>Authors Note:<strong>

Thanks go out as always to Cosmom who beta's for me and a massive welcome on board to the Karma Killer train to Kitties1 who pre-read and did some betaing for me too. She is someone I am lucky to have in my life and call my friend. Please DO check out her story, Isabella Swan, Submissive. This is not for everyone and the humour is very very British, I love it cannot recommend this enough.

Thanks to everyone who reads and reviews for me, I really do appreciate knowing that you are with me on this ride.


	27. Puzzle Pieces

**Disclaimer: **

I of course do not own Twilight or any of these characters we all know who does. No copyright infringement is intended.

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><p>I pulled myself back together as much as I was able, knowing that the second I walked back into the house all eyes would be on me, watching, looking for a moment of weakness or uncertainty. I didn't want my family to see me as being weak, I had been weak for too long. Now was the time to be strong. Taking a deep breath, I prepared to stand and make my way back to the house. The door opened making me jump and my heart skipped a beat. In walked Rose, who took a seat opposite me without saying a word, and I sat down too. We sat there in stunning silence for what felt like hours, but I knew that it would only be minutes. I wondered who would speak first; it turned out to be Rose.<p>

"Edward, I… Shit, sorry." I glanced at her and saw tears glistened in her eyes. "I wanted to be all together when I did this, but looks like that isn't gonna happen." She took a deep breath and I waited in silence for her to continue. The only thing I did was reach over and take her hand in mine, giving it a reassuring squeeze. She smiled weakly at me before she continued. "I know that I don't say this to you often enough, but I love you. You are my baby brother, my flesh and blood and I will do anything to protect you. I know that you have been through some shit, and I feel bad that I wasn't there for you, or you felt like you couldn't tell me what was going on but-"

"Rose, I know. Please-"

She cut me off, as I had done to her.

"Edward, please don't. Let me say what I have to, I need to do this. You have been living some kind of double life these last few months. I can honestly say that I am glad that you had found someone, and at one time I would have been pleased that it was Bella, but after the stunt I heard she pulled at the dance, well I could do some serious damage to that bitch. How she could do that to you? It makes me so fucking angry."

I smiled at my sister's passion and fire to protect me. I always knew that she was there for me. She was like a lioness and I knew where she got it from. I could see in her the passion and protectiveness of both our parents rolled into one person, and I felt the love radiating off her for me at the same time. I stood, moving to her and wrapped my arms around her I gently kissed the top of her head and I spoke into her hair.

"Rose, I know. Bella is, was, important to me. What I know now is that I meant nothing to her. She threw away what we had. It's gone, done, dead, and buried." I stepped back from her. "She is my past. I now have a future to look forward to, just not sure what form that will take. I will soon be done with school, and I cannot wait to put that nightmare behind me. I know how much you love me, and I love you. I'm just sorry that it came to such a head before I realized what I have around me. I have great friends and a loving family. I just think that the past should be left there. I know that-"

My next words were drowned out by Emmett as he burst through the door.

"Yo! So this is where the party is at? You two having a private party out here, or can anyone join in?"

He stood there with a beaming smile on his face. His head moved back and forth between the two of us so fast, I feared that he would give himself whiplash. I laughed at him, and Rose simply slapped his arm playfully before she allowed him to pull her into his waiting arms. She didn't fight him, there was no point, he could quite easily win. Emmett's face lit up as he asked,

"Anyone for ice-cream? Your folks don't have any in, I'm heading a scouting party down to the local store to get some before it closes. You coming?" He looked directly at me. I felt a chill run through me at the thought of going into town, even though it was late and I knew deep down that there would be very few people at the store, I still worried that people would stare at me or whisper behind my back. Emmett obviously picked up on my concern, as did Rose. She extricated herself from Emmett's hold and put her arm around me supportively while Emmett reassured me.

"Hey, if you don't wanna go, it's fine. If you do, you know that I will have your back if anyone says anything, or even looks at you in the wrong way." He slammed his point home by smashing his fist into his hand several times. This earned him a glare from Rose to which he responded by holding his hands up in mock surrender laughing. "Hey I got his back babe. You know that. I am only looking out for him."

I smiled at him, and knew that he meant every single word that he spoke. Nodding my answer, he clapped me on the back and we headed out to his jeep. Rose went inside quickly, I assumed to tell mom and dad where we were headed. When she returned, she opened the front passenger door and was obviously pissed that I had called shotgun already, but didn't argue. The drive into town was filled with Emmett's inane chatter about, well I couldn't tell you what. I knew that he was trying to keep my mind occupied and stop me brooding about the expedition. That might sound like I was being overly dramatic but I was honestly scared that someone would say something to me and I would crumble into a million pieces. Just knowing that I had Rose and Emmett there helped, and I didn't feel the full scale panic that I had expected, that was until we pulled into the parking lot.

Pulling into a space near the store I noticed that there were the cars of a lot of the people from my school parked up at the far end. They did this often, just hang about in the store lot listening to music too loudly and smoking. My heart started to quicken as I recognized some of their cars. Mike Newton was here which meant that Jessica would not be too far away, I half wondered if Bella had made it back into their favor yet, I mean after all what happened to me at the dance would ensure that, wouldn't it? It was only when Rose yanked the door open and leaned in asking,

"You coming or what?" I snapped myself out of my mental ramblings and managed half a smile, and she knew instantly what was worrying me. "C'mon, they haven't even seen us yet, no one will mess with Em; you know that."

I nodded slowly before I got out of the Jeep and dropped my head down making our way into the store. No one crossed our path on the way in, but I put that more down to the fact that Emmett was walking ahead, almost like a bodyguard clearing a path for me. Once we were inside he grabbed a basket and headed straight for the snacks aisle, dumping in pack after pack of chips and various other goodies. Rose just shook her head, fighting off a smile.

"We came for ice-cream, Em." She scolded him, not that he paid her any attention and started eyeing up the candy. I laughed at him, and bravely suggested,

"I'll head over and grab some ice-cream. You guys want the usual, I take it?"

Rose looked at me questioningly, squinting her eyes at me before she nodded and said. "Okay, we'll be there once I manage to get him away from here."

I walked away, once again dropping my head down. The people that I passed paid no attention to me as I made my way to the freezer section and this alone caused me to feel better about myself. Once there I stood staring into the large freezer unit, searching for Rose's favorite ice-cream - Ben & Jerry's Phish Food. They had just about every other variety apart from this, and then I spotted it. Lurking in the bottom corner I saw my holy grail and reached into the freezer to grab it when a familiar voice spoke softly behind me.

"Hi Edward, glad to see that you are back home."

I stood up so quickly that I made myself dizzy, a knot of nausea built within me, and then I came face to face with the owner of the voice, Tanya. She smiled nervously, reaching out to touch my face, but I flinched away from her, causing her to recoil.

"Sorry, you startled me. I wasn't… I erm…" I mumbled out.

"I know. I'm sorry, I should have thought, but I would recognize that cute butt anywhere and just had to come over and say hi. Rose hasn't been the best at telling me what's been happening since. Well, since. You know."

I nodded at her, knowing that this was how it would be, people treading on eggshells around me, not wanting to say the words. Feeling brave, I decided to say them for her.

"What, since I tried to kill myself? It's okay Tanya, you can say it." I stared right at her, watching as her face started to crumble and tears filled her eyes. I stepped towards her and she took a rather hasty step backward, glancing around as if she had expected someone to appear out of nowhere. This reaction confused me as I remembered everything that had happened between us, every kiss, every touch and to have her look so scared of me, was concerning.

Her cell phone rang, startling both of us, and as her eyes looked at the caller ID, I saw a look of what I could only describe as panic cross her face. I watched as she tried to cover this with a fake smile as she answered it, keeping her voice low almost as if she didn't want me to hear the conversation.

"Hey baby… yeah, I'm just at the store getting what you asked for… I know I will be there soon… Yes. I know… I'm sorry, please don't be angry… What outside the store?... Okay… I'm coming now."

I could make out an angry sounding male voice at the other end. She finished the call, looking at me a, weak smile on her face before she said,

"Sorry, I gotta go. Nice to see you're on the mend."

She hugged me quickly, surprising me before she turned on her heel and disappeared down the aisle away from me. I was left staring after her as she almost ran out of the store. Then I heard Rose's voice break through my confusion.

"Hey, did you find it? Oh, was that Tanya I just saw? What did she want?"

I turned to look at her, "Yeah, she just said hi, and then she went. It was all a bit strange."

"What do you mean strange?" Rose asked absent mindedly as she grabbed a couple of tubs of ice-cream from the freezer.

"I'm not sure. Maybe I'm reading too much into it. She was weird, and then she got a call and it sounded like she was scared of whomever was on the other end and she practically ran away."

Rose turned to look at me. What do you mean, scared? Shit. She must be back with that asshole."

"What asshole?"

Rose waved her hand absentmindedly, while she looked at Emmett.

"No one. Come on, let's get back home before mom and dad send out a search par-"

She stopped before she finished the sentence, and again I felt like people were treating me differently.

"Search party? For me, really there is no need for that. I never go missing."

The look on both Rose and Emmett's faces was a picture as I realized what I had said, and the reason that she stopped before saying search party. One was needed to find me that night on the beach. I needed to lighten the mood somehow.

"Last one to the checkout pays!" I yelled over my shoulder as I ran down the aisle with them following quickly behind me.

Once we had made it back into the parking lot and to the Jeep, I noticed that Emmett was distracted by something and I turned to see what it was. A cold chill of recognition ran through me as I watched Tanya arguing with a man in front of a car. I saw him grab her arm roughly as he pulled her towards him. I saw Emmett move toward them, and Rose grabbed his arm saying. "Em, don't. Please?"

Emmett stopped and continued to watch the scene as it played out before us. Then we watched as he pulled Tanya towards him, kissing her roughly, which she then reciprocated, reaching around his neck and pulling him towards her.

"Typical Tanya. She just cannot see how bad that asshole is for her. Let's just hope she sees the light before it's too late and he puts her in the hospital." Rose muttered under her breath.

We all got into the jeep, but I could not take my eyes off Tanya and James when a sudden familiarity ran through me. It felt like I had seen this before but I couldn't remember when or where I had seen this. I just wished that I could since it might help me piece things together. As we drove out of the parking lot I saw Bella walking from her car being followed by Jessica hot on her heels. At first I thought that they were going to the store together, and then I watched in horror as Jessica pushed her from behind, causing Bella to fall to the sidewalk. Once she was down there I saw Jessica shout something at her as she laughed and walked away, back to her little group. So I was wrong. Bella wasn't back in the arms of her previous friends it seemed, but that was no longer any of my concern. She had sold me out, so why should I rush to help her now? I turned my head away and closed my eyes.

The drive home was quiet, and I was watching the looks being exchanged between Emmett and Rose through the mirror. Breaking the deathly silence that had descended was risky but I wanted to know more.

"What did you mean Rose, when you said, she sees the light before he puts her in the hospital? Has he hurt her before?" Again there was another set of glances. "Please just tell me. So much is blurry and fuzzy. I think I have a vague memory of Tanya being hurt at some point, but I don't know when it was. She is your best friend, and to think of someone hurting her it upsets me. She was always so good to me."

Emmett stifled a laugh, covering it up with a cough. He knew about me and Tanya. I remembered telling him everything that day on the beach when I poured my heart out to him. Rose didn't pick up on what happened and replied, sighing loudly before she answered me.

"What I meant is that she is caught up with that asshole, James. She won't listen to anyone; there is just no reaching her. Tanya will not hear a bad word said against him, despite the fact that she has had a black eye recently and refused to say that he had done it. She claimed to have hit her face on a cupboard door. Like I believe that crock of shit."

I tried to keep any sign of emotion from my face and out of my voice as I replied.

"Rose, if you have tried and she has not listened to you, there is nothing more you can do. Just be there for her when she finally comes to her senses. She will need you to be there for her."

We stopped discussing this any further as we arrived home and we headed inside with our spoils. The rest of the night was spent watching movies as my parents discreetly left us alone in the lounge. I headed to bed with a nagging doubt in my mind that I couldn't shake. Something about seeing Tanya with James felt very familiar, but if Rose said they had been together for some time I would have seen them together before, wouldn't I?

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><p><strong>Authors Note:<strong>

Thanks so much for reading this, and please do leave a review to let me know your thoughts. Sorry for the delay in this chapter. Things will start to unravel more with the whole Edward and Tanya situation in the next one.

A massive thanks as always go out to Cosmom for betaing this into something grammatically correct for me! And also to Kitties1 for her hard work.

This chapter is dedicated to Kitties1 and I would like to wish her a very Happy 21st Birthday! (coughs) she has become a very special friend to me and someone that I am so thrilled to have in my life. Please do go and check out her story: Isabella Swan, Submissive. It is filled with British humour and she is just about to post the first part of Edward's POV which moved me to tears. She is a very special person. MWAH!


	28. Revelations

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of these characters, and no copyright infringement is intended.**

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><p>I woke the next morning, pleased to be back in my own bed. I stretched and yawned before I remembered that I was due to meet Dr. Crabb today. I know that my dad would not have invited them to his home unless he was confident that they would be able to help me. Getting dressed and heading downstairs, I found that I was alone in the house. It felt nice to be alone and not to have people around me. Sitting on the couch, I stared mindlessly out of the window and I had no idea how long I was doing this for until I heard the front door open and close, causing me to jump. My dad appeared in the doorway.<p>

"Sorry, son. I didn't mean to startle you. How did you sleep?"

I smiled at him, "I slept good, thanks and no nightmares before you ask." I knew my father well.

He walked towards me, sitting down in the chair opposite me. "You know that Dr. Crabb is coming to see you today? Well, I wanted to be here when she does, I won't be sitting in on your session, that will remain private. I know I have told you that already but I want to make sure you fully understand. She is good, one of the best Psychologists I know. I promise she will help you."

I nodded at him, and was about to answer to reassure him when the doorbell rang. My dad looked at his watch.

"She's early, but maybe that's not a bad thing." He got up and left me, and I heard him greeting her before they went through to his office.

Not knowing what to do with myself, to try and calm my nerves I began to pace the room, raking my hand through my hair. I wasn't sure what expect from this session. Hell, I didn't even know what this Dr. Crabb looked like. I know now that she's a woman and that was about it. It felt like forever before the door opened and a tall, slender woman walked into the room. She smiled broadly at me as she extended her hand out to me. When she spoke, I was surprised that I heard an Irish lilt to her voice which immediately made me feel more relaxed. She never lost eye contact with me as she spoke to me,

"Hello Edward, I'm Dr Janet Crabb and I am here to help you. Our sessions will be informal and I don't want you to be worried at all. Are you comfortable doing this in here? I understand that we have the house to ourselves, and your father said that he'll stay in his office. Unless you prefer to do this in there?"

I looked at her, not really knowing what to say I managed to mumble out. "Can we do it in here? If that's okay with you?"

She smiled broadly at me. "Edward, these are your sessions, not mine. I'm sure that your father has already told you, but I am a Psychologist, I'm not here to upset you, but we need to get to the bottom of what happened to you before the incident on the beach. But first we need to set some ground rules here, okay?" I nodded and she continued. "I will not share what happens in these sessions. You control them to some degree, I will allow you to take things at your own pace, but please remember, I am the Doctor here. Nothing you say is right or wrong, I need to see how you came to be here, what brought you to this point and I can only do that if you are honest with me. Do you think that you can agree to these rules?"

I responded without thinking. "Yes, Doctor Crabb."

She sighed heavily, "Oh I forgot the most important rule. Never call me Doctor Crabb, that just makes me feel old. My father was also Doctor Crabb."

"I think I can manage that, Janet." I said smiling at her.

The next two hours went by so quickly, we discussed a multitude of things from my childhood to my school friends. I didn't tell her about the nickname the school kids had given me, but I did start to tell her about Bella and. I noticed that she was taking a lot of notes and not really asking any questions. I was shocked when she told me that the session was over, it went so fast. She made me feel so at ease about the whole thing. I knew that I was going to come to trust her. Dr Crabb told me that she could help me make sense of the mess that my brain was in, bring order to the chaos and hopefully bring forward the memories that were missing. Although this would take time, and she assured me, that she had plenty of time. My dad joined us, telling me that he had to go back to the hospital for a few hours, and that my mom and Rose were out shopping in Port Angeles and would not be back until later. This was all planned to give me time and space needed for the session today. He checked that I was going to be ok on my own, and I told him yes and not to worry. I went to the front door and waved them both off, as I stood watching their cars disappear down the driveway, I saw a familiar car pull in, and out stepped Tanya. She smiled nervously before she came towards me.

"I'm so sorry for running off on you like that last night Edward, you see it was… well, never mind. Are you alone? I mean**,** I just saw Carlisle leaving. Rose, Esme?"

I smiled at her, saying, "It's just me. Rose is out shopping with Mom and I would imagine it will be a full day expedition."

She asked almost shyly. "Can I come in? I need to talk to you."

I motioned for her to step inside, following her quickly. "You want a coffee while we talk?" I asked.

"Please, if it's not too much trouble. That's the last thing I want to be, any trouble." She smiled weakly at me.

I went into the kitchen and she followed me, leaning against the counter top. As I waited for the kettle to boil and prepare the mugs I stole glances at her. What I saw shocked me. The Tanya that I always knew was immaculately turned out; makeup and hair done at all times. Now the person standing here with me looked like she has just gotten out of bed, and she looked to have also lost weight, if that were possible for her. I even noticed a couple of faded bruises on her arms. I was worried by what I saw, but really didn't know how to broach the subject.

I passed her a cup and she held it in her hands like it was made of precious material. She seemed to be thinking something through in her mind, although I had no idea what was going on. I would just have to be patient until she was ready.

"So Tanya, you never did say why you left in such a rush last night. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I… well… James…" She took a deep breath and in one rushed out sentence, saying,

"James called because he thought that I was taking too long at the store, so he called to check on me. Then he was waiting for me outside. It's okay though. He loves me."

Something in that rather garbled sentence struck me as strange. She was making excuses for him, yet I had clearly seen him treat her badly in the store parking lot, but of course she didn't know that. I fought the urge to grab her by the shoulders and beg her to tell me what was going on. Although I no longer felt love for her it didn't stop me from caring about what happens to her. I let out a large sigh before I spoke in a low, calm voice.

"Tanya, I know that we didn't work out, and that must've hurt you, and for that I am truly sorry. I never meant to hurt you in all of this. You will always be special to me, you know that right?" I looked at her and saw she was staring into the coffee cup, almost as if she would find the answers she was looking for there. I watched her, she opened her mouth several times as if she was going to say something before she closed it just as quickly. Her eyes never met mine. I was growing tired of waiting for her to speak.I know that sounds bad**,**but the session with Janet had caught up with me and was making my brain ache, she said it would happen. I closed the distance between us and took hold of her shoulder, but her reaction startled me. She shrieked in pain, dropping the coffee cup to the floor where it smashed. I grab at her top pulling it away from her shoulder and she had an angry looking bruise with all shades and hues of purple and yellow imaginable; each starting back at me. I let go of the fabric and she wrapped her arms around herself, dropping her chin to her chest. I bent down to look into her face, tilting her chin back up to face me before I spoke in low**,**measured words.

"You had better tell me what the fuck is going on. Now."

She squirmed uncomfortably before she said**,** "It's nothing. I walked into a door frame. I was clumsy. I'm always clumsy."

I wheeled away from her, my fingers in my hair, grabbing my head as if having it in a vice-like grip would give me the answers.

"What do you mean? You're clumsy? Tanya**,**I know you better than that. That is not a word that I would **ever** use to describe you. "Who did this to you? Was it that fucker James? Well? Was it? Tell me!"

Her reaction surprised me; totally rendering me speechless.

"What if it was? What the fuck are you intending to do about it? Huh? You threw me away

Edward**,**like a piece of trash. You used me. I was at your beck and call whenever **you** wanted me. So don't you fucking dare stand there and lecture me on my relationship with James. At least he loves me!"

The last words were spat out with such venom. I felt tears sting in my eyes; or maybe it was guilt.

"For fuck's sake**,**Tanya! We were not dating, we never were! Also**,**if I remember rightly, and please do correct me if I am wrong here, you seduced _me_. You were the one who started the whole fucking thing. I was under your spell and you know that. What the fuck else could I have been? You're my sister's best friend! You were not supposed to seduce me, taking my fucking virginity because you wanted me. What was I meant to do, you were-"

I never got to finish what I was going to say as I was pushed backwards and after the initial shock I saw that Tanya was now on the ground with Rose on top of her. They seemed to be fighting, and Rose had the upper hand**,**given the element of surprise. I stood in shock as I heard Rose screaming.

"You fucking bitch! That's my brother. I am gonna fucking kill you!"

I couldn't make out what Tanya's responses were, but they were muffled. The next voice that I heard was my mom screaming.

"Rosalie! What is going on here? Edward?" I couldn't answer her as I was too shocked by what I was seeing. She ran out of the room and I heard her shouting for Emmett. Suddenly he came bursting through the door and grabbed Rose around her waist, lifting her clean into the air. Resembling a Tasmanian Devil, she was all arms and legs flailing as her face contorted in anger, snapping and snarling at Tanya, but she was going nowhere, locked securely in Emmett's arm. My mom went over and helped Tanya to her feet. This caused Rose to shout and scream in protest but my mom's voice broke through the air. "Enough! Now will someone please tell me what is going on here? Rose? Tanya? Edward?" She looked between us all and no one was saying a word. Rose was glaring at her that intently. If looks could have killed, then Tanya would've been dead on the spot. Emmett was holding her still and only put her feet on the floor, never letting her out of his grip. She decided to speak first.

"Oh I really don't know mom, maybe we should ask Tanya. Seeing as I just overheard a particularly interesting conversation between her and Edward. Would either of you like to enlighten her as to what I might have heard?" Mom looked between the two of us, settling back on me as she asked.

"Darling, what is Rose going on about?"

My eyes dropped to the floor. How could I begin to tell her what Rose had heard when I didn't know how much she had heard. I know that she obviously caught the part about us having sex, but shit. I shrugged, hoping that this would all just go away if I said nothing. I should've known I would never be that lucky. Rose was vibrating with anger and I knew that she would not be able to keep quiet much longer. Before I could finish my thought, she suddenly exploded, shattering any silence in the room.

"Well seeing as Romeo and fucking Juliet here are not saying, then it falls to me to tell you. That whore, who I thought was my best friend has been giving my little brother lessons in female human anatomy." She looked pleased with herself, but confusion crossed mom's face and she spoke.

"What? Sorry Rose, I don't follow."

Rose took a deep breath. As she did I tried to speak to cover up the revelation, and all that came out of my mouth was. "I'm sorry mom." I repeated this over and over again, but it made no difference, Rose would not be stopped and coolly and very calmly announced.

"Mom, Tanya here has been fucking my baby brother, your son. She has been screwing him for some time from what I overheard, even having the privilege of being his very first. Please do tell me if I got that wrong."

My hands went to my face, hiding away from the truth that had just been revealed, laid bare for all to see. I felt shame and disgust in myself and my actions. I heard my mom gasp out loud, and then a sob came from her. I truly was a horrible person; I had yet again caused my family pain and anguish without meaning to. I could not bear the look of horror that I knew would be forming on my mom's face. Even though I had not confirmed this, she would know, Mom's just do. I then felt my hands being taken away from my face, and I screwed my eyes closed tight. I didn't want to look into my mom's face right now, but she was having none of this.

"Edward? Edward. Please look at me. Tell me that this is all lies. Tanya?"

I heard a sob escape from Tanya and I felt responsible. This was coming out and I never wanted it to. It also brought back awful memories of that night. Flashbacks of the dance, of the announcement, then my humiliation. I felt sick to my stomach. I wanted to protect Tanya, she was the victim here and I would not throw her to the wolves as I had been. I crossed the kitchen, taking her in my arms, where she sobbed openly into my chest. I held her close to me, my chin resting on the top of her head. I turned to face everyone in the room and in a clear, steady voice I spoke to no-one in particular, knowing that I was addressing them all.

"No more lies, no more secrets. Yes, Rose was right, she did overhear a conversation between us. Yes were… well… erm… having a sort of relationship." I paused as I heard a gasp from my mom, and Rose hissed.

"You fucking cradle snatching bitch!"

I turned to face her. "Rose, please. Let me speak. Tanya might have made the first move back then, but I could've said no to her, I didn't. I wanted it as much as she did. She never forced me to have sex or to do anything else with her, I was a more than willing participant. Trust me, I am not the innocent little boy that you think I am. But things didn't work out, we were never going to be more than we were, I knew that. Then I fell for Bella. I also hid that relationship from you all, and look what happened there. I was never in love with Tanya, it was a physical thing for me, nothing more. I hurt her, badly. I know that now, and for that I am truly sorry. I want no-one to paint her as the bad guy here because I am as much to blame as her. I know that you are all going to need some time to take this in, but please do not take this out on Tanya, take it out on me."

I looked at their faces. Emmett just smiled broadly at me, giving me a sly wink to show his support. Rose was still fuming. I could read it clearly in her face, and knew that her friendship with Tanya was now well and truly over. That was my fault, and I felt bad for them both. Finally I looked at my mom. Her face was an emotionless mask, she was taking in what had been said, and I knew that she would no doubt want to talk to me about this with my father when he returned home.

Tanya stopped crying and pushed free of me, speaking in barely a whisper.

"I'm sorry. I should've known better and I-"

She never got to finish as somehow Rose had managed to get free from Emmett's hold and was right in her face, screaming at her.

"I fucking hate you! Why? WHY! He is a child? What's wrong can you not get a man your own age or older? Then again who would look twice at you now? You are a shell of the person you were, you are nothing but James's punch bag, he is a piece of scum, and you two deserve each other. Seriously, now get the fuck out of my sight. I hate you Tanya and will never forgive you for what you have done."

Rose turned to walk back to Emmett, but Tanya was not going to let it lie.

"Fuck you Rose! Some friend you are, as soon as the going gets tough, you bail out. I needed you. I need you now."

Fire blazed in Rose's eyes as she spun around to face Tanya once again. This time Emmett made a grab for her arm and stopped her from getting too close.

"Oh I'm so sorry that I haven't been around to pick up the pieces for you. Tanya, you see I have been a little pre-occupied the last few days. You know, on account of my brother trying to kill himself because of an attention seeking whore who had her claws in him."

Tanya's reaction silenced everyone as she mumbled. "I'm sorry… I…. I never meant for it to go that far. James… Well… James. The photo's… It wasn't my idea. I'm so sorry… I never meant to hurt you at the café, James took it too far. Can you ever forgive me? Edward, please?"

My heart sank and all eyes on the room were on me. I opened my mouth to speak but was cut off by a questioning voice. "What on earth is going on here? Would someone care to explain to me?" What we didn't realize was that in the midst of all this drama, my dad had arrived back home and was standing in the doorway looking at the scene in front of him. My mom ran immediately into his arms, and he held her to him while she sobbed, all the time he was comforting her, letting her know that he was there for her. He asked, "Well? Is someone going to tell me?"

I barely registered his request. Images were coming back to me, although hazy. I remembered me and Tanya standing by my car in a parking lot, and then pain. Such immense pain searing through me. My hand instinctively went to my ribs and I flinched at the memory of how painful it was when I woke at the hospital.

I ignored him, and the hazy memories that I had, and instead chose to close in on Tanya. I grabbed her arms and shook her, asking robotically and steadily,

"What do you mean, photo's? Tanya, you need to tell me. Now."

She let out a strangled cry but I would not let this one go so easily. A chill ran through me when she mentioned photo's. Jake had said something about pictures being shown of me and Bella at the school dance but Tanya couldn't have known, could she?

"Tanya, look at me. Tell me what you mean by photo's? I'm not messing around here, now just fucking tell me." I felt the anger rise within me as I shouted the last few words. No one said a word. There was a stunned silence in the kitchen while we all waited for Tanya's answer. She sniffled a bit more before she looked around the room at everyone who was watching her before her eyes finally met mine. Her voice was calm now, and I found this to feel a bit eerie.

"Revenge Edward. Plain and simple. You hurt me, rejected me. No one does that to me. That fucking bitch who you were seeing, Bella. Pah! James told me she was such a lousy lay that he dumped her and then you took his leftovers. Said she was like a corpse she showed no emotion. Then you two got together, I saw you, _we_ saw you together. You were so happy it was sickening. You hurt me so badly, Edward. You used me for a fuck when it suited, and then when you were done, you left me. I felt like a whore, apart from the not getting paid part. James came up with the idea of humiliation for both of you, but it surpassed even his expectations. You were so busy fucking like rabbits that you never noticed him. All he had to do was have a word with Jessica and BAM! Your dirty little secret was out. He was so pleased with himself when he found out what had happened at the dance. But he drank and that was when he hit me, he didn't mean to. He loves me. The whole me coming to you and getting you to the café was the icing on the cake for him, rubbing your nose right in it. But I don't think you remember that, or the beating that he gave you. Otherwise, you wouldn't have been so gracious to me last night. I'm sorry, so sorry. I never ever meant for you to get physically hurt. I couldn't stop him, no one can."

Yet again, Rose was onto Tanya, hitting and screaming at her, but as I watched the whole world felt like it was in slow motion. I backed away from the scene in front of me until I reached the refrigerator. When I could not move any further back I slid slowly down it until I was sat on the floor, pulling my knees to my chest I began to rock backwards and forwards. Memories flooded into my brain now; being laughed at by Jessica in the café, Tanya and James in the parking lot, James hitting me and kicking me when I was on the ground. Then the two of them laughing at me as I writhed in pain. I felt once again like I had been punched in the stomach. The sounds around me of people shouting and screaming sounded like they were all underwater and distorted. I tried desperately to take in what I had just heard, combined with the memories which were flooding my poor confused brain. James had set us up. Bella was innocent, and I had treated her so badly. She was not to blame, and yet without knowing the full picture I blamed her for the mess. How could I have been so foolish? I needed to go to Bella, go down on my knees if needed and beg her forgiveness. She was just as much a victim of James's sick, twisted games as I was.

At least now I knew the truth and hoped that I would have the chance to put things right between us, or at least try. First I needed to deal with what was happening right then. Tanya was there and my family had just been exposed to news that no parent ever wanted to hear. It felt as if all eyes were on me, I could feel them boring into me, everyone would want answers, and I wasn't sure that I had any to give them.

Suddenly I was on my feet and I bolted from the kitchen to my bedroom, my sanctuary. I needed space and time to work through what I had just heard. Yet once there I saw my reflection in the mirror and couldn't bear to look at the person staring back at me. I felt like I was looking at a stranger. I no longer knew that person, and I certainly didn't like him. I walked closer to the reflection and slowly and deliberately drew my fist back and punched it repeatedly until it smashed and I could no longer see myself. The release that the mindless destruction gave me was an immense rush. I went to my desk and swiped my arm across the surface, clearing everything off onto the floor. I continued my destructive rampage, pulling books from the large bookcase and tearing pages out of them. I was not even aware of the fact that my name was being called by Emmett as he entered the room, I only turned when I felt a hand on my shoulder, turning defensively I tried to punch him. He moved out of my way and quickly had me in his grasp. I fought against him, hearing an awful sound that sounded like someone was being hurt, and then I realized that it was coming from me. I think that I heard my dad's voice trying to reason with me, but to no avail. I was wrestled to the bed by Emmett and felt a sharp pain in my ass, followed by a feeling of dizziness and warmth as it washed over my body.

The last thing that I heard was my mom sobbing, calling my name and my dad saying to call Dr. Crabb before I was back in the darkness once again. My last thought was of Bella

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><p>Authors Note:<p>

WOW! Well you said you all wanted him to remember, are you happy now? Poor Edward! This is beta'd as always by the fantastic Cosmom who keeps me on the straight and narrow and is an absolute godsend.

Thanks so much for sticking with me, and I do hope that you will continue to do so..


	29. A Mothers Love

_Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of these characters. No copyright infringement is intended._

_Previously.I think that I heard my dad's voice trying to reason with me, but to no avail. I was wrestled to the bed by Emmett and felt a sharp pain in my ass, followed by a feeling of dizziness and warmth as it washed over my body. The last thing that I heard was my mom sobbing, calling my name and my dad saying to call Dr. Crabb before I was back in the darkness once again. My last thought was of Bella._

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><p>Esme POV<p>

I stood there, shell shocked by what I just heard. Edward, my baby boy had been sleeping with Tanya for god only knows how long. I wanted answers, but was afraid to ask the questions. Edward, ever the gentleman took responsibility for his actions with her, that tramp, and asked that we not blame her. How could I not, though? She's way too old for him for starters, and not someone that I would want to think of my 17 year old soon having a relationship with. How could this be going on under my nose and I not notice anything, how did Rose not know? She was her best friend after all. I knew that she had been spending more and more time with Emmett lately, but where were they meeting, and how did anyone not see them together? I looked to where Edward stood last, and was shocked when I saw that he was hunched down on the floor, rocking back and forth. Every maternal instinct in me told me to go to him and try to make it all okay. I knew that was not going to happen, my poor baby had been through so much, and kept us all in the dark. He has had secrets for too long and I didn't want to think how deep and far these reached, or what else he has been hiding from us.

He shocked me by suddenly bolting from the room; all eyes followed him. I heard him run up the stairs and his bedroom door slam. I assumed that he would hide up there and I intended to follow him once I had dealt with Tanya. I was shocked to hear that she could behind the reason that Edward ended up on the beach filled with liquor and pills and I wanted to know everything. I took a step towards Tanya. Watching her reaction to me, her eyes widened like a rabbit caught in headlights. "So Tanya, turns out that you have been quite busy with my son and-" Suddenly, the sound of crashing and screaming cut through the air and stopped me dead in my tracks. Carlisle, Rose and Emmett's heads snapped around towards to source which I feared was Edward's room. I could only watch in horror as Carlisle and Emmett bolted from the room. After exchanging glances with Rose, she said to me,

"You go, I'll stay here with Tanya. I want answers just as much as anyone." Turning to Tanya she spat. "I want answers and fully intend to get them."

With that, I followed my husband and Emmett upstairs, hearing shouts and screams that made my blood run cold. The scene before me was one of destruction, the mirror was smashed, his desk was on its side and his room looked like it had been ransacked. Emmett had Edward in a restraining hold and was just throwing him onto the bed as I saw Carlisle produce a syringe and vial from his doctors bag all the time trying to reason with our sonl. My heart lurched in my chest, my knees went weak and I feared that they would not hold me upright much longer. Sobs escaped from my chest as I called Edward's name, hoping that he would hear my voice and that it would help to calm him down. No such luck. I held onto the doorframe for support as I watched my son's futile attempts of breaking free slow until he eventually went limp.

Carlisle looked at me with sorrow written all over his face. He took me in his arms, kissing my head gently before he let me go, stepping back to say. "I need to call Dr. Crabb if no one has already. I really could do with getting her professional opinion on this, we aren't well enough equipped here for outbursts of this nature."

I nodded at him, knowing that we could not handle this alone, but also knowing the full story about what happened; Carlisle didn't. As he turned to walk away from me I feared that call would mean Edward being taken back into hospital, or into some kind of Psychiatric unit. I absolutely did not want that. He was my son and I would fight with every last breath in my body to protect him and keep him safe from any harm. I reached out and grabbed his arm. He turned to face me, a questioning look on his face.

"Carlisle, please. Don't ring Janet just yet, we need to talk first. You need to know what has happened here this afternoon."

"Okay, I won't call her just yet. Let me get Edward comfortable here and then I will be right down." He turned back into the room and proceeded to check on Edward, before placing him under his duvet and pulling the door almost closed behind him. We made our way downstairs to find that Rose had taken Tanya through to the dining room, and was effectively standing guard over her; arms folded across her chest while she glared at her.

With a serious look on his face, Carlisle pulled out a chair to allow me to sit down before he took the seat next to me. Tanya, Rose and Emmett took seats, too. Once everyone was comfortable he looked around the table. He smiled at me before drawing a deep breath.

"So, who wants to start off telling me what exactly is going on here? I obviously came into the colorful conversation half-way through, so I must have missed the really fun part. I must admit that walking in and hearing about his exploits with Bella was enough for me. I'm sure thought that that little episode was not only caused by recounting that. Especially judging by the fact that Rose seemed to have taken up assaulting her best friend. I am curious, so come on, enlighten me."

No-one said a word. I, in all honesty didn't know where to start. How do I tell my husband that our son had tried to kill himself because the woman he had lost his virginity to got jealous when she got dumped? That she and her crazy boyfriend wanted revenge but ended up with far more than she bargained for? I looked at Tanya who had her head bowed. I could hear her crying, but there was no way that I was going to comfort her. Having her here in my house right now made me feel sick from the pit of my stomach. The only thing from keeping me from calling the Police at that point was the fact that she was the daughter of my oldest friend, Irina. But, even that would not protect her from the anger that I had raging inside of me. Seeing my baby hurt like that ripped my heart in two. Rose opened her mouth to speak, and I cut her off. I looked at Tanya as I spoke.

"I will tell you what happened to our son. He appears to have fallen under the spell of the delightful Tanya here. They were seeing each other and she weaved some kind of magical spell on him."

Carlisle looked confused, asking, "But I thought that he was seeing Bella?"

I smiled as I faced him, "Oh, our son seems to be quite the ladies man; first Tanya and then Bella. Tanya here was apparently his first, if you get what I mean."

I watched as his face registered what I was saying. Confusion is replaced by recognition which then quickly faded to a look of shock. I continued, "I see you do, Carlisle. To add to this fun revelation, we also found out that there was some kind of prank played on him and Bella at the dance; something to do with pictures of them together. The top and bottom of it is that she and her psychotic boyfriend are the reason that our beautiful boy tried to kill himself on the beach." As I reached the end of my speech, my voice broke, and the emotions that I had been holding back struggled to be freed. I managed somehow to pull them back under control before I looked across the table to where Tanya was. "Have I missed anything there, Tanya? I think I covered everything, but please do let me know if I missed anything important?"

Her crocodile tears had dried up, and she was staring at me open mouthed and seemingly surprised that I was so cold towards her. What did she expect from me? A shoulder to cry on? A hug? A congratulations for almost ripping my family apart? No-one around the table spoke and the silence was deafening. I stood, pushing my chair away and all eyes fell on me. "I am going to call Irina, and ask her to come over to collect her trollop of a daughter. I cannot bear to have you in my sight, let alone my house. You have caused more than enough damage. Just to warn you though, don't think you have gotten away with this. We need to discuss this, Carlisle and I, along with Edward once he is awake and then we will decide how we choose to proceed."

I walked out of the room towards to kitchen and prepared to make that call. I explained briefly to Irina what had happened and that she needed to collect Tanya immediately. Not being able to be around her I went out and stood on the front porch, While waiting to greet Irina when she arrived, I hadn't noticed that I was shivering from the cold until Carlisle came out with a coat for me and slipped it over my shoulders. I turned to thank him but was distracted by headlights coming down the drive. It was Irina. After quickly greeting my friend, she collected her daughter from inside the house, depositing her in the car like a naughty child. She closed the car door on Tanya before she came over to me, putting her arms around me and whispering in my ear. "I'm so sorry Esme, I had no idea. I will make sure that she is punished. If you decide call the Police, then call them. I need to get her away from James, but she won't listen to me, maybe this will be the wake up call she so badly needs. I am so very sorry that Edward got so horribly hurt in all this. I am ashamed of my daughters behavior. Edward has always been so special to me, he was like my own son and I cannot begin to tell you how I feel right now. If you want to talk to me about this, please just call me. Anytime."

She backed away from me in tears. I couldn't bring myself to speak, so I just nodded. I could feel Carlisle's hands, strong and protective on my shoulders. I watched as the car disappeared off the drive before I turned into my husband's embrace, where I crumbled. He held me while I sobbed and cried into his chest until there was nothing left to come out of me. Carlisle was my rock, and right now I needed him more than ever. He lead me into the house and to the lounge where he sat me down on the couch, he filled two of the crystal tumblers with whiskey, pressing one into my trembling hands. He sat on the coffee table watching me carefully as I took a couple of small sips of the liquid before I gulped the rest down. I rolled the tumbler between my hands before I pulled my arm back and threw it against the wall. He didn't flinch, not even a muscle moved. I broke down once again, he was there for me, taking me in his arms, allowing me to cry.

I felt numb, knowing that there was nothing that I could do to take the hurt away from Edward, for all the world I wished that I could, I would give anything to be able to make things alright for him, wipe away the hurt that he must be feeling. I couldn't imagine how desperate he felt after hearing that he had been humiliated in such a cruel way. I had failed him when he needed me the most. Breaking from Carlisle's hold I made my way to Edward's room. Once there, I peeked around the door to see Rosalie sitting with him. She saw me immediately and said in a low voice, "He's still out of it. I just wanted to be here, so he wasn't alone. Is that crazy?"

I walked across to her, putting my arms around her, "No sweetheart. It's understandable."

She almost whispered as she spoke, "Tanya?"

"Gone. Irina came to collect her."

"Good. I swear I will not be held responsible for what I do to that bitch when I see her next."

"Rose, now is not the time for revenge. Look where Tanya's need for that got her, and Edward. No, you are not to do anything rash. I will speak with your father and Edward when he is conscious. Given her confession tonight we need to decide together what we want to do."

She simply nodded and left the room. I took her place sitting on the side of Edwards bed, my hand stroking his hair off his face. He looked so peaceful in his slumber, but I knew that he was simply unconscious. Whatever Carlisle had given him had done the trick, but I hated seeing my son like this. It reminded me of the hours I spent in the hospital waiting for him to come back to me. A lump formed in my throat at the memory of it. Getting that phone call was the worst moment in my life. I thank god that I had Carlisle with me; he was my rock and with him by my side I could get through anything.

As I watched my son's chest rise and fall with his breathing, I felt guilty. I felt like such a bad mother. I should have seen this happening; how could I have been so blind? What did I miss to allow Tanya to seduce my baby boy right under my nose and not notice the signs? I remembered when I tried to suggest setting him up with Bella on the day that she came to the house following her first drunken visit. His reaction to her then must've been due to the fact that Tanya had her claws deep into him. I remember his outrage at seeing her in the house, and oh, my reaction to him. How could I have treated him so badly? How could I call myself a mother when I wasn't there for him when he needed me the most? He should have been able to confide in me, tell me anything, yet there were so many secrets hidden from me, from us all. These were secrets that nearly cost him his life. With tears welling into my eyes, I leaned forward, kissing his head gently, and began to whisper in his ear. I doubted that he could hear me but this could not wait.

"Edward, darling. I am so sorry, I have failed you. I wish I could go back in time and take it all back, everything. I love you son, with all my heart. I would do anything to suffer in your place, to be the one who felt so lost and alone. I wish that you had spoken to me, told me what was happening in your life. There is nothing that I wouldn't do for you, you are my baby and I love you. Please forgive me?"

I gave up fighting back the tears and a solitary tear fell, hitting his face and running down his cheek. I moved to brush it away and he stirred. The words which fell from his lips broke my heart. "Bella, forgive me. Please?"

I gasped out loud, realizing that despite Rose's accusations at the hospital and since,

Bella was an innocent caught up in the crossfire. I needed to speak to her, to try and resolve things. I didn't know what had gone on between the two of them since the hospital, and I was pretty sure she had not been in touch with him since.

I made my way on slow unsteady feet from Edward's room and into our bedroom, Carlisle was already in bed. He looked so attractive sitting up with a newspaper opened out before him and his spectacles perched on the end of his nose. I used the bathroom, slowly and methodically removing what little make up had managed to survive the trials of the day. Throwing my clothes into the laundry hamper I wrapped my silk robe around my body and stood in the doorway just watching my husband. My heart swelled with the love that I felt for him, and I felt like a teeanger all over again. Even now, after all our years of marriage, he still had the ability to make my insides turn to jello. He looked up at me over the top of his newspaper, smiling at me. I made my way around to my side of the bed and he pulled back the duvet and I climbed in next to him. Putting my arm around his waist and snuggling close to my husband, I felt safe. He pulled me closer to him saying, "You okay, darling?" I nodded and my emotions finally gave way after such a long and stressful day. Tears fell down my cheeks and onto his bare chest. I could tell he felt them because he quickly dropped his newspaper to the floor.

"Esme, are you okay? What's wrong, is it Edward?" He looked at me almost panicking.

"No, he's fine. Well, as fine as he can be. He's asleep. Well, still knocked out." I sighed. "Oh Carlisle, it's all such a mess. I'm glad that I have you. Please don't ever change."

"Ssh, you know I'm not going anywhere. C'mon Esme, pull yourself together. Dry those tears and let's get some sleep. I know that it's been a hell of a day, and you are emotional."

He put his glasses on the nightstand and turned the light out. Pulling me as close to him as possible and I felt safe in his arms. He rubbed my back to comfort me, but it was not enough for me, I wanted more, I wanted my husband to show me that he loved me, that I was everything to him, that he would always be here for me, for our family regardless what was going on. My hand caressed his chest, making its way up to his face, and he placed gentle kisses on my hand. I looked up to him, beseeching him with my eyes, telling him without words what I wanted what I needed. It's always him. I could tell that he was receptive to me as he kissed with me with passion and I felt the tingle throughout my body. I loved the way that he made me feel. Even after all these years he is the one that I turn to and my body recognizes him instantly. The love we have and share is unique. He is my lover, husband and most importantly, soul mate.

He pulled back from our kiss and he appeared to be worried as he scanned my face and then saw my smile. I needed him so badly, I needed this to make me feel something other than a failure as a parent. I gently laid back onto the bed, pulling my husband with me and his body covered mine. He paused for a moment to looked at me and we made love. My husband had shown me in every way possible that he loved me, and would be there for me. I lay wrapped in his arms, pressed up against his chest and I felt safe and secure there.

I heard his breathing deepen as he fell asleep. I tried to get out of his arms to check on Edward again, but when I tried to get free, he stirred, mumbling in his sleep.

"No, don't leave me. I need you here with me. Love you Esme."

Hearing those words from his subconscious pulled me back to him. I stopped trying to leave him, and pulled his arms tighter around me. I laid there looking out of the window at the moon as it peeked through the blackness. Something about seeing it and being in his arms soothed me and I drifted to sleep knowing that tomorrow we had a real mess to deal with. I just didn't know where to start, but the only thing I did knew was that I needed to make things right, I just didn't know where to start.

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><p><strong>Authors Note:<strong>

Nervously peeks out from behind fingers - I really hope that you liked this. YES this is different but I wanted to give Esme a voice, I know through the reviews that some of you thought that she was a bad mother, or didn't like her for her reaction to Edward in an earlier chapter. I hear you on that, but she deeply regretted that action, especially now that she knows what happened with him and Bella. Bear with me on this - I hope that you like it.

Thanks go out as always to my amazing Beta – Cosmom & Pre-reader Kitties1

NOW! Great news! My little story here is up for THREE awards in the Wordsmith Awards. Best Bella, Best Rosalie and Best Original Character for Dr Janet my beta Cosmom and pre-reader Kitties1 are up for awards for their work too. I am completely blown away by these nominations. Voting doesn't open yet but here is the link wordsmithawards(dot)blogspot(dot)com

Please do leave a review by clicking the button below, and if you are on Facebook and want to come and join the group I have set up for my fics, come on over to Fraggle Rock Fics, I will post updates and teasers in there and also plot bunny ideas.


	30. A Mothers Love II

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of these characters. No copyright infringement is intended**

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><p>When I woke, the first thing I thought about was Edward. Sitting upright in bed, I realized that I was alone. Quickly, I was up and out of bed and ran to Edward's room. I heard voices coming from inside so I pause outside of the door.<p>

"Edward are you listening to me? Please son, I need to know that you understand what I am saying to you."

I didn't hear a response, so assumed that Edward must've nodded.

"Okay, if you need anything please come to me, I can help you. If you need me to call Janet then…right then, I won't, I promise. Are you going to come downstairs? I know that your Mom is worried about you and we need to work this out together as a family where we go from here. I'm going down now. Okay?"

I stepped back from the door and waited for Carlisle to come out. As he emerged, gently closing the door behind him, he turned to me, a grimace marring his face. Panic courses through me.

"Carlisle? What's wrong?"

He led me downstairs to the kitchen before he spoke keeping his voice low. "Edward is okay, however, he is not speaking to me. He seems to be withdrawn and distant, but given what he has been through that comes as no surprise to me."

I nodded slowly, I couldn't pretend to understand and I knew that I had to ask as fear gripped me,

"Janet? Is she being brought in."

Carlisle shook his head slowly, "No. I don't think that will do him any good right now. I haven't ruled it out altogether, but I have to put the wellbeing of our son first."

I smiled at him, and started to prepare breakfast. I knew that last night was tiring for everyone and I wanted to put us back on track with a warm family meal. The thought of getting us all together once again was something that I wanted. Making Edwards favourites would be a great place to start. Normally reserved for weekends I cooked up a storm, pancakes, maple syrup and then bacon and eggs. That would be a great start, tonight I would also think about making something special for dinner too. I just didn't want to overwhelm him. I knew that was probably too little too late but I needed to get some semblance of normality back in our lives, and as far as I was concerned, the sooner that happened, the better.

Rose and Emmett were the first ones to join us in the kitchen and no one spoke, we were all emotionally drained following last night, and I honestly didn't know what to say to them. I was also concerned about Edward. Eventually he joined us just as I finished putting the food on the table. Without thinking I rushed towards him to give him a hug, however I felt sick to my stomach when he visibly flinched away from me. Everyone noticed his reaction, and I turned away quickly to try and hide my upset. Rose quickly joins me, and reassuringly puts her arm around me. I smiled at her to say that I was okay without speaking.

Breakfast was a subdued affair, even Emmett was unusually quiet. I was worried as Edward did not speak a word. He simply nodded or shrugged when anyone spoke to him. I kept glancing at Carlisle who simply nodded, discreetly trying to give me some comfort. It did, although briefly. I hoped that he would speak but he didn't. Even when I asked him a direct question, he responded with a shrug. I knew that this would take some time to break through his self defense mechanism, and I would be there every step of the way. I wouldn't give up on my son.

The rest of the day was spent walking on eggshells around Edward. He withdrew to his room, or spent time just mindlessly hopping through the t.v. channels. Every time I went near him, he would ignore me, just responding with visual acknowledgements. Every part of me felt that we should call Janet, have her come and talk this through with us. I for one had no idea how to deal with someone who had completely withdrawn into themselves but Carlisle said to give him a chance. He had been through so much that he just needed time to process it all. Me? Selfishly, I just wanted my son back.

I expected that first day to be an end to it. But no, the silent behavior carried into the following Carlisle's instructions, we carried on as normal, not treating him any differently, showing him that we were there for him. The one thing that I wanted was to sit down with Edward and talk to him about Bella and Tanya. I was delighted that he had found someone like Bella to love and really wished that he had been more open with me. I was devastated to find that he had been so betrayed and I wanted to talk to her, get her side of the story. All I knew what I had been told and I wanted to know more. Seeing as Edward wasn't talking, there was only one other person I could ask and that was Bella. I tried calling her cell and home numbers but both went unanswered.

On the afternoon of Edward's fourth day of silence I was nearly at my wits end so I took the car and drove to the beach at La Push. Something about the emptiness there drew me to it, I walked down the shoreline the only sounds I heard were the gulls as they circled above me and the white tipped waves as they crashed against the sands. I saw a figure huddled on the beach, they looked as if they were upset and my maternal instinct told me to go to them. As I drew closer, I could hear sobs coming from her. I could not see who it was as her face was hidden in her arms which were resting on the knees she had drawn up to her chest. I crouched down beside her, asking in a gentle voice.

"Are you okay?" Knowing that she clearly wasn't. A tear stained face greeted me, and then panic quickly crossed it as she scrambled to her feet and backed away from me as if I was the enemy. Never turning away from me, she continued to take steps away from me as she said.

"I'm sorry, so sorry." Over and over again. I needed to let her know it was okay.

"Bella, it's okay, please?" I held my hands up to show that I wasn't going to hurt her, she continued to back away from me and then she stumbled over a rock that was jutting out of the sand and that caused her to fall backwards. She screamed out in pain, grasping her ankle. I was next to her in an instant.

"Leave me alone, please. I just want to be alone." She cried.

"Oh Bella! I'm so sorry, are you okay? Well obviously you're not. Let me look at it for you, please?"

She nodded slightly before she let go of her ankle and I lifted the leg of her jeans to have a look.

"We need to get this looked at. I will take you to Carlisle."

A look of panic crossed her face as she squealed out, "No! I cannot see him, he won't have anything to do with me, Edward, made that quite clear. Please, don't take me to your house, I couldn't bear to hurt him anymore. It's better if I don't see him. Please Esme?"

I was confused. I knew that Rose was mad at Bella but her reaction to possibly seeing Edward stunned me. I would've thought that seeing her would have been what he needed. I thought they obviously need to talk after hearing what Tanya had told him, that Bella was not in the wrong for the revelation at the dance. I also knew that I wanted to talk to her, to get her side of things.

"Bella, it's fine. Carlisle is at the hospital, I will take you there."

She nodded at me in response and I helped her to her feet. "Did you bring your car?" She simply shook her head. We made slow progress back to my car. I didn't think that she had done anything serious to her ankle, but wanted to make sure.

The drive to the hospital was silent, it was awkward. I wanted so much to know what happened between them and that night at the dance that would drive my son to be so filled with hate for her and himself. I had called Carlisle to tell him we were coming. I could see he was pacing outside the entrance and looked very relieved as we pulled up. Ever the gentleman, he helped Bella out of the car and into a waiting wheelchair. She mumbled about this being too much fuss but we both ignored her. Once settled in a cubicle, Carlisle examined her ankle and said that it was a simple sprain. He applied a fabric bandage and told her to rest and keep her weight off it for the next few dayst. Silence reigned between us as I drove her home. Once we pulled up outside I asked,

"Is your father home?" She shook her head. I helped her inside getting her settled on the couch and made it clear that I wasn't leaving. "Bella, I really need to talk to you, sweetheart. I think you know what about."

She frantically tried to blink the tears that filled her eyes away, but they would not be hidden. I smiled at her, taking her trembling hand in mine.

"Bella, it's okay, I know. I have found out so much since, well, you know since when. I know that you were involved with Edward, but nothing more than that. I also know that it was not directly your fault that he ended up trying to…" I couldn't bring myself to say the words, they caught in my throat. "Well, you know what. There is so much that I don't know about my son and my eyes have been well and truly opened. What I do need from you is to hear your side of things - the truth. I want you to be honest with me, Bella. I care deeply and just want to see you both happy and well. This is not doing anyone any good. I have Edward at home and he… well, he isn't himself at the moment."

A look of panic crossed her face, "What do you mean he isn't himself? What's wrong with him? He's not back in hospital is he?" A sob ripped through her chest.

"Oh Bella, sweetheart! No he isn't, but I am very worried about him." I sighed "Since the day after he came out of hospital, there was an incident. He's been, well withdrawn since and I don't know what to do to reach him, it's killing me to see him like this. I worry that if things don't improve we might just have to have him admitted to a clinic. I just don't know what to do anymore. I want my son back, I can't lose him, I… I just can't."

I found that there were tears falling down my cheeks, and Bella's emotional wall had also crumbled. We sat there staring at one another, both crying openly, showing each other the love that we had in our hearts for my son. Mine was the love of a mother for her child, raw and unconditional; hers was the love that you feel maybe once in your lifetime, the love that I had for  
>Carlisle with every beat of my heart since the moment I met him. Over the next two hours I spent time with Bella, listening to her tell me everything. From the first time she saw him, to the fateful events that night at the dance. She then told me how she tried so hard to put it right, but that he rejected her, refused to listen and told her to leave him alone. Those things in which she did, despite the fact that they were not what she felt was right. My heart went out to her. It hurt me to hear they had been through so much and were so quite obviously in love. I was unaware of any of this, blind to the fact that son, my beautiful baby boy had been in love for the first time, and ended up being hurt in the worst possible way. On top of that, he felt couldn't reach out to me, tell me about it, and that broke my heart as I felt like a failure as a parent.<p>

Once the tears had dried up, we made our way into the kitchen and I made us hot chocolate. After the break, we sat down together once again and I told her what I knew from Tanya's revelation. She sat there with her face like stone, listening and taking in everything that I said, looking emotionless and unmoving. This unnerved me. If I was being told this news I would be climbing the walls and swearing to have my revenge on them, but maybe she was different than me. Her father coming home disturbed our conversation, and he burst through the door shouting for her. Then he saw me sitting there.

"Ah Mrs. Cullen, how nice to see you. What do we owe this unexpected pleasure of a visit from you?"

He looked between the two of us, and Bella shuffled in her seat. I needed to take control of the situation.

"Chief Swan, please call me Esme." I flashed him my best smile, "I'm sorry I should really be leaving now, but Bella had a small accident earlier, well it was my fault really, she tripped and hurt her ankle." He glared at her muttering something under his breath about medical bills, and I cut him off. "Chief Swan my husband Carlisle has treated her ankle, it's nothing serious just a light sprain. He did it as a favor. There is no need to worry about any bills."

He seemed to perk up at that news, and taking his jacket off smiled at me. "Well Esme, you can call me Charlie. No need to stand on ceremony around here. You want a beer?"

I laughed. "No, thank you very much though Charlie. I need to be heading back home to Edward."  
>He frowned as he stared at me, I knew what was going through his head and was not surprised when he verbalized his thoughts.<p>

"Hmmm, you need to make sure that son of yours don't pull any more daft stunts like that last one anytime soon."

I smiled graciously at him, before I made my way to the door with Bella following behind me.  
>"Charlie, trust me. My son will not be doing anything like that in the future." I turned my attention to Bella. "Now remember what Carlisle said, you need to rest that ankle. If you need me for anything, please just call. Okay?"<p>

She nodded in response and waved goodbye as I pulled away from the house. My heart was heavy on the drive back home. I had so much to think about, so much information to digest. I drove home on autopilot, only coming back into reality with a crash when I saw that there was a strange car in the drive. My heart leapt to my throat and I ran into the house and through to the lounge where I was met by Carlisle and Dr. Crabb, sitting deep in discussion. When he saw me he was on his feet and gave me a hug, immediately I panicked.

"What's wrong? What's happened to Edward?" I was nearly hysterical thinking that he might have had another relapse and I wasn't there for him when he needed me, yet again.

Carlisle comforted me, "Darling it's fine, there is nothing wrong with Edward. Janet called in to do a session with him." My eyes went wide with fear, "Don't worry, I told her that he has withdrawn and I have told her what we know so far. The session still went ahead, but he still isn't talking, not even to Janet."

Janet confirmed this, "It's true Esme, he won't even speak to me. I am concerned about this given how long he has shut himself off, but I have every confidence that he will be okay. It's common for patients who have been through such stressful situations to withdraw from interaction with others. Please do not think that this is anything to do with you. Carlisle said that you have been carrying on as normal, and that is the right thing to do. Just treat him like you normally would, but also just make sure that you keep a close eye on him, discreetly. I have every confidence that he will come back around. If you need anything, please do not hesitate to call me."

She got to her feet and picked up her purse and briefcase. I felt a sense of relief wash over me.

"You're not going to suggest that we admit him to a clinic then?"

Janet smiled at me, "I think that the best place for him right now is here, with you, his family around him. Being in familiar surroundings will give him some sense of normalcy in the midst of the confusion in his head. Just keep doing what you are doing, and remember I am only a phone call away if you need me. Now I really must be going, I have a dinner date to keep."

Carlisle's face fell, "Oh Janet! Sorry I completely forgot. Happy Birthday! Please forgive me, things have been-"

He didn't finish as Janet interrupted him, "It's not a problem, this is my job. Now go see to Esme.""

Carlisle saw her out, leaving me standing there feeling a little stunned by the events that had unfolded this afternoon. When he came back to join me, I sobbed. "I thought that he was going to be taken away from me, I couldn't bear that."

He held me in his arms and simply said. "I know, I thought about calling. I knew that you would be with Bella, and I really didn't want to disturb you."

I looked at the clock and was horrified to see that it was later than I thought, "Oh Carlisle, have you eaten? Where is Rose?"

He shook his head. "We had a snack earlier, but I wanted to wait for you to come home. I will order take out. Chinese okay? Rose is with Emmett, she is fine, they just wanted to give Edward some space."

I nodded my approval, before going to take a shower while I waited for the food to arrive. When I got upstairs I looked in my son who was lying on his bed, arms folded behind his head staring blankly at the ceiling. I don't even think that he realized I was there. Seeing him like this really did break my heart, and I just hoped that there was some way to get through to him, to bring him back from where ever it was that he had retreated to, hopefully in one piece. After showering and dressing I made my way downstairs to the kitchen to see that Edward was already eating, I walked over to him and placed my hands on his shoulders, gently kissing the top of his head.

"Evening sweetheart." He didn't respond. Not even a flicker of acknowledgement that I said anything.

I poured a glass of wine and took my seat, plating my meal. The silence around the table was deafening, I stole glances at Carlisle and he smiled reassuringly. He took a breath and asked me the question that I knew was on his mind, "How was Bella when you dropped her home? Is she-" He never got to finish his question as Edward threw his cutlery onto the plate, pushed it away from him and fled the room. I went to follow him but Carlisle reached out for my arm stopping me, "Esme, leave him, please?" I nodded at him. "So how was she? You were a long time there do I take it that you were able to talk"

I sighed, "She's okay, and yes we did speak. She… she… Bella told me everything that happened between them, from the first time she saw him right up to him through to him being in the hospital and his reaction to her then." I pushed my plate away from me, indicating that I was done. We made our way through to the lounge where I sat on the couch. Carlisle joined me, putting his arm around me, pulling me to him. I continued what I had started earlier. "Oh Carlisle, she was heartbroken, totally devastated by what happened. She knows that she did the wrong thing at the dance and she only wanted to make it right. He blamed her for it all, as that's how it looked. But now, well, now we know that Tanya and more importantly James are to blame for this. I was horrified to find out what had been going on under our noses I feel like-"

"You are not to blame for this, none of us noticed what was happening. Edward chose not to tell us about him and Tanya, or Bella for that matter. There is nothing that we can do about it now. We now have to deal with the aftermath, and try to fix our son. Together." He kissed the top of my head.

"I know Carlisle, it's just that I love him so much and I cannot bear to see him hurting like this, even for a second. I wish I could go back in time and make it all okay. I feel horribly when I think about how I treated him when Bella came round the day after her accident, when he first brought her here. I should've known better, my son, my baby and I pushed his feelings aside like they were nothing, worthless. Oh Carlisle. It's my fault." Tears ran freely down my cheeks. It felt as if now that I had admitted how I felt that I had to do something, but I had no idea what. "This is my fault, I should've known, I-"

I was interrupted by Carlisle's cell phone ringing, he leapt to answer it and I realized that it was the hospital and left the room to speak to them. As I sat there, wiping the tears from my cheeks, I felt the seat at the side of me dip as someone sat down. I thought that it was Carlisle and I said,

"What do I do now? This is my fault and I just can't reach him." My hands were pulled away from my eyes and there sat my son, Edward looking back at me. He spoke in a low voice, and it sounded amazing to me, having not heard from him for days I loved hearing him speak to me once again.

"Mom, I'm sorry. It's not your fault, please don't blame yourself." Tears filled his eyes as he continued. "I'm sorry I put you through this, that I lied to you, please can you forgive me?"

I looked at him and pulled him into my arms, "You have nothing to be sorry for. I should be apologizing to you."

I held him while he cried himself out, allowing at the emotions to come pouring out of him. It seemed that now the dam had been breached there was not stopping it, and I didn't necessarily want it to. If this is what my son needed from me, then this is what he would get. Eventually he stopped crying, moving his head down onto my knees and I stroked his hair like I used to do when he was a child. Realizing his breathing had deepened and slowed, I looked down to find that he had fallen asleep. Carlisle came back into the room and found us there, both with tear stained faces, Edward peaceful on my lap. He simply smiled at me and whispered in a low voice so as not to wake him. "I told you that things would work out."

Smiling back at him, I just wished that the rest of the problems following the revelations of the last few days could be so easily resolved. I had to hope, otherwise what else did I have?

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><p><strong>Authors Note:<strong>

Firstly Happy Birthday to one of my readers, Latersbaby! You kept that one quiet missy but it didn't get past me!

This is beta'd as always by the very fabulous Cosmom – don't know how you manage to cope with me but you do! Pre-read by Kittlies1 who I made cry – sorry, sorry, sorry!

I really do hope that you have enjoyed this peek into Esme's world and see that she isn't really a monster/bad mom.

Anyway my ramblings here are up for some awards *GASPS* you can go and vote for me or any of the others here: http:/wordsmithawards(DOT)blogspot(DOT)co(DOT),uk

Please do leave me a review by hitting the button below. Finally I have set up a group on Facebook for my writing if you want to join you are welcome, Fraggle Rock Fics just request and I will add you. Lou xxx

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	31. Contemplation & Reflection

** Disclaimer: As always I do not own these characters and no copyright infringement is intended**.

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><p>I woke feeling extremely groggy and to be honest as if something had crawled into my mouth and died there, but as I laid in bed trying to bring myself around<strong>,<strong> vague hazy memories assaulted me. Only this time I knew that these were not the workings of my rambling mind; they were the truth. Tanya had been front and center when James tore my life apart in such spectacular style. She stood by and watched as he hit me, she tore my heart out in the parking lot of the café**,** and then expected me to forgive her betrayal. I just couldn't. I understood that I hurt her, I knew that she had deeper feelings for me than I did for her**,**and yet I continued with our relationship, arrangement, whatever you want to call it. I cared for her yes, but love? No, it was never that for me. I never really knew what love was until I finally admitted my feelings for Bella and we starting seeing each other.

Bella, shit! My thoughts went straight to her and the vicious way that I had treated her. But then again I didn't know the truth, but I should have trusted her, shouldn't I? My mind just could not cope with all of that information. It hurt so much to think**. **Theobvious choice for me? Not to think or feel anything would have been the easiest way. I felt a pain in my hand and looking down I saw that I had some small cuts on my knuckles. My eyes instinctively went to where the large mirror was in my room. It was gone, an empty space was all that was left. I saw that a lot of things were out of place as I looked around my room. Books were either missing or not how they should be and when I remembered back I had visions of pulling them off the shelves**,**and also throwing objects around. I remembered Emmett wrestling me to the bed, and I began to panic. It reminded me of the night in the parking lot with James when there was nothing that I could do to protect myself. I also remembered feeling trapped as I was pinned to the bed. I know that Emmett was only trying to help and I hoped that he would forgive me.

I laid there contemplating what I had found out in the last 24 hours and my brain struggled to keep up. I just wanted to be left alone, but I knew that my family would not allow that. They would want to help and make things better, but this was my mess and I needed to sort it out. Everything was just so crowded in my mind but I just wanted to work this through, alone. My initial thoughts were interrupted when my dad knocked lightly on my bedroom door before he let himself in. He sat in the chair at my desk. I pretended that I hadn't seen him by continuing to stare at the ceiling**.**I waited until he spoke.

"I'm glad to see that you are awake. How are you feeling this morning?" He was faced with silence**,** so he moved his head to check that I was awake before he continued. "Well**,** your mom will be pleased to hear that you are awake. Do you feel okay this morning?" He then sighed. "Edward, please speak to me?" I rolled over onto my side turning my back on him, hoping that this would put him off enough and he would leave me alone, but I was not going to be that lucky. "Okay, so you do not want to speak to me. I understand that and I am sorry about last night**,** but you need to understand that you were going to hurt yourself and I couldn't allow that to happen. I am a Doctor, but I am also your father**,**and I love you so much Edward. Nothing that I have heard or seen will change that. You are my flesh and blood and my love for you is unconditional and unwavering. You need to believe me that I will not give up you on you." He paused as if waiting for me to reply. My only response was to turn toward him. Our eyes met and I could see the concern in them; it was written all over his face. A flush of guilt coursed through me. I was hurting my family yet again without meaning to. I just needed to have this feel correct in my head before I could speak to them about the fucked up mess that my life had become. My thoughts were broken by him speaking again. This time there was a firmer edge to his voice, "Edward are you listening to me? Please son, I need to know that you understand what I am saying to you."

I nodded in response which seemed to appease him as he spoke once again while reaching out toward me, but I flinched away from him. He didn't react but instead spoke in a low, calm voice.  
>"Okay, if you need anything please come to me. I can help you. If you need me to call Janet then…I won't I promise. Are you going to come downstairs? I know that your Mom is worried about you and we need to work together as a family and decide where we go from here. I'm going down now. Okay?"<p>

He stood and left me where I was, slowly closing the door behind him. I heard voices outside and knew that my mom would be wanting to come and see me. Luckily my dad had caught her in time, but I heard her ask. "Carlisle? What's wrong?"

I didn't hear his response making the assumption that he led her downstairs to tell her what he said to me. I just wanted to be left alone, in peace, but I knew that being in this house it would be practically impossible. The only way to get through this until I knew what I wanted was to be alone with my thoughts. I was relieved that my self preservation instinct seemed to finally kick in. It was such a shame that it hadn't been activated so much sooner since it might have saved everyone a lot of heartache. I needed to be alone and the only way I would be able to do this was to withdraw, lick my wounds and try to rebuild myself. My family didn't need any additional pressure on them. This was my mess and I needed to make it right once and for all.

I smelled breakfast being made downstairs and my stomach growled. Nice to know that some things never change. No matter what I was going through I still needed food. I could smell my favorites being made. I had the feeling that it was mom's idea to make me comfort food with the hope that I would open up to her. I made my way downstairs as slowly and quietly as possible, hearing the voices coming from the kitchen so that I could assess who would be there. It seemed like it was the full family, including Emmett. I was dreading seeing him. I owed him an apology, but right now I wasn't able to voice the words required so it would have to wait. As I walked into the room, they all stopped talking and mom rushed towards me with her arms outstretched. I automatically flinched away from her. I didn't mean to; it was just a reflex as a lingering symptom to the injuries. Yet again, I felt like everything was my fault. Everyone saw but no-one said anything. I felt shame at the upset I was causing. She turned away from me. I know that she would be crying and I felt wretched. Rose was instantly at mom's side and put her arm around her in support.

My actions caused a cloud to hang over breakfast. Even Emmett was quiet. I was terrified that he would try to corner me and get me to talk to him. I just wanted to be left alone. People made polite conversation with, and around me, never mentioning the events of yesterday. I would just respond non verbally anytime someone spoke to me. I did notice that my mom and dad were exchanging glances. She even tried to engage me directly in conversation but I would not answer her questions. Shrugs and nods were all that I was capable of. The rest of the day was spent with me flipping through the t.v in the lounge, or when I needed time alone I would retreat to my room. Time alone with my thoughts was not ideal, but I had to do this, alone.

My family was walking on eggshells around me in my self imposed silent prison, but I was scared and needed to be left alone. I know that sounds incredibly selfish but I knew that they had each other to lean on for support. Me? I neither had nor deserved anyone to be there for me. I had lied and hurt those I was meant to love and failed to see the truth that was so clearly in front of my face where Bella was concerned. I should have listened to her, but I didn't give her the time of day. I threw her out like she was a bag of garbage and meant nothing to me. That was far from the truth. Even at the height of my anger towards her there was a small part of me that still clung onto the fact that I loved her and wanted this to work out. It was my pride that ruled and caused me to hurt her so badly, just as she had hurt me by denying and laughing at me. I knew that I was wrong, but I had no idea how to go about putting things right.

I couldn't expect Bella to just allow me to turn up on her doorstep and greet me with open arms. No, I was convinced that she hated me and never want to see me again. She had hurt me, but what I had done to her was just as bad, if not worse. The hate and venom-filled words that I spoke were not able to be taken back. I spent the time staring blankly out of my bedroom window replaying everything from the past few months. Every scene of the night of the dance was there in glorious technicolor in my head, including the whole Tanya incident. I was to blame there too. She was hurt because of me and my inability to love her. I thought she knew that for me it was just sex, fucking, whatever you wanted to call it. I had made it clear, hadn't I? I never once told her that I loved her, never gave her any indication that we would be together, so why had she jumped to that conclusion?

Tanya could have had any guys she wanted, so why me? I was young, weedy with floppy hair and glasses. I epitomized geek chic. There were football players that were falling over themselves to be with her, yet each and every one of them she knocked away because of me. Shit. I had made an even bigger mess than I first realized here. I wanted to talk to someone about this. Janet - Dr. Crabb would be perfect, but that would mean that I would have to speak to my dad to arrange the appointment. I didn't feel ready to speak to them just yet, I first needed to get things right in my own head in order to sift through the mess and make some sense of things. Hmm. Maybe I could do this alone. It wouldn't hurt to try...or would it?

The next few days passed by so slowly. I didn't speak to a soul. The silence was a comfort to I was pleased that people were respecting my decision, although I knew how hard this was for mom in particular. I could see it written on her face every time she spoke to me and I barely responded like a human. I felt confident that it had to be handled this way, but I knew I was hurting her in the process. I worked through things in my head, knowing that there was the question of what to do about James and Tanya for their part in the events at the dance. I didn't want Tanya to get into any sort of trouble. Heck, she wouldn't have got mixed up with James if I had made it more clear from the start that we were never going to be anything more than fuck buddies. Unfortunately, I was young and very naïve. I needed James to pay for what he had done, not only to me, but to Tanya. The bruises on her skin were a visual sign of how far he was prepared to go and that he would hurt anyone who stood in his way.

Five days after the massive showdown with Tanya, I heard my mom leave the house for the first time. I watched as her car pulled out of the drive from my bedroom window and felt glad to finally be in the house alone. I made my way downstairs and went to the summerhouse to exorcise the ghosts that remained there. When I walked inside, I was assaulted my memories of my liaisons with Tanya, from the very first time she caught me jerking off to the last time I was with her when she gave me a blow job. I sat in that very same chair and the irony was not lost on me. Pulling my knees to my chest, I rested my chin on them, and closed my eyes. I was awoke by hearing my name being called, and shivered against the cold that surrounded me. My name was called again, and I was quickly on my feet, passing the garden to the house where I saw my dad standing on the porch. When he saw me his face changed. He ran towards me and grabbed my shoulders firmly, lightly shaking me in frustration.

"Edward! Where the hell have you been? I was worried sick!"

I shrugged at him in response. He pulled me to him and gave me a hug. "It's alright son, I'm not angry. I just couldn't find you in the house and your car was here. Where have you been?"

Pulling away, I pointed towards the summerhouse and his eyes followed. He placed his arm around my shoulder. Despite my flinching he didn't remove it.

"Son! It's freezing, your freezing! What on earth were you doing in there? Never mind, let's get you inside and warmed up before Janet arrives."

He started to lead me back to the house and I froze. I had forgotten about Janet coming back for another session. I stared blankly at him. "Edward, come on inside. You knew that Janet was coming today. She just wants to talk to you, no-one is going to make you do anything you don't want to."

I nodded in response, and we walked toward the house. Once inside he made me a hot drink and made sure that I was comfortable before Janet arrived. I was worried about the session. How was she going to react to the fact that I would not be talking to her? This should be a fun session, I thought. Sitting in the lounge staring out of the window I heard the soft lilting tones of her Irish accent filter through the empty house, and then she addressed me.

"Afternoon Edward. How are you today?"

I turned and shrugged at her. She didn't give up, "Do you want to do the session in here or shall we go through to your fathers office?"

I pointed , indicating that I wanted to remain here. She frowned at me, "Okay, then we will do it in here. Again, remember that these are your sessions. Anything you say will remain between us two. Now, is there anything that you want to tell me about? Anything that has happened since our last session that you want to discuss?"

Shaking my head at her, I really wanted to scream, "Yes! I have had my heart practically ripped out and trampled all over. I need you to help me work out what to do next. I have hurt everyone I care about and have ever loved. I should have died that night on the beach. I don't deserve to be here." If she knew how I felt then I knew that she would have no option than other to have me admitted under some kind of specialist care and I didn't want that, no way. I knew that I would work things out and it was just a case of needing the time and space.

Janet didn't give in. There were several times when I looked at her during our session that I wanted to break down and tell her everything, but I didn't, I couldn't. She was the only person who nearly broke through to me and the way she did it was by being normal. Janet never treated me like I had done anything wrong, or like she needed any answers from me. I knew that this was all at my own pace. I felt guilty by not speaking to her, but she quickly adapted the session so that I could reply in a non verbal format to her. Our session was soon over. I left as my dad came into the lounge. I knew that he would want to speak to Janet to find out if my behavior was 'normal'. I retreated to my room and heard some commotion as my mom arrived back home. She sounded almost hysterical, and on hearing her I buried my head under the pillow to block out the sounds. I could hear the muffled sounds of conversation as they drifted upstairs through the otherwise silent house. Curiosity got the better of me, and I stood at the top of the stairs. Still listening to the end of the conversation I heard them speaking about me as Janet was leaving.

Mom asked, "You're not going to suggest that we admit him to a clinic then?"

Janet replied, "I think that the best place for him right now is here, with you, his family around him. Being in familiar surroundings will give him some sense of normality in the midst of the confusion in his head. Just keep doing what you are doing, and remember I am only a phone call away if you need me. Now I really must be going; I don't mean to be rude, but I have a dinner reservation."

I knew that there was nothing else I wanted to hear. I heard her leave as her car pulled away from the house. My mom broke down the minute my dad returned. "I thought that he was going to be taken away from me and I just couldn't bear that."

I retreated to my room, closing the door behind me. At least Janet was on my side and she had provided some reassurance to my mom that I would be okay. It was so good to hear that for myself. Mom came upstairs and let herself into my room. I remained still on the bed, arms folded behind my head, so she left. I heard my dad calling for take-out, and I went downstairs when it arrived. I was starving. Mom came into the kitchen and put her hands and me, giving me a kiss, which I ignored. I saw her and dad exchanging glances as they ate. Then they started to talk, and I felt like I had been punched in the gut.

"How was Bella when you dropped her home? Is she-" He never got to finish his question as could not bear to hear her name being mentioned. What had been going on? Why was my mom seeing Bella? I wanted to ask her, to find out if she was okay, but my stupid pride would not allow me to even though every fiber of my being and soul was crying out to know if she was okay. In frustration, I threw my cutlery onto the plate before I pushed it away and fled the room. I paused for breath as I leaned my back flat against the wall in the hallway. Then I heard them speaking, so I listened

I assumed that mom wanted to follow me and was stopped by my dad as I heard him say. "Esme, leave him, please? So how was Bella? You were there a long time. Do I take it that you got a chance to talk?"

Mom paused before she responded, I could hear the strain in her voice. "She's okay, and yes we did talk. She… he… Bella told me everything that happened between them, from the first time she saw him right up to him through to him being in the hospital and his reaction to her then." I heard them moving away from the table and I went into the utility room while they passed me by and went to the lounge. I waited until they were settled before I listened at the door. Mom's voice was clear, "Oh Carlisle, she was heartbroken, totally devastated by what happened. She knows that she did the wrong thing at the dance, and she only wanted to make it right. He blamed her for it all. But now, well, now we know that Tanya and more importantly James were to blame for this. I was horrified to find out what had been going on under our noses. I feel like-"

"You are not to blame for this. None of us noticed what was happening. Edward chose not to tell us about him and Tanya, or Bella. There is nothing that we can do about it now. We now have to deal with the aftermath, and try to fix our son. Together." I smiled at my dad's confidence.

"I know Carlisle, it's just that I love him so much and I cannot bear to see him hurting like this, even for a second. I wish I could go back in time and make it all okay. When I think about how I treated him when Bella came around the day after her accident, when he first brought her here. I should've known better, my son, my baby, and I pushed his feelings aside like they were nothing, worthless. Oh Carlisle. It's my fault. This is all my fault, I should've known, I-"

Whatever she wanted to say next was interrupted by dad's cell phone ringing. He answered it and didn't see me as he left the lounge to speak to whomever was on the other end of the call. I knew that I had to go to my mom. She was crying, so distraught, hands covering her face. This once again was my fault, I needed to make things right. Sitting at the side of her she never turned to me, she obviously thought that it was my dad as she spoke. "What do I do now? This is my fault and I just can't reach him." Slowly I pulled her hands away from her face and she met my concerned face.

Finally, for the first time in days I let my voice be heard, "Mom, I'm sorry. It's not your fault. Please don't blame yourself." Tears filled his eyes as he continued. "I'm sorry I put you through this, that I lied to you, please can you forgive me?"

She smiled at me like only a mom could, and instantly pulled me into her arms, "You have nothing to be sorry for; I should be apologizing to you."

I stayed in her arms and cried until there was nothing left inside of me. There were no words, no questions, nothing. The seemingly insurmountable emotional wall that I had built around myself had finally been torn down. Once I could not cry any more I moved my head to my mom's lap just like I used to do when I was a child. It felt so comforting and familiar to me as she stroked my hair. I felt my body relax, and more importantly safe here in her arms...in this home, my home.

My family didn't hate me. They loved me and wanted to us to see through this mess as a family and I felt that together we could get through anything at this point. It felt good to know that I had them around me. I sure felt like I was going to need them if I was to make sense of the mess that things had become. I would need all of them around me, supporting me. I just needed to hope that Bella would speak to me. Thoughts of her were foremost in my mind as mom's touch soothed me into the first proper dreamless sleep that I had enjoyed in days.

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><p><strong>Authors Note:<strong>

Important – IF my stories ever disappear from here then please head over the The Writers Coffee Shop as I post on there too. Pen name is the same Loopylou992.

As always this is beta'd by Cosmom who does a brilliant job. Thanks to everyone who continues to read and review, I am so glad that you all liked hearing from Esme, but we are firmly back with Edward now and staying there for a while.

Sorry that this update is late – things have not been great and I took a small break from things, but I am back! If anyone is on Facebook and wants to join my group dedicated to my fics, look up Fraggle Rock Fics and I will approve you.

Please do leave me your thoughts below.


	32. Fandom4LLS Teaser

Firstly, please don't shout at me! I know that you guys are probably dying for an update and this is with my beta at the moment. But I am here to ask if anyone can donate to a great fandom compilation.

This is Fandom for LLS (Leukaemia & Lymphoma Society) For a $5 donation you will not only be helping raise money for a fantastic cause you will also get a Fanfiction compilation with both Twilight & Hunger Games stories in it.

I have donated Tanya's POV from Karma Killer to this, and I will not be posting this until the main story wraps, and it will eventually be up until Tanya leaves. If you want to know what was really happening in her head then donate. I have put a sneak peek below for you… but keep reading!

To donate and see what other authors are taking part – head to their website, unfortuantely FF will not let me post a link or amend it in anyway, so head to: _**fandom4lls dot blogspot dot co dot uk**_ You know what to do to get there I hope!

Lou x x

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><p><strong>Tanya's POV<strong>

I was at home watching TV when my cell phone beeped, alerting me to the fact that I had a new message waiting. I didn't need to look to know who it was. It of course, was Edward. I smiled when I read his demand.

_"Meet me in the usual place...30 minutes."_ For a second, I thought about not going, but hell, I was addicted to him. His sexual prowess far outweighed anyone else that I had been with. He was fantastic and such a quick learner.

I put my phone back on the couch next to me; it would only take me fifteen minutes to get to him, so I figured it would do him good to wait for once. I usually rushed there when he called.

When I pulled up, the house was in darkness. As agreed, I parked a little ways down the street and walked the rest of the way. I made my way down the driveway and to the side gate, which would be unlocked.

Under the cover of darkness, I approached the summerhouse, knowing that he would be waiting. Then, my cellphone went off in my purse and I went to answer it, but he hung up. Someone was desperate to see me.

I smiled to myself as I opened the door and stepped inside. It was far too dark for me to see properly. I was shocked and a little turned on, when I was harshly grabbed and pushed up against the wall, where his lips made contact with mine, forcing my lips apart, his tongue entered my mouth. I tried initially, to push him away, but damn, this was a hot way to be surprised, so I kissed him back. I felt a shift in his demeanour, so I pushed him away. I caught my breath before speaking, "Edward! What the fuck? You scared me. I didn't know who it was."

He just laughed at me, "Who'd you think it was waiting for you in here? The Boogie-man, Easter Bunny, Santa Claus? I called _you,_ Tanya. I told _you_to be here. What did you expect? Get over here, now."

Wow, he was hot tonight, and pushing every one of my buttons. Clearly, I had taught him well. I looked at him, seeing that there was lust in his eyes. I wanted everything that he could give me and more. I knew that tonight wouldn't be any kind of romance. Not that our trysts like this, ever were.

I wound my arms around him, making their way up his back and under his shirt before I removed  
>it. We then returned to our heated kissing. I was glad I changed before I left, knowing that we would be fucking like rabbits. I'd ditched my jeans and opted for a short skirt and no panties.<p>

He grabbed me roughly, yanking my skirt up around my waist, causing me to gasp, "Ooh, Edward, in a rush tonight, are we?"

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><p><strong>So did you like that?<strong>

**As a special treat cause here is a completely unbeta'd peek at the next chapter.**

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><p>She had tears in her eyes, how could I do put her through this. I nodded, returning to the couch with her arm around my waist supporting me. As I sat down, she remained with me and I turned to face her.<p>

"Mom I'm-"

She cut me off, "Don't you dare say that you are fine Edward Cullen, don't you dare. I have been through hell the last few days, no one can give me answers or explain what has been happening inside your head, or why you felt that you could not come to me or your father with any of this." Her voice softened. "Sweetheart, we need to talk things through, you have to tell me what you are thinking."

I looked at her, did she really want to hear what I was thinking right now? How would she feel if she knew that the only person I wanted to be with right now was Bella, I wanted to talk to her, hold her, kiss her and tell that that I was sorry. I would go down on my knees if I thought that was what it would take to make her see how sorry I was for not believing her. I knew that she was hurt, hell I was at the time when I had thought that she had sold us out, when she denied me so publicly. I knew that she was hurt, hell I was at the time when I thought that she had sold us out, especially when she denied me so publicly. I saw that now, time and perspective are wonderful things,even if I had been through hell to get to this point.

I took a breath. "I'm sorry. I should've talked to you, I was scared, it was new, I didn't know what to do for the best."

"Why Tanya?" Her face looked pained. Oh, she wanted to know why Tanya. I really didn't have an answer for that one. "She's older than you, she's my Irinia's daughter, did you not think about that? Is it true what she said?"

My eyes sought and invisible spot on the ground and refused to move from it, finding that spot on the carpet so interesting, I couldn't look at her face. I didn't want to have this conversation with her, with anyone.

"Edward? Please talk to me, I want to know, to understand."

I really didn't want to do this now, I knew that I needed to reconcile my feelings for Tanya and knew that Janet would be able to help me with this, I wanted to talk yes, but not to my mom.

"Mom, I can't do this, please don't."

She nodded, standing slowly she kissed to top of my head. "Hot chocolate?" I nodded in response my eyes still unable to meet hers. "Marshmallows? Whipped cream?"

I lifted my head, she knew what I loved, "Yes please."

She smiled at me before she turned and left the room, leaving me alone with my thoughts in a quiet room, I could hear her in the kitchen moving around. As I sat there alone, my brain began to work overtime and I couldn't bear to be left alone in the silent room with only them for company so I went to join her in the kitchen. She was on the phone and didn't hear me, so I stood in the doorway and listened.


	33. Shattered Dreams

**Authors Note: As always I do not own Twilight or any of these characters and no copyright infringement is intended.**

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><p>I woke dazed and disorientated. I felt hands stroking my hair causing me to close my eyes, again. I succumbed to the calm that the action was bringing to me. I enjoyed the feeling, and then suddenly, I remembered, Bella.<p>

I sat upright quickly, looking at the confused face of my mom. "Edward, are you okay, sweetheart?"

"Yeah, sorry, I just woke up confused, that's all."

She fixed me with a smile. "As long as you're okay. I've...we've been so worried about you." I looked around the room. "Your dad got called into the hospital; there was an emergency."

"Ah, okay." Then I remembered. "I…Bella!" The panic rose in me when I remembered the conversation that helped bring me out of my self-imposed silent exile. Bella had been hurt; she'd been to the hospital where my dad had treated her. I was on my feet before I knew it, dashing around to find my keys.

Mom grabbed my arm as I went to leave. "Edward, no! Look, whatever you're thinking, stop. Please, talk to me?"

She had tears in her eyes. How could I put her through this?

I nodded, returning to the couch with her arm around my waist, supporting me. As I sat down, she remained with me and I turned to face her. "Mom, I'm…"

She cut me off. "Don't you dare say that you're fine, Edward Cullen. Don't you dare." She demanded. "I've been through hell the last few days; no one can give me answers or explain what's been happening inside your head or why you felt that you couldn't come to me or your father with any of this." Her voice softened. "Sweetheart, we need to talk things through. You have to tell me what you're thinking."

I looked at her; did she really want to hear what I was thinking, right now? How would she feel if she knew that the only person I wanted to be with right now, was Bella. I wanted to talk to her, hold her, kiss her and tell that that I was sorry. I would go down on my knees if I thought that was what it would take to make her see how sorry I was for not believing her. I knew she was hurt. Hell, I was at the time when I had thought she sold us out; especially when she denied me so publicly. I saw that now. Time and perspective are wonderful things, even if I had been through hell to get to this point.

I took a breath. "I'm sorry. I should've talked to you; I was scared. It was new; I didn't know what to do for the best."

"Why Tanya?" Her face looked pained. _Oh, she wanted to know why Tanya._I really didn't have an answer for that one. "She's older than you. She's Irina's daughter. Did you not think about that? Is it true what she said?"

My eyes sought an invisible spot on the ground and refused to move from it, finding that spot on the carpet so interesting. I couldn't look at her face. I didn't want to have this conversation with her or with anyone, for that matter.

"Edward? Please talk to me; I want to know, to understand."

I really didn't want to do this now. I knew I needed to reconcile my feelings for Tanya and knew that Janet would be able to help me with this. I wanted to talk, yes, but not to my mom. I took the seat next to her, putting my hands on hers.

"Mom, I can't do this, please don't."

She nodded, standing slowly, she kissed to top of my head. "Hot chocolate?" I nodded in response, my eyes still unable to meet hers. "Marshmallows? Whipped cream?"

I lifted my head. She knew what I loved. "Yes, please."

She smiled at me before she turned and left the room, leaving me alone with my thoughts in a quiet room. I could hear her in the kitchen moving around. As I sat there alone, my brain began to work overtime and I couldn't bear to be left alone in the silent room with only them for company, so I went to join her in the kitchen.

She was on the phone and didn't hear me, so I stood in the doorway and listened. "Yes, I know that. I tried; he wasn't saying anything. Yes, I know. Look, this is going to take some time. I think that would help; he needs someone. He asked about her, but I didn't say anything. How do I tell him? Will you be long? I'll wait up and we can talk some more. Love you, too. Bye." She placed the cordless handset on the counter and placed her hands out for support. Her head drooped forward and I felt like I was intruding, so I decided to not let her know that I had seen or heard anything.

Stepping back in the hallway I pretended like I was walking in for the first time. "Hey mom, need a hand with that hot chocolate?" She turned to me, a smile that I knew to be forced, lit up her face, but on closer inspection, it never reached her eyes.

"Grab the marshmallows and cream please."

I did as she asked, passing her the items before I pulled out one of the stools from the counter and took a seat. I watched her bustle around the kitchen making the drinks. Once she made them, she went to the pantry and got the step stool so that she could reach the highest shelf where she moved various boxes before she produced a clear plastic container. She joined me at the counter removing the lid. I was assaulted by the smell of her oatmeal and raisin cookies...my favorite.

She grinned at me. "I have to hide them. If your father or heaven forbid, Emmett, find out there are any, they would be gone in seconds. I know that you love these, so I made them and hid them. That hiding place is our secret." She winked at me.

"Lips, sealed. I can keep a secret."

I realized what I had said the second the words left my lips. Her face fell and I wished that I could take those words back.

In a whisper, I managed to say. "I'm sorry; I didn't mean that the way it sounded."

I reached for her hand, but she pulled away, tears once again filling her eyes and she blinked them back furiously. She took her mug and moved to the sink, staring out of the window into the dark night. I could see her reflection in the window and she was fighting back the tears, trying to be strong for me

"Mom, I'm going to try and answer your question from earlier, but please don't interrupt me; I need to say this."

She turned around, panic flashed across her face. "No. I think it would be better if you talk to Dr. Crabb about all this. I'm not sure I'm the best person to talk to. She's the professional. I…"

"No, mom! I want to talk to you, not Janet. You're my mother; I love you. I know you've seen Bella, even spoken to her. I want to know how she is. Please?" I pleaded. "I need to know, otherwise, I'll walk out of this door right now and you won't be able to stop me from going see her." I hadn't realized I was shouting until my dad walked into my line of vision.

He raised his hands in surrender. "Edward, please calm down son. You're upset; there's nothing that your mom can do right now. I think it's best if we talk now, but leave the main topics to be discussed with Janet, in a family session if that's okay with you of course?"

I looked at him. My mom was hidden behind him and I knew she was crying.

I nodded my agreement before I left the room without a word. I could hear my parents talking in low hushed voices as I made my way out of the kitchen.

Then I saw them, laying on the hall table, taunting me... my father's car keys.

In that instant, I grabbed them and let myself out of the house, silently closing the door behind me. Once in the car, I didn't turn the lights on until I was out of the driveway. I knew they'd see the headlights and stop me. I had to do this; I had to see her.

Driving through the darkened streets, my anxiety levels got higher and higher as I approached the street where Bella lived. I slowed the car to a crawl as I got closer to her house. My heart pounded in my chest as if it would break free at any moment.

I saw her car parked outside. Her dad wasn't home; this was a good sign. Then I saw another car that I recognized vaguely, parked next to hers. I doubled back and parked across the street and waited. I wasn't there long before the porch light came on and the door opened. Bella stepped out and my hand instinctively reached for the door handle, only to pull away as if I had been scolded when a familiar figure stepped out behind her...Jake.

_What was he doing here? Why was he with Bella, alone at her house late at night?_

There had to be a reasonable explanation.

Then came the sight that felt like a punch in the guts. Watching them together, they were laughing and joking together. She playfully punched his arm and he mussed her hair. Then he held is arms open to her and she stepped into his embrace. He pulled her close to his chest before he planted a kiss on top of her head. I had seen enough and started the engine with a screech of tires. No doubt disturbing their romantic interlude. I made my way home, tears and more betrayal stinging my eyes as I drove.

I made my way through the streets towards...well, I didn't know and didn't care where. I just knew I needed to be away from them.

I paid little attention to the road as sobs ripped from deep inside my chest. I went through a stop sign without caring any longer, and then I saw them. The dreaded red and blue lights of a Police cruiser lit up the dark night. _Shit, I was gonna be in some_ _trouble now._

I pulled the car over to the sidewalk and waited. I couldn't handle this right now and my body pitched forward, my head resting on the steering wheel. Sobs continued to wrack through my chest as the emotions finally made their escape.

The doors were locked and I heard a tapping on the window next to me, but I didn't acknowledge their presence. I wanted to be alone, but knew this wouldn't be an option.

The knocking grew louder until, through tear stained eyes, I turned to look at the face I knew was on the other side of the window waiting for a response from me. Fuck! It was Charlie Swan, Bella's father. _Could tonight get any worse?_

"Edward, open the door, son." I didn't respond, so he tapped, again. "Edward, please open the door. I don't wanna break the glass on your fathers vehicle."

Slowly, my hand reached for the button on the dash that would unlock the doors. Once it clicked, I waited to be dragged out of the car, but it never happened, so I opened the door slowly myself and stepped out, my hands raised but my head bowed.

"Officer Swan." Were the only words that escaped my lips.

"Edward, Does Dr. Cullen know you're driving his vehicle? I assume you have his consent considering you're driving tonight like you have the devil himself on your tail?"

He waited for a response. _What was I going to say to him? _There was nothing I could think of, so I said nothing.

"Edward, talk to me, son. What's going on with you? You're not the type of boy to do something like this. I'm not going to arrest you, but I'm taking you to the station before I call your parents, okay?"

I nodded slowly and made my way to the back of the Police cruiser with Officer Swan at my side. I got in the back seat, and as I looked out of the window, I saw Jacob's car drive past. He slowed down as he went by and I knew that he saw me as our eyes locked for an instant before I looked away.

The journey to the Police station was silent. Charlie kept looking at me in the rear view mirror as if he expected me to suddenly open up and speak to him. I just wanted to be left alone.

Once at the station, he escorted me through to his office where he got me a soda before he left. I assumed to make the call to my parents.

As I sat, for what felt like hours before the door burst open and my mom rushed towards me. "Edward Cullen, don't you _ever_ do that to me again, do you hear me? We were so worried." She threw her arms around me and hugged me tightly.

I could hear Charlie and my father talking just outside the door. "I appreciate this Charlie, I really do. You know what he's been through in the last couple of weeks. It's not been easy, for any of us, especially not Edward."

"I do, that's why I turned a blind eye to this. He hasn't been in trouble before and I know that you and your family have been to hell and back. I wouldn't want to add to your troubles. Hell, I have one at home that keeps me busy."

I heard them laugh and my father spoke again. "Really, Charlie, I can't thank you enough for this. I can assure you this won't happen again. Edward does have his own car, so I have no idea why he took mine. I told him that in emergencies, he could use it, so maybe this was my fault after all."

"No problem; just happy to help you out after you fixed up Bella the other day."

Hearing her name was like a dagger to my heart.

My father entered the room, fixing me with a stern look. "Son, let's get you home. Then we need to talk."

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><p><strong>Authors Note:<strong>

Firstly, apologies for the length of time it has been since the last update, RL gave me an ass whopping and my mojo for this ran away too, plus my poor beta Cosmom has not been able to get to this. So I have asked Dreamofrob10 to step into the breach and look at this for me, thanks hun and sorry I have you with another fic to read. OOH Pre-read by FFaddward - thanks hun!

Thanks for reading!

Lou x x x


	34. Down To Earth

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters and no copyright infringement is intended**

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><p>As we left the station, I heard both my parents thanking Charlie for being so lenient on me. I wanted to scream, but didn't.<p>

We crossed the parking lot to my mom's car, where I saw Jake sitting in his car watching me. He climbed out and walked towards me. "Hey, what's happening?"

I growled at him. "Back off Jacob; I mean it."

"Whoa, Edward," he said, putting his hands up. "I only asked if you were okay. I mean, it's not every day I see you being put in the back of a Police car. I called your parents; I hope I did the right thing."

My mom stepped forward. "It's true, Jake told us what happened; we came straight here."

"Did I ask you to? You should've left me there. I mean outta sight, outta mind." I turned to face Jake as I spat the last part with as much venom as I could muster. "Isn't that right, eh Jake?"

He laughed. "Look Edward, I have no idea what you are going on about."

This time, I laughed, but there was no humor in it. "I saw you Jake...with her. Some friend you turned out to be."

I turned on my heel, getting into the back of the car, slamming the door closed and locking it. I saw the look of confusion and the recognition as it swept across his face. He moved toward the car only to be stopped by my father. I couldn't make out what was being said, but Jake nodded his head before he made his way to his car, his head bowed. We drove home in silence; my head was resting against the window. The vibration of the car as it travelled on the road, started to send me to sleep, only to be awoken once the car finally pulled up at home.

Once inside in the lounge, no one spoke. I could feel all eyes on me. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to..."

I didn't get any further with my sentence before my mom interrupted me. "You're sorry? You didn't mean to? Edward, if I had a dollar for every time those words have come from you recently, I would be rich. I know that you've been through an ordeal. I get that, but you're not the only one who's hurt here. You don't understand...you hurt, I hurt."

My father tried to stop her, but she was having none of it. "Don't touch me, Carlisle, and don't try and stop me. He needs to hear this and I need to say it." She turned to look at me. "Edward, I love you. You're my flesh and blood and I would kill to protect you, to keep you safe, but I can't reach you, and it's killing me. Please, tell me what's going on inside that head of yours?"

I stood there shell shocked. I had never seen my mom this upset before. She was nearly hysterical and my father didn't know how to handle her.

"What do you need me to do? Tell me and I will do it, but you need to tell me, please?"

My father refused to be brushed aside and took her in his arms and held her. He muttered something under his breath that I couldn't hear.

Despite the late hour, the doorbell sounded, my parents looked at one another and I could tell that they thought _what now?_

My mom went to answer and I listened intently. Jake was here and I heard my mom tell him to go through to the lounge. I stood staring out of the window; I really wasn't in the mood for this tonight.

My father left us alone which wasn't a wise move.

"Edward."

I didn't turn around. "Jacob, what do you want?"

He laughed. "An explanation would be nice? I mean all that shit down at the station, what was that about?"

I turned to face him, anger coursing through me. "You know what, Jake, you with her?"

"Where? What are you talking about? Yeah, I saw you get pulled over by Chief Swan, so I called your..."

"Jake, don't lie to me. I know that you were with her tonight. Enjoy your alone time did you? One on one with Bella? Did she put out for you? I mean she's broken in now, so I can't imagine that you'd have any problems with her putting out." I spat, venom dripped from every word that I spoke. I felt betrayed by both of them.

Jake shot me a shocked look before he answered. "What? You think... Fuck, Edward! Seriously? You think that I would do that to you?"

I didn't give him chance to answer. "I don't know, Jacob. I go down to talk to Bella and what do I see? Any guesses?"

He stood looking at me confused. "I'll just go ahead and tell you." I glared at him as I spoke my next words. "I saw you leaving her house. You two were alone and I saw you kiss her. Don't..."

Jake was in front of me, pushing me. "You saw what? Me comforting a friend? Talk about over-reaction!"

"Don't fucking lie to me!" I screamed and pushed him back, only to be pulled away by my father who had obviously heard the raised voices.

"Whoa! What on earth is going on here? Edward? Jacob?"

Neither of us spoke. My father looked between us expecting an answer, but was getting nothing. He sighed deeply. "Jake, I think it's best if you left for now. Edward, I'll deal with you in the morning; it's late."

He released his hold on me and I stormed past him, brushing past Jake on my way out of the door. I went up to my room, slamming the door closed behind me. I threw myself on my bed and closed my eyes as my anger ebbed away from me. _Why was this happening to me_? I must've really pissed karma off to end up with all this happening to me.

My phone beeped to say that I had a message. It was from Jake.

_**Believe what you want. If you want the truth, you know where I am.**_

I deleted the message, not caring at this stage. I knew what I had seen and having been lied to before; I wasn't going to get sucked in a second time.

Placing my phone back on my nightstand, I drifted off to sleep.

My sleep, although welcomed, was far from restful. I spent hours tossing and turning. My dreams, when they came, were filled with visions of Jake and Bella together. In one scene, it was them together at the dance. She was dancing with him and they didn't have to hide from anyone. I mean, why would they? She was Miss popular and he was, well, he was Jacob Black.

That caused to me to wake with a start, finding myself sitting upright in bed, my heart pounding heavily in my chest. I realized, it was only a nightmare. Whatever, I thought, but in the back of my mind, I wondered if it would become reality with what I had seen tonight.

When my eyes finally opened the next day, I was shocked to see it was one in the afternoon. No one had woken me, which was strange. Then again, after last night, I was glad. I knew I would only be getting a lecture today. Mom and dad were both angry last night, so today, once they had a chance to sleep on it, I was sure I'd be ripped a new asshole.

I lay in bed staring at the ceiling, and I listened to the sounds of the house below me. Mom was bustling about in the kitchen; I could hear pots and pans being rattled. I knew I would have to face the music, but I was definitely not looking forward to it, so I delayed the inevitable. I decided to shower and get dressed before I ventured downstairs.

I walked into the kitchen and my presence wasn't acknowledged. Mom was cleaning out the cupboards. The entire contents were spread out across the counter and she had on her rubber gloves scrubbing away. I made coffee and toast for myself. During the entire time, she didn't deviate from her relentless cleaning. I knew I was in trouble. When mom cleaned like this, she was usually angry, and this was a way for her to get her frustration out of her system. We usually kept out of her way, but today, I wouldn't be that lucky.

As I sat and ate my breakfast in silence, I knew that, once again, I had disappointed my parents and that hurt me, just as I had hurt them.

I washed my plate and cup before I left the kitchen and made my way to my room. I laid on the bed and waited for the inevitable, which would be my father coming home from work. The last words he said to me last night rang in my ears about dealing with me in the morning.

I heard the front door open and close, footsteps making their way through to the kitchen, followed by voices. I was sure there was another voice amongst the ones that I could make out of my parents, but I couldn't be sure.

Then I heard footsteps coming up the stairs toward my room, and my father appeared at my bedroom door. "Edward, come downstairs please. I will be waiting in the lounge."

He didn't wait for my reply, he just turned and left.

I got up and followed him, feeling almost like I was going to face a firing squad following my actions last night.

As I walked into the lounge, my father was standing at the fireplace, his hands clasped behind his back. My mom was sitting in the chair that my father normally sat in; she didn't acknowledge me as I entered. I took a seat on the couch and waited.

My dad turned and faced me, and I couldn't remember a time when I had seen him look so calm. But I knew that this was the well-practiced mask that he would wear at work, and now he was applying it to me...his son.

Taking a deep breath, he began to speak. "Edward, I can't tell you how disappointed I am in you. Last night you showed a blatant disregard for me and your mom. You took my car without my permission, and then you got stopped by the Police." He took a deep breath and when he spoke he seemed to have trouble keeping his voice calm. "Do you have any idea what position that puts me in? How that makes me look? Do you?"

My head dropped, my eyes searching the floor for something, anything to focus on. I couldn't bear to see the disappointment in his eyes. I had disobeyed my father last night, and taking his car was stupid. He had every right to be angry at me.

His voice rose as he continued. "Then I find you fighting with your best friend, Jacob. I mean, really, Edward. I have no idea what's going on with you these days. It's like you're not my son anymore. I don't know who you are, but you are not the son I raised."

The sorrow dripped from his words. Tears filled my eyes, spilling out and down my cheeks. I couldn't run from this; I needed to hear the words that he was saying. If this was what it took to make me realize what I was doing, then so be it.

What I didn't know was, my parents both left the room, and when I looked up, I saw Dr. Crabb standing where my father had been. I looked confused at her, and stammered. "How… how long have you been here?"

She looked at me with kind eyes. "Long enough, Edward. Now, are you going to tell me what's been going on around here?"

I stared at her, unsure of what she would want to know, to hear from me. I needed to talk to someone about this mess; about how I ended up at rock bottom and just when I thought that I could sink no lower, last night happened.

I slowly nodded at her, in a small voice I spoke. "Okay, I'll tell you everything, then you can make up your own mind about how fucked up I am."

Dr. Crabb let out a deep breath. "Edward, you are not fucked up. Now, shall we do this here? Or would you rather we head out somewhere? Your choice."

I sighed heavily. "Can we go out? I want to go to the beach."

She nodded, so I grabbed my coat and together we left the house. I knew that when I came back, I would have told her everything. She would be the only person that knew the whole truth about what happened; I could not lie to her. This was going to be hard.

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><p><strong>Authors Note:<strong>

Hope that you are all still with me, and apologies for the delay in the update. As you know my usual beta Cosmom is taking a tiny break (miss you hun) and Dreamofrob10 has stepped into the breach. What you might not know is that about three weeks ago she had a horrible car accident, head on collision. She is okay but broke her wrist in two places and has been out of action since. However, she has managed this one handed. I cannot thank her enough.

Please do leave me a review and let know what you think.

Until next time – which I hope will not be too long!


	35. Revisting The Past

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters and no copyright infringement I intended. **

**This is not beta'd – all mistake are mine.**

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><p>We drove in silence, I watched the familiar scenery flash past me the hair on the back of my neck stood on end as I realized that we were getting closer and closer to Forks High School and not the beach as I had asked. I started to fidget in my seat and I felt Janet's eyes watching me, I knew what she was doing, gauging me to see my reaction, so I gritted my teeth and continued to stare out of the window.<p>

When the car pulled into the now empty parking lot I was fighting every impulse in me to open the door and run away, but I knew that I needed to talk to Janet about this and I would not be able to move forward with anything in my life until I laid these demons to rest, finally.

Once the car stopped and I heard the driver's door open and then close I took a deep breath and stepped out myself. "What are we doing here? I thought that we were going to the beach" I looked Janet straight in the eye and she returned the stare for a moment before she answered.

"Well, this seems to be the place that you spent a lot of your time, and I know that the incident happened shortly after the winter dance here. I think that is significant in some way. Am I right?"

There was nowhere to hide with this, she of course knew what had happened and wanted to examine this further with me, so why not come here. She turned and walked away from me, leaving me staring after her. I caught her up as she strolled out toward the football field, her hands thrust into her pockets against the cold winter air. We walked together and I knew that she was waiting for me to say something.

Eventually she stopped walking and took a seat on the bleachers, and I sat next to her. The memories of being here were assaulting me, I remembered everything.

"We were at the winter dance. There was an incident there, I couldn't stay, I had to get out, I ran until I got here and I hid under here." I motioned to the bleachers that we were sat on. She nodded slowly, never interrupting me. "Jake came after me. He was a good friend to me that night."

I paused and she spoke. "What do you mean, was? Are you no longer friends?"

My head started to swim, I could see the image of Jake from that night, saving me, looking after me. Then him visiting me in the hospital, telling me what I needed to know, filling in the blank puzzle pieces in my memory. Memories changed quickly to when I saw him leaving Bella's that night and then we fought at the Police Station. It hurt to think how quickly things fell apart in our friendship. We had been friends for years, and now that lay in tatters like my life.

Speaking in a low voice I answered her. "I don't know."

Her response shocked me. "Do you want to be friends with him?"

It was a straightforward question, one that I hadn't really thought about in any great detail, so my answer was evasive. "I don't know, I haven't thought about it."

I should've known that she wouldn't me off that easily. "Edward I know what happened last night. Well, I know what your father saw, but I want to hear your version. I mean do you often go around trying to punch your best friend? I mean, I argue with my best friend but we have never, ever come to blows over anything. What caused that reaction in you?"

Suddenly I was on my feet pacing in front of her, she knew exactly what to say to get a reaction out of me. The anger I felt toward him from last night bubbled to the surface, my fists clenched together before I flexed them open, only to clench them closed again. There was no way that I could lose it with Janet, she didn't deserve to have the anger I felt directed at her, it should be Jake that I unleashed this one.

I felt a hand touch my shoulder and I flinched, shrugging it off me before I turned to face her. Looking at her face I knew that she could see the anger that I felt.

"Edward, calm down. I didn't mean to startle you. Please, tell me what you are thinking. I can see the anger in you. I am here for you, talk to me."

I took several deep breaths before I turned to face her. "He was my best friend, and yet he betrayed me." My voice faded as I uttered the last words. "Just like she did." But Janet heard them.

"Who betrayed you?" Her voice remained calm as she continued. "Edward? Trust in me. I am here to help you, but I can't if you won't tell me what happened to you."

I looked at her, and could see that she was waiting for me to open up to her. Turning around I saw, the high school and the gym where the dance was held. I needed to be out of here, the memories that I associated with being here were all interwoven with my memories of Bella. I wanted to go to the one place that I knew that I could think clearly.

Almost in a whisper I asked. "Can we leave here, please? I want to go to the beach, we can talk there."

Janet looked at me, I could tell that she was wary, she knew what happened there, she had to. "Are you sure about that? You really want to go to First Beach?"

"Yes." That one simple word came from my lips in a way that would assure her that I was serious and also aware of what I was saying.

She simply nodded in response and led me back to the car. The silence between us was heavy as we made our way to La Push. I sunk lower in the seat, hoping that I wouldn't see any of the lads from the reservation, the last thing I wanted was Jake knowing that I was here and coming to find me.

Once we parked she let me lead her down onto the vast open expanse of sand. The sound of the waves crashing against the shore was soothing as was the smell of salt, heavy in the air. This was the place that I came when I needed to be alone or to think things through. It brought me comfort , despite the fact that the last time I was here I nearly ended my own life.

We walked together along the beach, side by side, I knew that she was waiting for me to speak, once I was sure that my voice would not crack I spoke.

"Jake was my best friend, we did everything together. He protected me at school from the bullies, he was more like a brother to me in some ways. There were never any secrets between us, until I met her." Pausing for a moment I turned to Janet, she indicated to me to continue. "She showed me what it was like to be wanted, desired, I took without thinking of the consequences of my actions." I chuckled darkly as I recalled what my father used to tell me, actions have consequences. "She was using me just as much as I was using her, or so I thought. How was I to know that she was falling for me?"

Turning to her, we stopped walking and she turned to me. "Who are you talking about Edward?"

One word fell from my lips. "Tanya."

Without any hesitation she continued to question me. "Tell me about Tanya. Was she the girl that you were seeing? Did she hurt you?"

I snorted in response. "No, she could never hurt me, she never held that sort of power. Tanya was nothing to me, a quick fuck, nothing more. She was there, available when I needed some relief. Then when I fell in love I rejected her, she brought my world crashing down around me. It wasn't really her fault. It was ultimately mine. I treated her like she was nothing, less than a person. I should've treated her properly. This is my fault, everything. I don't deserve to be happy, this is karma paying me back."

"You shouldn't say that Edward. We all make our own decisions in life. Tanya made hers, just as you did. Maybe they were not the right ones, but you didn't force her to do the things she did. Those were her actions, and she will have to search her own conscience to deal with those. Now you said that you fell in love, why don't you tell me about her."

I sighed. "Bella, she was not someone that I ever thought that I would fall in love with, she was the center of the popular crowd, the ones who made my life hell on a daily basis at school."

Pausing as I thought of Bella allowed Janet time to ask a question.

"But you did fall in love with her. How did that make you feel?"

A smile involuntarily broke out on my face as I thought about how she made me feel. "Wanted, she made me feel special, alive." The smile vanished as I thought about the night of the dance. "Then she threw it all away, threw us away. Making me feel like such a fool. "

"How did she do that?"

I choked back a laugh, turning to face Janet. "She denied us being together, said that it was for a dare. She never wanted me, she was playing with me, using me-"

"Like you used Tanya?"

"What! How can you compare the two?" I snapped. "Bella is nothing like her, she's everything that Tanya isn't. I love her and I never loved Tanya."

Staring at a now smiling Janet I could feel myself feeling like she was laughing at me and I snapped. "What's so funny? You want to let me in on the joke? Or once again I am the joke around here, just like always."

Her face took on a serious demeanor. "Edward, you are not in any way a joke. Don't ever think that. I was smiling because in the heat of your anger and emotions you referred to your relationship with Tanya in the past tense, and Bella in the present tense."

I had no idea what she was talking about. "What the hell do you mean? They are both nothing to me anymore, old news, done."

Janet simply looked at me. "Edward, listen to me. I am telling you to that whatever feelings you had for Tanya-"

I tried to interrupt her. "I told you-" but she raised her hand, causing me to stop.

"As I was saying. The feelings you had for Tanya, whether you chose to accept that you had any in the first place or not, are not there anymore. You moved on when you met Bella, or at least when you two started to talk. We all know that you don't just head straight into a sexual relationship with someone at your age when you feel the way that you do about her. Your feelings for Bella are something that you have never, ever experienced before. It was all new and exciting. I would also imagine that you were confused by what you were feeling too. Did you talk to anyone about it?"

I shook my head. "Not about Bella. We agreed that we would keep things between us until we were sure."

A knowing look was on her face. "So you two saw each other in secret. That must've been hard to manage in such a small town.

"It was, plus her dad is the Police Chief. He nearly caught us the first time at her house, I thought my number was up."

"Close call, and yet you continued to see her? How did it all start? I mean, you don't go from hating someone to being in love with them overnight.

Taking a moment to think, memories came flooding back to me, the first time that I almost knocked her over as she ran in front of my car, taking her to my house so my father could fix her up. The way that she turned up with cookies and a smile, winning my mom over so easily. I wish now that I had listened to my head and resisted her. Could I have been happy with Tanya? No, that was never an option for me. Bella was what I wanted, she brought me out of myself, made me a different person.

"Edward, Are you okay?" Janet's voice broke through my internal musings and I shook my head slightly as I looked at her, trying to shake the thoughts of Bella and our good times together from my head. I needed to keep the fact that she hurt me so badly in the forefront of my mind, that way she could never be allowed to hurt me again.

"Yeah, sorry I was lost in my thoughts for a moment." I smiled at her although it was a weak smile. "What were you saying?"

"Nothing important. I think that we have probably covered enough for today, the last thing that I want to do is to push you too far. We can always continue this another time."

There was a loud rumble of thunder that seemed to match my mood. "Yeah, that would be good." Was my only response.

With that we turned and walked back toward the parking lot as the thunder continued to rumble indicating that there was a storm coming, it was only a matter of time before it struck land.

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><p><strong>Authors Note<strong>:

Hey guys, sorry this has taken SO long to update, it was never my intention for it be this long. My normal beta Cosmom is still on a break at the moment and she is coming back soon, but this is NOT beta'd so any and all mistakes are mine, all mine.

Once Cosmom is back this will have her magic worked on it. Forgive me! I hope that you are still with me.

You have Elaine (sorry don't know your FF Name) to thank for this update, she told me that she was missing this Edward, I know that he is her favourite, so how could I say no?

Lou x x


	36. White Flag

**Disclaimer: I do not own these characters and no copyright infringement is intended.**

**Not beta'd – forgive my mistakes.  
><strong>

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><p>My head was a jumble of thoughts and memories when Janet dropped me off at home. I ran into the house as the threatening storm was upon us, the rain was just starting to fall, thunder claps were loud and lightening lit up the sky. Hearing the sounds of my family I made my way to the doorway of the lounge, just standing there watching them just being together and happy. This made me feel sad, like I was an outsider looking at what I wanted, but couldn't have. It hurt. I had always felt part of the family, and now I wasn't, it was like they could continue without me, they didn't need me.<p>

As if she sensed me, my mom turned around and smiled at me. She looked as if she was going to come over to me, but she must've caught the look on my face before I could mask it and I saw the confusion on her face. Pulling myself together I managed a weak smile in return before I shook my head, telling her that I wanted to be alone. Needing to pull myself back together I shut myself in my bedroom and curled up on my bed. I hoped that these sessions with Janet would help. I wanted to get to the bottom of my feelings toward Bella, I needed to be able to put this behind me and move on with my life, but why was there a voice in the back of my mind that was telling me things were not always what they seemed. Part of me thought that this was down to the counseling sessions. Working things through in my head, examining the details of the relationship, having to talk about them for the first time brought feelings back to the surface that I wanted to bury, no matter how painful they would be for me.

There was a soft knocking on the door to my room, I didn't acknowledge. Closing my eyes and feigning sleep I heard the door open. I knew that it would my mom checking up on me. The edge of the bed dipped as she sat down. Her hand brushed my hair off my face. Her gentle voice whispered to me. "Edward I love you, come back to me. I miss my son." Then another voice which was my father's came into the room.

"Esme, come back downstairs, he needs to rest. Janet said that they sessions would take it out of him."

I struggled to keep the tidal wave of emotions inside me as she laid a gentle kiss on my forehead before she stood and left the room, the soft click of the door closing gave me the confirmation that I was once again alone, then and only then did I let the emotions out. I must've cried myself to sleep as I woke up feeling better, but also drained. The room was dark so I grabbed my cell phone to check the time and was horrified to see that it was 8pm, I had slept for hours and probably missed dinner.

Making my way rather slowly downstairs I could hear the voices of my family as they carried towards me, causing me to pause on the stairs, before I sat down, hidden out of sight. I could hear Rose and she sounded angry, it sounded like my father was trying to calm her down without success. I heard her voice get closer as she flew out of the lounge declaring. "This is crap, all of it. He and Jake have been friends for years. Something caused their fight, and I'm going to find out what is going on." My heart was in my throat, she was going to speak to Jake, but yet I couldn't move to stop her. Thankfully Emmett was a couple of steps behind her, and he slammed his hand against the front door, stopping her from leaving.

"No Rose. I know that he's your brother, but you have to let him work things out for himself. He will never be able to stand on his own two feet if you are constantly there, holding his hand. Fighting his battles for him." His hand moved from the door and he placed it on her shoulder.

She seemed to be frustrated. "Emmett, you know he's been to hell and back. After what happened with that bitch Tanya. I should've known that something was happening there, she was my best friend and she… she…"

Then the unthinkable happened, Rose started to cry. My sister was not the kind to cry, and this hurt me. Knowing that I was the cause of her upset I wanted to go to her and tell her how sorry I was, but there was no point. I watched as Emmett pulled her into his arms and held her as she cried, he just stood there, holding her while she let out all the emotions that she had been fighting to suppress.

Emmett looked straight at me, and smiled. He knew that I was there, yet said nothing. I made my way back upstairs before I made noise as I slammed my bedroom door closed and stomped down the stairs, making out I hadn't seen Emmett and Rose as I went straight to the kitchen, sticking my head inside the fridge looking for something to eat.

I felt a strong hand pat me on the back and I turned around to see Emmett is standing behind me, I had to ask.

"Is Rose okay?"

He smiled at me. "Yeah, she wants to rip someone, anyone a new one. She loves you and wants to protect you."

I rolled my eyes at him, "I don't need looking after, I'm not a baby."

He held his hands up, palms facing me. "Hey I am saying nothing about that. You have been through a lot, and this impacts on your family. You need to realize that when you hurt, they hurt. It's all part of them caring for you. They are kinda lost, walking on eggshells, terrified that they are going to do or say the wrong thing and push you further away."

The look on his face was genuine, he spoke sense which surprised me at times. Opening my mouth to speak he cut me off.

"You need to sort yourself out, decide what you want and do it. This is ripping your family apart at the moment. I know you don't see it but it's happening. They put on the show for you, happy fucking families but we both know that's a million miles away from how things really are around here." Pausing for a moment he scrutinized my face. "You have to consider that your actions and reactions affect them. Let them in."

I nodded at him, adding simply. "Thanks."

Dad came into the kitchen, stopping when he saw just the two of us standing there, glancing at Emmett who gave the smallest of nods before he turned to me. "How was the session son?"

I shrugged. "Okay I guess. Look don't get me wrong-"

He cut me off. "I know, you don't wanna talk about it. That's okay I was probably being either nosey or just making conversation. You hungry?" Emmett made noises in agreement making us both laugh.

"Your mom's got a migraine coming on, so I'm in charge tonight and I say pizza all round?"

Nodding I went to grab the menu from the drawer, as I handed it to my dad I managed to say. "Thanks dad, for understanding"

He simply nodded at me before he asked. "Who wants what?"

We ate together, my mom didn't join us. I suspected the cover story of her headache was more to do with the fact that she was upset following my return from counseling with Janet than anything and I was determined to make more of an effort not to shut her out. It was great to feel like I was part of the family again. Not that they had ever made me feel excluded, that was probably just in my own head.

Once we had eaten I excused myself and went back up to my bedroom, hesitating at the door to my parents room, but not entering. I switched on my laptop, I decided to check Facebook. I was shocked to see how many people had sent me friend requests or written on my timeline. Then again most of them just wanted the gossip on what happened or to make fun of me. Most of these people never bothered with me at school and I couldn't see any value in them starting now. I decided to deactivate my profile, it really felt like it was for the best.

Then I moved on to check my emails, the usual spam and pointless emails waited for me. My messenger service signed in automatically and instantly I heard the familiar ping of a message being received, when I looked I saw that it was Jake. I hesitated before I read the words on the screen in front of me, knowing that I did need to speak to him. Unsure of what to say or even how to start to explain. From my talk with Janet this afternoon it was clear that we needed to sit down and get this mess sorted out, I needed to hear the truth no matter how painful without lashing out like I had done previously.

Taking a deep breath I stared at the screen and opened the message.

_Ed, I know you probably won't even read this but I have to try. I want the chance to try to sort things out. We've been friends for too long to fall out over something so trivial._

_Speak soon. Jake._

When I moved my hands toward the keyboard I saw that they were shaking slightly, so I pulled them back and balled them into fists to stop the shakes.

A chat window popped open, it was Bella. My heart both sank and soared at the same time.

_Are you there?  
><em>

I hesitated, my fingers uncurling and reaching out toward the keyboard but never quite making it Every part of me wanted to reply, I just couldn't. Another message popped up.

_Please? Talk to me. I still love you x_

That was like a dagger to my heart, seeing the words in front of me on the screen was different to hearing her say them. They were there, in front of me and there was no way to escape from them. I sat back in the chair, running my hands through my hair for something to do, I watched as more messages appeared;

_Edward, are you there? I see you're online._

_I know you're hurting but I want to make things right. _

_Okay. You know where I am. Please know I still love you._

Then a link appeared, my curser hovered as I debated clicking on the YouTube address that she had sent me. Holding my breath as the beautifully soft music and gentle voice came from the speakers.

_I know you think that I shouldn't still love you,  
>Or tell you that.<br>But if I didn't say it, well I'd still have felt it  
>Where's the sense in that?<em>

_I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder_  
><em>Or return to where we were<em>

_I will go down with this ship_  
><em>And I won't put my hands up and surrender<em>  
><em>There will be no white flag above my door<em>  
><em>I'm in love and always will be<em>

_I know I left too much mess and_  
><em>Destruction to come back again<em>  
><em>And I caused nothing but trouble<em>  
><em>I understand if you can't talk to me again<em>  
><em>And if you live by the rules of "it's over"<em>  
><em>Then I'm sure that that makes sense<em>

_I will go down with this ship_  
><em>And I won't put my hands up and surrender<em>  
><em>There will be no white flag above my door<em>  
><em>I'm in love and always will be<em>

_And when we meet_  
><em>Which I'm sure we will<em>  
><em>All that was there<em>  
><em>Will be there still<em>  
><em>I'll let it pass<em>  
><em>And hold my tongue<em>  
><em>And you will think<em>  
><em>That I've moved on...<em>

_I will go down with this ship_  
><em>And I won't put my hands up and surrender<em>  
><em>There will be no white flag above my door<em>  
><em>I'm in love and always will be<em>

The lyrics resonated deep inside me, so I listened to it again. She was saying that she still loved me but that she was willing to let me go as that was what I wanted. As the song finished for a second time tears filled my eyes, but I couldn't reply. Why? Why could I not bring myself to type on a piece of stupid plastic and press the return key, to tell her that she hurt me in ways that I never thought possible. I had let her in, she was the only person to get that close and look how that turned out.

Grabbing my cell phone I dialled the number quickly as hesitated as I heard their voice at the other end.

"Hello? Edward? What's wrong? Are you there?"I sighed into the phone letting them know that I was still here. "Do you need me to come over, or I can call your father?"

That got my attention. "Janet, no! Please, I'm okay, I just needed to talk to someone."

"Okay, so shoot. What's on your mind?"

I sighed once again. "I… they.." Then in a jumble of words I told her about coming home and seeing Rose so upset, my chat with Emmett and then my messages from both Jake and Bella, and of course the song that she sent me. Janet never interrupted me, just letting me get the words out.

Finally once I was done she spoke. "So how do you feel about Bella messaging you, and that song choice. Have you listened to the lyrics she is sending you a message there. You have to decide what you want to do with it."

"I don't know. I guess that she wanted me to tell her it's okay, that I forgive her. But the song, it talks about moving on, forgetting me and at the same time that she still loves me."

"Do you still love her? Would you be happy if she walked out of your life and never looked back?" She asked the million dollar question.

"Yes, no, yes… Shit! I don't know. My head is still all jumbled up and everybody wants me to be okay, it's like there is this immense pressure in there. You know?"

"Tell me Edward, describe the feeling that you have." She was gentle when she spoke.

I got up and began pacing the floor as I searched for the words that would help her to see what I meant, how I felt.

"It's like taking a bottle of soda and shaking it so hard that you know it will explode when you take the cap off, but you don't. You like it settle before you shake it all over again, and again before you finally remove the cap and it just goes everywhere."

There was silence at the other end of the phone. That scared me, but I continued. The last thing I needed now was silence. "Am I making any sense here? It sounds crazy I know, but that is the only way I can describe what I feel is happening in my brain."

Finally Janet spoke. "Metaphorically speaking, do you want to remove the cap? Let it all out?"

I thought for a moment before I replied. "Yes."

"Good. Then you know what you need to do. Edward you are an incredibly intelligent young man, you really don't need me to tell you what you have to do next. But if you need me, you can always call me."

I smiled. "Will you be there with me, please? I don't think I can do this alone."

There was a small chuckle from Janet. "Edward, you are stronger than you think, or even give yourself credit for. But yes, if you want me to be there then I will. Just let me know when and where. Good Luck."

"Okay Janet, and thank you. Goodnight."

"Goodnight Edward, oh and well done for not running from this tonight."

I ended the call and immediately sent an SMS on my phone.

_Meet me tomorrow. First Beach, 1pm. If you're not there then I understand. Edward._

I got into bed and heard the sound of my phone message alert, with trepidation I read it, three simple words on the screen that signaled turning point for me. Now all I had to do was get to tomorrow.

The message simply read. _I'll be there._

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><p><em><strong>Authors Note:<strong>_

White Flag lyrics remain copyright of Dido, Rollo Armstrong and Rick Nowels.

Phew! Sorry it has been so long since I last updated, there as been a lot happening. Firstly I hit a massive brick wall in regards to my writing and had to stop completely until they started talking again. THEN whack on top of that the fact that I was made redundant a few weeks back and there you have it, not a great time. Good news though, they are starting to talk to me AND I have a new job. I hope that you are still with me on this and will leave me a review.

This is not beta'd as Cosmom is still out of commission, so all mistakes are my own. Pre-read by Ffaddward – thanks hunny I really appreciate it.


	37. Building Bridges

_**Disclaimer: I don't own anything and no copyright infringement is intended.**_

_**This is not beta'd so any and all mistakes are mine - forgive me.**_

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><p>I slept a little too well waking at just before 12pm then I remembered the plans that I had. Grabbing my phone I checked to make sure that that hadn't backed out on me, they hadn't, or if they had there was no message to tell me that I would be standing on the beach alone. Getting out of bed I guessed that I would have enough time for a quick shower and maybe to grab some toast before I left. Shit! I had forgotten that Janet said she would be there, all I had to do was let her know the details and last night I hadn't.<p>

Dialling her number I was horrified when it went straight to voicemail, so I left a message with the details of where the meeting was and that if she couldn't make it then I would understand.

The drive was painfully slow and all I wanted was to be there, and this to be over, one way or another. Pulling into the parking lot I looked around to see if they had arrived, it was just after 1pm so there was still time. I got out of the car and stood against the fence that lined the lot, staring out across the ocean towards James Island, thinking how much I would love to live there alone, then none of this would have happened. Then I heard the crunch of tires as a vehicle pulled up behind me, my heart quicken and I took a deep breath to prepare myself for what was to come. Hearing the car door slam and their approach did nothing to calm my nerves, there was no Janet here for moral support or to guide me, I was alone. I kept saying to myself that I could do this, really there was no other choice.

Turning to face them I saw a mixture of emotions on their face, anger, uncertainty, sorrow.

"Hey Jake. Thanks for meeting me." I mumbled in a low voice. He responded with a nod. "So, how are things?"

Jake laughed, I mean really laughed. Head thrown back the full works, before he leveled his gaze at me.

"Seriously? You're asking me how I have been?" I nodded in response. "Fuck me Edward, you are supposed to be bright." He barged past me and went down onto the beach, I quickly followed.

"Hey! Wait up, I called after him as I jogged to keep up with him as he marched down the beach toward the shoreline where he stopped, grabbing some pebbles and throwing them out into the angry ocean.

I stood next to him watching as he threw them further and further out. I could tell that he was trying not to speak to me, so I broke the uneasy silence.

"Jake, I'm sorry, I really am." Then I waited, watching him as his jaw clenched knowing that this anger was directed at me, and what was worse, I deserved it. "Jake, please?"

He turned to face me a spark of fury in his eyes. "Please what? Tell that it's okay? That we can just go back to being best friends when I honestly have no clue what I did to upset you so badly? I mean I remember the part where I called your folks to tell them that you were being put in the back of a Police cruiser, and you rambling about me going behind your back. Seriously though, you need to cut down on whatever pills they have you on as they are messing with your brain." He tapped the side of his head to make his point. "You have some serious issues man, and I think you need to get some professional help for them."

I stood there and didn't say a word, just letting him get it off his chest. I'd needed to do the same thing myself, luckily I had Janet to talk to, but he didn't know that.

"We were friends, best friends and we looked out for each other. Is that was being in love does for you? Did it make you forget who was there for you when no one else was? Cause I'm telling you I would rather be single forever than treat my friends like that."

Finally he stopped, threading his fingers in his hair as he clutched it in exasperation. I took this as my chance to try and explain.

"I don't know what to say Jake, seriously I can say I am sorry but that means nothing if I don't have your trust and friendship at the end of it all. I messed up, should've listened to you, given you the chance to tell me what was happening. I didn't and I'm sorry for that. My heart was ruling my head and you have to understand she hurt me, really fucking badly. I wasn't sure that I would get through it." My voice broke.

"I know Edward. I was there, remember?" He spoke, barely able to keep his voice from cracking, he paused for a moment he continued. "I was on the beach that night, with Bella. I drove her to find out when you tried to take the coward's way out of the whole fucked up situation. I was the one who called the paramedics, she couldn't do that for the person she loved. It was me that kept talking to you until they arrived, watching as you lapsed in and out of consciousness. I told you all this at the hospital though, not that I expect you remember. Had it been Bella though I'm damn sure you would have perfect recollection."

Staring at him I remembered his anger towards her that day when he told me what no one would.

"You told me that you hated her, that you blamed her for it all." I whispered. "So what changed? I saw you two on her front porch, you hugged her like you were best friends, or I dunno, something more. Maybe I didn't hang around long enough to get the full show."

Jake let out a loud laugh. "When you are you gonna get it into your thick head Cullen? Nothing happened. Never has and never will. You are my best friend, I wouldn't do that to you but thanks for giving me the vote of confidence. I tried to explain after the Police Station, but you wouldn't listen to me then either. Now you ask me to meet up and I think. Yeah great, we are gonna sort this mess out, but no. You're back to square one, seeing what you want to see and not what happened. Which was nothing. Do I need to spell it out of you and clearer?"

I looked him in the face while he said his piece, Jake wouldn't lie to me, would he? We were friends and had been for years. Had my stupidity and rage really made me so blind to that fact? The answer was quite clearly yes. I fought to say the words that were needed, they wouldn't wipe away what had happened, but they would help.

"Jake, I'm sorry. I really am. There is nothing I can say other than that, if you chose not to accept my apology, then I understand." I stuttered out, all the time praying that he wouldn't take that option.

A broad smile broke across his face. "That's okay, I forgive you. Like I said you are one of my oldest friends, one I would do anything for my friends you know that after everything that we've been through together." He pulled me into a one armed hug, almost crushing the air from my lungs. "Wanna go back to mine and grab some pizza?"

My smile matched his. "Yeah, I've just got a quick call to make first. Meet you up there?" He walked away nodding.

I felt like a weight had been lifted off me as I dialled Janet's number, again I got her voicemail but this time I was able to leave a positive message, and told her that I would speak to her at my session as normal, then I got in my car and sped to Jake's house.

We sat playing on the X-box and eating take out pizza for the rest of the afternoon, it felt good to be back with my best friend. The only downer as the elephant in the room that neither of us could bring ourselves to mention Bella. I was glad that this hadn't ruined my friendship with Jake, even though if he had told me where to go I would've had no-one to blame but myself. I should've trusted him and I sure as hell should've listened to him when he tried to explain to me.

All I had to do now was speak to Bella. Of course I now knew the truth. That had hit me like a wrecking ball, she had done nothing wrong, just like she told me. I knew that whatever I had gone through with Jake it was gonna be a million times worse when I finally spoke to her. Especially as I blamed her for throwing me to the wolves. Bella should've been the first person I went to once I get my head together, but to be honest I was scared of admitting to her that I had been wrong. I'd treated her like she was nothing to me, hurting hurt her as I lashed out in my blind rage, thinking that she had done the unspeakable and betrayed us. Finding out that it was Tanya who was responsible with the help and encouragement of James, was like a dagger to my heart. Tanya had not only hurt me with her spiteful actions, but my family and Bella too.

I really wanted nothing more than to ask Jake's advice on how I should approach Bella, I could tell that they were closer now than they had ever been. She had tried to make things right and I had refused. There was only one way to find out. I could do this, I had to take that chance, that leap of faith and pray that she would still be willing to offer me the chance to make things right. Yeah I knew that she'd sent me the email with the song, that gave me a small glimmer of hope that she hadn't closed her heart to me.

Once I got home that night I had to run the gauntlet of my mom's questions, where had I been, who with and what time did I call this? She quietened down when I told her that I had made things up with Jake and left me to my own devices for the rest of the night. I managed to speak to Janet and told her that I had sorted things with Jake. She was pleased, and very apologetic that she couldn't make it to be there with me. Our next appointment was set for the day after tomorrow so that I could work through how I felt about my friendship with Jake when I'd had time to take it all in.

That night as my head hit the pillow there was only one thought dominating it, she was all I could think of and that night she was all I dreamed of. Bella.

Waking the next morning I felt as if I could do anything, it was amazing to wake feeling like this it hadn't happened since before, well before the winter formal. I wanted desperately to call her and let her know that I was coming round, but decided against it. I have no idea how I made it through breakfast, I could hardly eat. My mom kept looking at me with a strange look on her face and I was worried that she might call me out on it, knowing that there was something strange about me, but she didn't say anything. I had expected to be grounded following my stunt with where I took my father's car, but I think that would come, they obviously just didn't know how to approach it at the moment, and I was going to take full advantage of it.

Bolting from the house I drove towards Bella's house, my nerves took over. I knew deep in my heart that I loved her still, I don't think for one second that I ever stopped if I was honest with myself.

Pulling up at her house I nearly turned the car around and headed back home where it was safe, where I was safe. What stopped me was the fact that the door to her house opened as her father made his way to his police cruiser. Slumping down behind the wheel I watched as he pulled away from the house, tires screeching in protest.

Then she appeared on the porch, staring after his vehicle. I froze in place, part of me hoping that she wouldn't see me the other hoping that she wouldn't so I could prepare myself some more for this but it was too late, our eyes met and neither of us could break it.

Slowly I got out from behind the wheel and closed the door before walking towards her. The expression on her face didn't change or soften in any way. I reached the bottom of the porch steps before I broke the stare as I spoke. "Bella, I came to talk to you, I got the message and the song." I looked back up at her expecting to see a smile on her face, but was met by a stony stare.

"Oh, so now you want to talk?" I nodded, she rolled her eyes at me. "I see. I asked, no I begged you for that chance and you denied me. You told me to leave you alone, that you never wanted to see me again and you are here. You can see why I am confused."

"I know Bella, I am here to talk to you, to sort out this whole sorry mess. Can you give me the five minutes to explain that I should have given you?"

She let out a deep sigh. "Well I suppose you should come inside then."

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><p><strong>Authors Note:<br>**Thanks to FFaddward for pre-reading this for me, she helped me see where I was going when I couldn't see it myself.

A million thanks to everyone who read and reviewed the last chapter, the next one is done but I will be doubt tweaking and playing with it, so if I say that the next update will be into two weeks, maybe a little earlier.


	38. It's Good To Talk, Isn't It?

_**Disclaimer: I don't own these characters and no copyright infringement is intended.**_

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><p>With that she walked back into the house with a slight limp, then I remembered about her visit to the hospital and her injury. I followed her quickly, resisting the urge to support her as she still had that limp.<p>

"Is your ankle okay? My mom said that you'd hurt yourself."

She turned, anger flashing across her face. "Like you really care." The words stunned me.

"Bella, why are you being like this? I'm worried about you. "

"You seriously expect me to believe that? You ignore me, pretend like I meant nothing to you. Let's face it, you made it abundantly clear about how you felt about me. Add to that, what you thought that I was capable of doing to you, to us. So please do forgive me if I don't run into your open loving arms and pretend that this mess never happened. I'm sure that you have already given this same speech to Tanya. I'm guessing that she turned you down seeing as you're here now, me being second best and all that."

I was rendered speechless, how did she know about Tanya? My mouth refused to engage with my brain as it opened and closed. Then finally I was able to speak.

"Tanya? Why are you bringing her into this?" I stammered, this seemed to give her the opening and confirmation that she was looking for in her allegations.

"You know about my height, blond hair, blown up tits and oh yeah the one that you were fucking at the same time we got together. Only you never thought to tell me about it." Each of her words were laced with venom, and anger. I couldn't blame her for any of it. I knew at the time that I was playing with fire, it was only a matter of time before it burned me.

"Oh Tanya." Was all I could mutter under my breath. The look on Bella's face told me that she was serious and there was no avoiding the truth this time, now was the time for me to face the decisions I made and the consequences.

"Oh Tanya." She mocked me. "Is that all you have to say about her? I mean seriously you have whatever it was, fuck buddy or was it that she was your other secret girlfriend, and I find out from Jessica Stanley of all people." She paused for effect before continuing. "I bumped into her at the store yesterday, see she was being all nice and caring. I should've known that there was something wrong and walked away especially after everything that happened at the dance. But no, I was grateful for her not giving me the cold shoulder. Stupid Bella, really shoulda known better." She paused briefly and I could only watch as she went to the kitchen and came back with a glass of water, taking a long drink I watched her intently, my heart pounding like a freight train in my chest.

Her hand shook as she tried to calm whatever emotion she was feeling. It felt like forever before she continued. "Dearest darling Jessica just couldn't wait to tell me all the intimate details of your hook ups with Tanya. She assumed that I knew about it. But it seems that you truly are a master at keeping secrets. Obviously I was foolish enough to think that you wouldn't keep them from me. Look how easy it was to keep us a secret, that should've been some kind of warning. I told her that she was lying and just trying to stir up trouble. Only she went and proved it by calling Tanya who told me that it was true, all of it, every last word. I told her that she was making it up, lying to save face. But no, she told me only someone who knew you intimately would know."

"What do you mean?" I asked, almost afraid of the answer.

"That's not important now, just hearing her confirm it was enough for me." Her words came out in almost a whisper.

"Oh." Was all I could say.

She threw the glass against the wall, surprisingly I didn't flinch. "How could you?" Bella screamed as she walked away, keeping her back to me. I hated not being able to see her face and gauge her reaction. I needed to regain control of this, quickly.

"She was never my girlfriend, never. I ended it with her when I realized how I felt about you, I swear." I begged even though I knew that wasn't strictly true. I had no way of knowing exactly what Tanya had told her. Now was the time to try and do some damage limitation, but that would only compound the problem. Making a quick decision, I decided where better to start than the truth.

Taking a deep breath I spoke to her in a soft voice, hoping that it would calm the answer that was rolling off her in waves."Bella, please I love you. I came to tell you that I know the truth, it wasn't you that set that up at the dance, it…it was-" The words caught in my throat, how could I tell her that it was Tanya after what she just revealed. Taking a risk I stepped toward her. Reaching out I touched her arm, refusing to back down even though she flinched at my touch, her words cold. "Don't touch me." She spun around anger flaring in her eyes, it was mirrored in her voice but she retained that cold edge. "You come here and think that I will forgive you like that?" She snapped her fingers together. "It doesn't work like that anymore."

My hand recoiled, and head dropped as I fought back the emotions that were threatening to overwhelm me. "I'm sorry, I was wrong. It wasn't you that did anything wrong, I should have listened to you, given you to the time to speak but I was hurt. So desperately hurt Bella, you have to understand. I opened my heart to you, gave you everything I had and then that night happened, we both got hurt I see that now. It wasn't just me that was humiliated it was us. There is no way that I can go back and make things right, take back what I said. I wish there was, I really do. So many people were hurt. It wasn't you I know that now, if only I had listened to you."

Looking up at her, I saw a flicker of emotion cross her face and I went for the only words that I thought would get through to her. "I mean what I said, I do still love you Bella, I'm sorry for not believing you. It's just that after the dance, things happened, I…I…" The words caught in my throat, I wanted to open my heart and soul to her. Taking a moment I fought to continue. "I need you to listen to what I have to say, please?"

She nodded, and so I continued.

"The day after the dance, after we fought. Tanya called me, asked me to meet her. She needed a friend, but she tricked me, luring me to James." I heard her gasp at the mention of his name,but I continued. "He beat me up, not too badly, but enough to get his message across. Then they both told me that they had set up what happened, it was them. They laughed at me." My voice broke with emotion.

"Is that why you ended up on the beach?" She whispered.

Nodding slowly I found my voice , it was too much for me, I just couldn't cope with it. I hurt you, my family were going to be ashamed of me. It hurt to breathe, I just wanted it over, but I couldn't even get that right."

"Don't you dare say that." She snapped before her face crumbled closing the distance between us, wrapping her arms around me as I began to sob, allowing her embrace to swallow me up. Being so close to her was heaven, I inhaled her scent, closing my eyes so I could drink it in. Bella placed a series of kisses on the top of my head, murmuring into my hair that it would be okay.

How long we stayed like that was a mystery, just being so close it was hard not to pull her into my arms where she belonged. It felt stange to be the one being comforted. Eventually she asked the question that I had been expecting from her.

"Did you mean it? I mean, did you really want it to be over?"

I had thought about this long and hard since that night. Never really knowing what the answer was until now.

"I wanted the pain in my heart to stop. Everywhere I looked I saw us. I thought that you didn't want me anymore, that you were in on the whole thing. I was hurt, really badly hurt. You know this though, I've already told you this. It's taken me alot to be able to talk properly about any of this. So if you are asking me if I wanted to die that night, then-" I never got to finish that sentence as her fingers pressed on my lips, silencing the words that were about to be spoken. She pulled her hand away. It felt like forever just standing there looking into her eyes as she stared right into mine before she reached up and placed a soft and gentle kiss on my lips. I tried my hardest not to react but as she continued to kiss me it was hard not to. Her hands reached my for my hair and mine pulled her closer to me and I kissed her back, how I had missed her and it felt great to have her back where she belonged, in my arms.

"It hurt that night, the phone call and then racing to find you on the beach. I thought that I had lost you, and that I couldn't live with. I love you too Edward, but too much has happened. I was to blame for that night, and there is nothing that I regret more than not standing by your side and admitting the truth to everyone. But what's done is done. Maybe we were never meant to be together afterall. This whole mess is proof of that is it not? I hurt you so very badly, and now I am being paid back for that with interest. We are better off apart, forgetting that this whole mess ever happened."

"Bella, please? Think about it. Hell, I know that I did wrong but you were in the wrong too. We both made mistakes, stupid ones. We're both still here, together though, nothing can keep us apart if we don't want it to. I love you, I don't want to be with anyone else. We can put it behind us, can't we?"

Suddenly she pulled away from me while at the same time pushing me away from her. "No! We can't, you deserve better than that. I'm no good for you Edward, can't you see that? Us being together nearly cost you your life, and I couldn't live with myself if that had happened. I was confused.

"Bella, please? I meant it when I said that I still love you."

"Well you shouldn't." I looked at her and saw tears filling her eyes.

"Get out." Was all she said.

"I… I don't understand I thought you wanted this too? The messages, the song. I thought that you still loved me, that you wanted me to admit how I felt or walk away altogether and end this. " I was confused. "What happened? I thought that you wanted me to tell you that I loved you, I never stopped."

"All that was before I found out about you and her. Did you think that you can come here because it suits you? Edward, you stand here and tell me you are sorry, and I will forgive you? That I would fall back into your arms as if a magic wand had been waved?"

"I, erm..."

She stared at me, obviously expecting some form of answer.

"You cannot think that we could just go back to how it was, like nothing happened. I know that you have been through so much already, and that was because of me. I'm obviously not good for you if I could love you but hurt you like that."

My heart leapt to my throat. "I…I'm not good enough for you?"

"That's not what I said, please don't twist my words around_. I'm_ not good for you, together we're a disaster waiting to happen. I mean, what will happen next? It's best if we leave it like this, remember what we had but walk away now before more damage is done."

I could feel the tears forming in my eyes, but I didn't care. I had to fight for her, for us. "Bella, please?" She said nothing as she walked to the door, pulling it open to make her point. Clearly she was fighting back her emotions, and I pushed on hoping that she would break down that final barrier. "Is this what you really want? Me to walk out that door and never come back? Did you not hear me when I told you repeatedly that I _still_ love you? I've never been in love before. You're the first person I have felt this way about, and you will probably be the last. Please Bella, I know it sounds like I'm begging you here, but we can't give up on us. You didn't give up on us like I did, give us another chance to make it work."

Her face took on a calm mask, but knowing her like I did, I could tell that there was an internal war raging, which she was trying to win. I pushed on, hoping that something said would be the right thing.

"Remember, they tore us apart through their jealousy at us finding each other when the odds were against us. They hated us being happy, we shouldn't let them win, not if this is what we both want." I was hoping that my words would reach her somehow.

"I want you to leave." Were the only words she spoke.

I felt like my world was about to cave in on me at any moment."Okay, if I leave here now, that's it, forever. I won't, no, I can't come back again, no matter what.."

Her glassy eyes met mine. "Get out, now."

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><p><strong>Authors notes:<strong> Hope you like this, I reworked what I had a lot with the help of etphonehome1

who stepped up and pre-read which helped me as I made the changes with each read through – thanks hun I really, REALLY do appreciate it.

I know that you were all concerned with Bella's sudden change toward him, but of course we didn't know what had gone on until he went to speak to her. Please don't hate me for this, there was no way for them to just kiss and make up after everything that had gone on. Plus if I had done that I think you would've felt cheated somewhat.

Edward is fighting for what he wants here, he loves Bella with all his heart and wants to make it right but it seems that the damage has been done. Secrets are never good and he kept a huge one with Tanya and that was always bound to come back and bite him…

Leave me your thoughts! Lou x x


	39. To The Rescue

Disclaimer: I of course, do not own Twilight of any of these characters. I am merely playing.

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><p>Walking out of her house and away from Bella felt like the hardest thing that I had ever done, My heart broke into a million pieces all over again when she slammed the door shut behind me. The sound of it slamming was so final, it was like the final nail in the coffin for us. Stopping, I stood shell shocked on the front porch I slowly turned around, stepping back towards the door. Once there I placed my hand on the piece of wood that was all that separated us in the physical sense. If this was the only barrier between us, I would break it down with my bare hands to get to her. But it wasn't. It was merely the physical symbol of what had happened.<p>

I'd come here in the hope of making things right between us, never expecting it to turn out like this. I hadn't expected her to welcome me with open arms, but at the same time I hadn't expected it to end like this.

I could hear her sobbing mere inches away from me. I wanted to break down the door and hold her in my arms, ever wanting to let her go. I would show her with my actions what I had so badly failed to do with my words. That I meant every last word when I'd said that I was sorry, that I loved her still.

Slumping against the door I found myself slumped on the ground, turning around so that I was pressed up against it, my head resting on the wood. Bella was still sobbing and from what I could tell, she was just on the other side of this damn door. She was only inches away from me but it may as well have been a million miles separating us for all the good it was doing me now.

I decided to stay until I knew that she was okay, but how I would be sure was a mystery. There was no way that she would open the door to me, so if I had to stay here all night, then that is what I would do. Time passed and her sobs grew quieter but she was still there, I just knew it instinctively and my heart continued to break for all that we had lost.

A car pulled up at the curb but I didn't look, not even as I heard the sound of footsteps approaching and making their way up the steps behind me. I didn't move a muscle, I didn't want anyone to come between us. Then into my field of vision, crouching down next to me were Jake, Rose and Emmett looks of concern on their faces. Rose pulled me to my feet before she threw her arms around me. I sobbed uncontrollably as she held onto me, she tried to comfort me with her gentle words. "It's okay, I've got you."

I didn't realize that we were moving until I was ushered almost into the back of the car. I looked up at the house and saw Jake standing on the porch, he gave a small nod as I turned around Emmett raised his hand in acknowledgement. Jake then turned and knocked on the front door, which opened slightly before he was then allowed inside. "No!" I pulled free from Rose and started towards the house. Suddenly my feet left the ground and a strong pair of arms were holding me. "Emmett, let me go, I need to be with her." I struggled against his hold on me. "Let me go!"

"Not happening, sorry. You need to calm down." As much as I struggled it was pointless. Eventually there was no fight left me to protest, only then was I let go and ushered into the back of the car. All I wanted to go back to her, but I just couldn't my fight was gone.

Emmett was silent as he set off away from Bella's house, I assumed taking me home.

"Edward? What happened?" Rose asked in a gentle voice while gently rubbing my back in a soothing motion.

Between sobs I managed to tell her, she listened to me intently, all the time holding onto me, giving me comfort.

"I know it's hard sweetie, but you have to leave her to work this out on her own. You can't just expect her to take you back with open arms after everything that happened. Give her space and time, I know it's corny but time is a great healer. You are both so young, first love is always the hardest to get over. You'll find someone better than her"

This got through to me. "No! Don't you understand anything? I love her, I never stopped." My voice rose in anger. "I don't want anyone else, I want Bella!"

Emmett was watching us through the rear view mirror. "Hey, hey, calm down Edward."

"None of you understand what I'm going through." I sobbed. "She knows about me and Tanya. I told her I was sorry, that I loved her and it still wasn't enough. It's over."

The car came to an abrupt stop and he turned around in the seat. "We're going back to my place, for some man time. Rose I'll drop you off at home." Rose started to say something to him but he cut her off. "No arguments babe, I love you but your little bro needs me." With that he turned back around and we sped off towards home. True to his word, Rose was dropped off and I hopped into the front seat while Emmett sped through the streets towards his apartment. Once there I threw myself on the couch and he chose the chair opposite me while I stared off into space. The silence was stifling, in all honesty I just didn't know what to say to him.

Emmett eventually left me to get a couple of soda's, handing me one there was a serious look on his face as he sat back down. His elbows on his knees and I could tell that he was either trying to pluck up the courage to speak to me, or to find the words he needed..

"I ain't gonna baby you Ed, you know that. Life is unfair sometimes, that's a fact. You did what you thought was best and it backfired. Bella might not want to see you right now, and if she doesn't then her loss not yours." I opened my mouth to speak but Emmett refused to be silenced. "Walk away, let her see that you're not moping around like a lost puppy after her. Yeah, you did wrong with the whole Tanya thing, you know that, but what's done is done. I'm not saying for you to forget her completely straight away, that's not how it works. What I'm saying is, you need to move on cause she will. Soon enough you will forget that she even existed as there will be someone else for you."

I sat in silence, stunned by Emmett's words. I had been to hell and back in the last couple of weeks and as much as Bella's rejection hurt me, I'd hurt her by not telling her about Tanya. The more I thought about what he said, the more confused I became. How could he think that I would just forget her, move on so easily. It wasn't going to happen, but if she really didn't want me then there was nothing that I could do. Other than nurse my broken heart. Then I was snapped out of my internal musing with a single word. "Pizza?"

"Yeah why not." I replied, knowing that I needed to try and do something other than think about Bella and I, and the mess hat I had created.

Pizza was eaten, then we moved onto Call of Duty on his X-Box, this was what I needed, just time away from the drama that my life had become. It was great to just be a normal teenager, although in the back of my mind there was Bella. I kept checking my phone to see if Jake had called or text me to tell me what was happening, there was nothing.

We played for hours, I knew that Emmett was trying to keep my mind off things, but I doubted that anyone could do that successfully right now. It got so late that he suggested I crash on the couch. I gladly accepted as I couldn't face going home tonight. By now mom and dad would know what happened and I couldn't bear to see the looks of pity they would have, knowing how disappointed they were with me. No, the change of scene would do me good I was sure of it.

Once Emmett had gone to bed I lay on the couch staring at the ceiling, I heard my phone message tone and I leapt off the couch to read the message. Just as I thought it was Jake.

'_Sorry I tried, she won't back down on this one.'_

I let out a long sigh, my fingers flew across the keys as I replied.

'Ok. Thanks for trying. At Em's tonight.'

Jake didn't reply, not that I expected him to. The message he had sent told me what I already knew. Bella and I were over, forever. I closed my eyes and tried to sleep, but all I could think about was the way she spoke to me, the anger and love that she obviously felt toward me. I tossed and turned for ages trying to get comfortable and put this out of my mind hoping that pure exhaustion would take over and force me to sleep.

When that didn't work I work, the words of the song she sent me came into my head and I needed to hear the words again. They gave me some hope that things would work out between us, no matter how bleak they seemed now. The words hit me harder now, believing that there was no going back.

I was about half way through it the second time when I felt a hand on my shoulder and I turned around to see Emmett looking sleepy.

"Are you trying to access my porn stash? You only have to ask." He yawned before he leaned over and turned the volume down. "It's the middle of the night and that was loud." I began to mumble an apology, he grabbed the laptop from me. "

Taking a deep breath I told him. "Nah, it was just this song, I wanted to hear it again." I was worried that I might cry again, but nothing came.

Emmett just sighed, taking the laptop from me. "Typical chick thing to do. Telling you they want you one minute, then to go away the next. I don't think that a bunch of flowers is gonna fix this." He rubbed his face to try and wake himself up. "You blew it, plain and simple. "

Sighing I replied. "I know."

"Do you love her, I mean really love her?" He fixed me with a stare. "I don't mean in a hand holding and quick fuck to get your rocks off way. What I'm talking about is does she makes your heart beat faster when you see her. You feel lost when you are apart from her. When you are physical it's not just a Wham Bam thank you mam, you want to please her and take your time. You want the feeling to last and you would do anything for her, even take a bullet if you had to?"

I swallowed, everything he described was how I felt for Bella and so much more.

"How did you know that's how she makes me feel?" I asked in a quiet voice.

Emmett chuckled before slapping his hand on my back repeatedly. "You have much to learn my young Padawan learner. But to sum it up in nice easy terms for you, that is how being in love really feels."

The only words that I could muster were. "Oh, shit and I blew it."

He nodded at me a wry smile on his face. "Yup, I think you have. Now I've been thinking. She's pissed right? I mean she told you that she doesn't want anything to do with you, yet she was crying?" I nodded. "You have much to learn about women. She's crying because she still loves you, or at least cares about you more than she will admit. Don't beg, no woman is gonna respect you for that. I'm here to support you and the first thing we need is to get you a backbone, the rest we can work on. You can't rush things, this is one to play the long game on."

I was confused. "But you told me earlier to forget her. What are you telling me now? Cause you said to should walk away, forget her and move one. Now, you're telling me not to?"

Emmett got up off the couch and walked toward his room. "I needed to see how serious you were about her. What I am telling you that this is far from over, I don't hear no fat lady singing. Stick with me and you will be fine. Now get some sleep, we've got a busy day ahead of us."

Watching as he retreated I wondered what he meant, but tiredness took over and I found myself falling into a dreamless sleep.

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><p><strong>Authors Note:<strong>  
>This remains unbeta'd so any and all mistakes are mine. Cosmom WILL be back on board, but not for a while yet. I will be going over the chapters she has missed with her and editing them when she is though. I miss her touch on this.<p>

Sorry this has taken so long to update, real life hasn't been kind. My gran was very ill and sadly passed away aged 97 ¾ so my brain as been all over the place for the last couple of weeks and my heart just wasn't in it, so I had to wait until head and heart were back.


	40. Emmett Therapy Time

_**Disclaimer: I do not own these characters and no copyright infringement in intended.**_

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><p>I was woken early by Emmett as he made coffee and sang really out of tune to the radio. It took me a minute to work out where I was, at first thinking that we'd had a boys night. Then, reality hit me, well more smacked me in the face. Emmett was quick to tell me not to mope and to trust him, reminding me of our talk last night. So after a quick shower he marched me out the door and toward the car. We travelled for some time before he pulled at a roadside diner. Once we were sat in a booth, orders placed as we sat waiting for our food to come I summoned the courage to ask.<p>

"So, where are we going? You obviously have something planned."

He smiled back at me. "I do, and that is top secret." Tapping the side of his nose. "Now stop with the questions, all will be revealed. Let's eat." I knew that I was just gonna have to wait this one out.

After we left the diner Emmett drove us to Seattle which confused me even more, what were we doing here, and how did this fit in with me proving to Bella that I loved her, was right for her? I looked at him, causing him to shake his head and smile. Obviously he had something planned, I just needed to trust him. We pulled into the parking lot of the biggest mall I had ever seen, I mean this place was huge. The sign read Westfield Southcenter. I swear that the parking lot alone was bigger than the school back home in Forks. Emmett's grin threatened to split his face in two as I just followed him blindly, toward the entrance.

"What are we doing here?" I managed to ask. Emmett's response was to get me in a headlock as he ruffled my hair.

"I thought you were intelligent? Well, we are a mall, and there these magical things call stores inside where you give them money and they give you goods." I could hear the teasing tone in his voice and chose not to rise to his taunts.

Once inside the mall Emmett took charge and we went from store to store as he picked me a load of new clothes. I tried to object saying that I couldn't afford this. His response was this was sorted and I wasn't to worry about it. We broke briefly for lunch and after he dragged me to a beauty salon, I stopped in the doorway but he grabbed me and dragged me inside. He was instantly greeted by a tall, slim blonde who rushed over to see if she could be of any assistance. I thought to myself that he was lucky Rose wasn't here as she would totally kick his ass over that. He explained that I needed a makeover, I went to object and he cut me off. "The hair, it has to go. You need a more up to date look." Turning to look in the mirror I knew what he meant, my hair was one length and just kinda hung around my face so I looked like a real geek. The hair combined with my spectacles was part of my disguise. It stopped people from getting too close to me, well most people except Tanya and Bella. One I regretted allowing so close the other I regretted treating so badly.

"I don't know Emmett, it's just a lot to take in." I stammered, feeling my cheeks begin to blush from being the center of attention.

"It's okay, let's just take a minute to talk about this." He pulled me off to one side, sitting me on the couches that were in the front of the salon. "Look, what we talked about last night, the way you feel about… her… well this is all part of the plan for you to win her over."

"What do you mean? It's over, she told me herself that she doesn't love me anymore, we're over." I was fighting back the urge to break down, the only thing stopping me was the fact that we were in the middle of a shopping mall and people would stare.

"Hey, you trust me right?" He put his hand on my shoulder and gave it a small squeeze. I nodded in response. "Good, now with the new clothes, a haircut and some coaching from me she will be putty in your hands."

"I dunno Em, is this a good idea? She was pretty adamant that we were over." I had to make it clear to him that this might not work.

"Edward, if she doesn't want you then there plenty of other girls that I am sure will now fall over themselves to be with you, live a little." I smiled and nodded in response, with that he pulled me to my feet and pushed me in the direction of the blonde from earlier. She quickly whisked me away promising to make me look like a new person. As I reclined in a seat to have my hair washed I thought to myself, what if I don't like the new person? I was afraid that the new and improved Edward would be so far removed from who I was that I would hate him. But it was too late now.

An hour passed where I had my hair washed, conditioned, cut and styled. I felt like I was being primped and preened to within an inch of my life. The whole time Emmett just sat there watching and giving his input into everything. He tried to make me have a facial, at that point I rebelled and threatened to walk out, so he backed down. The one thing that I couldn't get him to budge on was the fact that I wasn't allowed to see my hair being cut and styled. No, he wanted to do a big reveal and after some flirting with the salon staff, not that it was required, he had them agreeing that I could change out of my clothes and into a new outfit in one of the treatment rooms.

When I was pushed inside by Emmett and the door slammed behind me I knew hat there was no getting out of here. Looking at the chair in the corner there were a new pair of jeans, a mid blue t-shirt and leather jacket sat on the chair in the corner. I eyed the items with some caution, debating if I could get away without changing, but then came a knock on the door and in stepped Emmett.

"Are you not changed yet?" He huffed.

"Does it look like it." I grumbled, wondering if there was any way that I could sneak my old clothes back on.

"Okay, I will turn my back while you get changed, I need to check that you look the part before we step outside. All part of the service." He joked, only I knew that he wasn't. There was no way I was gonna get rid of him so I might as well play along for now.

While his back was turned I got changed. The jeans I had to admit were a good fit, although the t-shirt felt a little tighter than I would normally go for. "Em, this shirt feels a bit tight, I think the size must be wrong."

With that he spun around before rolling his eyes at me as I fidgeted. "No, it's the right size, you just need to understand that you are not hiding away anymore Ed, you need to stand tall and proud of who you are."

"So if I just need to be proud, what was with the whole makeover then?" I quipped.

"Hey, don't start getting smart with me. You hide behind your appearance, hoping no one would look at you twice. This allows you to sneak below the radar and go unnoticed. Yet you still managed to bag two hot pieces of-" He stopped when I glared at him quickly changing what he was going to say, replacing it with, "two of the finest women around, apart from Rose of course, cause that would just be wrong as she's your sister. Anyway, you managed to hook them both without making any effort on your image. Now imagine the devastation you can cause now that you have been polished up."

I wondered how he would feel if he knew how wrong he was about me going unnoticed if he knew the truth. I had been a figure of fun and ridicule for so long at school that I'd got used to it. I debated how this magical makeover would change things for me, part of me worried that it would make me more of a target for them, but things really couldn't get any worse, could they?

Emmett turned me around to face a full length mirror and I had to do a double take. The person staring back at me, looked like me, but wasn't someone I recognized. "Holy fucking shit!" Was all I could manage to utter. The person in the mirror looked like me, their lips moved when I did but there was no way that it was me I was seeing. "What have you done to me?" I choked out as my throat went dry and the room felt like it was coming in on me.

Catching my breath a hand went to my hair and found it just like the person in the mirror staring back at me, mine had been cut and styled giving me a whole new look. The shaggy, locks were gone, my hair was now short on the back and sides but some of the length remained on the top, where it was forming a messy quiff. I just knew that there was no way I would ever get it looking this good again so I took in my reflection slowly, afraid that if I looked away for a moment when I looked back, all this would be gone.

"Shit, that's me? I look… different." I stammered. " I really don't know what to say to you." I mumbled, and it was the truth. I was a new person on the outside, the old Edward was gone and replaced by someone I didn't recognize. The love affair with the mirror continued for a little while longer as I took in the changes that had happened.

"There is nothing to say. You look good, and don't you forget it." Was all Emmett said in response. With that he guided me out of the back room much the delight of the salon staff who gave me a small round of applause, which of course, caused me to blush bright red.

As we made our way back through the mall to the car I noticed that women were looking, normally they would be eyeing up Emmett, I was used to that. This time the eyes were on me and I didn't know what to do. Sensing my discomfort Emmett whispered in my ear."Stand tall, shoulders back and don't make eye contact."

"But they are staring at me." I shot back.

He laughed."I know, they are probably just wondering who those two really hot guys are." He nudged me. "Just enjoy it, this is good practice for when you go back to school."

My heart sank at the thought, I knew that Mom planned to keep me off for a couple of weeks until things 'calmed down' as she put it. At least I would have some time to come to terms with the new look Edward Cullen.

-O-O-O-O-O-

The drive back home was long and I was exhausted causing me to fall asleep. I woke with a start when we pulled into the drive of my house. Emmett just grinned at me. "C'mon man let's go show your adoring public your new look."

Getting out of the car I felt like I had lead in my new sneakers as I slowly made my way inside. Hearing the voices of my family made me feel slightly safer but the nerves were still there. Emmett walked into the lounge before me announcing.

"Here he is, the one that you have all been waiting to see." Then he stepped aside to reveal the expectant faces of my parents and Rose who as the first one to approach me. She squealed as she threw her arms around me exclaiming.

"You look fantastic bro, I knew you would I have the best ideas."

"What do you mean? This was your idea?" I was confused.

Releasing me she held me at arms length."Hell yeah! You think that Emmett came up with this idea all by himself?"

Emmett came over to Rose, wrapping his arm around her waist and placing a kiss on the top of her head, she pushed him away playfully.

My dad stepped forward, "You look good son. It suits you."

I just smiled at him, before my attention turned to my mom who was sitting on the couch, wiping tears from her eyes hoping not to be seen doing so, I hated that she was crying again, because of me.

"Mom, what's wrong?" I rushed to her, kneeling on the floor before I threw my arms around her.

"Nothing sweetheart, it's just you look all grown up." She started sobbing again. "You look great though, really handsome." I pulled back from her and she cupped my face in her hand. "Emmett and Rose did a great job, thank you."

Emmett mumbled something under this breath before he headed outside, I assumed to get the bags from the car.

I sat down next to my mom, she had a smile on her face. "Did you have fun today?"

"Not really. Emmett dragged me around and then I was subjected to having my hair styled." I grumbled.

"I know, you were never one for shopping trips and being looked after. I hope you didn't mind too much. I would've taken you myself but I think that you would've run for the hills."

She was right, I would've done. With Emmett there was no way out of it, I certainly wasn't going to argue with him.

Once Emmett brought the clothes in from the car, under Rose's direction he took them straight upstairs and left everything on my bed. Mom and I followed them upstairs where she immediately went through the new purchases while Rose went through my closet and put the clothes that she deemed unworthy into trash bags. In fairness this was the vast majority of them. It was decided that I needed more clothes, rolling my eyes as another shopping trip was quickly planned. My dad came in and muttered "Like you mom and sister need an excuse to do more shopping."

I laughed at his comment, of course mom heard him and playfully slapped his arm before she said. "You know it makes me happy to shop darling." Whatever she whispered afterwards caused my dad to blush, and there was no way that any of us wanted to know what she had said to him.

My dad was clearly trying to take the focus away from him and his blushing by announcing that he would be ordering take out for us. We all laughed at his attempt to distract us from his embarrassment. Once it arrived we all sat down to eat as one big family. Looking around the table, I knew that no matter what happened next, my family would be there for me regardless. In all honesty I had no idea what the future held for me, Bella told me that it was over and I had to put my faith in Emmett and his hair brained scheme to try and win her back.

All I could have now was the hope that this would work. Right now I would do anything to make this right and attempt to win her back.

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><p><strong>Authors Note:<strong>

Don't ya just love Emmett? Let me know your thoughts!

Thanks for reading, and Happy 2nd Anniversary to Karma Killer. I really cannot believe it has been two years since I started this, and yes I hoped to have it complete before now but RL got in the way. I hope that this will be complete soon, although I will be heartbroken to say goodbye to him.

This is not beta'd, but I cannot thank my new pre-reader for this etphonehome1 for reading this through for me and providing some pointers.


	41. Into The Lions Den

**Disclaimer: I do not own these characters and no copyright infringement is intended.**

Weeks passed following my makeover, mom insisted that I stay home from school and let 'the dust settle' following the fiasco of the winter formal. Then of course we had Christmas and the break after that. She had said that I was okay to go back then, but only if Janet agreed, and of course I kept up with my sessions. It was easier to focus, now that I had a goal in mind. Janet was great, she talked to me like I was an adult and not a child, or someone that needed to be wrapped in cotton wool. My parents were great, but I knew the truth, they were still worried about me going off the deep end again. What they didn't know what that I had a plan and I had no intention of letting the people who drove me to the very edge of my sanity, win this one.

I was now going back to school, minutes away from seeing all the faces that mocked me the night of the dance. My nerves were at an all time high as I pulled my car into the parking lot. Jake came to my house and we drove in together, even though he was with me acting as my moral support, I was still on edge.

"You okay? You sure you want to do this. We can always head home, your mom won't mind I'm sure. If you don't want to go home, we can always go to mine." He said, breaking the silence that had hung between us since we got in the car.

I took a couple of deep breaths as I held onto the steering wheel, my hands ached from the pressure I was exerting on it.

"No, it's good. Let's get this over with, give them something different about me to stare at and talk about." I muttered before I got out of the car and slammed the door behind me. I stood upright, shoulders back, head held high just like Rose had told me to. Then I began the seemingly never ending walk towards the building. I could feel people beginning to stare and point at me, their words were hushed, but no matter what they said I was not the person they last saw running out of the gym after being so humiliated. It was more than the change in my appearance they would notice, soon Forks High School would sit up and take notice of Edward Cullen.

I walked through the hallways to my first class and I could sense people watching me, assessing my every move. Then I heard the voice of the headmaster Mr Greene. "Mr Cullen, a moment of your time please?" I nodded before I followed him into his office. Closing the door behind me, I turned toward him a bright smile on my face. He frowned at me, indicating for me to take the seat opposite him.

I watched as he thumbed through the papers on his desk muttering to himself. Eventually he closed the file and steepled his fingers under his chin while he seemed to assess me.

Letting out a sigh I broke the silence. "Mr Greene, as much fun as this is, I am due in class in." I looked at my watch. "about four minutes."

"Mr Cullen, I will write you a late pass to excuse you. I wanted to talk to you." He paused "Are you sure that you should be back here already?"

I rolled my eyes, how many times had I heard this over the last couple of weeks. First my mom, quickly followed by dad and then Janet. It was like no one thought that I was ready to be here, to face everything that happened but I knew different.

"Mr Greene, I have been through this more times than I care to remember. I can give the name of my counsellor if you like, she is very highly respected and more than happy to confirm that I'm well enough to be here, that I'm not gonna flip out and do a 'Carrie' in assembly-"

"This really is no time for jokes Mr Cullen." Mr Greene's voice was stern. "The events at the winter formal are obviously of concern still. You and Miss Swan, are you…"

I watched as he squirmed in his seat, looking for the right words, a smile playing at the corners of my mouth.

"Still dating?" He finally managed to finish.

"Bella and I? What did you call it again? Oh yeah, 'dating'." I made the speech marks in the air "No Mr Green, Bella and I are most definitely not dating, nor do I think we will be in the future either. So you have nothing to worry about on that front. We probably won't even speak to, or acknowledge each other. I just want to finish the school year, graduate and leave with my head held high." I said without a flicker of emotion or change in the tone to my voice.

"I don't want any trouble, Mr Cullen."

"Trouble, trouble from me? Seriously Mr Greene, you need to get a much better grip on what goes on in your own school. I have been bullied for most of my time here. Pupils have made my life a misery, day in, day out not that anyone cared. Yet you call me into your office today and are lecturing me on causing problems when I was actually the victim. They set me up and watched me fall, not that anyone cared other than to laugh at me and enjoy the show." I took a breath, amazed at how calm I felt about this. "So forgive me. I just want to get my life back on track and leave this hell hole behind me. Now, can I go to class? I'm sure Mr Molina is desperate to have his star pupil back."

Mr Greene handed me a slip and motioned for me to leave, as I opened the door he spoke one final time. "Edward, my door is always open for you, it always was before you just never chose to step inside." I turned and nodded at him. "Have a good day Mr Cullen." With that, I left.

Once outside the door to my class I paused, this would be the first time I had seen many of these people since the night of the dance. Now, I would be walking back into the lions den and I could show no fear. As I stepped inside Mr Molina stopped writing on the board and smiled at me. "Ah Edward, first day back and late for my class. Not a great start is it?"

I walked over to him, the white piece of paper held out for him. "Mr Greene asked to see me sir, I have a note to explain." My voice didn't waver and I kept my head high.

Mr Molina read the slip. "Take a seat Mr Cullen. I know you are not too far behind where we are now." He motioned for me to find a seat. When I looked there as only one seat free, next to Jessica Stanley. It was the last place I wanted to sit but there was no other free seat. As I walked over to the desk I watched as she sat up a little straighter and fluffed her hair. My new look was obviously something that she liked.

Sliding into the seat next to her I pretended not to notice her, but I could feel her eyes on me. "Hi Edward, it's good to see you back." She purred. I simply smiled and pulled my notebook from my bag and started to take notes. Ignoring her was easy, but ignoring the eyes that I could I feel boring into my back was a lot harder.

Once the bell rang I grabbed my books and was out of the class first. I knew that my next class was English and once it was over it would be lunchtime, then I would have to run the gauntlet of the cafeteria, and more importantly Jessica and her gang of bitches.

English was my favorite class by far, I loved that we were reading Romeo and Juliet, although I don't think that Mr Mason liked the fact that I knew the text already and could quote more than just the key parts verbatim. He made me stand before the class and read a few pages. While I was doing this I did notice Lauren Mallory was paying me more attention than I liked while I was reading, a dreamy far away look on her face as she sat twirling her hair around her finger.

I soon found out that people took one of two options when dealing with me now I was back at school, they would either; ignore me completely, pretending they hadn't seen me. Or they would stare as I passed them, not sure if they should say anything to me. Then when I turned to them, they would look away quickly. This was getting pretty boring by lunchtime. Being ignored I was used to sure, but the latter was frustrating. Were they afraid that I was going to freak out? Sitting in the cafeteria with Jake, despite the fact there were so few seats free, we managed to keep a table to ourselves; unheard of.

"So, how's this morning been?" Jake asked.

I choked back a laugh. "Pretty much like this, I have gone from being the school loser to being a leper. Who would've thought."

"Shit, I thought that people would have grown up. Anyone given you any hassle?" 

"Nope. People have all on to look at me, well apart from Jessica being a flirt and then Lauren was practically drooling through English." I smiled at the memory.

"Anything from Bella?" He attempted to keep his question casual but I knew there was more to it than just curiosity.

"No, I haven't seen her. Why?" I tried to keep the questioning light.

"Nothing, no reason just wondering." He took a bite of his sandwich before he smiled. "So, you have Jessica and Lauren both making their play for you. Good going to say you have only been back for a matter of hours."

I shook my head. "It's not right though, I don't care about them or what they want. They see the new shiny outside, the packaging. The inside is the same as it was before, I haven't changed as a person. Yes, the outside has changed, but so has the inside. I am no longer scared of them or their opinions. I just want to finish this year and leave this place behind me."

Jake continued eating, nodding the whole time. People were still turning to stare at me quickly before turning away, it was now getting old. So I pushed my chair back before I used it to climb up onto the table. A deathly hush fell across the room as people stopped eating and turned to stare at me, those that hadn't noticed were nudged by friends. I waited until all eyes were on me, painfully aware of the last time I was in a similar situation. Taking in the room like I was about to give a huge speech I saw her, sat at a corner table, back to the room. She didn't turn to see what was happening, it was like she didn't care anymore.

"Listen, you all know what happened to me, yes? Well that shit was in the past, done, finished. Dead and buried, if you will excuse the pun." I paused for effect, knowing they wouldn't know what to make of that, sarcasm was lost on most of these people. "I'm back, fully alive and functioning. I don't want your pitying looks, or whispers behind your hands. You have something to say to me, say it, out loud. Trust me when I say I'm not going to crumble to ash or fall apart. Yes, I had a bad time of things, but shit happens. I'm not saying you have to like me, I really don't give a fuck if you do or you don't, your choice. But if you want to get to know me then make the effort, Okay?"

I saw Principal Greene standing at the edge of the cafeteria, a stern look on his face, arms folded across his chest. I knew I was going to be in trouble for this outburst, but I didn't care. Jake began to clap his hands as he got to his feet. Then one by one people started to do the same. Soon the whole cafeteria, except for the lone figure of Bella, was on their feet, applauding me. I could only watch as she got to her feet and bolted for the door without so much as a backwards glance at me.

Principal Green motioned at me to get off the table and join him, I knew that I was in trouble but couldn't find it in myself to care. Jake slapped me on the back, joking with me. "Been nice knowing you." I simply smiled as I made my way across to where the principal was standing. I was now being treated like some kind of hero, people were still applauding and slapping me on the back, it was all a bit surreal.

No words were exchanged I walked out of the cafeteria with Principal Green, I paused at the double doors and took a final, completely overacted bow, which caused another round of applause to break out. With a smile I followed behind Principle Green knowing we would end up in his office where I would be given a lecture about inappropriate behavior. So I was puzzled when he stopped outside and told me take a seat. I waited as I heard the bell go signaling the end of lunch, but yet I was still waiting for the inevitable to happen.

The phone on the secretary's desk rang and when she replaced in on the cradle I was told to go in. Closing the door behind me I took a seat and waited. Principal Green was busy reading what I assumed to be my file, yet again. There was a gentle knock on the door before it opened and in stepped my father. Shit. He had called him? Taking the seat next to me I got a stern glance from my father before he looked at the principal.

"Mr Cullen, sorry to have called you away from the hospital-"

"Dr Cullen." My father interrupted, causing me to fight back a laugh.

"Sorry, Dr Cullen. As I was saying, Edward was being disruptive in the cafeteria at lunchtime and showing a complete disresgard for school property. I am considering suspending him as he is clearly not ready to back here after his… accident. It's my belief he would benefit from being home schooled until he is ready to rejoin the general school population. Also you should consider stepping up the counseling or change his therapist if the one he is seeing isn't able get results. I can recommend several that are highly regarded in this particular field." He sounded smug, rather pleased with himself.

I looked to my father, his fingers steepled with the index fingers resting against his pursed lip.

"Are you quite finished?" My father finally asked. I knew this tone of voice, he was mad and trying to keep calm.

Principal Green simply nodded, before he offered a pamphlet to my father, who snatched it from him only to screw it up without even looking it.

"Principal Green, you may have forgotten that I am a Doctor, and this is my son you are talking about. I watched as he lay in a hospital bed, fighting for his life. Watching as my wife cried at his bedside thinking that he might die. Watching as he built himself back from from nothing to be able to make it back here. Edward has an excellent counselor, first rate in fact. Now why don't you tell me what he has done that makes you think excluding him is the only option? Considering it was on school property my son was so thoroughly humiliated by some students, an incident that led him down the path which has us here now." He paused for a second. "Have the school authority and the board of governors been informed of those events?"

Principal Green sat there, his mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water.

"I thought as much. I really do suggest that you look at the behavior of some of your other students before you summon me here to discuss my son with me."

"He climbed onto school furniture in the cafeteria and disrupted lunch."

My father stood. "I really don't have time for this, and if I am not mistaken Edward is missing the start of afternoon classes. It's been enlightening as always Principal Green, now if you will excuse me." He paused briefly. "Edward, I will see you this evening, now get to class and learn something , you've missed enough school." I simply nodded and watched as he left.

Turning to Principal Green I asked. "Shall I just go to class?" He nodded. "I'm gonna need another hall pass." One was handed to me and I left. Once outside I found my father waiting in the hallway. "Don't think you're getting off the hook so easily. We will talk tonight."

I nodded before making my way to class, knowing my father was angry but I wasn't sure who he was angriest at, me or my school principal, but I knew tonight I would find out.

Authors Note:

SURPRISE! Okay, so not really for those of you in Fraggle Rock Fics over on Facebook, but hopefully you are all still with me. Firstly, if you are reading still THANK YOU and please accept my apologies for the long delay in updating. I have been struggling with writers block and didn't want to start this again until I had a few chapters under my belt. I have another couple… Just need to get working on this again.

HUGE thanks go out to ETPhonehome (Elaine) who has been pre-reading this and giving me a nudge when it was needed to change things and put me back on track wen I have veered off it.

This is my Christmas gift to you, my readers. I really do appreciate the fact that you have stayed with me, without you guys I wouldn't want to continue so THANK YOU!


	42. Moving On

**Disclaimer: I do not own these characters and no copyright infringement is intended.**

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><p>The rest of the day passed quickly, people were looking at me in the corridor only this time they were not looking at me with pity. I got several pats on the back from people who before would use that same hand to push me to the ground. It seemed that my impromptu announcement at lunchtime was the talk of the school. I didn't see Bella for the rest of the afternoon, but I did look for her. Once the final bell sounded I bolted outside to wait for Jake in the parking lot. I leaned against the drivers door of my car, watching as the populous of Forks High School spilled out of the building and into the crisp afternoon air.<p>

Lauren and Jessica walked out arm in arm, giggling and chatting to each other. They stopped in their tracks when they saw me. A smile lit up Jessica's face as she left Lauren to walk over to me.

"Hey Edward, really liked your speech at lunch." She trilled.

I just nodded.

"So did Greene bawl you out? Is it true that your dad came in to see him earlier?"

I had no idea how she got her information, but she was quite right. "Yeah, he called my dad in. No biggie though." I decided to play in cool.

Jessica cocked her head to one side and began to twirl her hair around her finger. "So, a group of up are going to meet at the diner later, you want to join us?"

I have no idea how I kept the look of shock off my face. "What? You're inviting me to join you?"

She giggled in response. "Of course, you are news Edward, hot property. I can bring you into the light, away from the shadows that you've hidden in for far too long."

"I wasn't hiding Jessica." I teased.

A wide smile broke on her face. "8 O'clock, see you there."

I nodded in response before I decided to tease her. "It's a date."

She winked at me. "If you say so. See you later."

With that, she turned on her heel and walked back to Lauren before they stood laughing and giggling together next to her car.

Jake appeared next to me. "What the fuck did she want?" He asked nodding to where Jessica was standing, now surrounded by her trusted inner circle.

"Well, she asked me to join them tonight down at the diner." I shrugged as if it was nothing, although we both knew different. Climbing behind the wheel of the car, the key slid into the ignition and the engine roared into life, drowning out whatever Jake had to say. He climbed inside, slamming the door behind him. We set off out of the parking lot and I slowed down as I passed Jessica, who smiled at me while she blew me a kiss. I simply smiled at her as I pulled away while Jake made retching noises at the side of me.

I turned the music up, hoping that Jake would take the hint and keep his opinions to himself. We made it all the way to his house, only when I pulled up outside did he turn off the cd player.

We sat in silence for a couple of minutes before he turned to me. "What are you playing at Edward?"

I simply shrugged my shoulders. "Nothing, why?"

"I know you better than anyone else, and I know that you're lying to me." He pushed. "So what's the real reason behind meeting up with Jessica and her bunch of bitches later on?"

"Fuck you Jake, is it so hard to believe that maybe I actually want to go there and just hang out? You know, like normal teenagers do? Let's face it, I have hardly been Mr Popular at school, so them reaching out to me now, why shouldn't I grab the chance of a normal life at high school with both hands?"

Jake shook his head."You are gonna become just like them and that is a shame. You were different, and now, well it's like I hardly know you anymore. You have been through hell, and I get it, but something just doesn't sit right with me about all this. If you expect me to believe that the Edward Cullen I knew has suddenly decided now he had some success with the girls in town, and let's face it, they were two hotties, that he wants to be part of that crowd. I just don't buy it. You hated them with a passion. Don't forget they made your life hell, cause I certainly won't forget the number of times that you were upset over their teasing and bullying of you."

He paused, staring out of the window. I knew that most of what he said was true, but right now I couldn't admit that to him, it was hard enough acknowledging that myself.

"Jake, I get what you are saying, but you haven't been what I have been through. You don't and can't understand how it feels to be me."

You're right, I don't and I can't begin to know what you have been through, but I have been there for you, right by your side every goddamn step of the way. What I don't want is to lose that person from my life. The Edward Cullen I have been friends with for as long as I can remember, the geeky, brainy kid who aced every test he took, who never had to study but still never me feel dumb when he helped me out."

He turned back to me, I could see that he was trying to keep his emotions in check, and I thought about saying to him that he had nothing to worry about, I knew what I was doing, but the words wouldn't come out. If I told him what I was really thinking and feeling, he would think I was crazy. Staying silent right now was the best thing that I could do.

Jake spoke once again, filling the awkward silence. "All I am saying is, don't fall in with the popular kids just because you think it's what you have to do to be accepted around here." With those words he climbed out of the car, pausing before he closed the he leaned back inside.

"Just don't lose sight of the person you were before all this Edward. Like I said, he was a nice guy, the best. Jessica will chew you up, spit you out before she moves onto the next thing to catch her eye before you can even register what has happened to you."

The door slammed, his words ringing In my ears. I sped away from him. I wouldn't allow that to happen, I had a plan. Plus, I had been through so much already in the last few months. Now my popularity was on the rise, confirmed when this afternoon, I was invited to join the Forks High popular crowd and I had every intention of having fun without second guessing their intentions.

There was only a matter of months before the end of school and graduation, why shouldn't I enjoy my time in sunshine after being hidden in the shadows for so long?

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><p><strong>Authors Note:<strong>

Thanks for reading and sticking with me on this one, I really do appreciate all your thanks go out to the very wonderful ETPhonehome (Elaine) who has been pre-reading and hand holding when I need it. I wanted to post this sooner, but I have set myself a bit of a rule, I won't put until the next chapter is done and complete, that way I have a a bit of breathing space. So, yes, the next chapter is done!


	43. Date Night

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or these characters, no copyright infringement is intended.**

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><p>By the time I pulled up in the parking lot at the diner it was nearly 8.30. I thought that I had managed to avoid my father's words of wisdom following today's events, and his attendance at school, but no. He walked through the door as I was leaving and despite my protestation that I had plans I couldn't be late for. I was forced to listen to his lecture about how he was busy at the hospital and really couldn't spare time to be coming down to the school and deal with his son who was old enough to know better. I could tell that he wasn't really mad at me for what I did, nor the fact that he was pulled away from work and he felt that he had been lectured by the principal. Between him and Jake I really felt like I had been lectured to within an inch of my life, all I wanted was to kick back and have some fun.<p>

I took a deep breath as I pushed the door open, stepping inside. I could see where Jessica was sitting, holding court in one of the booths with afforded her a perfect view of the whole diner if she chose to pay attention, which she clearly didn't as it took a sharp nudge from Lauren for her to look in my direction. When she did a huge smile lit up her face and she pushed Mike Newton out of the booth and patted the seat next to her.

"Come, sit here with me Edward. I'm glad to see you" She frowned and pouted at me as I slid into the vacant seat. "I thought that you were maybe going to stand me up."

I turned to her allowing a smile to play on my lips. "Why would I stand you up Jessica?"

She giggled and wiggled closer to me, moving my arm so that it was resting around her shoulder as Jessica's eyes remained locked on my face, the rest of her group just stared slack jawed at her open display of what appeared like affection to me. I must admit I was was every bit as shocked as they were, somehow I managed to keep it from my face.

The waitress came over with a bored look on her face and she waited for me to tell her what I wanted. This gave me a perfect opportunity to remove my arm from around Jessica's shoulder as I reached out for the menu. There was a deep sigh from our waitress as I looked at my options, even though I knew what I was going to have.

"Chocolate Malt please." She simply nodded and walked away. The group began to chatter amongst themselves and I found myself remembering the last time I was here following the winter formal, when Tanya asked me to meet her, which was later revealed to be set up. The humiliation that I endured was still burned clearly into my memory, mainly due to the fact it was at the hands of the people that I was now sitting around the table with. Bile rose in my throat at the thought, and I had to stop myself from bolting out of the door. My internal debate was halted when a glass was placed on the table in front of me. I mumbled my thanks and was greeted with a sarcastic smile in response.

"So Edward, I take that your folks didn't ground you for what happened at school? Or are you having a full on rebellion and came out anyway?" Jessica asked, her eyes were alight with curiosity. "I mean, I doubted that your dad would say anything at school, but he looked pretty pissed when I saw him."

Lauren giggled. "And pretty damn hot too."

I choked on a mouthful of my drink and Jessica glared at her before she hissed. "Shut it Lauren." She turned to me. "Ignore her."

Lauren was having none of it, however. "What? You're telling me that you have never said before how hot Doctor Cullen is? I call bullshit on that."

Jessica's look totally summed up the 'if looks could kill' mantra. I however, found this funny. "It's okay, I'm used to people thinking my dad is the 'hot doctor', so is my mom. She finds it all amusing."

"Well, he looks good for his age." Jessica admitted. "You obviously get your looks from him." I chuckled at her, shaking my head.

"A few weeks ago you wouldn't have said that." I muttered.

I felt her hand on my face as she turned it to face her. "Well, you're probably right there. I won't lie to you on that. But look at you now, a haircut and some new clothes and boom! You are hot property Edward Cullen. Just a shame that bitch saw it before the rest of us got the chance."

I felt myself stiffen at the mention of Bella, if not by name. "I thought that she was crazy dumping James, now he is a hot piece of ass, but seeing as she had you to fall back on I can totally see why. Was she desperate? Did she pursue you? I bet that she wanted you to remain off the radar of he rest of the women around here." I swear that she didn't stop for breath.

Lauren added. "Yeah, but don't forget about Tanya, she was before Bella. I bet didn't take rejection too well."

Mike sat forward. "Oh yeah, I forgot that you were banging her before Bella. Or were you doing them both at the same time?"

I really didn't want to talk about this, having my private life laid bare for them to pick over the juicy morsels of gossip that they could glean from this. I stood up quickly and walked toward to restrooms, needing to get away from the conversation.

Once inside I turned the faucets on and splashed cold water on my face before I grabbed some of the paper towels to dry myself. Looking in the mirror, I saw the door to the restroom open and Jessica stepped inside. Turning toward her I frowned at her.

"I'm sorry Edward, they just don't know when to shut up sometimes. Are you okay?" She asked.

I let out a sigh. "Yeah, It's just hearing it like that is hard. Yeah, I know that it happened, and everyone wants to know the details but…"

Jessica smiled at me. "C'mon, let's get you back out there, they have been told to back off."

I nodded before joining her. As we approached the booth, I noticed the conversation suddenly stopped. There was no way that I could sit back down with them, knowing that they were still talking about me behind my back. Jessica slid back into her seat, oblivious to the tension that was hanging heavy in the air. Taking some cash from my pocket I threw it onto the table. "That should cover my share of the bill." Was all I said before I turned on my heel and headed for the door. I made it outside, almost to my car before I heard my name being called.

"Edward, wait!"

I stopped, not turning around as I knew who it was. I felt a hand on my arm and only then did I turn around.

"What do you want Jessica? To drag me back inside so they can humiliate me some more? Was that what this was about? Get Freakward down here, let him think he's part of the group before you turn on me?"

The look on her face was one of shock, she clearly wasn't used to being spoken to like that by anyone. "No! That's not what it was about at all." Her brows furrowed together. "I asked you here because I felt that you deserved to be part of what we have." She took a step closer to me. "

"I don't know, you tell me. Depends on what your motives really are. Forgive me if I have my doubts."

Jessica looked me straight in the eye. " Look, I'm not going to lie to you. I like you, and want to get to know you better, is that so wrong?"

Looking at her, I couldn't work out if what she was saying was the truth or some elaborate lie. There was only one way to find out, and despite my better judgement, I was willing to give her the benefit of the doubt.

"I suppose not, but you have to know that I have been burned before, so forgive me if I am a little cautious."

A huge smile lit up her face. "Great! So, where are you gonna take me for our first official date?"

"One step at at time." I wasn't sure how we got to suddenly go on a date, but I wasn't going to refuse.

"There is a movie I want to see showing in Port Angeles, how about Friday? You can pick me up and we can go in your car. Okay?"

Wow, she really was a force to be reckoned with. "Okay, let's do it then."

She jumped up and down on the spot, clapping her hands together. Then, before I knew what was happening, my face was in her hands and she placed a quick kiss on my lips. I was stunned, that was not what I was expecting.

I was left standing staring after her as she had run back inside the diner, I guessed to tell everyone her news.

Turning to get into my car, the sight of Bella's truck peeling out of the parking lot. I wondered how much of what had happened, she had seen. Not that it mattered, she was my past and I was ready to move on toward a future that would hopefully be brighter.

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><p><strong>Authors Note<strong>:

Thanks for reading, sorry for the delay in updating. Huge thanks go out to ETPhonehome who is my trusty pre-reader on this.


	44. Date Night Part Deux

**Disclaimer: I do not own these characters, and no copyright infringement is intended.**

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><p>The next few days at school passed in a blur, every lunchtime was spent with Jessica and her gang, occupying the table at the center of the cafeteria, and in turn, the center of everyone else's attention. I was welcomed into their group with any further question now Jessica had obviously approved my inclusion. It was obvious she now ruled the roost, and Bella was no longer the center of their universe, or real interest to them. In fact, I was shocked and surprised that they made no reference to her.<p>

I was getting ready to leave the house to pick her up when my mom stepped behind me as I was checking my appearance in the mirror.

"You look nice sweetheart, going anywhere nice?" She asked as she brushed imaginary pieces of fluff from my shoulder.

"Just going to the movies in Port Angeles, nothing special."

"Are you not a little dressed up for catching a movie with Jake?"

"Erm, I'm not going with Jake." I hoped that she wouldn't ask who I was going with.

"Oooh do you have a date?" She teased. I felt my cheeks flush with embarrassment, of course this did not go unnoticed. "Are you taking Bella?" She turned and hurried away, returning with her wallet in her hand as she produced a couple of $20 notes. "I'm so glad that you two have finally made it up, you are perfect together."

I couldn't speak, the words were there, but they refused to allow themselves to be free. Speaking them would mean that it was true, and seeing my mom so happy at the thought of me being happy would burst the bubble that we were in. Mom took my silence as confirmation of her assumption and continued to talk.

"I told your father that I was right and that you would get back together given enough time and space. You remind me of us at the same age. We were high school sweethearts, so in love and-"

Screwing my eyes closed, I had to say it. "I'm not going with Bella, and we are not getting back together."

Silence descended between us, I opened my eyes to see the look of horror that was painted on Mom's face.

"If you're not going with Bella, then who are you going with? Because you I know it's not Jake so don't think you can lie to me."

Taking a deep breath I answered. "Jessica."

"Sorry sweetheart, I could have sworn I heard you say that you're taking Jessica Stanley to the movies, on a date?" The look on her face told me that she was shocked.

"Yes, you heard that right. Now please, if you will excuse me, I am running late already." I snatched the notes from her fingers before I dashed out of the door, leaving my mom standing staring after me. I made it to the car before she got her wits about her enough to follow me outside.

"Edward Cullen!" I turned to face her. "Don't you dare walk away from me." The look on her face stopped me dead in my tracks. Watching as he walked from the house toward me.

"I'm gonna be late, the movie-" I countered, my hand frozen on the door handle.

"I don't care what time the movie starts, you can't just drop a bombshell like that and walk away from me. I thought that there were to be no more secrets around here, yet here you are sneaking out on a date with Jessica Stanley."

Great, the guilt card. "Mom, can we discuss this later? I wasn't keeping anything from you, we're just going to the movies together, it's really no big deal."

She folded her arms across her chest, but I could tell that she wasn't really angry at me.

"I promise when I get in tonight we'll talk, okay?"

A feint smile graced her lips. "Okay. Now, go, have fun. But not too much fun."

I kissed her cheek before I jumped in the car and sped out of the drive.

Picking Jessica up I rolled my eyes when I saw her come bouncing down the front steps and toward the car, despite the chill in the air, she was wearing a short denim skirt, fake leather jacket and a pair of those furry boots that everyone seemed to be wearing. As she climbed into the car I was treated to a flash of her legs. From the smile that played on her lips, she knew what she was doing with her choice of clothing.

"You look, erm, nice Jessica." I wasn't sure what to say to her. "Are you not cold?"

She giggled. "No, anyway if I get cold, I will at least have you to warm me up won't I?"

With that, she settled back in the seat, securing her seat belt before she turned back toward me.

I wasn't sure what to say to that comment, she really was making it obvious that she was interested in me. I concentrated on the road, getting us to Port Angeles in record time.

Once we got to the movie theatre, I played the perfect gentleman. I showed her respect, opening doors and paid for our tickets, popcorn and soda's. Once inside the auditorium Jessica started to make her way to the back row. I hesitated, resulting in her pulling me to follow her She chose seats in the center of the back row and when we were seated, she spoke.

"There's no need to be afraid Edward, I don't bite." Jessica leaned closer into me, so close that I could feel her breath on my cheek. Her words were barely a whisper, but were spoken in a way that didn't hide the double meaning "Unless you want me to."

I thanked my lucky stars that it was dark In the auditorium so she would not see the fact that I was blushing furiously. I knew she wasn't joking, but I had no idea how to react without her taking my actions the wrong way.

She giggled as she settled into her seat, helping herself to popcorn from the carton that rested between us. I was grateful when then the film began, it seemed to hold her attention, which was good as it kept it away from me.

The movie was about halfway in when I felt her hand make contact with my knee. The initial touch made me jump slightly, but it stayed still and I almost forget it was there until it began to make its way, slowly, so very slowly up the inside of my thigh. The gentle touch of her fingers tracing lines through the denim of my jeans. It felt like heaven, I wanted more, so much more. My body began to react to the unexpected stimulation, without speaking of my need she seemed to sense it. More pressure was applied as her fingers crept further towards their intended goal, but they never quite reached it. I closed my eyes and gave into the feeling. My head fell backwards and I let out a low groan. Then just as quickly as it started, it stopped and her hand was removed.

My eyes snapped open, seeking her out in the relative darkness. I watched as she turned to me, a coy smile on her face as she toyed with the straw that was in her soda cup. Damn! Had I just been played by Jessica Stanley? What was she doing, why would she do that to me and then just stop? It must be some part of her plan. I knew full well that had she continued, I wouldn't have stopped her.

The rest of the movie played out before us, and I kept glancing over toward her, just to ensure that she couldn't catch me unawares again. Once the movie ended and the credits rolled Jessica turned to me, a bright smile on her face as she got to her feet. I was confused to say the very least and I remained in my seat, staring at her.

"C'mon, let's go grab an ice-cream sundae at that new place over the road." She reached out her hand to me. When I didn't move, she pouted. "Please?"

I got to my feet as I said. "Okay, then. What time do you have to be back though?" I glanced at my watch and could see that despite the fact we had caught the early evening screening, it was well after 9pm.

"I don't, it's the weekend Edward, let's just kick back and enjoy."

How could I refuse? We were soon heading out of the movie theatre, my arm found its way around Jessica's shoulder, hers went round my waist. We walked over the road and into the ice cream parlor, it was new in town so I hadn't been here before, it seemed that Jessica had as she was telling me how good it was. Once we were sat at a table for two overlooking the sidewalk I examined the menu, it became hard to choose and we just couldn't decide on what to have as we wanted different things. The waitress who came over made a joke about it obviously being our first date, so suggested we went for their giant sharing sundae called a half and half. I quickly agreed, just she would leave us we waited we chatted about the film, and how it was obvious who the killer was from the start.

My eyes nearly popped out of my head at the size of the sundae. "Geez, I hadn't expected it to be so big." I exclaimed.

Jessica muttered under her breath. "You ain't the only one honey."

I stared at her, sure that there was more to that than an innocent comment about our sundae. I could feel the traitorous blush begin to creep up my cheeks. I coughed to try and hide my embarrassment, but it only served to draw more attention to me.

Her hand extended out across the table as she placed it gently against my cheek. "Oh Edward, please don't look so embarrassed. I was referring to the sundae, nothing else." A coy smile light up her face as she swiped some of the whipped cream from the cold confection on the tip of her finger and popped it into her mouth.

I couldn't stop staring at her. Jessica was so brazen about her own sexualility and what she wanted, she normally got. The scariest thing about this was that she clearly wanted me. How had I gone from being the geeky class outcast, to the boy who had Jessica Stanley hanging off his arm?

We had nearly finished our sundae when there was some commotion outside. Turning to look outside, I was surprised to see Jake and a couple of the lads from the rez shouting and messing around, then to my horror they came inside. I turned my head away, not wanting him to see me sitting here with Jessica right now. I knew that he didn't approve of this and as much as I respected him as a friend, he just wouldn't understand. They passed us by unnoticed and made their way to the counter and were busy examining the menu. All I had to do now was hope that he wouldn't see me on the way out. Unfortunately, Jessica had also seen him and nudged my arm.

"Hey, isn't that your friend over there, Jason isn't it?"

I groaned internally before I answered her. "Jacob, his name Jacob."

"Oh yeah, silly me." She then began to twirl her hair around one of her fingers as she tilted her head to once side and stared at the small group at the counter. "Who's that with them?"

I glanced over, making out Sam with his girlfriend Emily, there was also Paul, Embry and Leah.

"Just the usual gang from the Rez." I dropped my head down and attempted to shield my face with my hand as they were served and turned around to walk out of the door. I was grateful that my back was toward them, thinking that it would make me invisible. Really? I should have known better.

Jessica chose that moment to throw her head back and laugh, loudly. My head snapped up as I realized what she was doing.

Before I could tell her to knock it off, out of the corner of my eye I saw someone standing next to me. Turning toward them, I was faced with a very pissed looking Jake.

"Evening Edward, Jessica." He all but spat at me.

"Jake." Was all I could think to say before I looked past him to the group behind him, curious to find out who else was there. He moved to block my view.

"Wow, bringing her here for a date? Nice, cheap. A bit like-"

I was on my feet. "Don't go there Jake. Yes, I am here on a date with Jessica, not that you would know what it's like to actually get a date with a real girl." I could feel the anger building inside of me.

Jessica took the chance to try and explain, but the words fell from her in a rush, hardly stopping to draw breath. "No, we've been to the movies, Edward picked me up, paid for the tickets and everything. We even sat on the back row, like a proper couple."

My head snapped toward her as I hissed. "Not now Jessica."

A muffled noise which sounded like a sob, came from behind Jake, but I didn't see clearly who it was as they were ushered way while Jake attempted to block my view before he pushed me back into my seat.

"Who is that?" I asked.

"None of your concern." Jake towered over me as he stepped forward, and his friends left while I was distracted. Once the door closed behind them, I turned to try and see outside, but they quickly crossed the road. Only when they were clear did Jake move back away from me, never once turning his back on me as he made his way to the door, before pausing and sneering at me. "I thought I knew you better than this Edward, clearly I was wrong."

All I could do was stare at him as he walked away from me. Jessica was reaching across the table at me. "Are you okay?"

I shook my head, getting to my feet and fishing a couple of notes from my pocket, throwing them onto the table before I turned back to her. "Let's go." I didn't wait to see if she was following me, although I knew she would be.

Out on the sidewalk there was no sign of Jake or his friends. Jessica appeared at my side. "So what was all that about?" I ignored her, walking to where I had parked the car. Of course, Jessica followed behind me. Climbing into the passenger seat, and attempting to pull her skirt down over her exposed legs as the night held a chill, and I really couldn't be concerned enough to turn the heater on.

The drive back to Forks was silent, the tension hanging in the air between us. Once back in town, I drove straight to Jessica's house and parked the car outside. Only then did she turn to me, a sad look on her face, it instantly made me feel guilty for ignoring her on the drive home.

"I'm sorry." I said as I unbuckled my seat belt, which allowed me to turn toward her. The smile that greeted me was like someone turning on a light in a dark room.

"You have nothing to be sorry for, Jason was a complete ass to you, and to me. I mean, he called me cheap."

I fought back the urge to correct her again, instead watching as Jessica mirrored my actions, leaning closer to me. We were dangerously close, I could feel her breath on my face. The thought of how Jake had spoken about her filled me with anger, and I knew I would have to talk to him about it, find out what his damage was.

I was brought out of my musing by the feel of her lips on mine. Her eyes were closed, and I allowed mine to follow suit. Our lips brushed against each other. I could feel my brows knit together at the feelings this simple interaction was stirring deep within me. I knew full well where this could lead to, and I wondered if Jessica knew the full details of my past? Then I remembered, of course she did. How foolish of me to think otherwise, how easily I forgot. She was one of those that forged the alliance with Tanya, it was her that eventually told the world about Bella and I being together. Jessica was part of the reason that my world came crashing down around my ears in such spectacular fashion.

The memory of that night and Bella's face as she stood on the stage flashed into my mind, causing me to pull away from Jessica. Her breathing became shallow and I was torn between following through on my instincts to push things further tonight, or backing off and getting my head together.

She decided this for me, pulling back. Her breathing was shallow and came in small pants as her eyes opened so slowly. There was a smile on her lips as her eyes fluttered open. I watched her reaction to me in detail, surveying her body as it gave a small shudder. Her eyes met mine, there was a spark in them and I knew then, Jessica she wanted more, so much more from me.

"Wow Edward, that was.." She breathed.

I simply gave her my best crooked smile. "Yeah, I have been told that before." A small laugh escaped me as she punched my arm playfully before she turned to look toward the house.

"You want to come inside?"

As much as I wanted to, I knew that it was wrong to do this now. I shook my head slowly. "No, sorry. Not tonight Jessica. Another time, though." I leaned back across and placed a kiss on her lips. "Promise."

Jessica nodded, before she climbed out of the car. I watched as she skipped up to the path to her door. I waited until I saw her step inside before I turned the key in the ignition and pulled away from the curb.

Driving through the quiet streets of Forks I allowed my mind to wander.

Jessica was turning out to be an interesting prospect for me. Someone I could use without fear of feelings getting involved or emotional attachments being formed, on my part at least. If Jessica got too close and it turned out that I couldn't handle it, I would deal with it when it happened. There was no way I was giving her, or anyone else the power to hurt me This was on my terms, just how I wanted it to be.

As my car came to a halt in the driveway, I saw that the lights were still on downstairs. I groaned inwardly as I knew this meant that mom was making good on her 'we'll talk later' promise. There was no getting away from this, it was time to face the music.

I walked slowly, like a condemned man to meet his fate. Suddenly there was a noise behind me, I turned to see Jake marching towards me, the look on his face was one of pure anger. Then, he was there, right in front of me. Pain radiated through me as I fell to the ground. Once I was able to work out what happened I yelled.

"What the fuck?"

He leaned down, grabbing the lapels on my jacket, pulling me toward him he sneered in my face. "Not such a big guy now are you?"

The front door opened, flooding the path with light. "What's going on out here?" My mom shrieked. "Carlisle!"

Jake backed off slightly, his hands curled into fists and then opened again. He never took his eyes off me. My father appeared in the door, a look of shock on his face. When he managed to take in the scene, he looked between us before he spoke.

"Jacob, go home. Edward, get inside."

His voice gave no room for argument and Jake spat at me. "That was for earlier. You upset Bella, asshole."

Then I realized what he was referring to. The person they were shielding earlier must've been Bella. The realization must've shown on my face as Jake simply smiled at me before jogging away.

I got to my feet, clutching my jaw where Jake's fist made contact and walked into the house. The door closed with a slam as I was faced by both my parents. Serious looks on their faces as my father asked me.

"What the hell is going on Edward?"

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><p><strong>Authors Notes:<strong>

Firstly… TRUST ME! Secondly, thank you for reading and also a massive thank you to my wonderful pre-reader ETPhonehome.

I hope you have enjoyed this, there is more to come! I will be updating really soon - promise, if I manage to come out of hiding after this...


	45. The Morning After

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, and no copyright infringement is intended.**

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><p>Inside the house I tried to escape upstairs to the sanctuary of my bedroom, but it wasn't to be.<p>

"Edward Cullen, you stop right there." The voice stopped me in my tracks. Slowly I turned around and stared at the person who demanded my attention.

"Mom, please. Can I just go to bed? It's late." I whined.

"No. I told you we would talk later, and now is, well, later." She folded her arms across her chest and raised her brow at me, a sign she was waiting for me to defy her.

I sighed as I made my way back down the stairs, following her into the lounge where my father was sitting waiting already. Once inside I threw myself onto the couch and waited for the inevitable lecture. What happened next surprised me.

"Edward, I'm not going to tell you what to do or who you should be hanging around with, you are nearly an adult. So, what I am saying is, think about things. Don't just do something because you want a reaction from people, or you want to be popular." She paused, turning to my father who opened his mouth to speak, silencing him with a raise of her hand. "Just remember that we will love you regardless, and those who cannot see it, well, they will show their true colors soon enough. When they do, we will be here for you."

I was speechless, I had no idea what to say which gave my mom chance to add something extra.

"Oh, and Jessica? I really don't like her, I don't want you to date her, but it's your life and you will find out soon enough if she really is the right girl for you. Personally, I know who that is and I think you have let the best thing to happen to you slip right through your fingers. I can only hope both of you will see sense soon. As your grams would have said When you start touching, you stop thinking. When did my son stop using his brain?"

I looked to where my father was sitting, and he was nodding in agreement. Finally, he spoke. "I don't know what happened between you and Jacob to cause that mess outside, but I heard some of it. All I am going to say is that you need to sort it out, he's your best friend Edward, he stood by you through thick and thin. Don't lose a friend over this."

With that, both my parents stood, my mom kissed my head and my father simply patted me on the shoulder as they left me alone, making their way upstairs, I assumed to bed. My mind was racing at a million miles an hour. I had plans, I had this all worked out in my head and now tonight, well it could ruin it all.

Luckily it was the weekend, so I slept late. After what happened last night, I was grateful my parents already had plans. I remembered them saying they would be out for the day so I would have the house to myself to work through this mess and 'sort out my priorities.' Or whatever bullshit they'd said. To be honest, I stopped listening as it all sounded the same.

I laid in bed for a while, just staring at the ceiling. Last night had been fun, hell Jessica was certainly forward and I liked that in a girl. In a way she reminded me of Tanya, and in another she made me realize how different it was with Bella. I couldn't stand being bombarded with the memories of us, what we had together and more importantly, what I had lost. Things had moved on, there was no going back now. Getting out of bed, I made my way to the bathroom. I groaned when I saw my reflection in the mirror. My face was sore and swollen. My eye had started to bruise where Jake had hit me. Touching the eye socket I winced in pain, knowing full well by the time Monday rolled around I would have a black eye to wear to school. It would give them all something else to talk about, distracting them from the gossip that would surround my date with Jessica. Doubtless everyone would know the details she chose to share before I even turned up on Monday. It's just the way it worked in high school. Staring at my reflection, I wondered who it was staring back out at me. I'd never been in trouble before and certainly never had a fight. Now, I was not only dating Jessica, I was going to turn up at school with a black eye having fought with my best friend. The rumor mill would go into overdrive. Great.

I heard a familiar sound, the message alert on my cell phone. Dashing from the bathroom, I grabbed my cell phone and smiled when I saw Jessica had messaged me.

'Morning, thanks for last night. I had a blast. Wanna hang out today? x o x'

I smiled wider, at the words on the screen, she was eating out of the palm of my hand. I quickly replied. Sorry, got plans. Another time?"

I'd only just placed it back on the nightstand when it beeped. I chuckled to myself, thinking it was a very quick reply from her, showing she was keen, bordering on desperate to see me again. Only it wasn't Jessica, who had messaged me, it was Jake.

'You're a dick, and I'm not sorry for hitting you. Keep outta my way, our friendship is over.'

The words quickly wiped the smile from my face. I didn't know what to say to him, nothing I could say via text message would make this right, and I wasn't sure if I should just go round there and talk to him face to face. I'd planned on doing that, which is why I blew Jessica off.

After a quick shower, I threw some clothes on and grabbed my car keys. My parents hadn't said I was grounded, so I couldn't see the harm in heading out. As I turned the key in the ignition music blared from the speakers and I sped out of the drive towards La Push. I didn't care about what Jake had said to me, he was my oldest friend and I didn't intend to lose his friendship over something as trivial as who I dated.

As I pulled up outside his house I could see his motorbike parked outside, this meant that he was home. I stepped up the wooden steps that led to the porch, nerves ran through me as I raised my hand to knock on the door. A loud voice stopped me as I was about to make contact. "Jake's not home." Turning I saw Sam leaning against my car.

"Oh, hey Sam." I called. "Any idea where he is?" I stepped down from the porch, approaching him only to freeze a few feet way. Sam's pose was defensive, arms folded across his chest as he stared at me. "I need to talk to him."

Sam slowly shook his head. "I wouldn't bother him today if I were you. " Then he stepped forward, I wanted to back away from him, but I didn't. All I could was watch as his hand reached out and took hold of my chin, tilting my head to the side. "Wow, he sure got you good didn't he?" Only then did I pull away, trying to ignore the amusement that tinged his tone. "Looks like I taught him to fight well."

"If you mean, taught him to throw punches at someone who wasn't able to defend themselves, then yeah you taught him well. You must be so proud of him." I sneered back.

Sam smiled at me. "Listen Cullen, you clearly had this coming after your display last night with Jessica. You really shouldn't lay down with dogs, or in her case bitches, you will only get fleas. Now, I suggest you leave before Jake gets back, I don't think another-"

He never got to finish what he said as a familiar car pulled up and Jake leapt out of the passenger side, slamming the door behind him, running towards me shouting.

"You've got a fucking nerve showing up here today!" Then when he was in front of me, he began to push me, I staggered backwards. "Was my message to you earlier not clear enough? Or maybe you need another pounding like you got last night huh? With a final push from Jake I fell to the ground, he was soon leaning over me, his face contorted in anger. "What is it going to take for you to get the fucking message? You want me to beat it into you?" He drew his fist back, causing me to close my eyes and put my arms over my face in defense.

"Enough!" Barked Sam,

"No, it's not." Jake sneered. "He's not welcome here anymore, but he doesn't seem to understand."

"Jake, stop. Please?" I heard sobbing coming from Bella as she choked out those words. I watched as she jumped back behind the wheel of her truck and sped away.

Jake glared at me as he spat. "I'd better go after her. Fix up what you messed up. Again."

Sam shook his head. "No, leave her for now. She's stronger than you think."

It felt like time stood still, but in reality it didn't. When I finally managed to pull myself together. Sam came toward me. "Edward, I think it's for the best if you leave, now."

I nodded and walked toward my car, glancing back only once I was safe inside. Sam and Jacob looked like they were arguing. I had to get out of here, before Jake decided to come after me. The car responded quickly as always, the tires screeched as I pulled away. Driving down the empty road that led from La Push to Forks, I knew I didn't want to go home, to an empty house where my own thoughts would drive me crazy, so I headed down to First Beach, the place I would normally go to just think and work things out in my head. Sitting in the parking lot I could see there was a storm moving in. The irony of this event was not lost on me. I watched as the waves rolled high on the beach. I just needed something to distract me. My foot hit the brake pedal, bringing the car to a screeching halt as I knew where I could go. Turning the car around, I drove to my new destination, hoping I would be welcome when I got there.

Nerves hit me as I knocked on the door, I was the last person they would expect to see standing there when they opened it. A loud rumble of thunder sounded overhead, signalling the storm was getting closer. I began to wonder if they were home, if they weren't I would wait for them to come home, even if it meant sitting here in the cold. I knocked again, this time harder, praying they would be inside. Rain began to fall in a torrential downpour, drowning out all other sounds. I turned to look at the storm that was now directly overhead, but not really surprised how quickly things changed around here. I didn't hear the door open until they spoke.

"Edward?"

Spinning back around to face them, I was lost for words, my mouth opening and closing like a goldfish.

The initial look of shock on their face, was quickly masked with indifference as they asked. "What are you doing here?"

My voice came back to me. "I needed to see you, to explain."

A shake of the head saw them take a step back inside, closing the door in my face. It was now or never, and I had nothing more to lose.

I put my foot in the door, stopping it from closing fully as I spoke, hoping my words would be enough as they were all I had.

"Bella, please, give me five minutes. That's all I am asking for, five minutes of your time. Then if you tell me to get out, and never speak to you again, I will accept it." She looked at me, I could see the conflict in her face, so I pressed on. "Five minutes, please?"

She nodded slowly, opening the door. "Okay Edward, you better make this good."

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><p><strong>Authors Note.<strong>

First of all, thank you to all those who had faith in me. I cannot tell you how much that means. But there is something I need to address, if you want to attack me as one particular 'reviewer' chose to do, and make it very, _very _personal, then at least have the guts to sign in and give me a right to reply to you. The review has been deleted. I knew the last chapter would be controversial, and a lot of you did express your thoughts and opinions, and I appreciated the honesty, but when I was personally attacked, that is not on.

No one is forcing anyone to read this story, if you don't like it, don't read it.

HUGE thanks to ETphonehome for pre-reading and supporting me. The line. '_When you start touching, you stop thinking.'_ Came from a reader, so thank you for allowing me to use the line Hippie star.


	46. Facing The Truth

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, and no copyright infringement is intended.

Bella was stood staring at me, arms folded across her chest as she waited for me to speak. I didn't know where to start. "C'mon Edward. Clock's ticking." She said, as if I needed reminding.

"First, will you let me explain, get it all out there?" I asked, watching as she nodded. I took a deep breath. "I still love you Bella, I don't think I ever stopped. Through all the shit that happened, I still think of you all the time. I was hurt, badly hurt by your denial of us. It felt like a smack in the face. I pushed you away because I didn't know how to deal with the feelings I still had for you, it felt wrong to love someone who hurt me so badly."

I felt myself getting choked on the words and feelings. Bella spoke.

"Yet you are now dating Jessica Stanley? How do you explain that if you claim to love me still? I saw you last night with her. I'm surprised you made it back alive knowing her."

I shook my head. "No, that is what I wanted to explain to you. I don't want her, never did."

Bella scoffed. "Yet you seem quite happy to ram your tongue down her throat." She glanced at her watch. "Still not heard anything that changes anything between us. Tick tock, tick tock."

I let out a sigh, knowing that what I said next had to count. "I never meant for you to see us like you did last night it-"

"Oh, I see, you think I wouldn't hear about it? The gossips would've made sure I heard all about it if they hadn't, then I'm damn sure Jessica or Lauren would've filled me in. Then I would have to see her all over you at school. She wouldn't be able to resist marking you like her personal property." My mouth opened and closed, sensing I was lost for words, Bella continued.

"Now you are balls deep in Jessica superslut Stanley, and me? I'm last weeks news, you moved on and so have I." Her words hurt me, even though I knew that I had right to be and my heart sank.

"Y-you moved on?"

Bella shook her head. "No, but it's not nice thinking the person you love has found someone else, is it?"

The relief I felt was immense. "Bella, listen to me, please. I don't want her, I want you. This thing with Jessica, it's me playing her at her own game. She tore us apart with her actions, now she is going pay."

The look on her face was one of surprise. "Pay? What do you mean she will pay?"

"I'm playing her Bella, like I said I don't want her, but she wants me. This is the only way I can get close enough to do this. Jessica needs to be taught a lesson, that she just can't go around messing people's lives without consequences, and I fully intend to depose that queen bitch from her throne. I understand if you think I'm lying to you, but think about it. I have nothing left to lose, other than you, forever." My eyes never left hers. "The ball is in your court now, there is nothing else I can say or do to prove how I feel about you." I glanced at my watch. "And I think that is my five minutes."

Bella looked like she was trying to take everything in and work through what I'd said. I knew it would take some time. "Look, I should go. My time is up, it's wrong to ask you for anything more."

She just nodded at me, but the action as slow, almost as if she wasn't sure. I turned and walked away from her. My hand was on the door handle when felt her hand on my arm.

"What happened to your face?"

Turning to her, I managed a wry smile."Jacob. We fought last night, and this." I gestured to my bruises. "Is what I get for upsetting you it seems."

She let out a gasp. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to drive you two apart."

I shook my head. "You haven't. Jake is protecting you, that means a lot to me, knowing that someone is on your side and not afraid to stand up for you." Looking out of the door the rain had now stopped, and the sky had cleared. "I should go." As moved to step outside I felt her hand grab hold of me once again before she took a couple of steps away from me.

Watching her, I could see the conflict clearly marring her face. "Don't go." She said in barely a whisper. I didn't move a muscle, watching as she moved closer to me. Her hand reached up and brushed my bruised face, the touch was soft and gentle, reminding me of what we had before and everything that I lost.

"Bella, please." I whispered.

"Sssh." Was her response as she looked me in the eye, her face inching closer to me. Then she did the unexpected, her lips found mine. They brushed gently against them, I wanted to kiss her back, but I didn't. All too soon she pulled away from me.

"Does that tell you what you need to know about how I feel?" She breathed. I nodded in response before I placed my lips on hers. We kissed again, it felt right, it felt like I was home.

When we broke apart, there was that spark in her eyes that I was used to seeing, her hands rested on my chest and my skin, tingled from the contact, albeit through my clothes. All I could do was grin like a fool, the only word I could form. "Wow."

I pulled her towards me, wrapping my arms around her. "I'm sorry I hurt you, things… Well, they were hard for me. How did it all go to shit so quickly?"

Bella shrugged. "I wish I could go back in time, to the dance and I would change it all, everything. I'd stand up there and tell them I was yours, and you were mine and we were happy with each other. It just shocked me and then when I looked at your face I could see how upset you were. I'm sorry."

The emotion that clouded her voice was clear. I placed a soft kiss on her forehead as I whispered against the skin. "It's okay."

Bella pulled me toward the couch, and we sat down together. "So, tell me what your plan is with Jessica. I don't doubt you, but I need you to be honest with me." She paused reaching out and placing her hand on mine. "I want to know everything."

I let out a deep breath while I mentally prepared to tell her what I had planned.

"Okay, Jessica wants me. I know that might sound a bit big headed, but she does. I have no idea where it came from, but since I came back to school, it's like something changed. I've gone from being the butt of their jokes to being someone worthwhile in their eyes."

Bella let out a snort. "Yeah, I've been cast aside and ridiculed."

"I know, and I'm sorry for that. I have tried to get them to back off, but they won't listen. I think Jessica is jealous of you, of what we had. Or it seems that way. I don't know."

Bella nodded. "She is a devious little bitch, and I am telling you know she is gonna love rubbing my face in this on Monday. Seeing you together last night was the worst thing ever, I wanted to rip her eyes out. She had what I wanted to have with you, but didn't."

I frowned at her. "What do you mean, wanted to have? We had everything we needed didn't we?"

Bella stood up and walked away from me, she wrapped her arms across her chest, trying to give herself some comfort. I watched as she walked to the window and looked outside, not turning to face me as she all but whispered. "I never truly had you, not in the way I wanted."

"What do you mean? We were together and I loved you." I was confused.

Then she turned to me and I saw tears brimming in her eyes. "I wanted to be seen with you, to walk around school with you holding your hand, to go to the movies, sit in the back row and then go for ice cream. Don't you see in the last few days _she _got everything I wanted and I was left with nothing."

I was on my feet and standing before her, I wrapped my arms around her and held her against my chest. Soft, gentle kisses were placed on the top of her head as I whispered. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." I could feel her hands fisting the fabric of my shirt as she let out the emotions she had kept inside. "I thought we were working, that it's how we both wanted things to be."

Eventually, she stopped crying, and began to push away from me, I didn't want to let her go, not after everything that had happened between us. Bella stepped back, confusion marring her face. "How could you not know how I felt about you? I loved you Edward, I'd never felt like this about anyone else in my life. Fuck, you were my first or had you forgotten about that too?"

I stared at her, god she looked extra cute when she was angry. "No, I hadn't forgotten, do you really think I am that much of an ass? Shit Bella, you have no idea how much that meant knowing you trusted me, knowing you loved me enough to allow me to be your first."

She shook her head as she spat. "Yeah, and look where that got me." Her hands covered her face as she took deep breaths. "Look, I think you should go." Slowly, her hands moved to be clasped together with her chin resting on them as she almost whispered to me. "You being here is messing with my head, I want to hate you, to tell you to leave and never come back but I can't. I have no idea what this hold you have over me is, but I need to think this through, to come to my own conclusions about where we go, if anywhere from here. Thank you for being honest with me, but you need to leave."

That was the last thing I wanted, and I frantically shook my head. "No! I don't want you to. I want _you_ Bella, not her, not anyone else. Look, I know I have fucked this up and you I will do anything to make this right. Please?"

She shook her head. "No, you have to go. I won't just fall back into your arms, or your bed no matter what has happened just because you turn up here and say sorry. I know I am to blame for some of this mess, but I just can't do this right now. I need some time."

"So you're saying…" I couldn't finish the sentence, the words caught in my throat. I couldn't look at her in the face, afraid to see the hatred I thought I would find there. My feet took me to the door, and paused briefly to turn around and look at her, but still unable to find or form the words that were needed. With a deep sigh, I walked out and towards my car. I could feel her eyes on me the whole way, still I managed to get behind the wheel and drive away from her. It was the hardest thing I have ever done, but there was nothing more to say. We had said everything, and until she didn't want me there. I couldn't blame her really.

Walking into the house I was struck by just how quiet it was, mom and dad hadn't made it back yet. The silence was both my friend and my worst enemy. Allowing my time to think and clear my thoughts but at the same time those same thoughts threatened to overwhelm me, dragging me under into the darkness.

Flopping down on the couch, I turned the TV on and began mindlessly flicking through the channels while I tried to stop my brain from thinking. The kiss I'd shared with Bella replayed in my mind, how good it felt, how right it was to be with her. I had been so close to getting her back, and then she asked me to leave, but with a promise that things were not over. I'd just have to wait for her to make her decision and hope it would all work out.

A loud noise woke me, I was disorientated having fallen asleep on the couch. The TV was still on, and I thought it was something on there that had woken me. Then I heard it again, it sounded like someone pounding on the front door. I dragged myself off the couch and made my way to answer it. Once again, I heard whoever it was knocking on it, was clearly lacking in patience. "All right, chill the fuck out will you." I yelled. "Gimme a minute." I fumbled with the lock, pulling the door open fully prepared to give whoever was standing there a piece of my mind. Only when I did, the person on the other side didn't give me a chance to speak as they launched themselves at me, wrapping their arms and legs around me as their lips made contact with mine. Instinctively, I kissed her back, my hands finding their way to her ass as I fought to support her weight.

When we finally broke for air, I placed her gently down on the ground and smiled as I asked the question. "So, does this mean you have made your mind up?"

Bella looked nervous for a moment before she said. "Yeah, there was never really any doubt in my mind, but I needed to make sure that my heart wasn't ruling my head." She dropped her head. "I love you, that hasn't changed. Just please, don't make me regret this."

"I can't promise you won't regret it, but I will promise my very best to make sure that you don't. I know this isn't going to be easy, but together we can make it work."

A smile lit up her face as she looked at me. "Now, are you gonna invite me in and tell me more about your plans for Jessica?"

I placed a quick kiss on her lips. "Nothing would give me greater pleasure." With that, I led her inside and prepared to tell her everything.

Authors Note.

Sorry for the delay in updating, I was shocked to see it had been two months. I am planning on writing an out-take of this for Fandom For Lls, which will cover 'those chapters' but from Carlisle's POV. Would you be interested?

Thanks a million to ETPhonehome who is my trusty pre-reader on this.


	47. Moving Forward

**Disclaimer. I do not own Twilight or any of these characters. No copyright infringement is intended**

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><p>We never broke physical contact as I led her inside and to the lounge, our fingers intertwined. Once in the lounge we sat on the couch together. I looked at her like I was seeing her for the first time.<p>

"So, are you going to tell me?" She asked.

"Jessica had her part to play in what happened to me, to us. She played right into Tanya and James' hands without realizing what she was getting into. Of course, Jessica set up a little slide show at the dance and took great delight in lighting the fuse and watching it blow up. She made my life hell, and now because of what she see's when she looks at me, she wants me to be her latest plaything. Well, I don't want to be that. Like I said earlier, it's not her I want, it's you." I took a deep breath, knowing that I was faced with telling her about Tanya and I. The one dirty little secret I was so desperate to forget.

"What's wrong? There's something I know it." She asked her eyes searching my face, I could feel the panic beginning to rise deep inside. Bella's eyes went wide with shock, she got to her feet and glared at me."You've fucked her haven't you? Oh my god, I can't believe I fell for all this bullshit about how much you still love me, when you… you!" She began to pace, her hands grasping at her hair.

"Bella, no! Please believe me I haven't slept with her, I promise." I was on my feet standing before her, praying what I said was enough for her to believe me.

"But have you wanted to." She whispered. It was more like a statement than a question.

"I never wanted _her _not like that, not in the way she thinks I do_._ It's hard to explain."

"Try." Her voice had a hard edge to it.

I took a deep breath, "It would have been so easy with her, but it wouldn't have been right. I'm not going to lie to you, I could so easily have slept with her, to make her want me even more, but I didn't. That's the truth Bella."

She sat down on the couch, her face in her hands. " I feel sick."

I crouched down in front of her. "Bella, I haven't done anything like that with her. I promise you. I might have led her on, made her believe I wanted it, but I couldn't do it."

She looked me in the face once again, her voice shaky. "You promise me? If you are lying to me, then we are over for good. Understand?"

I nodded. "The most we did was kiss, she did try to take it further and yes, I was tempted, lost in the moment but I didn't follow it through." I hoped this wouldn't make her change her mind.

Her eyes searched mine, looking for anything that would tell her I was lying. When she seemed to be satisfied, she spoke once again.

"Okay. Thank you for being so honest with me. Now let's make her pay." There was a slight smile on her lips before she leaned forward and kissed me. There was nothing gentle about it, the kiss was full of passion and need. I had missed this, missed her and I wasn't going to lose her again.

We pulled apart, both breathless and wanting more, but knowing it was too soon for anything else.

"Bella, you know that I will have to continue seeing Jessica, pretend to be interested in her don't you?"

She simply nodded, so I continued. "But it's you that I want, you that I always want." I kissed her, enjoying the feel once again.

"I know. But there is no-one saying I have to be happy about it. How I'll resist the urge to pull her fake hair out of her head is beyond me, seeing her put those skanky paws on you." I could hear the jealousy as it tinged her words, and it caused me to stifle a laugh. Bella punched my chest lightly. "What's so funny?"

"It's strange, thinking someone likes me enough to get jealous." I laughed, as I still remembered the time when no-one looked at me twice.

"Well, just don't forget who saw you first." Bella teased before her expression turned serious. "There is something else we need to talk about."

"Okay, what is it?" I asked.

She let out a deep sigh. "The night of the dance, when you went to the beach… I…You…"

I placed my hand on hers a small gesture to let her know that it was okay. "You mean when I almost killed myself? Yeah, not one of my better moments I must admit." I allowed myself a breath before I continued. "I have no idea what I was thinking, or doing that night. I just wanted to make it all stop. I felt like I had lost everything and there was no way out. I don't think I meant to go that far, it just kinda happened."

She had tears in her eyes, but I had to say it. "You were there for me, you found me and stayed with me at the hospital." I whispered.

Bella nodded. "I didn't know where else to go, I knew you were hurt by what I did, but there was no way I could leave. I wasn't sure you would want me there and Rose's reaction when she saw me, I just had to get away."

I reached over and wiped away the tears that were falling down her cheeks. "I know, I could feel you there, with me. It sounds strange I know, but just knowing you were there was enough." She smiled at me and it gave me a huge boost. "I'm sorry if I said things that hurt you, I lashed out when I shouldn't have done."

Bella leaned forward and placed her index finger on my lips, silencing me. "Ssh, it's okay." Before she removed it and replaced it with her lips. The kiss itself was chaste while holding the promise of more, but now wasn't the time or place for anything more and instinctively, we both knew it.

We spent the next hour running through the details of what I had planned for Jessica, we both agreed she would never see it coming until it was too late. Just as she destroyed our lives at the winter formal, we would have our revenge. Prom could not come quickly enough.

Bella was just leaving and we were sharing a goodbye kiss in the doorway when I heard the sound of a car pulling into the drive. Glancing out, I saw my parents car pulling in, followed by Emmett.

"Shit! My folks are home. They will see you, and I really don't know how to explain you being here." I began to panic.

Bella smiled. "No better time than now to practice our hatred for each other." She pushed me away from her, marching outside and began to raise her voice as the sound of car doors slamming signalled our time was about to run out.

"I really don't care anymore Edward, you hear me? I only came here to tell you to get your bitch to back off."

I was staring at her with a shocked expression on my face, her back was to my parents. She wiggled her eyebrows at me, a smile lighting up her face as a silent challenge for me to make this real.

"Bella, I don't control Jessica, what she does is her own business and none of mine." I replied.

"Well, you need to put her on a leash, cause I am warning you, she needs to stay away from me." If I hadn't known better, I would've believed the anger behind her words.

"Yeah? Well, if you want to talk about training pets, have a word with Jacob, cause your new boyfriend did this." I motioned to my bruised face. "All because of you, our friendship is over. You have driven that wedge firmly between us. But then again, maybe he likes my cast offs."

Bella's face sparked with what looked to genuine anger, and behind her I saw my mom standing with a shocked look on her face. Then, Bella's right hand was raised, poised to make contact with my already damaged face. Suddenly she was gone, and I was looking at my father's angry face.

"Edward Anthony Cullen! Go and wait in my office. Now!" He barked. I nodded, knowing he would not take any defiance from me.

Emmett was glaring at me, he had Bella in his arms and it sounded like she was crying. I turned on my heel, pleased in a strange way, knowing that our exchange was believable enough given their reactions so far.

I heard my mom apologizing to Bella, as I walked away, only when I was sure no one was paying me any attention, did I allow myself a small smile.

Sitting in my father's office, I waited for him to come in and tell me how disappointed he was with me, to lecture me on being respectful. Instead, I was shocked when he walked in and told me to go to my room. When I got there, I grabbed my cellphone and looked at the messages that were waiting for me.

_Did they believe you? Hope I made it convincing enough. B x_

_Tell me you're, not in trouble are you?_

_Love you. B x_

The last message brought a smile to my face, seeing the words in front of me was more than enough for me.

I dialled her number, needing to know what happened after I went inside. She picked up on the first ring.

"You waiting for me to call?" I teased.

"Knew you couldn't resist. So, what happened? Did you folks go mad?" She asked.

"Not yet, I'm in my room. What happened to you after I left?"

"Oh, you know. Emmett was ready to come in there after you, I think they bought it. I just feel bad lying to them, they were all so nice to me."

I opened my mouth to reply, but my bedroom door was flung open and bounced off the wall, leaving Emmett standing in the doorway an angry look on his face.

I whispered into the phone. "Look, I gotta go. Speak to you later." With that, I ended the call, never once taking my eyes of Emmett.

"Oh, sorry Edward. I hope I wasn't interrupting anything too important, but I'm sure Jessica can find a shiny object to amuse her until you call her back. " The sarcasm dripped from his voice.

It was on the tip of my tongue to tell him it wasn't Jessica, but I didn't.

"What do you want Em?" I sighed.

He simply shrugged his shoulders at me. "Oh, I don't know, part of me wonders why Bella was here earlier, I'm not sure that I bought that whole charade when we pulled up."

My blood ran cold. "What do you mean charade? She nearly hit me or did you forget that."

Emmett pursed his lips and nodded. "Oh yeah, but she didn't." A silence fell between us as he watched me, looking for a reaction I guessed. "Bella seemed quite upset I must admit, but I am not sure what she was even doing here. I mean, you two aren't together, it's over. You're seeing Jessica and then out of the blue, Bella turns up on the doorstep, shouting and screaming at you."

"She was pissed about Jessica, told me to keep her away from her." I attempted to cover, but the look on Emmett's face told me he didn't believe what I was telling him. "Did you want something else, or are you just gonna stand in the doorway all night?"

He laughed while shaking his head at me, then he stepped aside to reveal my mom standing there.

She fixed me with a stare. "Is that the truth? What you just told Emmett?"

I hated lying to her, but knew there was no other way so to avoid answering I nodded. She let out a sigh and came over to sit down on my bed. "I know you think I was harsh earlier, and maybe I was, but I won't change my mind about Jessica. I don't like her, and I don't approve of you two dating. But, if she makes you happy after everything that's happened then I will be civil to her at the very least." She let out a deep sigh. "Your happiness is all that's important. Just know that both your father and I love you very much."

I smiled at her, causing her to smile back at me before she leaned in, ruffling my hair and placing a kiss on my head.

"Bella seemed upset earlier, I'm only sorry things didn't work out between the two of you and you felt you had to keep so many secrets. At least now everything is out in the open. Dinner will be ready soon." With that, she left me alone.

Guilt flooded through me, yet again I was keeping secrets and lying to those closest to me once again, Picking up my cell phone from where I had dropped it, I opened it up and scrolled through, my finger hovering over Bella's number. I just couldn't bring myself to dial it, not just yet. I made my way downstairs to help with whatever I could towards dinner, it seemed like the least that I could do. Only when I got to the bottom of the stairs, I heard my parents talking in hushed tones in the kitchen, so I did what any teenager would do. I eavesdropped.

"I know Carlisle, but what can I do? She isn't good for him, but if I push it too hard it will only send him further into her arms."

"Of course you're right, but we also can't encourage the relationship. He needs time to be a teenager, hang out with his friends." My father sounded as if he was trying to placate my mom, but it was no use.

"You think I could risk losing him? It would break me if anything happened to him, you know that."

"I know, I was there, remember? I stayed at your side every single day at the hospital, it was me that held you when you cried yourself to sleep at night. If anything were to happen to him, it would break me too. We have to be strong for our son, we need to show him love, show him we are here from him. I worry we might not have been doing that lately. He has to know that he is the most important thing to us."

"He should know this already." She countered.

"But I don't think he does. This whole situation, it's been a mess. I might be a doctor, but I have no idea how to be around him, how to fix my own son and that scares me. I feel lost Esme, and I don't know what to do for the best."

The emotion made his voice crack. It was strange to hear him speak so openly and honestly, but I guessed there were no secrets between my parents, only a deep bond secured by the years of love they shared. One day I hoped to experience this.

As I lurked outside the kitchen, I leaned against the wall, screwing my eyes closed as I took in everything I'd heard. My parents words hit home. Mom was willing to put her personal feelings for Jessica aside and make an effort for my sake. I was important to them, I mattered. Today had been such a turning point for me, all this coupled with the fact that Bella loved me. It was like a dream, one I didn't want to wake from for fear of it not being real. Slowly I opened my eyes and found nothing had changed. Maybe now Karma was smiling on me.

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><p><strong>Authors Note:<strong>  
>Dedicated to Laters Baby – HAPPY BIRTHDAY HUNNY! I know how much you love this story.<p>

Pre-read by ETPhone home.

Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed the last chapter, I can't tell you how stunned I was by the reviews.


	48. Playing With Fire

**Disclaimer: I don't own these characters and no copyright infringement is intended.**

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><p>Bella and I kept our distance in public. It felt like people were watching us, waiting for one of us to explode. Jessica became like an octopus whenever Bella was near us, it was like she was marking her territory, showing the world and more importantly Bella, I was hers. If only she knew the truth. My secret assignations with Tanya had taught me to sneak around, to be devious and now this was coming in handy with Bella. Of course, we couldn't be seen together anywhere other than the library when we had the tutoring sessions arranged. My parents wouldn't let me get out of it that easily. I did try, but ended up on the receiving end of one of my fathers lectures on responsibility, and standing by the decisions I made. Of course, what he didn't know was these 'study sessions' usually ended up with us making out. I wanted more, and I know she did too but it was hard for her to know I was with Jessica.<p>

Jessica was another problem altogether. She wanted more, she wanted to prove to the world I was hers and the only way she could see to that, was to get me into her bed. The thought of having sex with her made my blood run cold. It wasn't her I wanted, and just having to pretend was hard. I kept making excuses for why I wasn't ready to take our relationship to the next level, but she was pretty persistent.

Tonight was another of our tutoring sessions and once again we were alone. Our books and study notes were spread out on the dining table, but Bella and I were on the couch in the lounge. Wrapped in each others arms as we kissed and fumbled over our clothes. Things were getting slightly out of control when I heard a car door slam.

"Shit! They are home early." I sprang off the couch and went to the window, pulling the blind slightly aside to see who was about to interrupt us. To my horror, I saw it wasn't them. "It's Jessica." I hissed.

Bella smiled, applied her lip gloss and sat back down at the table and began to study the textbook we had abandoned previously. I felt like a deer caught in headlights, but Bella seemed really relaxed.

"Just sit down and act normal, you look guilty as hell right now." She scoffed.

I found myself sitting down in front of the textbooks and waiting for the inevitable knock on the door. It never came. Instead, Jessica just walked in. The door rebounded off the wall and before I could react, she was standing staring at us, arms folded across her chest, eyes narrowed at Bella.

"Looks cozy here." She then looked around. "Where's your folks?"

Bella just rolled her eyes at her and continued pretending to read.

I was on my feet and walked toward her. "They are out, we were studying Jessica."

She smiled at me, and a chill ran through me as she slipped her arm around my waist and pressed herself to me, whispering into my ear. "Oh, I can see that, now had I known you would be all alone we could've made the most of it."

"Do you mind? I'm trying to learn here, and quite frankly, you are putting me right off." Bella snarked while never looking up from her books.

"Listen bitch, he's my boyfriend now, and if I want to spend time with him then I will and there isn't a damn thing you can do about it." Jessica snapped back.

"Yeah, you keep telling yourself that." Bella muttered under her breath.

Jessica glared at her. "He's mine, you had your chance and you blew it. A bit like you did with James, but oh wait, you did blow him didn't you. Or at least that's what I've heard, but you weren't good at that, he dumped your skanky ass for Tanya. Maybe if you'd put out for him you wouldn't had to humiliate Edward like you did. It's your fault he nearly di-"

"That's quite enough." The voice that stopped Jessica mid - sentence was my mom. I turned around to see her standing in the doorway. Her face showed the anger which was radiating through her. "I want you to leave, now."

"Mrs Cullen, I...I..." Jessica stammered.

"Jess, I think you should leave." I whispered.

She nodded, tears filling her eyes as she walked out of the house.

"Mom, I'm sorry you had to hear that." I didn't know what to say to make it right. She painted a smile on her face and walked over to me. Cupping my face in her hands.

"It's okay, now don't you have a study session to finish?" She indicated to where Bella was sat, looking like she wanted to earth to open up and swallow her whole.

"We were about done weren't we Bella?" I fixed her with a look that begged her to agree with me, but she ignored me.

"No, we still have quite a bit to go through." She smiled sweetly at mom. "If you don't mind me staying Mrs Cullen?"

"Please Bella, I have told you, Mrs Cullen is my mother in law. You should call me Esme."

I watched as she walked over to Bella and put her hand on her shoulder. "Thank you Bella." She smiled widely before heading into the kitchen.

I was totally confused as to what had just happened, but I knew Jessica would not take this lying down. There would be some fallout, she wouldn't let it go.

"Bella, do you really think we should continue to study?" I asked.

She looked at me thoughtfully. "Hell yeah, I am not letting that bitch interfere interrupt what we were doing, but I suppose she kinda did. We need to get this study done, although I would much rather be making out with you." A smile lit up her face at the end and I found myself getting closer and closer to her. I gave her a quick kiss on the lips before she grabbed hold of my shirt and pulled me down for a longer, deeper kiss. Neither of us wanted to end it, but we sprang apart when my mom called out from the kitchen.

Bella giggled. "Stop looking so guilty Edward."

"I can't help it, I mean we actually shouldn't be doing this." I replied.

"I know." She kissed me on the lips. "But it makes it so much more fun."

My body reacted to her, I wanted her more than I had ever done before. We still hadn't crossed the line which would see us taking our relationship back to where it had been before all this happened. I knew she wanted me, and I sure as hell wanted her. But we'd agreed on baby steps.

"You are such a tease Ms Swan."

"Yeah and you love it."

I was about to answer her when I heard mom ask. "Edward, are you listening to me?" Then she popped her head around the door. "Oh, sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt."

I blushed, mumbling under my breath. Bella was quicker. "Sorry, Edward was just explaining some trigonometric equations." She beamed at mom.

"Will you be staying for dinner Bella? I wasn't sure if Charlie was working late tonight."

Bella looked at her watch. "No, he should be home in about an hour. He's been off fishing with Billy all day so we'll be eating whatever he caught today." Then she started to collect her books. "So I had better head off home."

"You are always welcome here Bella, you know that." Mom smiled at her, glancing at me with a look which said so much, without actually a word being spoken.

"Thank you Esme, I might take you up on that. Charlie was talking about taking an overnight fishing trip at the weekend." Bella winked at me, the implication was there, she would be home, alone. No Charlie.

"I hope you're not going to have any wild parties." Mom teased.

"No, not at all. I plan on catching up with some of my studying."

Mom looked shocked. "Oh, you really are a surprise at times. Maybe Edward could call round and you could study together."

Bella ran her hand through her hair. "I couldn't ask him to do that, it's too much to ask."

"Nonsense. Edward would love to help you. Wouldn't you?" She turned to me, leaving me standing there slack-jawed.

"I've got plans this weekend, there's a party I've been invited-"

I didn't get to finish as mom fixed me with a steely gaze. "You mean you are going with her I suppose." I glanced at Bella, who looked upset.

"Yes, Who else would I be going with?" I responded.

"We'll discuss this later." Mom left us, muttering under her breath.

"Wow, she really isn't Jessica's biggest fan is she?" Bella teased as I walked her out of the house.

"You could say that. She tries her best, for my sake. I don't think tonight will have helped any." I sighed. "But she doesn't have to like her, I'd rather she didn't."

Bella stopped by her car, leaning against the door as she smiled at me. "Yeah, funny how no-one seems to like her."

There was nothing I could say, I merely shrugged and thrust my hands into my pockets. What I really wanted to do was kiss her, knowing I wouldn't see her like this for a few days.

Just as I debated taking the risk. My cell phone rang and my heart sank when I saw it was Jessica. I rolled my eyes as I answered the call.

"Hey Jess."

"Is _she_ still there? I know she is Edward don't lie to me." She was shouting.

"We were only studying, you know I have to do this."

"You don't have to do anything Edward, but you still do. I hate her being there, you two being alone. I thought your mom would be there at the very least, and then I find the two of you, alone. Have you any idea how it looked to me? I mean anyone but her Edward and I would be okay, but she is trying to get her claws back into you again."

I blocked out the rest of what she was saying, pulling the phone away from my ear as she continued to vent. Bella stifled a giggle as she went up onto her tiptoes and placed a kiss on my cheek before getting into her car and driving off. Once she had gone, I brought the phone back to my ear and found Jessica was still ranting at me and I was getting bored of it.

"Listen Jess, as great as it is to talk to you, I can't stay on the line all night. I'm not gonna stop with the tutoring just cause you don't like it. Now grow up." I waited for her to react, to throw some childish strop, but she didn't instead she seemed to be pleased.

"Hmmm, putting me in my place baby, I love it. Look, my folks are out late, why don't you come on over and see me." She purred down the phone at me. I shuddered at the thought, just glad she couldn't see me.

"I'd love to, but I've got mom on my case tonight. Plus we have that English paper due first thing." I let it hang there, what she didn't know was I'd already done mine.

"Shit! I'd forgotten about that. Okay, well call me later, yeah?"

With that, the call ended and I walked back into the house, knowing full well Mom would have something to say about what she saw earlier.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-

I was shocked when nothing was said, mom just went about her business as usual. It was as if the scene Jessica caused never happened. I guessed I was in the clear, for now. Knowing my folks were putting me and what they thought I wanted first, still made me feel bad about lying to them about seeing Jessica. But even if I wasn't, there was no way I was ready to go public with Bella again and neither was she. We were still finding our way. One day and I hoped it was soon, we would stand together and not care what the world said, we would have each other and our love would be strong enough to survive whatever the pupils of Forks High School could throw at us. After all when you had already been to hell and back, was there anything else that could challenge you?

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><p><strong>Authors Note:<strong>

Pre-read by the wonderful ETphonehome.

Thanks for reading and sorry for delay. I planned to get back onto this when I wrapped up Taken, then writers block hit, and I started a night course at college which is taking up time.

What do you think of Edward, is he playing with fire? You know how that saying goes.


	49. Chapter 49

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of these characters. No copyright infringement is intended.**

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><p>The weekend rolled around so quickly, Bella and my plans for a 'study session' on Saturday were thrown into chaos when half the Police Department come down with some kind of sickness bug and Charlie ended up having to work and cancelling his fishing trip. As an unfortunate result, for me it meant I was free to spend time with Jessica before the party that night. She loved it, thinking it meant more than it did. Part of me felt bad for deceiving her, for making her want me knowing one day, soon I would bring her world crashing down around her ears. Everytime I felt bad, I remembered how it felt to be standing in the school gym, faces staring at me as photographs of Bella and I flashed up on the screen, the comments that were made. How it felt to have the one person I loved deny me. The pain of what followed, and what I almot lost, all because of her. They say revenge is a dish best served cold, well I don't believe that. I think it shoud be served, piping hot, right to the person who deserved and Jessica would get what she was due.<p>

"Edward, are you listening to me?" Jessica's whiny voice brought me out of my introspection and back into booth in the diner we were sitting in. I turned to her and smiled.

"Sorry, was a million miles away, thinking about tonight." I lied.

"Oh really, well I'm sure I can help you with whatever it was you were thinking about." She wiggled her eyebrows at me and ran her hand up my thigh. Realizing where this could lead I placed my hand on hers.

"Jessica, not here. Not in front of your friends." I whispered, motioning to the group that were sat with us as usual.

"They aren't paying us any attention, they don't care." She breathed.

"I do. Be patient Jess, please?" I replied.

She was staring deep into my eyes, her breathing was shallow and I could tell by the rise and and fall of her overly enhanced chest she was getting turned on.

The moment between us was broken when the a chair fell backwards onto the floor nearby and I heard the voice of Jacob growl out.

"Get a room with you, or should that be a kennel seeing as you are dating the biggest bitch in town."

Jessica slapped my arm. "Are you gonna let him talk to me like that? I mean, seriously?"

I didn't know what to say, I have to admit his comment was spot on, and I was tried hard not to laugh. Really, I wasn't in the mood for another argument with him over this, last time he punched me in the face.

"Ignore him, he's not worth it." One of his rez friends, Paul, grabbed hold of his arm and made him sit back down in his now righted seat.

I turned back to Jessica, "Like his friend said, not worth it."

She pouted and folded her arms across her chest, "Mike wouldn't let anyone talk to me like that." I rolled my eyes.

"Well, if you would rather be with him, I understand." I said, trying my best to sound heartbroken.

The next thing I knew, she had her arms wrapped around me. "I was kidding." She then whispered in my ear. "You're more of a man than he will ever be, trust me."

I smiled to myself, this girl was eating out of the palm of my hand. "Oh I do trust you." I kissed her, even though to do so I had to close my eyes and picture Bella to get through. The sound of fake wretching interrupted us and I glared over at where Jake was sitting with his friends. Before I could think I was up on my feet and towering over him.

"You have something to say to me Black?"

"Not a damn thing. Now fuck off back to your skank over there." He smiled at me, and waved me away.

"No, I've had enough of your bullshit. Let's sort this out once and for all." I snarled.

He stood, pushing his chair backwards. "Okay then Cullen, you wanna do this? Let's take it outside so your girlfriend doesn't have to see you get your ass whooped by a real man."

I laughed at him, heading for the door and he followed me out. I expected people to follow us, to want to watch the two former friends come to blows, but surprisingly, no one did. Once we were out in the parking lot I turned to Jake.

"If you have something to say, then say it. Don't mess around playing games, and making snide comments."

"Oooh someone grew a pair of balls did they? Or did you girlfriend lend you hers?" He snarked at me.

"Fuck you Jake, you know we used to be friends, good friends and I wish things were different but they're not. Stop talking shit about her, you don't know her." There was no anger in my voice, just truth.

"I do Edward, I know her so well. It's you I don't know anymore. I remember all the times people like her made your life hell, I was there for you every step of the way, and now? You switched sides at the drop of a hat and shut out everyone who stood up for you. Friends don't do that shit." He was standing close to me, pushing me slightly as he pointed out my shortcomings to me. "You are laying with dogs, and you are sure as hell gonna get fleas, or possibly some other nasty STD from her."

"You don't know anything about what's going on, you'll see soon enough when I get even." I retorted, not thinking about what I just said. But Jake picked up on it, he narrowed his eyes at me.

"What do you mean, when you get even?"

"Nothing, I meant nothing." I backtracked.

"Edward, you don't get off that easily. I know you better than you know yourself at times, what's going on? If you don't tell me I'll just go inside and ask Malibu Barbie." He motioned back to the diner.

"No, don't." I run my hands through my hair. "Look, I didn't mean anything. Please Jacob, leave it alone."

"Now I know you are hiding something from me. Why does there always have to be a secret with you huh? Tanya, Bella and now you are upto something else. Shit Edward, has life not thrown enough crap at you already?" He began to walk back to the diner, but I grabbed his arm.

"Jake, I want to tell you, but I don't know if I can trust you. I mean, we're not friends right? Your words not mine."

He turned to me. "Yes, my words, but a result of your actions Cullen. You aren't innocent in this so stop acting like you are."

I nodded. "I know. Listen, can I come round later, I'll explain everything."

"Okay. This better be good though."

I smiled at him. "Thanks. Now, do we need to make this argument seem real for them." I indicated toward the diner where Jess and his friends were now staring out of the windows.

A smile broke out on his face as he ran towards me, knocking me to to the ground. "Yeah, suppose we should."

We rolled around in the parking lot for a few minutes before a car pulled up in the lot and I heard the familiar sound of Chief Swan. "Alright ladies, let's break this lovers tiff up right now." He pulled us both to our feet and pushed up apart. "I have far better things to be doing than dealing with teenage hormones getting outta control." He looked between us as if trying to work out if we were going to start fighting again. "Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes Chief Swan." We both said at the same time.

"Good, now get outta my sight before I change my mind and take you both down the station and call your parents."

I saw Jess coming toward me, and she threw her arms around me. I stared at Jake over her shoulder as he called out to me. "Later Cullen."

I smiled at him and retorted. "Count on it."

"C'mon Edward, let's get out of here." Jessica led me to my car, I think she half expected me to turn on him again.

Once in the car she stared at me. "Was that about her?"

I just shrugged. "Not really. It was more about the fact he used to be my friend. I think he's just jealous of what we have together."

Jess giggled as she climbed into the passenger seat. "Yeah, I mean who woudn't be jealous right?"

I rolled my eyes at her blatant self appreciation.

"Are we still going this party or, should we just skip it and drive down to the beach and have our own party? You know just the two of us, a nice deserted parking lot and the back seat of your car."

She leaned over and kissed me as if she was trying to reinforce her point.

"Jess, we have to go to the party, people will be expecting us to turn up, you know they will only question it if we don't turn up." In all honesty, I would rather be surrounded by a whole bunch of people than be alone, in the dark with Jessica Stanley.

She pouted at me, trying to give me the puppy eyes routine. Unfortunately for her, it wasn't ever going to work. "Oh but Edward, I was so looking forward to finally spending some quality." She kissed me again. "time with you" another kiss, "alone."

I knew exactly what she meant by alone and the I needed to put her off for as long as possible.

"Listen Jess, I know you want to move things on, but it's not right for us to just leap into the back seat of my car and fuck like bunnies. You deserve better." I hoped that would sway her.

Jessica pulled back and smiled at me. "You want it to be special, my first time?" She looked embarrassed and then stammered out. "I mean our first time together."

No matter how much she attempted to cover up her statement, I'd heard it clearly. "Are you telling me you haven't ever." I couldn't bring myself to say the word.

"No, I mean yes. No". Jessica buried her face in her hands and continued to talk into them. "I mean what I am telling you is, I haven't ever been that far with a boy."

Even in the darkness of the car I could see her blush, hell I could almost feel it. I reached over and removed her hands from her face. "Jess, it's okay. Trust me, it's nothing to be ashamed of. Infact I think it's refreshing."

She looked at me. "Really?"

"I just assumed that you and Mike had already... you know." I pressed. This was a shock to me, Jessica Stanley was admitting to being a virgin.

Her head shook. "No, he wanted to, and so did I. We planned it for the night of the winter formal." I felt sick, that was the night my world came crashing down around me. "But it didn't happen which upset me," I wanted to tell her I didn't care how upset she was, her not getting laid that night was the least of my concerns, but seeing as she was opening upto me, I would need to be patient and seem sympathetic to see what else she would tell me. "Then he dumped me." Her eyes filled with tears and I put my arm around her.

"It's okay, his loss is my gain." I kissed the top of her head, all the time forming a plan, and wondering when I would be able to share this information with Bella. "Shall we head to the party and have some fun?

She nodded, wiping away the tears in her eyes. "Yeah, let's show them."

I made the short drive to Ben Cheney's house were the party was, his folks were away so he was making the most if it. Walking inside, my arm was wrapped around Jessica's waist, my way of showing her and everyone else we were together, not that should have been any doubt.

"Edward! Good to see you." Ben shouted when he saw us walk in, it was like being a celebrity, people knew who I was now, they knew my name, it felt good.

"Hey Ben, where's the fun happening?" I asked, he knew I was referring to the beer he had managed to get his older brother to buy him in Port Angeles.

"In the kitchen, enjoy." He grinned at me.

On walking into the kitchen I felt Jessica tense at my side so I looked around to see what could becausing this reaction, then I saw Mike standing there with his arm around Bella. My blood began to boil, why was she here, with him?

Of course he spotted me and Jessica together, reflexively my arm tightened around her waist, pulled her closer to me. Bella's eyes widened and her face looked thunderous for the briefest of moments, but she soon pulled it together. Mike smirked at me. "Slumming it I see?" Everyone in the kitchen fell silent, almost as if they were expecting something major to happen and all wanted a front row seat for whatever might happen.

"I could say the same about you, with her." Jessica snapped, indicating to Bella. Mike rubbed his fingers over his chin as if deep in thought for a moment before he began to walk out, pulling Bella behind him, this wasn't what I was expecting, it seemed there was not be no showdown, no spectacle that would be the gossip at school come Monday. Just as he reached me he bumped into my shoulder then he whispered. "She won't put out, but the new one, guaranteed fuck." I grabbed his arm, our faces were so close as I snarled. "That's the difference between being easy and being classy. I know which one I'd rather take home tonight." Bella heard me and I saw the look of anger on her face as she pulled Mike away, all I could do was watch her leave with him.

Jessica was at my side. "I'm sorry, I didn't think he would be here, but with her." She spat the last word as if it was poison.

I took a deep, calming breath before I turned to face her. "Ignore him, he's not worth it." I walked to the fridge and grabbed a beer, opening it and taking a long pull on the bottle before I turned to face Jessica again. "C'mon it's a party isn't it?" She smiled and made her way over to me, pulling her to me and kissing her, knowing the whole room was watching, waiting to see what would happen next. Unknown to him, Mike had just joined Jessica at the top of the list of people who would pay for the hurt they has caused.

* * *

><p><strong>Authors note:<strong>

Thankst to ETPhone Home for pre-reading and being so supportive.

Sorry for they delay in getting this posted, I decided to do Nano in November on top of working full time and studying, things have been a little hectic. I do hope to get another chapter done soon.

This one is dedicated to Fanfictional – Happy Birthday hunny x x x


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